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Under the shadow of Vesuvius

Coming of age in the age of depravity in the Malibu of the Ancient World

Bridget Jones Diary and Sophie's World meet Ben Hur - on the beach. A gender-bending, genre-bending romp through the Bay of Naples in the first century BC. Join Phoebe, Julia and Claudia in their search for true love amid the mad world of the Roman aristocracy: Epicurean philosophers, fascist politicians, international businessmen, billionaire philanthropists, celebrity sportsmen and the Naples mafia. And Catullus' most famous girlfriend. Expect excitement and mayhem, tears and laughter. And always the unexpected twist: in Baiae, nothing is ever as it seems. And nobody is who they claim to be.

Worse still, these statistics will give even the most sober observer cause for concern that Rome wasn't what it used to be:

68.5 % of the population of Rome was born outside Italy.
95% of secondary schools offer Latin as a second language.
35% of shops in the forum are owned and staffed by Greeks.
75% of housewives do not know how to stuff a dormouse and would rather go out for a moussaka than cook for their husbands.
55% of Roman plebeians are currently out of work and in receipt of the bread dole.
62% of school leavers refuse to follow their fathers' occupations, with a resulting catastrophic drop in the number of offal butchers.
90% of aristocratic marriages now end in divorce and the birth rate among Patricians currently stands at 1.1. If the trend continues, the Senatorial class will be extinct in 20 years.
89% of 15-25 year-olds think that sex before marriage is “ok” and that there is “nothing wrong” with homosexuality.
Younger sons are now 45% less likely than their fathers to make a career in the armed forces or the colonial service.
47% of senior officers are foreign nationals.
Last year, 2,000 copies of the Iliad were sold.
The de agricultura of Cato has been remaindered.
75% of middle class men now wear the toga praetexta.
35% of senators are “new men”, who have bought their way into the Capitol.
62% of knightly seats at the theatre are now occupied by wealthy plebeians.
25% of all immigrants are missionaries and intellectuals.
68% of young people admitted to having attended a cult service
There is a Temple of Isis in the Forum and a Garden of Epicurus in the outskirts of every major town in Italy.
Attendance at temple of Juppiter Capitolinus has dropped by 83%. 99% of the congregation is over 70 and female.
There has been a drastic drop of 79% in Vestal Virgin vocations.
90% of new houses are built without a Larium.
67% of young families have dispensed entirely with daily prayers.
The Pontifex Maximus has lost his seat in the Senate.

A cavalcade through Ancient Rome with a generation of degenerates who knew how to party on the way to the bottom, past as usual, a bunch of fools busting their hopes on the way to the top.

Free on Kindle Friday April 29 - May 3 Pacific Time

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