Getting Off Podcast book club discussion

Thinking about how victims of sexual assault may not be believed, or may be blamed for their behavior, dress, etc., are there other examples of crimes for which reporting victims may be similarly doubted by law enforcement or the judicial system? As acknowledged in the book, there are some false reports of sexual assault, although the statistic on the prevalence of false reporting varies. Is this idea specific for rape/sexual assault or are there other crimes for which there is false reporting or at least, the suspicion that there may be false reporting? Domestic violence? Crimes against other marginalized groups?

Yes. DV. Specifically RO violation and danger risk. I have a 30 year RO after my ex husband got out of STATE prison after being sentenced there 4 years for DV against me. He sued for visitation of our daughter when he got out and against 2 separate court mediators’ recommendations of no visitation after interviewing all parties involved (him included), the judge decided to give him supervised visitation in the office of a therapist 1x/wk. Due to the “potential” danger he presented to me, the arrangement he had to agree to was that I dropped off at the therapist and he wasn’t allowed in the area for x many miles around until 20 min after my drop off time so I could get out of the area. Pick up was that he would leave the area at the appointed time and 20 min later I picked up my daughter from the therapist. On one visit I came to pick up and his truck was still in the lot. I panicked. I froze. I was immediately scared he would jump me or try to snatch our daughter. (He tried to take off w her the night he was arrested for DV but was prevented by family friends). I called 911, explained I had an RO and that my ex wasn’t where he was supposed to be. Rather was where he WASN’T supposed to be. 911 asked if there was a kidnapping risk. I said I didn’t know but that he had tried before to take her. I kept saying “I’m not sure, he used to say he would, I don’t know”. They called officers. In the meantime the therapist discovered my daughter still in the waiting room. She had kept my ex after for a consultation but had not thought to tell me of the change, not realizing my panic when I saw his truck in the lot. She called me and said it’s ok to get her that she was holding him back in the office. I ran in, got her, and got out of there. She called again to apologize for causing any panic. After leaving the area I called 911 back to tell them it was a huge mix up. They already had cars en route and had just confronted my ex and put him on the ground. A few minutes later I got a call from an officer and he LAYED into me. I tried to explain the therapist’s mistake but he didn’t believe me. He said I told 911 it was a kidnapping in progress. (I had not) The officer said there’s a tape of the call. I said good, listen to it. He said he was going to make sure I was charged and tried for false reporting and that he thought I was trying to just make more trouble for my ex and he didn’t think he was a danger at all. I said look what he did prison time for. Every day I lived in terror with that man. He still says he’ll “get me “ to people we both know. The officer said he didn’t care what I said, I was going to jail for false reporting. He was super harsh with a raised voice the whole time. After he hung up I called my family court lawyer in tears. He called the PD and spoke to a superior. My family court lawyer knew my history in detail at the hands of my ex. He relayed the horrific details, pointed out the rare 30 year RO, and made them listen to the 911 call which proved I did nothing wrong. The officer was made to issue a formal apology (through my lawyer, not me. Coward) and given a “reprimand”. I told them to tell him that it’s cops like him that make victims afraid to call 911. Or hesitate out of doubt. My issue was easily resolved but i was a wreck from it and I can’t begin to understand the damage it would do to someone like Marie in the book to not be believed for so many years and have that disbelief invade every aspect of your life. Sorry this is so long. The whole story of my ex and our history would take a volume but I wanted to share my very tenuous understanding from my experience of Marie’s plight in the book.

Dang. I’ll count my blessings again today.

Yeah, yikes Annette, thats super rough. Sorry you are having to go through that. I'll count my blessings as well. That sounds like a really bad situation.
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I think anytime you have a group of lower status because of race/ class/ immigration status/ job/ family name/ ability/ mental illness or perceived mental illness, etc, making a claim against those viewed as higher status credibility is already a huge factor. About a year ago I listened to a Reveal (great podcast, by the way) episode about an undocumented young woman who worked as a marijuana farmer in California. The story explained that the woman had been sexually assaulted multiple times but didn't report because (a) she was worried that a report may tip off ICE to her whereabouts, causing her to get deported, and (2) that she would be indited in federal court for marijuana distribution if she contacted law enforcement.

Here's another example: I lived in Minneapolis when people shut down the fourth precinct in North Minneapolis in the wake of the Jamar Clark shooting. I brought people camping out sandwiches, clean water, sleeping bags, etc. So did a lot of other people. I met activists and people who were mad, yes, but also doctors, lawyers, teachers, business executives, and other people who deserved respect outside the fourth precinct. Now, here's where perception and the media plays a part in whether groups are viewed as legitimate and can be believed or not. If the Star Tribune (the Minneapolis Newspaper) ran a headline akin to "Doctors protest police use of force," I feel like people would be much more likely to believe that there's legitimate wrongdoing than the headline that ran "protesters camp outside Fourth Precinct." "protesters" makes it sound like there were only dirty hippies out there and "camp" implies that people were having a grand old time making smores. The moral of that story is that the language we use to describe people and their activities portrays their claims as legitimate or not and can twist legitimate claims into seemingly nonlegitamate ones.

Thank you Matt. Fortunately my experience was long ago. He was arrested 20 years ago this June and was in jail until he went to prison. I’ve had a long time to heal and have a great family and wonderful support system. The outcome was extremely fortunate in my case and I was able to establish a wonderful life for myself and my family. From the day he was arrested I was never required to speak or deal personally (one on one) w him again. My abuser passed away in Dec 2016 and had been violating the RO off and on ( mainly 3rd party terrorist threats) and repeatedly getting taken to court all the way until his death. That being said, he had lost his power over me years ago as far as my emotional well-being is concerned.

By the way, this book was an excellent first choice! I had it read in a week. Or, rather, listened to on Audible. I found it immensely fascinating!