Christian Speculative Fiction discussion

I would love to get anyone's thoughts on my agent query letter. Any thoughts or input would be appreciated.

Dear ****:

What would you do if you opened a portal into the future to find a completely devastated planet—and realized it’s only 40 years from now? From a secret facility in the lush Colorado Mountains, Dr. CAMDEN HILL discovers a rapidly impending future of ocean-less beaches, whithered forests, missing national landmarks, and absolutely no means to sustain life. Struggling with his own devastated past, CAMDEN tries to reconcile the nature of free-will against a knowable and unchanging future, while navigating the ramifications of his discovery here in the present. Using the full resources of the US government, CAMDEN and his team set out to uncover the source (and possible conspiracies) behind the coming devastation while desperately trying to map out a path for the human race to survive.

I’m currently seeking representation for my debut novel, A CROSSED TIME: DEVASTATION, a 110,000-word science-fiction thriller grounded in present-day Earth. Given your interest in ***********, I believe my novel will appeal to you. DEVASTATION weaves together present-day scientific realism, humorous and relatable characters, genuine personal and family struggles, and the unknowns of time travel into an action-packed adventure with real-life implications. In addition to the time-travel elements, it’s a mix of The Martian (Andy Weir) and Dark Matter (Blake Crouch).

I am an active digital marketer, blogger, and speaker, and until recently, owned a successful digital marketing agency. I have one self-published marketing book, The Best Damn Web Marketing Checklist, Period!, which has sold thousands of copies since 2014, have written thousands of articles on digital marketing, and am a nationally recognized marketing conference speaker. Known for my ability to take complicated issues and explain them in easily understandable terms, I’ve used this skill to craft a genre-bending story that takes the complexities of time travel and makes it compelling to a broad audience. I believe you will enjoy the result.

DEVASTATION is a complete, stand-alone story that sets the stage for the A CROSSED TIME saga. As the story continues, humanity realizes they have become enslaved by the rich and powerful classes who have used their labor and natural resources to rebuild in the future. The people of the present revolt from this enslavement, escalating the present and future into a full-scale war that uses time travel, teleportation, and traditional political espionage as weapons. To survive, the present must break the bonds of slavery and recover their stolen resources, all while averting the still-impending devastation.

Thank you for your time and consideration. I look forward to hearing from you.

Sincerely,

One piece of advice I had seen and liked was to make the hook of your query about the main character and not the setting. This is good for any genre, but I can see how it would help with your letter too. Tell us first what is unique about Dr. Camden Hill and then mention the setting. It will make the hook much stronger because so many publishers specifically say that they are looking for character-driven stories.

Good letter overall and organized in the proper way. I wouldn't do any words in all caps though. I would also take out some of the references to time-travel since you mention it so many times, especially in paragraph two.

Good luck with the inquiry!

great feedback, Lara. Thanks!

Changed version. I kept the book title capitalized since I read that was good practice. The character names can go either way, from what I see.

Would love any other feedback from Lara and others!

Dear ***Mr./Ms.Lastname***:

Dr. Camden Hill’s life has been devasted by a series of events stemming from the day his dad walked out on him at age 10. Desperate to prove he’s a better man than his father, Camden now leads the very project his dad left unfinished: time travel. From the secret scientific facility in the lush Colorado mountains, Camden succeeds, opening a portal 40 years into the future. What he finds is planet-wide devastation of ocean-less beaches, whithered forests, missing national landmarks, and no means to sustain life. Struggling with his own past, Camden tries to reconcile the nature of free-will against a knowable and unchanging future, while navigating the ramifications of his discovery here in the present. Using the full resources of the US government, Camden and his team set out to uncover the source (and possible conspiracies) behind the coming devastation while desperately trying to map out a path for the human race to survive.

I’m currently seeking representation for my debut novel, A CROSSED TIME: DEVASTATION, a 110,000-word science-fiction thriller grounded in present-day Earth. Given your interest in ***********, I believe my novel will appeal to you. DEVASTATION weaves together present-day scientific realism, humorous and relatable characters, genuine personal and family struggles, and the unknowns of time travel into an action-packed adventure with real-life implications. It’s a bit of a mix of The Martian (Andy Weir) and Dark Matter (Blake Crouch).

I am an active digital marketer, blogger, and speaker, and until recently, owned a successful digital marketing agency. I have one self-published marketing book, The Best Damn Web Marketing Checklist, Period!, which has sold thousands of copies since 2014, have written thousands of articles on digital marketing, and am a nationally recognized marketing conference speaker. Known for my ability to take complicated issues and explain them in easily understandable terms, I’ve used this skill to craft a genre-bending story that takes the complexities of time travel and makes it compelling to a broad audience. I believe you will enjoy the result.

DEVASTATION is a complete, stand-alone story that sets the stage for the A CROSSED TIME saga. As the story continues, humanity realizes they have become enslaved by the rich and powerful classes who have used their labor and natural resources to rebuild in the future. The people of the present revolt from this enslavement, escalating the present and future into a full-scale war that uses time travel, teleportation, and traditional political espionage as weapons. To survive, the present must break the bonds of slavery and recover their stolen resources, all while averting the still-impending devastation.

Thank you for your time and consideration. I look forward to hearing from you.

Sincerely,

That is a fascinating hook! That first paragraph is much stronger and even temps me to want to read the novel even though this isn't my type of genre. Well done!

Thanks Lara! I loved the first version, but agree, the new one is even better! Appreciate the feedback.

I am having trouble with "whithered forests." I looked it up in case it was a word I wasn't familiar with, which is entirely possible. Was it supposed to be withered?

Yep, I caught that last night (after I sent out two queries. Sigh. But it's fixed now. Thanks Reggie!