Our Shared Shelf discussion

Great choice - looking forward to reading this!

What is the new book??

Leslie wrote: "What is the new book??"


https://www.goodreads.com/topic/show/...

In here you got the topic

It is Hunger by Roxane Gay

Thank you!

Is the book only available on the kindle? in the paperback it says the release is June 2018 and the Hardback is only available via third person sellers.

Meelie wrote: "
The September / October has been announced!!

New book, new month! Please feel free to post your reviews of The Beauty Myth if you've already read it. Or, if you haven't, after you've read the b..."

Meelie, I think you mean Hunger and not The Beauty Myth! :)

I'm looking on Amazon UK. Maybe it hasn't had a full release here...?

Jade wrote: "I'm looking on Amazon UK. Maybe it hasn't had a full release here...?"


https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/aw/d/B019...

That for kindle

Is the paper one sold out on amazon I think. I brought the book yesterday and was still on sale and now is not .

Jade wrote: "I'm looking on Amazon UK. Maybe it hasn't had a full release here...?"


https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/006236...

This book is still on amazon USA but not on amazon uk

It is for sale on wordery though. Hope that helps!

Agnes wrote: "Is the paper one sold out on amazon I think. I brought the book yesterday and was still on sale and now is not ."

Wow, if OSS did this, then this shows us how powerful we are.

If anyone is really stuck it's also available on Audible!

Eva wrote: "It's still not translated in my mother language, so there's very little chance to get it in my country. Amazon is too slow, so I think I have to skip this book for a while. :("

And also look in the Pay-It-Forward topic. Someone can send you a copy.

I read Hunger a few months ago when I was traveling. Finished it by the time I got to my final destination. Absolutely incredible.

Yay already own this excited to read it!!

Meelie wrote: "I'VE TOTALLY FAILED AS A MODERATOR!!!

(Noted. Amended. Hahah!) "

Hahaha, well I think copy/paste mistakes happen to all of us, so don't worry! =P

By the way, I think you (and the other mods) are doing a great job mod'ing this forum!

Oh great! This book was on my to-read list:) Thanks, this will become my October read..looking forward to reading it

(Early days, first impressions, no spoilers!)

This book is amazing as is Emma’s perspicacity in selecting it. I find myself drawing parallels with The Beauty Myth where that book covered the machine and why it was there this work shows the sometime devastating effect of how we perceive ourselves.

The parallels between the two women; the one telling her story the other selecting it however could not be more marked on the surface yet both have dealt with the same issues of body perception and the inability of women (people) to reconcile their body and the version they and others see. I have heard this from women in my life often but never really got it I am ashamed to say till I read this book.

By making this telling intensely personal the author has in fact rendered an impersonal account of life we can all relate too. There was some reluctance from people suffering trauma and eating disorders about reading this book in my (admittedly uninformed) opinion this is the opposite of a “trigger”. Everyone should read this book every man should read this book not to gain any trite understanding of women but to understand you don’t need that, what is needed is for humans to see we have all the understanding we need, and when dealing with each other remember what you feel we all feel and that feeling can override everything.

The truth I see in this account is self-worth comes from without as much or more than from within much as we would all like to deny it, and do except for some notable exceptions.

The honesty here cannot be over stated it is pure not an act of courage or some other battle stance, just the truth about one woman and her life. There is a saying “warts and all” people say it often but so few of us know what it means when applied to themselves.

The author does and I know we should avoid references to Emma if possible but here I think I must so does Emma Watson.

To see with such clarity yourself what must you be able to see in others? But how sad the realisation that knowledge does not automatically allow for change.

I am going out to today to buy one of Roxane Gay’s fictional works to read while I wait for Bad Feminist to arrive.

I really hope Emma does and interview with Roxane It would be extraordinary.

I've read the reviews, and couldn't be happier for the book that was chosen. I've been reading a lot of comments of books becoming unavailable on Amazon; so I decided to take it back old school (haha), and go to our local bookshop ( which I've called ahead of time to save myself from going on some wild goose chase!) Happy readings everyone!

Can't wait to start it 😻always awesome choices thx 🌹

Ross wrote: "(Early days, first impressions, no spoilers!)

This book is amazing as is Emma’s perspicacity in selecting it. I find myself drawing parallels with The Beauty Myth where that book covered the machi..."

Oh Ross, oh Ross.
Now your first impressions make me ache to read this book.

Great choice!!!

I loved her book Difficult Women, wasn't a huge fan of Bad Feminist though. But definitely looking forward to this one!

Cant get hold of the book. Not out yet on amazon.co.uk and on amazon.com they dont sent it to where I live. Sad, that we are supposed to read a book that isnt out yet to everyone just to a selected few. a well. enjoy people. see you in two months

I cant read kindle due to my eyes at the moment and no I am not interested in the audio book

Angelica wrote: "Cant get hold of the book. Not out yet on amazon.co.uk and on amazon.com they dont sent it to where I live. Sad, that we are supposed to read a book that isnt out yet to everyone just to a selected..."

They have one new hardcover and 26 new paperbacks right now. You see, Amazon didn't expect Emma to select the book. It'll be back in stock in a few days.

I read this book a couple of months ago and I loved it. I'm not usually into non-fiction, but the few I've read have been amazing, and this one was just wonderful. It has been glued to my thoughts and has changed my way of thinking. Hope you all appreciate it, it's a treasure.

This was a complicated one for me. As a fat woman it was REALLY hard to hear the way she presented the things that happen to us and the way people look at our bodies. I've spent a lot of energy over the years getting comfortable with my body and mostly I've succeeded. This rubbed old wounds raw and by the end I felt uncomfortable in my own skin. That was really unsettling.

I have mad respect for Roxane and the troubles and traumas she's faced. She is a survivor. Still, this was a tough read for me. I worry people will take her experience as a universal experience for fat women or fat people, and that's just not the case. I didn't build a cocoon around myself to avoid being loved. She did. Both of these experiences co-exist and I found myself wanting to scream my story into the world.

In hindsight as I was figuring out why this book hurt me so much, I started going over my journey of self-acceptance again. I found myself through style in a way that Roxane hasn't been able to. I allow myself to feel pretty, to feel beautiful, and to look beautiful. It may not be your idea of beauty, but I've redefined it for myself. I still have my moments of shame over my body — her bits on restaurant chairs with arms and airplane seat arrangements hit so close to home — but I realized that I *have* healed to the point where I can be unapologetically me. Most of the time.

I feel like Gay's story isn't done yet. I'm hopeful that in getting these feelings out on paper she'll be able to own them in a way she hasn't yet. That said, this book made me think. It made me evaluate the way I see my body and to remember that accepting my body is an act of defiance, and that my body *doesn't* define me. The book didn't empower me. It wasn't meant to. It isn't my story. It did make me look inside myself, and that's valuable stuff.

Tiara Lynn wrote: "This was a complicated one for me. As a fat woman it was REALLY hard to hear the way she presented the things that happen to us and the way people look at our bodies. I've spent a lot of energy ove..."

Thank you so much for sharing this with us.
We tend to simplify people's experiences too fast, and think: Oh, this is the case for everyone. When it is not. That is also why I so appreciate that you shared part of your story and thoughts with us - to stop us from universalizing.

And I am glad that you have healed to a point where you can be unapologetically you. Because that is who you shoud be - unapologetically you.

I have yet to start reading it - but I really look forward to it, I think it might hit close home for me as well.

I've finished it, it's so good that i can't put it down. it's very honest and heartbreaking cuz i can literally see myself in every page of it. If you haven't decided whether you want to read it or not, take my opinion, you must read it!! I don't want to spoiler so all i can say is it's a GREAT book!!!

From the moment I started to read this book, I fell in love with it. I believe that this book can teach its readers a great deal of empathy. We may not agree with the opinions and conceptions offered here, but I do feel that the book is honest.

Roxane Gay writes about her body, her trauma, her troubles. It is not fiction but her very personal experience.
Quite often when I read a memoir or a story of personal experience from a celebrity, I feel like they are presenting themselves how they want to be seen whereas Roxane Gay describes her troubles, her mistakes and realisations as human behavior and her personal experience. She doesn't ask me to glorify her or change my behavior as a part of society. I feel like she really leaves it up to me what I make of this read.

She writes herself that this book was particularly hard or her to write as she is not someone who actively shares her pain usually. This read taught me once more that we do not always see the consequences of our actions as a lot of people stay silent about what they feel.
It once again kept me wondering what is wrong with our society that the girl or young woman feels like she needs to be ashamed of her rape, like she is at fault for what happened to her.

In some reviews, I have read that Roxane Gay is ver busy self-pitying herself and that she isn't really doing anything about that misery even towards the end of the book.
I have to say: I disagree. Of course one may argue, that a lot of things that are described in this book aren't as bad as she makes them out to be. But I thinkt, that she wrote about what she felt. There is no right or wrong and no room for interpretation for that. Who hasn't had a situation that from an objective point of view sould not have been too bad, but felt terrible none the less?
Also, I do not think that she does not do anything about her isery. It is not like she writes about this great catharsis and how she turned her life around afterwards. Instead, there are a lot of small moments, that make her realize tthat she is deserving, that she is loved, that she can do better and will do better. She describes how she starts to accept her failures and her past and she does start to treat herself better. It is a gradual change, but it does happen.

Personally, I had always trouble in believing in sudden turning points for the better. She gradually decides for a better life and gradually starts working on that. There are ups and downs, but this what it means to lead a life and to be human.

Anyway, I really enjoyed it and I am really thankful to Emma and OSS for suggesting this book.

I just finished Hunger and am unsure as to how I feel about it. There are so many moments that moved me deeply that I have no idea where to begin. What was the most powerful message to me is how one event (an awful one at that) could dictate one's future if not confronted and dealt with. I'm sure many of us have had a moment in our childhoods that will unexpectedly send us careening back into the past whether good or bad. Memories are such difficult places to escape.

The worst part of a bad memory is what we do to ourselves to avoid reliving it such as gaining weight to create an image that people will run from. Or hurting someone you care deeply about so they don't hurt you first. Do not show your vulnerability.

I admire Roxane's courage to do just that - show her vulnerability. She held nothing back and although she could blame her rape or society's disapproval of her body, she accepted who she was eventually.

I work with elementary students and it is amazing how influenced young girls (as young as 6) by social media and current fashions. It saddens me when a 6 year old complains how fat she thinks she is or wears outfits that in my opinion is just not appropriate for her age. Who is to blame then; parents, peers, social media?

I am glad that overall Roxanne seems to make peace with herself. I wish everyone could see beyond the physical and see the soul. Unfortunately, not everyone is able to do that. So, we continue to build walls to avoid getting hurt.

I liked Hunger. It gave me a chance to reflect on times when people judged me and how I responded as well as how I may have judged someone based on what I saw. I try to be fair and nonjudgmental but do I succeed all the time? No. Yet, I still try to look beyond.

Thanks for making this an OSS selection. It gave me a lot to think about.

Just finished reading it and wow, what a book.
I really like to read non fiction, and even more memoirs, since we get to see a little bit the way someone else (usually someone I admire) sees life.

Roxane Gay has gone through trauma and rape and self destructive behaviour, and even though at the beginning she says that there will be no happy photo of the before and after, we get to see such a photo. Only that it is not a photo but the last paragraph of the book: she has gone through a lot and now she's ready to work on herself, that she has shown herself to us but in the end, is to show herself to her.

This book made me think about and learn a lot of things, here's a small list:
-This book is a testimony that the person who thinks we look the worst is usually ourselves. We are the cruelest to ourselves, and that should not be.
-The way the we think other people see us is not what they see, but very likely what we see.
-Her comment about Oprah, that even though she's one of the most successful women in the world she still feels that her body is not good enough, is certainly creepy. This is what we are as a society.
-We should learn (and show and tell and teach) that what we need is not "change" our bodies, but "accept" our bodies. And if there's something that does not feel right, then we can change it.
-Being "thin" is not the goal. The goal is love the body we got and work with the body we got. It doesn't matter if we are thin, skinny, curvy, fat, big or whatever. We all have different bodies and that's ok.
-A lot of women in my life also live in a perpetual diet. I don't even know why or how so many women I love and care for do not love the bodies they've got, even though none of them is even slightly overweight. The pressure to be thin is too much, I see.
-Even I feel fat sometimes, but I am not. I see myself in the mirror while on my ballet class and target myself as fat. This is rude and stupid, and even though I notice it, I cannot help to feel it. To imagine what a woman with a bigger body feels like and sees herself seems impossible sometimes, but here Roxane Gay shares her vision and point of view, and helps everyone to put ourselves in her shoes for a moment and feel her struggles. The stories about her shopping, traveling, sitting on restaurant, climbing stairs, etc. really broke my heart.

And a few quotes I'll carry with me:
-"What I know and what I feel are two completely different things."
-"I am stronger than I am broken".
-"I will not hide from the world".
-"Every woman I know is in a perpetual diet".

And finally: I had the chance to listen to the audiobook read by Roxane Gay herself, and hearing all that struggle, pain and discomfort from her own voice is even more remarkable.

If you can not find a copy to purchase I was able to rent it from the public library and download it via the kindle app. It was an awesome read, I finished it in under five hours. Now I can not wait till the open discussions begin.

Keith wrote: "...My problem is this - I said in the above post that the book is written in a way that made you care. Unfortunately, by the end, I just didn't..."


My sentiment exactly.

The thing that bothered me most was her resentment towards "fit" people.

That resentment is real for a lot of people. I've struggled with my weight my entire life and even when I was what people considered "fit" I still felt resentment against those who were naturally fit.

When "fit" people treat you like crap for your entire life, it scars and it scars deeply.

Powerful and heartbreaking story but I found the writing a bit repetitive.

Rita wrote: "Powerful and heartbreaking story but I found the writing a bit repetitive."

It was repetitive....but if you noticed, the repition came from the parts that she has trouble processing still. It's an example of how her mind works. It always goes back to a similar dialogue in her head. Similar fears....similar emotions.

Erin wrote: "That resentment is real for a lot of people. I've struggled with my weight my entire life and even when I was what people considered "fit" I still felt resentment against those who were naturally fit."


The "fat mentality" never really leaves...even if the weight does :-/

I just finished Hunger a few minutes ago and I was absolutely astonished (in a good way). This book goes into great detail about her life and how she got to where she is now. What a journey! This was the first book I read with OSS and it was such a whirlwind of stories that shaped the author's life. My favorite chapters were 46, 53, and 84. I'd like to post more but I'll make sure to talk about it when more members share their reviews. Thanks OSS! Thank you Emma!

Tiara Lynn wrote: "This was a complicated one for me. As a fat woman it was REALLY hard to hear the way she presented the things that happen to us and the way people look at our bodies. I've spent a lot of energy ove..."


I had the opposite reaction. I used to be morbidly obese, now I'm considered overweight...but I really like the book. But I guess I relate to her story so it makes sense. I did eat to close off even though I didn't know that....I just assumed I liked to eat. Once I joined a 12 step program to help with my eating disorder, I got to see a lot of the demons that lie behind the next bite. So to read about it with such opennes was relieving. Isn't it trippy to thinkg about such things?

I liked that the book wasn't meant to be empowering....I get so annoyed with some stories that it's nice to just be real...just be. I don't think I have the energy all the time to listen to inspiring stories about weight loss and finding the best you or all those other eye-roll worthy articles and books. Sometimes they are fun...but when you struggle with an actual eating disorder like I do...it's a slap in the face.

I have read the first 15 chapters of the book, and I do relate to it immensely.
Flucuating between overweight and normal (according to the BMI), I often feel bewildered. Whenever I'm at a gym, people ask me what am I doing here toiling, whereas otherwise people tell me if I could just lose that little extra fat, I would look fabulous. If only the people inside the gym conferred with those outside the gym, my life would become easier.

I just finished the book. Such a heart breaking relatable story

Overall I enjoyed it and learned how it must feel to be in an overweight body, because I'm not and I never got to experience it. She describes it in detail, which gave me a whole new perspective of what struggles one has to deal with in every day life when being overweight.

I admire how honest she is and how vulnerable she makes herself to write her story and put it out into the world. I liked how the book focused on the body and not so much on the food when having an eating disorder.

What I didn't liked was that the writing was kind of repetitive. Partly, I saw why she did it, but other times I don't know if it was necessary.
Also I didn't agree on a few things. She put it like healthy food never tastes good. Once she wrote that she was sad for her trainer and worried that he didn't knew about spices or flavour to make food delicious ... As someone who eats healthy and occupies herself with the topic food I was cringing inwardly.
She was vegetarian, but "had to start eating meat again", because she was anemic. I wanted to throw the book away. These two things doesn't correlate. But that wasn't necessarily her fault, because she got missinformed? What I mean is if you only eat unhealthy food it doesn't matter if you eat meat or not, you won't get enough minerals, vitamins etc. You should always be mindful if you are getting enough of everything you need, it doesn't matter if you eat meat ot not. Put please don't believe that you have to eat meat to get enough iron. You don't.

After about half the book I got annoyed about her negative thinking and that she was constantly blaming other people for her unhappiness. But it's difficult to rate the book based on her thought process, because that's how she was like. I know how it is, you really have to learn to think positive and it can be a long way before you do.

This looks like the negative overweighted the positive, but I only had to say more about it. It made me curious to pick up Bad Feminists too.

The book was amazing. I just wish Roxane Gay could get justice against the boy/boys who hurt her.

I feel like every human being needs to read this book. If nothing else, you learn how beautiful Roxane is as a person and how wonderful her writing is, but I feel like it opens up so much that I never would have considered before on cultural attitudes to obesity, beauty and body image, as well as telling the "other side" of eating disorders - anorexia seems to be something people half abhor, half glamourise, and people with binge eating disorders or who are overweight are often overlooked.

It was a heart breaking read, but Roxane still has a lightness of touch and razor sharp honesty and insight.

I would recommend it to everyone; it can only make you a more empathetic and compassionate human being.

I am stunned by Roxane's writing, and I heard her interviewed on the podcast GirlBoss Radio by Sophia Amoruso and she said she didn't like to be called brave, but I can't see how to be so open and tell such a story that you've lived through, especially being in the public eye, is anything but brave and courageous.

And whoever that guy was/is, called Christopher in the book (and his "friends") I hope he pays every day for what he does, and that some day justice is done.

It is of course a triggering read for anyone with EDs or survivors of sexual assault, but it is also a healing and insightful experience hearing Roxane's story, so while it might be extremely difficult (I cried on the tube reading it, in cafes...! It gave me a lot to think about and is a deeply painful, thought-provoking book) i still passionately believe it's something we all need to read, share, and try to understand better than we do ❤️

The book was a quick read. Not my favorite work of hers but excellent none the less. What struck me was her bravery, the ability to memorialize her struggle and open in front of the world, becoming deeply vulnerable.

My overall impression of this book was quite positive. I really can't overstate how courageous the honesty she offered throughout the book was. As someone who hasn't shared in her particular struggles, I appreciate that she offered me the chance to step into her shoes, her head, and her heart as she recounted her experiences.

I would also like to credit her for her bravery in telling the world, in detail, about the tragic abuse she suffered as a child. Every time she mentioned it I just felt sick to my stomach. But I, and many others, need to hear it. With how prevalent such traumas are, we can't turn a deaf ear and pretend like this isn't happening all around us. It is.

As a social worker, I'm constantly in this mindset of "how could I help her/how can I fix this?" and I really needed to step out of that while reading this book. In my opinion, this memoir wasn't a cry for help or a book of advice. It was simply a story about her experiences, and the feelings that accompanied those experiences. While there may have been some self-pity or a lack of positive action, I think it's important to keep in mind that wasn't the intention of this book, and she stated that from the get go. I've read some other people's comments about that really bothering them, and I understand that because I, admittedly, caught myself thinking the same thing. But I continued to remind myself to just read it as another person's perspective and experience, and validate that her feelings are there, they're real, and they matter.

Another thing I really loved about this memoir is that it's really not over. It gave us a backstory and took us into the heat of the battle, and then it stopped. We really don't know what's going to happen and how/if the struggles will ever be resolved. I'd love for Roxane to continue telling her story so we can all follow along and learn alongside her.

Thank you, Roxane, for sharing your beautiful and tragic story. I think it offers every reader an opportunity to grow and learn in a variety of different ways.

I rated it a 4 star. The book is well written and does pull the reader into Roxane's life.

It does make one stop and think about relationship with food, food and reality TV, and eating disorders.

I haven't read Bad Feminist yet.

First, when I read about our new book, I was very excited and eager to start reading.


Meanwhile I was already checking on book discussions, the opinion of the NY times and other magazines.

But while almost everybody praised Roxanne Gay for this book, my own opinion got more and more ambivalent.


I do get her point. This is “not a book about success”, it’s more of a memoir of being fat in an apparently hostile, fat phobic world.

And I do agree from the very depth of my heart, we, especially as women, live in a world, where we get indoctrinated, mostly via social media, that our bodies are our biggest problem.


From very early ages on we have to understand, that the desirability of a woman’s body defines her social status, her worth- and her body is constantly monitored and reported on.

Fat is widely seen as a contagious disease and burden for the social system.



At this point I really liked the book, since Roxanne Gay showed obesity in it’s complexity, and so much more than a physical problem to overcome.
She gave us a great insight of the contrariness of the conscious mind and the unconscious body.



I found it very interesting to get an insight into plenty of obstacles a person with an overweight body has to face every single day. How your size can effect your complete life. Things we, as normal weight people, would never even think about.



Observations such as these make “Hunger” a book addressing topics such as trauma, weight, sexual violence, low self esteem and social anxiety.
Some of you mentioned it already, I would say too, that the book is easy to read, but sometimes repetitive.

But beside the heartbreaking and breathtaking life story of the author, 
I constantly tried to get the message of her book, since lacks on emotional resonance.


Roxanne Gay, as a woman, as feminist, she meant to show us how to be decent to ourselves and to one another.

During her own process of learning, reflecting and growing older, she lets us take part on her personal story.
She meant to teach us, to rise our voices for the right to take up space.
How does she want to inspire women to fight for their right to take up space, if she doesn’t allow herself to take up space?



So far I read many discussions about this topic, and I agree with most of you guys, when you say, that her process is still not over. 


But in her book she blames the society, airlines, physicians, her friends, her family, strangers and herself for not accepting herself the way she is.

But as much as I suffer with her cruel story, I do have a hard time to accept her point of view.



To give some examples: In my opinion her family seems to be very supporting.

By the way- Gay is not only overweight, she reached a critical obesity, which could easily become life threatening.

This is not only a beauty problem. 

So every responsible, caring parent would try to support her to lose weight.

Beside that, she was traveling a lot, what made her childhood not easy, for sure, but her parents in description, left a good impression on me.


Further she constantly points out, that people don’t accept her oversize body. I just ask myself:

How does she want other people to accept her, if she doesn’t accept herself?

How do you want to earn the respect of other people, if you can’t respect yourself?

Every single of the 300 sites is full of shame and self loathing.


Another time she blames, that she gets misgendered because of her size, as well as her preference to wear men’s clothing.

While she describes herself as a “butch”- style queer black woman in the same time.
But when it comes to this determination it also involves negotiating how justified actually the social critic at this point can be.

Most butch lesbians have to get used to the fact to be misgendered on a regular base, especially when it comes to a public bathrooms or to be addressed as a “Mister”.

Almost, in the end, finally, I did see a movement from shame to honoring, forgiving and caring for herself.
And she started appreciating her partner, her family and her friends. Even still from a distance and sarcastic point of view.



But during all her process of self loathing, shaming, processing, self caring, forgiving and surviving one question stays for me open: 

Does Roxanne Gay actually also care about others?

She seemed during all the book very distant to her family, friends, her partner and strangers.

She doesn’t need to be a “hugger”- but does she have the emotional strength to be a daughter, a sister, a friend, a lover?

While I had no problems to excuse this fact during the beginning of the book, (considering her young age) I got more and more sceptic during the middle and the end.

She seemed to be only demanding and herself not very much interested in her environment.



Nevertheless I enjoyed how much the writing could help her to survive her trauma. She describes it as an act of rehumanization.
She finally found a way to help herself.

After more than 300 sites constantly blaming others for her unhappiness she moved finally into the right direction.

Because in the end it’s always the responsibility of the individual to find it’s happiness. Even after the most heartbreaking stories.

As an resume I took for myself her examples to consider how fatness is judged in daily life, how bodies get misrecognized and the impertinence of judging one another.



But I have to agree with Keith, and his opinion, when he mentioned: “I should care. But in the end I didn’t”.