The Humour Club discussion

I live in a cul-de-sac-type neighborhood of three streets and 53 homes. Most of my neighbors are just the way I like 'em - quiet and unobtrusive. There are a few exceptions. The noisy-party-givers. The too-busy-to-weeders. The-please-do-me-a-favor-that-I'll-never-ever-repayers.

Then there are the ones whose habits and foibles just plain get on my nerves. I was making a mental list of those as I walked the dog today, and this is what I came up with:

1. Rural mailboxes are inexpensive. If yours is held together with baling wire and duct tape, it may be time for a new one.

2. A front yard is just that - a yard. Not a parking lot.

3. On garbage collection day, if you're throwing away 27 empty shoe boxes, it's probably best if you put them in a bag (or better yet, flatten and recycle them!) instead of placing them in a wobbly stack at the end of your driveway. Ditto throwing away plastic packing peanuts, which if placed in a cardboard box with no lid are more than likely to end up scattered all over your next-door-neighbors lawn long before the trash men arrive.

4. If you have a female dog, there ARE OTHER NAMES BESIDES "LADY"!

How 'bout you? Any neighbors you wish would just pack up and move away?

Oh have you ever unleashed a lion . . . Really, was it necessary to paint your house a garish periwinkle color with clashing green trim? Yes, it might look good in the tropics, but not here. And when you brag at the school bus stop that you did it as an "up yours" gesture to your husband because he didn't want to move, your neighbors all take it as an "up yours" gesture, too, because we have to look at it as well . . . If you don't want to do yard work, stop filling the yard with bushes and trees and then neglecting to take care of them. Let the grass do its thing or mulch over the entire space. While we all admire your valiant efforts to beautify, you must realize that a perpetual assortment of dead and/or dying shrubs is not generally considered aesthetically pleasing. Have you nothing else to waste your money on? You can buy shrubs for me if you'd like. I'll take care of them, honest. . . Oh and, yes, I read the book and know it takes a village, but I'm a big green meanie about one thing: your child is not welcome in my home without someone knocking on my door and a member of my household letting her in -- notice we never do that? We always shoo her away for a reason: she's NOT NICE. It's a bit unsettling when I check to see what the h*ll the dog is barking about upstairs only to find her playing in a closet after she sneaked in when my back was turned as I tended my yard. And while I'm on the subject, why do you laugh and think it's cute when I phone you to tell you that her face is pressed up against my back sliding glass doors and I'd like you to come get her because it's creeping us out while we're trying to eat dinner?

Oh. My. Gawd.

You win. You have it WAY worse than I do.

No one would dream of entering my home uninvited. And
creepy kid-faces pressed up against the door? I'm still laughing over that one!

Geesh, these folks are nothing compared to what resided next door when I lived in South Carolina. But the best neighbors were the Haitians who lived in the apartment across the hall from me in Florida. They were lovely people who made the best curried goat I'd ever eaten. But, once they scattered chicken bones in front of my door to protect me from something they thought wished me ill. My husband likes to say I'm fly paper for the bazaar. He thinks it's all somehow my fault.

Lisa wrote: "Geesh, these folks are nothing compared to what resided next door when I lived in South Carolina. But the best neighbors were the Haitians who lived in the apartment across the hall from me in Flor..."

The Haitian chicken bones sounds like quite an experience.

My neighbors have been having a noise war for the past year...which really stinks when you live in row houses like us.
House one has four small yippy dogs who are constantly barking. It sounds like a puppy mill when they open the door. This noise drove House two to retaliate.
House two decided to play his drum set every day at 6:50 am. Everyday! He also decided to play his blues music really loud on random nights at around 4 am.
Finally a few weeks ago House two saw me outside and said, 'um, can you hear drumming...'
'Every morning at about 7? Yes!'
'Sorry, I put it against the other wall to bother the dog house...same as my stereo. But, they got some muzzles to shut the dogs up, so there should be no noise anymore'

And, I'm happy to say there hasn't been much since.

Want to hear a gruesome tale about a neighbor?
When we lived in an apartment building there was a very old lady who lived across the hall. One day she died, but, nobody knew. The hall started to smell really bad for about a week, and finally the superintendent went in...luckily, she didn't have a cat.