Half Bad discussion

First off I want to say that this is probably my favorite book series ever (yes I know it isn't super popular). Also, there are going to be some major spoilers.

Here is what I'm thinking; through out the story Nathan endures so much pain. Does that in it self make him strong though? He was caged, hated, tortured, he fought in an all out war, despite this, he continues to fight for the alliance and he gives up everything for the cause. On that point, one could argue that he is strong. And in some ways I might agree. To fight for a cause and set aside your own life and happiness takes a lot of courage and strength, But maybe not in this specific situation. Nathan's situation isn't quite typical and he didn't exactly come out unharmed. After the war, he is completely destroyed. After Gabriel is killed he sort of loses it, and actually that part is totally understandable. I wan't to say that I don't believe that being damaged makes you a weak person. In addition, he never gives up on the people he cares about and he never gives up on his humanity. It would have been all to easy for him to allow himself to become a thoughtless uncaring killing machine. But he doesn't let that happen, not totally. He retains an amount of personal humanity. That part of him shows a certain sort of strength.

What I keep thinking about though is the fact that he sort of allowed Gabriel to get killed. Not directly and obviously not intentionally. During Half Lost, Gabriel asks Nathan to leave. Really, Nathan could have left and been completely or at least almost completely happy. Yet he doesn't. Throughout the second two books Nathan works with the alliance but he makes it very clear that he (this is sort of weird wording I'm sorry) isn't really in love with or devoted to the idea or cause. His involvement in the alliance is always really about Annalise, based first on his love, and then on his hate for her. It seems to me that the only reason he doesn't leave is because he doesn't think he can. If you think about it, there was nothing really preventing him from leaving. I think that he thought it was too late, and he couldn't escape. This is sort of shown in the scene where he talks to Arran about missing the past. I guess it bothers me that Nathan does not even try to get out, he doesn't fight for himself and that is not exactly strong. In the end of the story it seem like he just gives up. He goes off into the woods alone with seemingly no intention of ever rejoining society, and ultimately turns himself into a tree. In a way, he becomes Marcus. And it was very clear that that isn't what he wanted.

Another point I would like to mention is the matter of his son Edge. Nathan believes that by not seeing his son he is allowing Edge to have an easier, safer, and better life. But now he is repeating history, doing the same thing (sort of) to his son that Marcus did to him. He isn't fighting to change things. Alternately, there is a loose argument that Nathan was being strong because it would take a lot of will power to decide to not see his son, who I imagine he would still really love. Maybe. But is I said I really don't think that is a great argument. Yes, he had a difficult choice but ultimately he chose the easier answer.

I suppose I can't decide whether he is strong, because he fights with the Alliance and shows a great capacity to fight in spite of a lot of pain and loss, or weak, because in the end he never fights for himself.