The Humour Club discussion

It occurred to me that the HC membership has a great deal of wisdom and sage advice hiding beneath our puns, our sarcasm, and our third martini. That being said, consider our obligation, particularly to the younger generation, to pass on our knowledge and experience. Granted, the recipients are not always savvy enough to pick up these pearls of wisdom on their own, however holding them at gunpoint also works well.

There are oodles, scads and heaps of categories for pass-along wisdom, so feel free to add your own at any time. I'll start with a few modest examples:

Kitchen Safety: One way to avoid cross contamination while cooking... Remember to always wash your hands after handling anything that came out of a chicken's butt.

Children: When you feel the urge to comment negatively on someone else's children, it's a great time saver if instead you just poke their mother with a sharp stick.

Best Excuse That I Have Personally Used When Late For Work And My Boss Let Me Skate Without Comment: "I would have been on time, but, earlier this morning, my wife unexpectedly rolled onto her back."

Best Excuse That I Have Personally Used To Talk Down A Speeding Ticket:
State Trooper: Why were you doing 85?
ME: It's a Toyota. The speedometer doesn't go any higher.

How To Avoid Jury Duty: When the judge asks if there's any reason you shouldn't serve on the jury, respond by pointing at the State Prosecutor and say, "Honestly, I've never seen anyone who looks more guilty."

Best Pickup Line At A Single's Club: "I have to ask... You're not prejudiced against disgustingly wealthy men, are you?"

Of course, while humor is always our FAVE goal, there's no particularly valid reason to turn our nose up at the occasional quite ordinary [Okay, mundane], but useful tip, trick or bit of advice.

Fishing: When lubricating your fishing reel's gearing, forget about buying an exorbitantly-priced lightweight machine grease. Vaseline is cheap and it works GREAT!

So, crank-start those thinking caps. Everyone has a tip, trick or bit of advice to share. Please post it here.

Well... Due primarily to the overwhelming response... It's safe to say that this thread idea has died of natural causes.

Next.

Sorry...yours were so good we hesitated to add any for fear of bombing...

Brenda wrote: "Sorry...yours were so good we hesitated to add any for fear of bombing..."

"Fear of bombing????"

How, oh how, should I respond to that? Let's see...

Choose Only One:
1. What is that exactly, and have you seen your doctor about it?

2. 'Safe Spaces' are for college students, not for the generation that has had the snot kicked out of them on numerous occasions and knows that it's survivable and has made us better looking (...by far.).

3. Just try to write or perform comedy without occasionally bombing... I dare you!
NOTE: No, this is not the start of a 'Truth or Dare' game. I have better uses for my time, like making toast.

4. I understand there are numerous ointments and creams available to assist you in developing a thick skin.

5. The "Only thing we have to fear is fear itself." [Franklin Delano Roosevelt's speech writer.]
NOTE: Okay, he wrote it himself. What a showoff!

Now then, which of the above jokes bombed? AND, ask me if I care?

If you genuinely have a fear of bombing, Brenda, my best advice is to give it up for Lent [or for Tuesday, St. Patty's Day, during full moons, etc.]. You'll be much more prolific, write a larger quantity of successful humorous material, AND discover that audiences are forgiving because the next joke is "COMING SOON TO A POST NEAR YOU!" :--)

Alternatively, if you actually do find a way to please everyone, you should IMMEDIATELY run for president.

Jay wrote: "Brenda wrote: "Sorry...yours were so good we hesitated to add any for fear of bombing..."

"Fear of bombing????"

I was actually just making a lame excuse for why your original post was greeted by crickets :-)

Brenda wrote: "I was actually just making a lame excuse for why your original post was greeted by crickets :-)"

It's surprising really. The HC has an incredible amount of comedic talent, yet the two minutes that it takes to post seems intimidating for many. Go figure.

Jay wrote: "Brenda wrote: "I was actually just making a lame excuse for why your original post was greeted by crickets :-)"
It's surprising really. The HC has an incredible amount of comedic talent, yet the ..."

Clearly, you're confused. YOU are the comedic talent, and we're all just flabby little gnomes scuttling along behind you nodding and snickering at everything you say.

Brenda wrote: "Clearly, you're confused. YOU are the comedic talent, and we're all just flabby little gnomes scuttling along behind you nodding and snickering at everything you say."

Please! My modesty... I know I left it in this drawer somewhere... Maybe under the socks...

Nevermind.

What a nice thing to say. That certainly deserves a blush or two...




...and maybe a nice Riesling...

Jay wrote: "Brenda wrote: "Clearly, you're confused. YOU are the comedic talent, and we're all just flabby little gnomes scuttling along behind you nodding and snickering at everything you say."

Please! My mo..."

Ooooh...wine! You know me well :-)

Brenda