The Edits, and Everything Else! discussion

This is my writing thread please critique I don't mind at all give me some suggestions as well!

This story is based of Ed Sheeran's song A Team.

I analyzed this song to death.

I wanted to write something so I just wrote. I'm not sure what I wrote I guess that's for you tell me if it's something worth writing.

___________

This is a story of a broken and lost girl who went through the side affects of life. She had a life. She had secrets that were untold. She just wanted to be perfect like everyone wanted her to be.

Her parents wanted the perfect daughter, because she was their little baby girl, Anna.

Her best friend wanted the perfect best friend, like every girl does and should.

Her boyfriend wanted the perfect girlfriend, like everyone does secretly.

All those men and boys? They needed comfort; they were alone,lost and pathetic.

Her older half-sister and younger brothers? They just needed someone to play with. Really, her half-sister needed someone to manipulate.

But no matter what she soldiered on but then she gave up entirely when she knew it was time.

*******
Part Two of Cold
You know how they say your whole entire life flashes before your eyes right before you die? Well, that's not really entirely true. Your whole life flashes before your eyes when you decide you're gonna die, that you've gave up on everything.

I lie in the cold and dirty snow reminiscing about everything.

How I failed everyone. How they all failed me to. I hope they are somewhere lying in bed thinking how they failed me.

They are oblivious to why I failed them completely and utterly. They don't realize the guilt that rotted in my soul.

I remember when they found the stash of drugs in my closet.

They shouldn't have been looking anyway but they did. They found the white powder in a little zip block bag. So simple.

They wondered where or how I got it so I just told them I pawned some old collectables. Then went to the druggies at school and bought fifty dollars worth.

They'd fought and blamed each other over whose fought it was. My father cried and hugged me to his chest. My mom bickered at him explaining that they'd spoiled me.

Then the argument raged into "Who drove their baby Anna to do drugs?"

The answer is her younger brothers and her older half-sister did, not her parents. I can't blame them because they are dead. They died twelve years ago.

Car accident. Birthday party for Caleb and Thierry's friend. Rachel, my older half-sister, ran off the road into the lake on South I-22.

The autopsy for Rachel showed that she had meth and a can of Budlight in her system. My brothers and half-sister died from drowning in the autopsy. Duh what else?

I didn't say anything to my parents about why I did it. I just looked out the window at trees thinking about how good it would feel to be a bird or a tree.

******
Part Three of Cold

They in the end kicked her out and abandoned her.

Once her boyfriend and best friend found out why they wouldn't talk to her.

Robin, her best friend since kindergarten, told her to get lost while they were in the high school parking lot waiting for the bell to ring for first period.

Her boyfriend, Jeremy, broke up with her by note being passed to his friend to his other friend to whoever sat by Anna in Bio.

Everyone looked at her like oh, but you and Jer Bear were the It couple. Every time they looked at me like that I shot laser glares, flipped them the bird and cursed their stupidity.

Anna got in her car after bio with all her stuff from her room and drove to the forest with the cabin, where it was quiet.

Her mom and dad owned a cabin they never used so Anna used it. They thought she didn't know about it but she did some snooping in their bank accounts.

Anna took everything that Jeremy had ever given her, everything they did together, everything that reminded her of him. She burned it in a pile by the lake. Burn, burn. Let the memories burn.

She just wanted to feel something or anything at all.

She retreated inside the cabin because it was kinda cool out.Inside it was warm, because her parents had temperature compatible system that adjusted to the preferred setting when cold out or hot out.

Anna strips and starts a shower. Then of course the thinking kicks in. Why did he leave me? I told him all my secrets. Why? Why does everyone leave me? I'm worthless. I'm pathetic. I cry too much. Big baby boo hoo.

Taking my razor out I cut into my thigh going deep, feeling the pain that is better then on the inside.

Better out then in, eh?

******
Part Four of Cold

The druggies recruited Anna when there was a month and a half of school left. Our last year, as people who float at this pathetic school.
I got two jobs one at Staples and one at Target. They payed good, but boring though.

Every two weeks I'd get a check separate that all added up to $468.43 in two weeks. Better than nothing for me since I live out my car on Burger King and Wendy's.

I hung out with the druggies or Vickie, David, Alex and some more people who are to high to think straight or are just there.

The druggies were mostly your messed up ones- drug heads, cutters, used to be cutters, anorexics, used to be anorexics, skaters, chokers,slackers, goths and emos.

I fit in. I cut. I did drugs. I liked goth stuff. I liked emo stuff. I loved skating at a time. I did do the choking thing for a while, it's okay I like it. I've started the anorexic stuff. It's not so bad. Just don't eat. Drink water.

I went to one of their parties on a random weekend when Alex invited me. I said yeah, I'll come.

The party was full blown. I loved it, because I got drunk and danced so much. Alex kissed me and well... it ended up in a full on makeout-straddle. I'm not even gonna go there with the details.

My dancing? That was horrible. I didn't care, I was care free.

I feel asleep with Alex on the couch. It was Saturday and his parents were gone out of town so he didn't care.

My god. My head hurts. I don't really remember much besides the dancing and Alex. Wtf? Wait Alex kissed me. Alex stirs and we start to untangle the mess of our legs intertwined together.

Alex stands up and rubs his head. He shakes his hair out. I quietly laugh like a maniac. "Oh. I see, Anna is the Mad Hatter today.",he says smiling.

He leans down and kisses me softly. I kiss back, thinking no no no. Remember Jer Bear don't do this. Ugh, you stupid body what is wrong with you!

Despite my mind saying no no no. My body slowly and irrationally fell in love with Alex Jackson, who made pancakes with funny facial expressions. Alex, who joked about bananas turning purple and taking the world over by eating everyone. Alex who swore that there would one day be a newspaper titled "BANANA APOCALYPSE!!!"

You obviously have a lot of potential because the starting was really good. It hooked me right in. But maybe try and stick to one particular POV? You are switching back and forth between third person narrative and first person after every few lines and that kinda gets confusing.


Also, I'd really like it if you made the chapters longer, and give us a more detailed glimpse of Anna and her world. It's hard to sympathize with a character we didn't know much about.

Hope I helped. Keep on writing! ^_^