What's the Name of That Book??? discussion
Query abandoned by poster
>
ABANDONED. A Memoir-Woman uses ex-lax for colon cleanse when chaos ensues
date
newest »
newest »
Mod
Google search -- site:www.goodreads.com funny "diet" "colon cleanse"
Mod
This story is a chapter in Jenny Lawson's book "Let's pretend this never happened." Possibly the funniest thing I have ever read.
Mod
Carrie (OP) was last active on the site in May 2017.
A woman tells a story of how she tried a quick weight-loss plan.
A friend of hers tells her how her doctor prescribed a colon cleanse so her antidepressants work better. It worked, plus the lady lost seven pounds in one day.
The woman telling the story goes to the pharmacy to pick up a colon cleanse. Standing in line to ask the pharmacist about what to get, she changes her mind because she thinks about the awkward conversation that would ensue. Instead, she picks up a box of ex-lax thinking that it will yield the same results.
She takes, like three times the normal dose. And then, because the chocolate tasted so good, she eats two more. A few hours later when nothing happens, she eats three more. Then she goes to Starbucks and gets a vanilla latte frappachino. In her car, the laxative effect of the coffee sets everything into motion.
She makes it home, where she says her intestines exploded. Fortunately, no one is there to listen to the sounds that would destroy the female mystique that she has maintained with her husband. She talks about how the pain is so intense, it’s like an elephant clawed its way up into her intestines-because the elephant grew claws and its nose had turned into snakes that were tormenting her. Basically, she feels like her colon fell out, and she’s embarrassed by it. She uses Thomas Edison as an example: Like, what if that was how Thomas Edison had died? That’s what he’d be known for. Nothing else. In Wikipedia, it would say “Thomas Edison, who died from his colon falling out, was the inventor of the lightbulb”. She goes on about this for a while. It’s hysterical.
While the woman was in the bathroom, she heard scratching at the bathroom door. She thought maybe it was her husband who had come home early, so she gave him a polite little cough to let him know that the bathroom was occupied-as if all the other ungodly sounds coming out weren’t enough-but the scratching persisted. Then a note slid under the bathroom door. Then another. So she reached across the bathroom with her tippy toe only to discover that it was a bandaid that had spilled out of her purse when she threw it on the floor on her way to the bathroom. Her cat was sliding them to her under the door.