Project Mimir discussion

While there are ideas that can be adapted to use in this book that make it worth reading, it makes a few claims that could be problematic. Full disclosure, this review is also based on my personal experiences with several NVC counselors.

First some positives.
1. It is is a good attempt at a listening tool to both interpret what others are telling you and in restating things back to someone so they know you understand them and can be worked into the BATHE technique of addressing problems.

2. It is a good way to pause and get to, "know thyself", as Socrates liked to to prescribe. Referring to the lists of feelings when needs are being met and not being met was very helpful in figuring things out about one's self by oing from the black and white feelings (positive vs. negative) to identifying specific feelings . You have to go beyond NVC though and actually think and consider things other than feelings (see below). Applying a little Stoic philosophy helps.

3. It is a way to begin to break out of your communication shell, in both listening and speaking.

4. It a great tool in creating emotional rhetoric.(see below)

A few problems I had with it.
1. NVC touts itself as a New Age/spiritual solution which is met with incredulity for those who already feel skeptical disdain for pseudoscience, which it is.

2. Referring to everything only in terms of needs removes critical thinking from the problem resolution toolbox. In fact Rosenberg refers to the expressions that come from thinking about things as "wolf" language and is to be avoided.

3. No matter how perfectly you fit it into the NVC formula of observation, feeling, needs being met/unmet, request, it is going to sound judgemental to a sensitive or hostile recipient. Even then its going to take a lot of time and effort to work through a lot of misunderstandings that quite frankly, one would hope to avoid by using NVC.

4. Counselors have asked me, "would you rather be right or happy?" This is an instance of black-or-white fallacy, aka, bifurcation, either/or fallacy, or false dilemma and a major fault in the NVC mindset, in my opinion. Ironically this particular false dilemma is also an extremely violent psychological club intended to shame a right fighting interlocutor into quiet submission. Are there no other alternatives? Whatever happened to the goal of win/win? Can't we put a little more effort into being both right and happy?

5. It is too easy to manipulate NVC into an engine of emotional rhetoric to win arguments at all costs. In short, it can be turned into a moralizing, manipulative, and violent psychological club to beat up opponents, which is the opposite of what it is intends to be. Of course rhetoric may be used for good as well as bad, but either way NVC's exclusive appeal to emotion will make any verbal combatant more forceful and coercive. Cicero would be proud.

6. NVC is susceptible to Reductio ad absurdum. Imagine Putin telling Trump, "When I observe you increasing your country's military spending and making more nuclear weapons, I feel scared. I need to feel more secure so I am requesting that you please decrease your country's military spending and reduce your nuclear weapons." Its not a very realistic approach in real world situations.

7. In all crucial conversations there are consequences that need to be considered; these may be consequences to yourself, to others, to the relationship, to the organization, etc. There are also motivations, thoughts, influences, and beliefs that go into a behavior that need to be considered. The NVC discussion avoids these considerations, and not only because they cannot be directly observed and thus fit into the formula. In avoiding these considerations NVC completely removes them as a threat consequently removing any responsibility and accountability from the discussion to claim the title of "non-violent". However in avoiding these aspects of a problem, NVC results in a manipulative moral and emotional blackmail that says, "If you care about my feelings, you will process my request". This in turn creates psychologically violent and antagonistic mindsets of victim hood and blame.

8. Despite what is claimed about its new age/spiritual expectations, NVC is not magic and it is not going to resolve irreconcilable differences. There is a reason they are called irreconcilable.

9. Also, if you are with your significant other, do not tell them when you see them all dressed up to go out with you that you feel proud because it fulfills a need to be respected. Just tell them they look nice. Compliments translated into NVC are just awkward.