The F-word discussion

Would anybody like to share how they're coping with what might be grief, shock, fear, anger or whatever else these election results might be causing them?

I tried googling for coping techniques, but everything I read just made me more angry (for example, "your feelings are real," I know damned well my feelings are real!). And oh do I not want to be given cute puppy pictures to cheer me up!

I think understanding that there are five real levels of grief is important, and that one of them is anger! You are allowed to be angry.
Coping techniques that work for me are breathing consciously. Big breaths in and out, while actually thinking about the fact that I am filling my lungs up, and then emptying them.
Kübler-Ross has written about the five stages of grief, and if I remember correctly, there are coping techniques as well.
Sorry, I have no idea how to add pictures, or I'd share pics of my puppy :)
{{{HUGS}}}

For me, it has been essential to keep to somewhat of a routine and to do the things I always do when things are okay. Think about what people tell you when you're grieving. Remember to eat, drink water, bathe. These things often fall by the wayside when we're in emotional distress and can really help you feel grounded. I've also found it helpful to turn off the news and and go outside, or even just watch or read something else to avoid getting too deep into the anxiety. I've also been talking to others who feel the same way. It helps to know we're not isolated and we're still in this together. Those things they say about self-care are true! We can't do anything about this situation if we're pouring from an empty vessel.

As the dust settles, I think just channeling our anger into useful energy and help protect our vulnerable population by donating, volunteering. The president is here to stay for 4 years so we can't do anything about it, so volunteer work is the best we can do to make a difference.

Also take good care of yourself. Exercise, eat right, stay off Facebook and the news for a while, see your friends, read beach books that aren't too intense. Any destructive behavior (drinking, over eating, etc) is just a temporary fix for a problem we have to deal with for 4 years. Don't ruin your health over this monster. Ugh.

Mostly I've been hiding under the covers with completely escapist fantasy fiction - thinking I should treat myself to a lunch out.

May I suggest a large straw to go with the wine or Jack Daniels?

A sorry attempt at humor perhaps, but sometimes laughter (even the I'm going over the edge in a moment type) is the best medicine.

Or not.

You should see the inside of my journal right now. Journal writing has always been therapeutic, but even more so in the past week, and then ESPECIALLY since Tuesday. And talking. Talking to like-minded people, making plans for the future regardless of who is in "charge", helping others. I've seen a huge outpouring from friends who want to help more, but aren't sure where to start. I've been helping them find lists of great organizations (Planned Parenthood, ACLU, RAINN, etc. etc.) if they want to reach out to volunteer or donate.

A good friend of mine and I have plans to march on Washington when/if Roe v. Wade and gay marriage are overturned. Knowing we have a plan (and a place to stay already) helps me move forward as I don't feel quite as helpless or voiceless.

Yesterday in my stage of grief and mourning, I totally bought myself pizza and a soda for lunch. I don't like to eat a lot of junk food, and had brought a healthier lunch to work, but I needed to allow myself that indulgence. And it was great.

Today I feel better. (Not saying it was the pizza yesterday that did it, but it certainly didn't hurt.)

And allow yourself to feel all the feelings.

I am really grateful that I work in a social justices department of a university now. Yesterday was a bad day (we all wound up wearing black, without coordinating that ahead of time), but we all talked periodically throughout the day and I think that helped everyone. Today we're all feeling a bit feistier.

I agree with just letting the anger flow through, and accepting all the range of emotions they come. I'm with most of you in that in moments of lucidity I think hard about what I can do now. 4 years isn't long enough to do too much damage if we keep our wits about us.
I'd really, really, really like to insert a point here about the SCOTUS opening. That is a lifetime term and it DOES have truly damaging potential. I really urge you all to find the petition on the actual White House petition page, urging the president to insist on this appointment now. I dislike pandering and I apologize to anyone this annoys, but it's so important.

https://petitions.whitehouse.gov/peti...

I worried about it while I could do something: post my reasons for liking Mrs. Clinton (not just tolerating her), vote, encourage people to vote, try to calm the hate.

It ruined my writing - the dread was too pervasive.

Now I'm back to writing: the worst has happened - but I can DO nothing, and people who might be able to (MIGHT) are looking into doing what they can.

I hope my faith in our Republic will be justified with time; I will pray. I will do whatever work for justice I can.

But writing is the only thing this disabled person CAN do (my debut novel has, as one of its main characters, a woman who has a disability but isn't there for inspiration of the reader), and that I have control over.

I'm off the political posts on FB for the foreseeable future because other people can't let go. My peace is fragile but real.

I hope the American experiment survives.

I think writing can be very therapeutic sometimes; I started a new discussion in this group called They Say Humor Helps Sometimes using a satirical piece about Trump; seemed to help a little; I guess sometimes you laugh to keep from crying.

I wanted to apologize for my comment earlier. I re-read it and it gave a different message than what I meant and I didn't really mean any harm or anything. I basically mentioned that we have to deal with the problem that is Trump for 4 years. I'm hoping we don't have to and that we can impeach him before he gets elected. Sorry, I'm not good with words or expressing what I mean by typing and I am not Thinking clearly all of last week.

I'm terrified, honestly. I find myself withdrawing from any media about the election or Trump with the exception of humor-based media (John Oliver, Samantha Bee, SNL, etc.) My biggest coping mechanism is hockey so thankfully it's early in the season.

Also lots of wine and cheese.

Annika, for what it's worth, I didn't read any negativity or offense into what you wrote above. I worry about impeachment, though, because what does that then mean? Pence becomes president? That's not at all a consolatory thought. What I would like would be for them both to be impeached, haha. But I don't think that's a thing that can actually happen.

Robin, I'm with you on the wine and cheese. Temporary fix, yes, but so delicious.

Anyone planning on going to the march on Washington in January?

El wrote: "Annika, for what it's worth, I didn't read any negativity or offense into what you wrote above. I worry about impeachment, though, because what does that then mean? Pence becomes president? That's ..."

I would love to go if I had more vacation time :/

I feel like I'm reading Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix for the first time, and I found myself thinking that Umbridge can't possibly get any worse, right? ...Right...? and then she did. and then she did again. and again. and by the end of course she's a Deatheater and no one at all is surprised but people still want to act like they never woulda thought it

Seriously on the Umbridge thing! I'm even more freaked out because I read It Can't Happen Here this year, and one of things that happened was that even though a terrible man was elected president, it was the other terrible men he surrounded himself with that caused all the harm, and the man elected did hardly anything at all. This combined with the news about Bannon has me really worried.

It can always get worse, but I think my love of books and stories has me better prepared. What was once a source of inspiration and intrigue is now a playbook for what to do.

Another coping technique reminder for myself: Stop trying to talk to people on the internet during times like these.

Constantly frustrated and disappointed. I know better! But I'm still surprised when someone shows their privilege and calls the gestures others show as "feelgood gestures".

Must go to my happy place right now. :/

Hey, here's maybe 1 bright spot: You know that irritating old-fashioned, traditional (inother words, sexist) male that you have to deal with sometimes...seems like we've all got at least one, whether it's a family member, an in-law, co-worker, boss, whatever...and he gets all disapproving if you cuss or swear (altho it's all right for him or any other man to in his opinion) even the little tiniest bit (even when it's for an understandable reason like what happened to me, accidentally slamming my thumb in a heavy metal filing cabinet drawer)? And he frowns & says something like, "You know, it really bothers me to hear you girls use language like that"? Now you can come back with, "Hey, it's no big deal; it's just locker-room talk!"

Lol, wonderful point, Lynn.

Thanks. And then maybe follow it up with, "And I didn't say what you thought I said anyway; that damned media misquoted me!"

I subscribed to the New York Times. It's all I could think of to do for now. If we want a free press, we have to pay for it. If we don't pay for it, then someone else does, and then it's not free anymore.

Paul wrote: "I subscribed to the New York Times. It's all I could think of to do for now. If we want a free press, we have to pay for it. If we don't pay for it, then someone else does, and then it's not free a..."

Excellent point. We have the subscription, too.

Plus truthdig.com is another good news site.

I'm curious to know if anyone here is planning on going to the march in DC next month? I know the road to the march has been rocky, and there are still issues with it, but I have been planning to go since I first heard of it initially after the election results. I am looking forward to it as part of my coping technique, and wonder if others feel the same.

At least I am still hoping to go. Sounds like my ride is backing out on me, so now I need to figure out how to get there and where to stay, lol. I'm trying not to let my anxiety over those details convince me not to go.

I'm hoping to do at least part of the march here in my own town; I confess to being a little nervous, this is a very conservative area, I know I should be braver...

Lynn wrote: "I'm hoping to do at least part of the march here in my own town; I confess to being a little nervous, this is a very conservative area, I know I should be braver..."

Great, Lynn! I don't know anyone who isn't a bit nervous about all of this. You don't need to be braver - I would hate for anyone to participate in any of the marches if they feel super uncomfortable with it. We have to do what is right for us. Either way, though, your heart is in the right place!

If you do participate in your town, I'd love to hear about your experiences afterwards.

Thanks, El; I'll try to post about it afterwards.

Lynn wrote: "I'm hoping to do at least part of the march here in my own town; I confess to being a little nervous, this is a very conservative area, I know I should be braver..."

Well done for doing what you can and working to overcome nerves. Please don't "should be braver" talk. No you are fine! If there is a "should" here then the world "should" be safer for us all to have an opinion. If you get brave and go (and I hope you do and that it goes well) then kudos to you. But whatever you decide and whatever happens don't blame yourself.

Not to try to stop you overcoming nerves, I do think that is a wonderful thing to do.

Just don't think we need to be hard on ourselves hen we only carry part of the world on our shoulders :)

Oh! Now I see El said what I said but said it better.

Stef, great minds think alike. :)

Well, I have just worked out my trip details, finally. My brother's girlfriend is also going and will be staying with an old friend, and said friend said I could crash them with them as well. So we'll be taking a bus down together, which is nice. I don't need people to talk to (I'm a loner, hah), but it will be nice to have someone who is more familiar with the area. I've only been to DC a couple times, and not for anything on this scale.

Hope everyone gets involved in whichever way(s) they feel comfortable, whether it's march, boycott, protest, sign petitions, any or all of the above, or anything not mentioned here. :)

I am going to try to go to the March in DC on the 21st. I have a place to crash I just need plane tix. If my plan falls through I am def attending the women's march in Boston instead.

Thanks for the kind word, all. Now I'm hearing that the March here in our town may not happen, some kinda bullsh*t over permits or something...stay tuned...

Just checking in on everyone. Did anyone have the opportunity to march in your city?

I will say DC was amazing. I hope people were able to make it out there, and if not there then at least in their own communities. And if you couldn't do that either, that is okay too.

Would love to hear about anyone's experiences if they'd be willing to share.

I will start by saying I was pleasantly surprised in DC that I didn't see or hear even one single heckler. The size of the march was enormous and that may have been intimidating, but other than a few dirty looks on the Metro from Trump supporters (I say this with confidence based on their Trump hats), I didn't encounter any issues at all the entire weekend I was there. I am grateful for that, and I hope that was the experience others had either in DC or at any of the sister marches.

I will also say I am exhausted (got in late last night after riding MegaBus for 6.5 hours) and sore (you never realize just how out of shape you might be until you participate in something like this), but I wouldn't change that for anything.

I marched here in my town and was also pleasantly surprised to not see or hear even one heckler (since this is a conservative area). The City Plaza where we started & ended up & then had the rally was just packed; it was so wonderful. There were people in wheelchairs/scooters, people who brought their kids, more women than men but still more men than I thought there'd be, very young to very old. You know what I did notice, though? The age group that there seemed to be the least of was about 40-60 yrs old; wonder why? But it was great & you hear sometimes talk about the "darn millenials"? There were a ton of millenials there & I say thank goodness for 'em, they're great!

Yay, thanks, Lynn! I know you had some reservations about marching in your area, so I'm glad to hear you decided to go ahead with it... and that everything worked out! That's interesting about the 40-60 yr old demographic. I wonder why that demographic wouldn't be out as much. I feel someone could write an interesting research paper on that. :)

I was also inspired by how many millennials turned out in DC. And teeny-tiny tots, too! I know they don't have a lot of their own ideas, and they're there because their parents were... but it still gave me a little sense of hope that perhaps they will remember this event and continue to work towards making a society an inclusive and strong one.

Thanks, El! I saw a news story yesterday about some of the better signs people were holding at the Marches; didn't catch which city this March was in but it showed a gal holding one that said, "I'VE SEEN SMARTER CABINETS AT IKEA!" I loved it; at our March I saw a coupla different gals my age or maybe older holding signs that said, "NOW You've Pissed Off Grandma!" :D

Hah! Never a good idea to piss of Grandma. ;)

This just in: The White House has been officially renamed "The Whites Only House"; all non-whites please use the service entrance in the back. (Unless you're a hot-enough female; in that case contact the nearest Secret Service agent who will show you the secret entrance.)

Lynn wrote: "Thanks, El! I saw a news story yesterday about some of the better signs people were holding at the Marches; didn't catch which city this March was in but it showed a gal holding one that said, "I'V..."

lol about the "smarter cabinets"

Lynn wrote: "This just in: The White House has been officially renamed "The Whites Only House"; all non-whites please use the service entrance in the back. (Unless you're a hot-enough female; in that case conta..."

Haaaah. I never know to laugh or cry these days. :)

Yep, I was feeling old anyway & now this election? I *know* I'm getting too old for this sh*t.

More thoughts about coping:

"...[W]hat do you invest in during the Trump era? I feel like, Hostess Cakes. Most of us are just scared and eating ice cream."
--Judd Apatow, comedian, producer, director, and writer

Hah, I just told someone the other day that I stress-ate almost a full batch of cookies single-handedly.

Yep, one of my "tranquilizers" is Walkers Shortbread cookies; having to buy more and more of 'em.

Yum!

So I know for a lot of us, reading is a great escape, and I'm sure many of us have amped up our reading purely out of stress and anxiety. (Or maybe the complete opposite, in which one might be feeling too much stress or anxiety to be able to read much. I waver between the two - either all the time or not at all.)

Out of curiosity, has anyone turned to social justice books (fiction or nonfiction) as a way to sort of (for lack of a better phrase) make sense of things? Anyone feeling the desire to read more feminist works, for example? Anyone needing to re-read 1984 or The Handmaid's Tale? In some ways it can be hard to read books from the past that seem so relevant to today, but it can also be cathartic.

I'm curious what people are turning to read these days. I'm still plugging along on my regular reads, and trying to keep up with group reads. But I also admit feeling the strong desire to just curl up with Harriet the Spy - my go-to when sick, scared, anxious, etc. - or wanting to read more about politics and social justice issues as a way to try to better understand how things have gotten to this point.

ack, I'm in the same boat as you El. I can't decide whether to turn to or away from political books. I hear many people bringing up 1984, but imo Animal Farm is more poignant to our current political climate. We're seeing people turn away from facts and logic while insisting that their arguments are based on facts and logic... It's disheartening. It also observes these lies and changes in plain sight that are accepted as true by those who should know better, as well as those who sincerely believe in (what the reader would consider) an unjust and wrong regime change. I think it begs the question, "how much is too much?" for a variety of characters. Anyway, I think Animal Farm offers a better exploration of the political shift as opposed to the after effects of that change (as we see in 1984). In fact, I think I just talked myself into a re-read of it, lol.

Very good points, Anita, and I hadn't considered that, but you're totally right. I feel the term "alternative facts" sounds like it's straight out of 1984, but the political climate is more in line with Animal Farm. I'm glad you're planning a re-read! Be sure to report back if anything else from the book seems strikingly similar to things going on right now.

And the political climate also feels like "Lord of the Flies"...to paraphrase Queenie V, "We feminists are not amused."

Lynn wrote: "And the political climate also feels like "Lord of the Flies"...to paraphrase Queenie V, "We feminists are not amused.""

Amen to that.

It is definitely vicious, sadly. I've seen/heard some pretty heartless things coming from people I have previously considered some of the kindest I've ever known... which is probably what reminds me so much of the horse in Animal Farm