The Humour Club discussion

We all know them, the folks who are not comfortable about you writing.

"Sounds very Douglas Adams to me"
"But your book will have to be good to make money."
"Let's have a drink, I have a few "quibbles" I need to tell you about."

those are mine, well the nice ones.

do share.

T

Most of my friends and family are pretty nice. I don't think my spouse realized he hurt my feelings when he referred to my writing as a "hobby." He was just thinking from the fiscal perspective--I make pocket change--but I work very hard at being a professional most of the time, so ouch.

Oh right you've always been (scoff), creative.

My favorite is when you ask if they've read the book you sent them many months ago, they say they've "started it".

Joel wrote: "My favorite is when you ask if they've read the book you sent them many months ago, they say they've "started it"."

Confuse them by saying 'No, I started it.

At least they've started it. They don't just say, "oh yeah, I got it" and walk away.

Joseph wrote: "Joel wrote: "My favorite is when you ask if they've read the book you sent them many months ago, they say they've "started it"."

Confuse them by saying 'No, I started it."

Good one!

I dimly recall a bit of bitchiness between two Hollywood actresses.

One actress was bragging that she had rented an expensive villa so that she had somewhere private to finish a book she had been working on.

The second actress said archly "Oh Darling! I didn't know you could read."

'I want a new car from the advance.' - My ex, when i got my first contract.

(I'm the frigging comedian round here. -Me.)

For me, it was my boss. I was excited about getting my book on Amazon, and he asked me one day what was new, so I told him.

He launched into a 10-minute diatribe on office policy, not to be selling stuff to co workers. He couldn't have caught me more flat footed than if he'd said, "Here stand with your feet flat on the floor."

"You're so funny! You should write a book!"
"OMG I love your stories, You should write a book!"
"You should write a book, you have so much talent!"
:::sheepish::: I wrote a book, guys. It's coming out next month...
"Oh. That's nice. You're giving me a copy, right?"

Ha haaa! That's what I get too.

My worst ever was "Thanks for that book you sent me (which she had specifically asked for). I've put it in the local charity collection basket, it should help raise awareness of it."


Jen wrote: ""You're so funny! You should write a book!"
"OMG I love your stories, You should write a book!"
"You should write a book, you have so much talent!"
:::sheepish::: I wrote a book, guys. It's coming ..."

and then act like they're doing you a favor by owning a free copy... :-/

My worst was - “From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.”

I wasn't aware at the time that it was a Groucho Marx quote.

Will wrote: "'I want a new car from the advance.' - My ex, when i got my first contract.

(I'm the frigging comedian round here. -Me.)"

Did your ex get the new car?

"I mean, really, what do you do that's peoductive, you know, like real work." The statement came from a divorce attorney.

"When submitting to your friends' publications, use a pen name so they don't feel bad about rejecting you."

Ouch.

Deborah wrote: ""When submitting to your friends' publications, use a pen name so they don't feel bad about rejecting you."

Ouch."

Ick. Just ick!

Right!?

Deborah wrote: ""When submitting to your friends' publications, use a pen name so they don't feel bad about rejecting you."

Ouch."


Holy cow, that's awful. I actually cringed on your behalf... You win. I'm sorry you had to win this...

I've been letting that rattle around my head for a couple of years. I'm trying to let go of it :)

Translation may have reduced quality, but the baseline was:

Others are forced into the looney-bin, he works hard to jump-in instead.

Oh my, those are some horrible sentences!

I get good responses all the time. What I don't like though, now that I work from home, they think that I have got all the time in the world to drink tea during the day and that I am recovering/relaxing...!

Puting in more hours than when I had the paid job.

Anika wrote: "Oh my, those are some horrible sentences!

I get good responses all the time. What I don't like though, now that I work from home, they think that I have got all the time in the world to drink tea ..."

I think this quote also applies to neighbors, friends, etc.

“What no wife of a writer understands is that a writer is working when he's staring out the window.”
― Burton Rascoe

So, you are definitely not alone.

Jay wrote: "“What no wife of a writer understands is that a writer is working when he's staring out the window.”
― Burton Rascoe "

Thanks Jay! I'll spout that off next time I'm caught just staring out the window simply because that's what I want to do! I like having a cover.

Joel wrote: "My favorite is when you ask if they've read the book you sent them many months ago, they say they've "started it"."

This is exactly what's going on with me right now, but it's my mom I'm waiting to get feedback from. I just finished a novel as a bucket list kind of thing and I'm still deciding whether to unleash it on the world, so I figured I would get a few opinions first. It doesn't fill me with confidence when my mother, a person who loves reading and who's biologically required to get excited about everything I do, has had the book for over a month and hasn't finished it. She says it's been a busy time for her even though she's retired and spending the winter alone in Florida. I'm starting to think she's read it and it's taking her awhile to come up with a nice way to tell me she doesn't like it or she's hoping I'll forget I wrote a book and asked her to read it.

Shannon wrote: "...my mother, a person who loves reading and who's biologically required to get excited about everything I do, has had the book for over a month and hasn't finished it..."

What fantastic leverage!!

Try: 'Mom, it's been over a month and you haven't read my book. You now owe me a batch of cookies!'

And they wonder why we go to therapists.

Jay wrote: "Shannon wrote: "...my mother, a person who loves reading and who's biologically required to get excited about everything I do, has had the book for over a month and hasn't finished it..."

What fan..."

As much as I would like cookies, it would give her another excuse for why she hasn't read it. I'm too busy baking you cookies now.

My favorite is when you tell them you're a writer and the first words out of their mouth is "oh, who's published you." And then of course, until very recently, the answer had to be "well, I mean, online I have some stuff and...no, no books though."

Jilly wrote: "My favorite is when you tell them you're a writer and the first words out of their mouth is "oh, who's published you." And then of course, until very recently, the answer had to be "well, I mean, o..."

I've told various people:

-I maintain the master database of all cemetery plots in the US. I sell subscription copies to voter registrars.

-I'm 'the' world expert on the authentication of Neanderthal coins, postage stamps and comic books.

-I write the care instructions on clothing tags. That really annoying tag in your underwear...probably one of mine.

-Mythologist. At the moment, I'm doing a worldwide search for a check that will clear.

-I research the effects of lingerie on global warming.

-Etc.

Once you get a smile or a laugh from your victim, they're generally more receptive to being told that you write comedy and humorous novels. I've actually gotten several writing jobs this way.

If on the other hand, they take you deadpan seriously, you know to skip the conversation. Your time is better spent scratching that annoying tag in your underwear.

I LOVE those, Jay! Good call.

And you're right, people's reaction after they've asked YOU an inappropriate question is a great "should I really be talking to these folks...ever?" litmus test.

I particularly enjoy going through the following routine:

Launch new book, friends are all excited, a dozen of them tell you they have downloaded it and can't wait to read it.

Sales dashboard somehow believes one person bought your book, and you know for a fact your Mum purchased a copy...

Craig wrote: "I particularly enjoy going through the following routine:

Launch new book, friends are all excited, a dozen of them tell you they have downloaded it and can't wait to read it.

Sales dashboard so..."

People really do that? That is rude!

This weekend I told family that I am trying to sell articles to magazines and thus I call myself travel journalist. One called this fraud. He himself turned out to have like a zillion illegal ebooks on his e-reader...

I shared a short story I wrote with someone, and he said, "It sounds like you are a schizophrenic psycho." I sold the story to a magazine, was paid well, and I got great reviews. Friends who are not supportive of your writing are not really friends at all.

Brena wrote: "I shared a short story I wrote with someone, and he said, "It sounds like you are a schizophrenic psycho." I sold the story to a magazine, was paid well, and I got great reviews. Friends who are no..."

I hear blond schizophrenic psychos really do have more fun.

I'm going to lie down until I stop cringing. WOW.

The British version of Death at a Funeral is one of the funniest movies I have seen. There is a scene where Peter Dinklage's character criticizes a manuscript the main character had just finished. The response was hilarious. Every writer knows what that feels like.

I love critical comments. For instance, one reader wrote that the author knows nothing about magic (it was a fantasy novel.) I suppose I should trust him and assume he knows more.

And an even better one, from a female reader. This was a fantasy romance, with almost no erotics, just one sexual scene without many physiological details. The reader wrote: "It seems that the author does not know how virginity is lost."
The author is a wife and a mother, but apparently, the heroine's feelings did not conform to the canonical descriptions often found in this genre.

Olga wrote: "I love critical comments. For instance, one reader wrote that the author knows nothing about magic (it was a fantasy novel.) I suppose I should trust him and assume he knows more.

And an even bett..."

Ouch!!! People who make negative comments in reviews are assholes. They should just shut the f*ck up if they can't be encouraging. I don't like critique groups as there is always someone trying to play the authority card. Our stories are our babies and never come between a lioness and her cubs.

My humor is dark, and if it confuses someone, they are not my audience. Never listen to someone who doesn't read the kind of stuff you are writing.

Olga wrote: "I love critical comments. For instance, one reader wrote that the author knows nothing about magic (it was a fantasy novel.) I suppose I should trust him and assume he knows more.

I love this! It's one thing to highlight historical or scientific inaccuracies, but magical ones? Perhaps the reader is a witch or wizard?

It is funny what people are experts on. Some people I hardy know are experts on my personal experiences. Ex. I wrote that I ate pyracantha berries when I was a kid. Someone said, "No you didn't." what???
I shared some information I read on an article about trout fishing. Someone said, "That's not true." What isn't true. I didn't read the article? That is not what the article said? The person who wrote the article was telling lies about trout?
Comments on fantasy and sci-fi are the best. "That could never happen." "That doesn't make any sense." People are fun sometimes!

Brena wrote: "Olga wrote: "I love critical comments. For instance, one reader wrote that the author knows nothing about magic (it was a fantasy novel.) I suppose I should trust him and assume he knows more.

And...
Ouch!!! People who make negative comments in reviews are assholes. They should just shut the f*ck up if they can't be encouraging. "

I can't quite agree here. Reviewers shouldn't be cruel, but I want to know what they thought didn't work, as well as what they did. If people only write positive reviews, how can I really judge what I want to read? Remember--reviews are for readers, not for the author. The author probably shouldn't even look (though I do. And have gotten some decent feedback that way, though it can require a thick skin).

Note:
My above comment is by no means meant to excuse people who think they know everything there is to know about someone else's made-up world. One is forced to conclude that some people think that Harry Pottery really IS true.

When I meet new people who know I'm a writer, I've been asked, "Do you work?" (or . . .) "You're so lucky. I'd like to be a writer but I don't have time."

Em wrote: "When I meet new people who know I'm a writer, I've been asked, "Do you work?" (or . . .) "You're so lucky. I'd like to be a writer but I don't have time.""

It may be better to say, "I am an author." The first time a magazine bought a short story I wrote, I decided to use the author tag. It does seem there is less eye-rolling.

I read a survey that claimed 85% of the population think they have the great novel in them. All they need is time to write it. We know it is not that easy!

I gave a copy of my debut novel to our local vicar, who prides himself on his sense of humour. He returned it with a post-it note attached, on which he had written just one word: Filth.

Anyone not overly offended by mild blasphemy and bawdy talk is welcome to try my book for themselves.

Peter wrote: "I gave a copy of my debut novel to our local vicar, who prides himself on his sense of humour. He returned it with a post-it note attached, on which he had written just one word: Filth.

Anyone not..."
I love one word reviews. Vicars may not be your audience, unless he meant Filth in a good way?
Oldish people tell me I shouldn't use the f word so much in my writing. What????

Peter wrote: "I gave a copy of my debut novel to our local vicar, who prides himself on his sense of humour. He returned it with a post-it note attached, on which he had written just one word: Filth.

Anyone not..."

Regarding the vicar, keep in mind that few of them read more than one book.

I heartily recommend listening with the right ear and flushing with the left.

Brena wrote: "Oldish people..."

Qu'est-ce que 'oldish'???