Support for Indie Authors discussion

Hey folks,

I'm considering having a new cover made for my novel (Fid's Crusade), and that means that I have the opportunity to alter the blurb. I would absolutely love to get feedback and/or advice! Here's what I have so far:

A supervillainous tale of grief, rage, guilt and violence. Also, of humanity rediscovered.

For more than two decades, the sight of the Doctor Fid's powered armor has struck fear into the hearts of hero and civilian alike. And yet--despite the villain's hard-earned experience and the length of his criminal career--he can still be surprised by the depths to which his enemies might sink.

An investigation reveals crimes so heinous that even the veteran supervillain is taken aback. With every unearthed atrocity, it becomes increasingly apparent that the world is in peril...and that the public's faith in their super-powered protectors has been sadly misplaced.

Probing deeper into the mystery pulls the armored menace into a whirlwind of conflict. At every step, Doctor Fid is plagued by ghosts from his past and memories of the events that changed a gifted but painfully awkward man into a monster.

In the end, it will take a villain to save the planet from those entrusted with its protection.

"In the end, it will take a villain to save the planet from those entrusted with its protection."

I'm no expert, but as a reader, I would say this takes out the intrigue by telling us what happens. Maybe make it a question as to whether he will help destroy or save? Or something else that makes reader question what will happen.

Thank you very much for the suggestion! How does this sound:

A supervillainous tale of grief, rage, guilt and violence. Also, of humanity rediscovered.

For more than two decades, the sight of the Doctor Fid's powered armor has struck fear into the hearts of hero and civilian alike. And yet--despite his hard-earned experience and the length of his criminal career--he can still be surprised by the depths to which his enemies might sink.

Join Doctor Fid as he investigates crimes so heinous that even the veteran supervillain is taken aback. With every unearthed atrocity, it becomes increasingly apparent that the world is in peril...and that the public's faith in their super-powered protectors has been sadly misplaced.

Perhaps a villain can save the world from those entrusted with its protection.

I've changed a word or two but I'll put this here so you can see if it works for you.

"A supervillainous tale of grief, rage, guilt, and violence. Humanity rediscovered.

For more than two decades, the sight of the Doctor Fid's powered armor has struck fear into the hearts of hero and civilian alike. Yet--despite the villain's hard-earned experience and the length of his criminal career--he can still be surprised by the depths to which his enemies might sink.

Doctor Fid’s investigation reveals crimes so heinous that even the veteran supervillain is taken aback. With every unearthed atrocity, it becomes increasingly apparent that the world is in peril...and that the public's faith in their super-powered protectors has been lost."

Was going to add another part from your previous Blurb but these remain unclear....
Is Doctor Fid the veteran supervillain? And was he the gifted man, changed into monster?

Yes, and yes.

I've decided that simply mentioning that it is a story about humanity rediscovered was sufficient; if he's rediscovering humanity, then he must have been humane at one point and changed into something else. As such...I've chosen to remove the section that about the ghosts from his past, etc.

When referring to the public's faith in their superpowered protectors, I'm afraid that I'm not sure that the word 'lost' is appropriate. My intent is to imply that the superpowered protectors are unworthy of that trust, not that the trust has been withdrawn.

But thank you for the suggestions! It's been very helpful.

"A supervillainous tale of grief, rage, guilt and violence. Also, of humanity rediscovered."

To me this whole tagline is superfluous. It really doesn't actually mean anything to me from a plot perspective.

Also ... "veteran supervillain"

Is there such a thing as a rookie supervillain? That might be an interesting idea for a supervillain spoof story, but if the answer is "no" then there's no need to tag a supervillain as a veteran.

David wrote: "My intent is to imply that the superpowered protectors are unworthy of that trust, not that the trust has been withdrawn..."

Your word of choice, however, (misplaced) is pretty much the same as "lost."

Potential substitutes:

Misguided
Unfounded
Unwarranted
Specious
Spurious
Unjustified
Baseless
Unsubstantiated

Personally I like misguided, as it implies that the supervillain thinks he knows better.

Ooooh, I like 'misguided' too.

Perhaps...

"Doctor Fid’s investigation reveals crimes so heinous that even him as the supervillain is taken aback. But plagued by ghosts from his past, he battles to save the world from those entrusted with its protection. Because with every unearthed atrocity, it becomes increasingly apparent that the world is in peril...and that the public's faith in their super-powered protectors has been misguided."

Maybe this is a typo? "that even him as the supervillain"

I was wondering if the opening line should not have been... tale of violence and grief, rather than the other way around. Grief tends to be an emotion following violence.
What about just saying... the sight of Dr. Fid's powered armor brought fear to everyone. Fear is only experienced in the heart.
I would stick with either...supervillian or villian.

Respectfully given.

That's a good point about the 'villain/supervillain' thing...I'd originally tried to change the term up a bit to keep the blurb from being repetitive, but I can see why re-using the same term would be preferable.

Edited to add: Here's the current blurb that I'm going to be using. Thank you all for your help and suggestions!


For more than two decades, the sight of the Doctor Fid's powered armor has struck fear into the hearts of hero and civilian alike. And yet—despite his hard-earned experience and the length of his criminal career—Doctor Fid can still be surprised by the depths to which his enemies might sink.

Follow Doctor Fid's adventures as he investigates crimes so heinous that even the veteran supervillain is taken aback. With every unearthed atrocity, it becomes increasingly apparent that the world is in peril...and that the public's faith in their super-powered protectors is sadly misguided.

Fid's Crusade is a supervillainous tale of rage, grief, guilt and violence. Also, of humanity rediscovered.