Writer's Advice and Feedback Group discussion

The following is my honest opinion and is meant as constructive criticism.

The idea behind your story seems good, from what I could gather reading the prologue.

However, your writing is incredibly awkward, making the piece difficult to comprehend. I had no problems reading it, but had to read some sentences twice to figure out what you were trying to say. You seem to be trying for poetic language and falling a bit short.

PM me if you'd like my suggestions for improvement. (For one thing, 'Eighteen years ago' is more succinct than 'Eighteen years in the past'.)


The cover I like, though books covers are normally taller than they are wide, so that's something to consider.

I agree with Lura on all of her points.

I'm just wondering, do you have an idea where you're going with all of this, Bri? It almost seems like you're just going with the flow (because your description's really vague and doesn't give any synopsis of the plot).

I think maybe you should have at least an idea of what you want to do with the characters and the story, which would really help out the suspenseful aspect of your writing. If you know ahead of time what's going to happen, you can be more bold with the foreshadowing and such.
I think you should also develop your voice a bit. I know that's hard to do, but as Lura said some of your sentences are awkwardly phrased.


All in all, I think that your idea is interesting and you're a promising writer! I'd really like to see where the story is going to go :)

Oh ok then, sorry about my misunderstanding! :)