Our Shared Shelf discussion

I got three pages in before I googled him. And then I was so convinced by the initial gendering ‘she’ that I overinterpreted “fluidly gendered” for the next half of the book. By the time Nelson identified Harry as FTM I’d worked up a full indignant rage against him. And then, suddenly, I totally loved him.

I'm not sure why an FTM Harry was so much more heroic to me than a person born male who happened to identify as “neither.” I was weirdly protective of Nelson in the first half of the book. The children made so much more sense to me as an accident, I guess. And I hated “Was it his sexual power, which I already felt to be immense, a kind of spell I’d fallen under, from which I would emerge abandoned, as he moved on to seduce others?” It's obviously a fear, but I thought it was a premonition, and just hated Harry for it.

But choosing the male gender, I think, really transformed his character. He was no longer an asshole who claims occassional feminity. I gave him the option of “both,” where I hadn't before. And I have no idea why. It’s totally unfair to bio males with sexual fluidity.

For a tiny bit of context, I have several dear friends who are MTF, and I frequently find myself in the situation of diminishing male comradarie when ID-ed, as Nelson very adequately described. I identify as female, although... no facial hair. My initial confusion is therefore pretty inexcusable.

Did anyone else confuse Harry for something other than FTM? Did anyone else start off hating Harry?

I didn't know anything about Harry and Maggie before I started reading and was very confused about Harry's gender for most of the book. I guess Nelson assumed the readers would know about them. I didn't mind though, the text was so rambling that a little thing like her partner's gender could wait for its proper place in the story.

I don't think Nelson intended the readers to know anything about her relationship with Harry. At the beginning of the text, Nelson makes clear that she wasn't even sure what pronoun to use with Harry, and discusses her confusion, but never offers us, the readers, a definite answer until the end of the book. Here, she makes clear that Harry is gender fluid, not to be classified as male nor female; thus, I would not say Harry is FTM, even if Google has told you something different. Harry is just Harry. And by not explicitly classifying Harry at the start of the book, I like to think Nelson allowed us to learn about Harry as a being, not as a pronoun.

At the end of the book, I got the impression that Harry still does not identify as 100% male. It felt a little like Harry felt more comfortable looking/being like a male than a female, but still slightly reluctant to let go of being female. Maybe it will be clearer upon my second read.

Agreed, agreed, and agreed. "A debonair butch on T" gets awfully close to FTM, but as Aden points out, Nelson never specifically says FTM. "I'm not on my way anywhere," as Harry said, and this is absolutely key in understanding Harry (and the point of the book).

I identify very strongly with that sentiment, having endured pressure from partners and friends over my lack of interest in transitioning. (Don't I get to decide whether I want to be a man? Maybe I like in-between, too.)

All of this to say that I am not trying to invite a flame-fest, and *understand* that I'm not supposed to be interpreting Harry at all. I did interpret Harry, though, as humans do. I'm not saying I should have, just opening the floor to a conversation.

I agree with you, which added to my questions and conceptions.

I was very confused too when I started reading the book. I think I wasn't understanding it at all (due english is non my native language). I didn't know if Maggie's partner was male or female and that cause me a conflict. I read the first pages again and then I got it "fluid gender": Maggie's partner wasn't he or she. I'm in the middle of the book and I still can't imagine how Harry looks like (I haven't looked for an image) due this fluid gender this is interesting, but also strange because my mind is trying to build this character with no gender.

In the beginning I was a bit confused about the phenotypical appearance of Harry, yes. But I figured out that later when Maggie wrote about the testosterone.

For me, Harry was a big mysterious cloud in the beginning and a defined human being in the end. I learnt more and more about him.

I loved how she wrote about Harry, it was like a long, long love letter to him. They do care about each other deeply.

I was also confused, especially when the author mentions this party where a lady asks her if she's been with other women before, and Maggie is upset because she doesn't think of Harry that way. This scene forced me to accept that the gender of Harry would not be defined... uncomfortable for the reader, but I kind of enjoyed it!
Afterwards the "butch on T" description really helped me and made me think of Paul Preciado (well, long before reading The Argonauts I had heard of Beatriz Preciado taking testosterone, and only after reading the book I did a new web search and learnt that he had transitioned ^^), so this is how I imagined Harry's character.

I never have a hard time with changing pronouns, and I must say I find it easier if I get to know somebody while transitioning, but I would have reacted in the same way as Maggie.

I really loved to read the book, it's runner-up after MLOTR in my personal ranking of how much I liked to read the books.