I'm Trying to Get a Book Published! discussion
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Mizla =D
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Mizla,You are definitely talented. Thanks for sharing your work with us. ;)
Thank you.. I checked your book trailers Kevis! They are awesome!! =)
They could hear the rustle of leaves as zephyr blew through the branches, birds chirping happily and their own shoes scrunching as they treaded over the fallen autumn leaves. They felt like they could go on walking like this, deeper into the wood forever. Jared broke the 'silence-like noise" (feels little awkward ), ‘So did you do it?’ Can anyone please suggest something for the words- silence-like noise??
This piece is the beginning of my new story.. I've already finished writing it will be posting it on goodreads soon :) thanx
oh that's a nice one! thank you :) i love it!!
Mizla,I would probably make a couple of suggestions. They are only suggestions so please take my advice with a grain of salt. But I am thinking instead of saying "they treaded over the fallen autumn leaves", it might read better if the sentence read "tread upon the fallen autumn leaves." You can't really tread over something. The word tread means "stepped upon" or "to step on".
As for the word you are looking for, "calm" would fit nicely. Just my 2 cents. Either way it's a nice start to your story. ;)
thankyou Kevis :).. i'll change that!But emm... noisy silence or calm?? emm... (Confused!)
=D
Mizla,The problem is that silence and noise are oxymorons. They clash and aren't really compatible. Maybe you have to decide whether you want the woods to be noisy or silent. Until you choose one or the other, you'll have some trouble finding the right word for your story.
Mizla,I've been thinking. How about we try something else altogether? Rather than describe the sound of the woods, how about describing the effect the woods is having on your characters. Read this and see if you think it helps:
"Jared interrupted the surreal ambiance. ‘So did you do it?’"
I did like noisy silence. It is an oxymoron, true. But that can be a very powerful literary device. Sometimes it can seem that silence is loud. Especially if it is an awkward silence. The statement "So did you do it?" gave me to think that they were there to talk in private, which could cause an awkward silence.
About treading on the leaves--Kevis is write. Er, I mean right. :D But I was actually wondering if you'd like to use a more vivid word. When I'm walking through leaves in the autumn, I like to dig my feet in and kind a kick the leaves about. So how's this?
"...as they shuffled through the fallen autumn leaves, kicking up colors into the wind."
Very purple prosy, but I like it. It goes well with the purple prose you've already got.
Rita/Mizla,I think noisy silence is a great word. The only problem is that the way the passage reads, there isn't anything silent about what is happening in the woods. Or least, that's what I think. Still, I do understand the point Mizla is trying to make in her story. But like her, I'm wondering if there is a better way to word it. Then again, maybe all of this is overkill.
You're right, Kevis. In order for "noisy silence" to work, there would need to be some context added. Who is the POV--your reference point for perspective within the story? If you want to keep the noisy silence, you have to play up the awkwardness of the moment with your POV feeling great trepidation about what the companion is thinking.
In that case, the "noise" would be the POV's thoughts and fears, and the "silence" would be the lack of conversation.
But the sentence you put before it is this: "They felt like they could go on walking like this, deeper into the wood forever."
That sounds like they are happy together. Therefore, "noisy silence" would not fit. And it was such a lovely metaphor too.
chews lips and mutters to self
and then goes off to put that in a story somewhere
Rita wrote: "chews lips and mutters to selfand then goes off to put that in a story somewhere..."
ROTFLOL!!!
i'd decided on noisy silence.. but now i'm confused again!! Wow.. you two can write so well!! I wish I can write like that someday =(
"...as they shuffled through the fallen autumn leaves, kicking up colors into the wind." Rita.. do you mind if I add this line??
Kevis wrote: "Rita wrote: "chews lips and mutters to selfand then goes off to put that in a story somewhere..."
ROTFLOL!!!
"
what's ROTFLOL?
Does 'steady stillness' work? i got it from Wolf!
i think I should say more about this-the wood isn't really silent, there are birds chirping and the rustling as well as the scrunching sound, But these are peaceful and it's kind of quiet... emm.... silence is quiet so the sound is somewhat silent!
OMG...What am I saying?
Mizla wrote: "Kevis wrote: "Rita wrote: "chews lips and mutters to selfand then goes off to put that in a story somewhere..."
ROTFLOL!!!
"
what's ROTFLOL?"
It's Internet speak for "Rolling On The Floor Laughing Out Loud". Rita's comment made me laugh. Just letting you know that there wasn't anything sinister about my response.
hmm... i think i should post my story now... I think i'll go for noisy silence!http://www.goodreads.com/story/show/4...
Steady stillness, loud silence, noisy silence. It all depends on what you as the author are trying to convey to us the readers. What kind of image do you want to put into our heads?
I have to do a skit as my English assignment.. I have 4 girls and a boy in my group... We've got to write it and then perform.. Any ideas about what I can write it on??? Plz help!!
I liked your story, Mizla. Quite a twist of events. It leaves the reader wondering what he will do. Does he tell, giving away his 25-year old secret? Or does he keep his mouth shut and let them marry even if it would be a bad idea? I like how you ended it, making me wonder.That's the nice thing about short stories, they can be cliff hangars like that.
Mizla,I read your new story and loved it. I grew to like the characters right away and found their situation interesting. I loved the fact that you were telling a a multi-generational story. Of course, the ending was what took it to another level. But what made it work is that you laid down the groundwork for the ending. Although the ending was a surprise, it was not a contrived and manufactured one.
I always try to stress to young writers how important it is make certain their stories feel like they are going somewhere. Your story never stalled and set up the conclusion nicely. Very good!
If I could make one recommendation it would be for you to write your dialogue like a screenplay. Sometimes, when you combine dialogue from different characters in a single paragraph, it gets a little tough to figure out who is speaking without dialogue tags to guide the reader. Of course, dialogue tags are not always needed. If you separate your dialogue with a space every time a different character is speaking, not only will it make it easier to follow the dialogue, but you won't need as many dialogue tags either.
Other than that one minor complaint, your story is quite fun to read. I had no idea you were going in the direction you did with your story. I, for one, enjoyed it. All I can say is keep em' coming! Cheers!
Mizla,BTW, thanks for commenting on my stories including The Fairest Dream. I am glad you enjoyed them. I just want to take a moment to answer your question about why it seems everyone has blue eyes in my stories. I have written a lot more material than I've either published or posted here on GoodReads. My characters come from every walk of life and represent a global view of humanity regardless of whatever genre I am writing in
But in the case of my mythology from which most of the stories you have read so far come from, most of the characters feature particular physical traits that is indicative of the racial group they come from.
The world of Arva in which my mythology takes place is an ancient world. Unlike our modern world where people can fly to the other side of the world in a few short hours, there is no real hegemony among the races. Different people live in different parts of the world and hence look differently. Most of the characters in the stories you read have fair skin and light colored eyes because they live in the very cold Northern part of the world. But if you were to have read one of my other stories which takes place in the Southern region which is a tropical climate, the characters are darker skinned with dark eyes--or others still who have oriental features. Both the Northern and Southern races of people have their own unique beauty which is indicative of their environment.
Soon as I get a chance, I'll try and post an excerpt from one of my other unpublished stories so that you can see that in my mythology the full spectrum of humanity is represented in every one of our beautiful shade and colors.
Sorry for hijacking your thread. I just wanted to clear the matter up for you. :)
Thankyou Rita and Kevis!You made my day!!=) I'll keep your comments in mind from now on- (the diaogue and screenplay one).. I'm so glad to get comments from writers like you guys!
I'm glad you replied to my queries Kevis- it's not hijacking my thread!! lol-- I'll be looking forward to enjoy your new writings but in the mean time I'll happily read your other works that are already here in goodreads (the ones I haven't read yet!) =)
Mizla,I know you are not going to be around as much as before. But I just want to let you know that I am grateful to you for requesting that the book stores in your neck of the woods carry my book. You really are awesome. Good luck to you with school and all your endeavors. Set your mind to whatever it is you want to achieve and you will succeed. Cheers!
I have added two new poems to my writings... emm... well yeah- have been really busy with emmm everything!!kevis-- the e-book doesn't really work at my comp.need to install the adobe acrobat thingy... so it's in my 'to-read' list for now =(
A few more writings!!http://www.goodreads.com/story/show/5...
http://www.goodreads.com/story/show/5...
http://www.goodreads.com/story/list/2...
http://www.goodreads.com/story/show/5...
please read and comment!! =) thankyou
I have been so busy lately with my assignments and all that!! So haven't really been around much! Hardly write poems these days but just posted a few new ones!!! Please read and comment!! http://www.goodreads.com/story/show/5...
http://www.goodreads.com/story/show/5...
http://www.goodreads.com/story/show/5...
You can read my works here
http://www.goodreads.com/story/list/2...
and a few of my works are also published in www.ponderworthy.org
more will be published soon!! :)