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Nice book, and also yes. You may.
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Not bad at all. Sorry I'm late to the game, but hopefully my comments help.TKAOS: Prologue
{I woke up to a gnawing feeling that I was being watched. If I had only looked at the foot of my bed to my left as I stood up, I would've understood why.
"Are you Grayce Hart?" Said a thick, raspy voice behind me.}
[Just a suggestion, but I would try to not jump forward, then back. Better to be explained sequentially.]
I'm one hundred percent sure I gave Tigger a run for his money with how high I jumped up in the air as I spun on my heels to see who had spoken. And on my bed was a young man-possibly mid twenties- with dark hair and blue eyes, wearing a weary yet curious expression in his clear eyes.
"Who the hell are you?!" I exclaimed as I grabbed for the nearest thing near me to use as a weapon....a hair comb. Really?
"Jaymee. Jaymee Smitherson."
"How did you know my name?" I demanded, still holding the comb in front of me.
{"Everyone up there knows you! You're all they're talking about!" He retorted.
"What? Who??-what are you even doing in my room?!" I asked, annoyed and more than a little disturbed.
"Uh.. honestly? I'm not really sure. One minute I was outside of a club and suddenly I was on the floor begging for help- I think I was stabbed?-" he said as he lifted the cerulean shirt he was wearing to show me a giant bloody gash on his abdomen that instantly had alarm bells ringing in my head but I still wanted to know what the hell this random stranger was doing in my bed room.
"...and then next thing I knew I'm in a really bright white room and I was told that I died and that I needed to find you-"}
[That was a lot for me, and I had to read it twice. I don't know what to do. Possibly break that into a few more chunks of back and forth dialog. I wouldn't say it feels like info dumping, but something there was just a little off for me and I don't know what.]
"Wait woah woah woah back the truck up a second- did you just say you're dead?! ok I must still be asleep. Yep, that's gotta be it I'm asleep or..." I gasped. " Oh my god. I'm dead. I'm 21 I've done nothing important with my life and now I'm dead. How did this happen?"
{I was still mumbling incoherently to myself when Jaymee suddenly laid an extremely cold hand on my shoulder.}
[I liked this sentence a lot]
What shocked me to the core wasn't that he almost seemed to hover over me- no. What truly scared the ever loving shit out of me was that the hand that was laying almost casually on my shoulder..looked like it was going right through me!
I looked up at Jaymee in shock and sheer terror.
And then I fainted.
Good job. How far are you into this book? Sounds like it could be very interesting. Good luck.
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So I've got a book that I've finished, but am letting simmer for a couple more months before I publish it.I'm a little concerned about the beginning of it. I've re-written the prologue and 1st chapter a few times and was wondering if anyone would like to read it and give me their take on it.
It can be found on my website here at: http://www.bluehpublishing.com/single...
Don't be afraid to be too harsh. I like honest opinions.
Feel free to post critiques(:
TKAOS: ..."
Wow! Gretchen this book is amazing!