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Alliyah's Writing
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It's Not Coming Back
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PrologueIt was a peaceful night in the little town of Ajax. It was a full moon and it seemed to be glowing brighter than usual. The stars glimmered and shimmered in the indigo sky. In a quaint, little house, singing could be heard as a mother sang to her newborn daughter.
Silent night, holy night, all is calm, all is.. Is the mother struggled. Bright. said a voice behind the mother. She looked back and smiled, it was her husband, also the father of the newborn. Thankyou, the mother said, turning back to her baby. I always forget that part. The father walked over to his wife, when he noticed the full moon and walked over to the large window in the room. Did you notice its a full moon? he said with a sly smile.
Of course. How could I forget about it, you always remind me and say the same thing; weird things happen on a full moon. the two of them said together.
The father looked back at his wife, caressing the baby and smiled. This was the life hed always wanted: to have a beautiful wife, a beautiful house and a beautiful child or children.
The mother of the child looked at her baby lovingly. She always dreamed of having a child, let alone a girl. She never thought she could have such a perfect life and she wouldn'tt take it for granted, like her mother did. Her mother was always working, partying, shopping, out or in her room. The mother thought her mother was trying to ignore her, she thought that her mother was happy that she was gone.
She looks so adorably when shes sleeping. the mother said, as she stood up from the rocking chair she was sitting in. The mother walked over to the childs crib and put her in it. The father walked over and put his hand around the mother's shoulders. She does. Now lets let her sleep. the father said. He kissed the mother's forehead and walked out of the nursery.
Goodnight, my little Analyse. the mother said and walked out of the room.
Hi Alliyah, interesting idea, can I just ask if you're meant to be spelling the girls name as 'Analyse' and not 'Annelise'?
On the negative: plot sounds overly lurid and complicated. Full of the corniest kind of 'sudden, unexpected surprises' that earmark all such stories going back to the Greeks.On the positive: the emotional intensity is sparkling, 'catch-in-one's-throat', and on-point. Focus on, capture, and distill that emotion; (somehow) without resorting to such a crazy and unconvincing plot.
Last and most important: write from 1st person singular; not 3rd person. No one wants to hear someone narrate 'how someone else felt'. Write: I AM FEELING THIS RIGHT NOW!!! I HATE YOU! I LOVE YOU! AAAAAHHHHH!!!
Hbomb wrote: "Hi Alliyah, interesting idea, can I just ask if you're meant to be spelling the girls name as 'Analyse' and not 'Annelise'?"It's Analyse for me, even though it's the same as 'analyse' but whatever
Feliks wrote: "On the negative: plot sounds overly lurid and complicated. Full of the corniest kind of 'sudden, unexpected surprises' that earmark all such stories going back to the Greeks.On the positive: the ..."
Thankyou for the criteria! I love when people give me more ideas! I will try to use your points in my writting more often!
(Also I just wanted to say that its only narrative for the prologue and a few other parts in the book the rest is from 1st person)
That book title is a six-figure paycheck *if* it has as great a story to go along with it. But like I say, it's not the plot. People don't generally realize any more...very hard for audiences to grasp ...these days... when we have a zillion genre-plots hitting at us from all sides (books, movies, television) ..but the flat, honest truth is that plots are all the same. It is emotion and personality..feeling! character! which is always the unique thing about a story.
If you had some personal loss in your life which really made you feel the way your title implies...that's what you need to write. The plot is just the mundane steps between the bad feeling at the start of the story ...and (hopefully) the 'good feeling' at the end of the drama when the heroine somehow recovers and achieves closure. The steps 'in-between' themselves don't matter; it is the start point and end point which count.
Think of it this way: if some neighborhood bully kills your cat. The rage you feel starts Chapter One. No one cares about chapters 2-24. That's just the 'how' of the tale; bound to be some such cold, methodical, plan on your part to get even. (Yawn). See what I mean? It doesn't matter what the plan is. They only care when (in Chapter 25) you finally get revenge on him. Its like an equation. The only thing that counts is the problem at the start and the closure at the end. If it is real and honest and intense at those two places, that's almost all you need. Premise...and PAYOFF. Its all about the emotion.
So I was thinking of wrtiting another book called "It's Not Coming Back" even though I have "Another World" to finish, but it's just that the idea of writing "It's Not Coming Back" has been on my mind lately instead of "Another World" so I get to do this book until I have ideas for "Another World". Well anyway I'll put the description of the book here and you guys can tell me what you think!
A young girl named Analyse had a perfect life. She had perfect grades, already got a scholarship to college, was popular, had the bestest friend anyone could ever have and had the most caring family anyone could ever have!
When everything changed.
Her mother and father disappear out of nowhere. She becomes -what she hopes is a temporary orphan and has to leave everything she worked so hard for behind. She loses her friendship with her best friend, stopped getting good grades, lost her scholarship, her popularity and entered a depression stage.
She thought that her situation couldn’t get any worse…
until it did.
The police working on the investigation to find her parents found something big and the big thing, left Analyse a prime suspect and going to court. Will Analyse be able to deal with all this bad news and depression?
Or will she give up?