The Humour Club discussion

I have a question about US v UK English and the importance of the opening line. So, any American cousins out there, the opening line of my book reads:

"The first labour of Hercules landed right on their doorstep in the unlikely form of a hen party from Newcastle."

Is that likely to be be:
a: understood
b: intriguing

or c: make you vow not to read whatever comes next?

Thanks

Simon wrote: "The first labour of Hercules landed right on their doorstep in the unlikely form of a hen party from Newcastle."

I'm from the US, and a reader, not a writer. Though the term "hen party" is not used too often in this country, I got it. I'd continue to read on as I'm curious about who their is, and because Roman gods meeting groups of women usually result in mayhem, fun, and unplanned pregnancies.

That's good to hear Melki. I had toyed with changing it to this;

"Scott had the sort of face you would love to play at poker. It was not hard to read his expression at the best of times and right now he did not look happy. He had the unmistakable look of a young man of a certain disposition who is about to lift something heavy. Dragging teabag, as they called their rather porous pedal boat, down the beach to the water’s edge was the thing Scott least enjoyed about their morning routine. With his friend and unlikely business partner Oliver at the other end, they managed to grunt and swear it into place ready for any plucky tourists prepared to risk hiring it."

this makes it more obvious you are heading for come comedy writing but then you should get that from the blurb and cover so perhaps I'll stick with the original.

*come = some

Simon wrote: "That's good to hear Melki. I had toyed with changing it to this;

"Scott had the sort of face you would love to play at poker. It was not hard to read his expression at the best of times and right ..."

I was certainly intrigued enough to want to read more. I'm sure some of the writers in the group . . . once they wake up, or return from their day jobs . . . can provide more input.

Understandable and an intriguing opening. I'd probably capitalize the L in labour, since you're effectively designating the hen party as such. And, not knowing how you've followed it, I'd start a new paragraph immediately after. That might just be a personal style decision on my part, though. Your mileage may vary.

Simon wrote: "I have a question about US v UK English and the importance of the opening line..."

What makes a great opening line????

One might as easily ask, “What is the Grand Unified Theory of the Universe?”

Yes, there are theories...tons of them. No, none of them stands out as wholly correct in all circumstances.

It’s easier to spot a bad opening line. Theoretically, the absolute worst is Snoopy’s, “It was a dark and stormy night.”

The best???? My personal favorite is from the screenplay for As Good As It Gets: “Melvin Udall was a pain-in-the-ass to everyone he’d ever met.” Nearly every reader wants to know ‘why’ after reading that.

I doubt your opening line is going to be broadly understood. Classic mythology is no longer taught in many American schools, so “The first labour of Hercules...” can no longer be considered a common reference in the US. And Melki was correct that "hen party" is no longer widely used in the current vernacular.

As to it being intriguing, that’s a crap shoot no matter what your opening line may be. It may peak the reader’s interest on a good day, and leave him\her cold on the day of a fight with their spouse. Bottom line: Quantifying the subjective is never as easy as it sounds.

Item ‘C’ on your list is somewhat dependent on ‘B’, isn’t it?

--This is the end of the wordsmith autopsy.--

As to writing advice, Simon...

If you want a guarantee of making money, invest in government bonds and don’t start a revolution.

If you want to write... Trying to ‘target’ your writing for a mass market dilutes your voice, and usually fails miserably. Write for yourself. The people who like your work will read more. The people who don’t like it, won’t. However, your voice is unique. Stay true to it.

Well, the first one caught my attention, though it felt like it needed some smoothing out. I get the references, but though I'm American I'm old, so I probably am not a good test case. It didn't give me a very strong sense of what was going to follow after.

In the second case, the first line is attention-grabbing, but the paragraph runs on too long. I got lost in there. Still, it did make the general direction of the story clear (but that's not fair--it was a whole paragraph vs. as single line. The opening line of the second example doesn't tell you much, either, except that Scott can't hide his feelings).