The Happiness Project discussion

Three months ago I had an accident and broke my shoulder and had a severe concussion. I was bedridden for 1 month, not being able to work in my field for an estimated 3 to 6 months. Financially, I wasn't ready for this accident, and I became stressed and anxious, leading to frustrating insomnia. I read a lot of self-help books in general before my accident, but found this book laying around. I took it to my bed side table and would slowly start reading it at night. Why not? Key words "Happiness," darn, I don't see why not, I'm heading towards a dark road of depression if I don't seek help due to this injury, might as well try to obtain better odds on my side.

She's actually a witty and entertaining author. She made me laugh several times, it felt good. I tried a lot of her tips: no dumping, spend more time with friends, organise your room, smile more often, spend time enjoying yourself, exercise, etc... Some tips worked but some don't mix well with anxiety. Remember though, that my anxiety was due to financial stresses. Had to sell a lot of my most cherished belongings to make ends meet, My financial stress: basically 0$ savings and a lot dept, and no income, just "I'm in deep shit" kind of stress.

It is kind of funny because the more I organised my home, the more it calmed my anxiety at that time. I strongly believed that at least it felt like something in my life was in order, my house. But wait, anxiety still came, so holy moly my house was always clean, it would soothe my anxiety. My partner would look at me concerned when he'd come home and the whole house was spick and span, spotless, smelling like a combination of bleach, fresh laundry scent and lemon every where you went. Spend my days cleaning, doing yoga and home physio, and doing arts and crafts. Sounds nice, doesn't it? But it wasn't.. the problem was still there, that big fat unpleasant elephant in the room! As much as I cleaned, did exercises, meditated, ate healthy, did things I enjoyed, etc (books' guide to happiness), I was still not feeling happy. :( I knew that if I did all these things while financially stable and feeling a sense of purpose at my work, I would most likely be super happy, but for the moment I wasn't.

So my conclusion is, I believe there is different levels of happiness that depend on many different factors, almost like a pyramid. The famous Maslow even gives an example. Your primary needs are at the bottom, and the moment the foundation shakes, the rest of the pyramid shakes. As Maslow says, the primary 1st level foundation - The Physiology level: home or a shelter (big or small, whatever you like, I like small, or sorry, can only afford small, so I content myself to small), food, water and warmth. If these are obtained, its easier to find happiness in the 2nd level of the pyramid - Safety: security, stability and freedom of fear. Then the pyramid goes up, 3rd Level- Belonging and Love: friends, family, lover. Then 4th Level, Self-Esteem: achievement, mastery, recognition and respect. 5th Level - Self-Actualization: Pursue inner talent, creativity and fulfillment.

So, if everything seems stable everywhere in the pyramid, well lord, it's really easy to find happiness after that. At least I can say with pride that I am grateful to have awesome friends and family, and an awesome positive partner, oh and an awesome dog too. My 3rd level is strong, but the foundation underneath is shaking, my security, stability and freedom of fear, fear in losing everything I worked hard to get, and not being able to pay my rent and bills. It's taking a tole on my rest of my personal pyramid. Slowly my sense of achievement and purpose is fading, as I am jobless and financially struggling. I can find temporary happiness in Gretchen's tips to happiness, but it won't last long until I fix my foundation problem.

What I'm trying to say is, this book suits people who already have a stable and strong foundation..which I didn't. Gretchen seemed to have a strong foundation, and a great family, an exciting career and achievement, and from my imagination while reading, it sounded like she had a cozy home and wasn't so stressed financially. It was still an amazing book, but it wasn't going to work for me if I didn't solve my financial crisis. This was shaking my whole pyramid. Not a cry for pity, I'm far from being alone from being in a state of crisis. I'm doing the best I can to find another job, applied to over 30 jobs so far (very small town) that doesn't require physical activity for my arm. I'm even ready to settle for a low-paying job, which I refused to at first because I've studied 5 years to be in my field and now I need to take several steps back, taking a hit to my self-esteem and achievement. My friend has a cleaning company and she offered me a shift per week cleaning for her. She said I could clean if I found it wasn't hurting my arm so much. (It was) Caught myself sitting on my bum, legs wrapped around a toilet, bawling while I scrubbed a stranger's toilet bowl, humiliated by my current situation and desperation. Sometimes in life, you need to prioritise your needs, and right now it is my safety and physiological needs - a financial security and independence. To be positive, these kind of challenges teach you to be determined, and patient. I will get there, just need to keep swimming. I definitely appreciate the support I get from my friends and family.

I would still read more of her books because they are an easy read, and I love her sense of humour and honesty to her readers and herself. I am pleased to read any book where someone tries to better themselves and possibly others. I was simply giving my opinion to why it couldn't work for me.. soon I might come back and read it again, soon!

Thanks for the read,

Sarah

Just keep swimming, just keep swimming...

The book was highly motivational for me when I read it almost six years ago prior to my retirement from a thirty-year career as a public school educator. It prompted me to design my own happiness project, which resulted in the publication of my first book, Retirement: A Journey not a Destination.

That being said, I can completely understand why the book did not meet your needs at at time when your economic foundations were crumbling. I think the book may pre-suppose a certain level of that kind of security. As you have noted, a shaky foundation will bring the whole house down, no matter how tidy the top floors are.

In my case, I was facing change and uncertainty, but with a comfortable nest egg and generous pension, which gave me the economic security and freedom to explore a new path to happiness and fulfillment.

You did not have that luxury, and it is indeed a luxury, which we who are fortunate enough to have (and could lose at any moment) often take for granted.

Thanks for your honest appraisal of the book. It reminds me that any scaffolding built for self-improvement must begin by stabilizing the base. And it sounds like you are strong and determined enough to accomplish that. Best wishes in that endeavor.