Write Your Heart Out ツ discussion

1. I can't write. Like, at all.
2. I have absolutely no idea if this is in the right place.
3. If you actually manage to make it through anything I write, feedback is always appreciated.

I have no idea where I was going with this. I just really, really hate taking the tube.

In the heart of a city there is a sprawling mess of tunnels.

Outside the air stinks of fumes and grey. The people are constantly moving, barely glancing at each other. You are new here and out of place, constantly dodging to avoid the crowd which moves as one. But then you come to it - the entrance to the tunnels.

If you were out of place outside, you are alien here. You can only follow as the people file onto the great moving staircase, one behind the other. They stare ahead, stony faced, making no move to recognise the presence of others around them. Down they descend, into the earth, leaving the air behind them.

Once off the stairs, you follow the crowds into the tunnels. It is dark and huge and terrifying. Through the tunnels you walk, standing out if only because you stop to look around. Suddenly, you approach an opening in the tunnels and people are jogging, running, sprinting. You cannot see what to. Almost as soon as it began, the surge of movement stops. You walk through the opening to a long, grey platform. The air down here is hot and stifling.

There is a great roar and slowly a beast of metal and oil approaches. The doors slide apart, opened by some invisible force. They all board and, hesitantly, so do you. As soon as you are inside, the doors close with a whine.

The beast sets off with a rumbling and a clicking. You can feel it vibrating beneath your feet. You smell the sweat and shudder. The blinding lights flicker ominously. On a pane of glass you can see the mysterious word "addiverce" scratched in spiky letters. When you look closely you can see sparks fly up from beneath the monster. They don't look closely, too engrossed in the hells of their own imaginings.

All observe each other - none talk. If eye contact is made it is broken immediately in a weird ritual of a simultaneous blink and head turn. Odd pings come at random from a device a person holds. Another is inanimate in a corner. You don't like to think how long they were there, travelling up and down in this thing.

Finally, a disembodied voice announces the arrival at your destination. The doors hiss open and you escape the narrow cells, climbing up the stairs. Once again, nobody appears to notice anyone around them, locked in their own minds. You stumble and there are some scorning glances. It is clear you are new here. Finally, you leave behind you the heavy air and step outside. It is dark now but you are beyond the city boundaries and the sky is clear. It feels fresh and blue.

The next day you board the monster again. Someone ahead of you looks around hesitantly, pausing to actually read the signs. You purse your lips in distaste and walk past. They are clearly new here.

What are you talking about? You can totally write! This piece is great! :D

Roxanne wrote: "What are you talking about? You can totally write! This piece is great! :D"

Aww thanks! Do you have any suggestions for improvement?

This is a WIP which I might not keep. I don't like the way it reads now at all so I will be changing it.

She was crying
Alone in her room in the dead of the night
As the shadows whispered round her
And the tears streamed down her cheeks

Then she heard the rain fall
And sat bolt upright
Crossed to her window
And pulled the curtain back

Downstairs she ran
And out into the garden
Where the moonlight shone
And the rain washed her tears away

And she smiled
Looked at the night sky and smiled
And she danced a little
Giddy with the darkness

Soon she was spinning
Twirling beneath the stars
And the rain tasted sweet
And sounded like bliss

And then she was laughing
Dizzy with excitement
As the moon looked on
And the rain streamed down her cheeks

Again, total WIP - I just need somewhere to store these. I like this one better than the other one though, but it still feels... Clunky. (Is that a word? I'm not sure if that's a word) Criticism appreciated.


The darkness was absolute
The night was dead
Even the ghosts were filled with dread

Her sobs were choked
As she gasped for air
Drowning in her own despair

Her eyes were closed;
Her soul was empty
And yet her heart was full

Shadows clung to her
There were demons in her mind
...

That poem is awesome! One question, is it all supposed to rhyme or do the last two segments not rhyme on purpose?

Reann wrote: "That poem is awesome! One question, is it all supposed to rhyme or do the last two segments not rhyme on purpose?"

I am planning on making it all rhyme but at the moment I can't think of any rhyming words so I posted it as it is. I'm glad you liked it :)

Yeah it's awesome!! I love your profile pic too!XD

Thes are all so great. I love them.

Unbroken Silence wrote: "Aww thanks! Do you have any suggestions for improvement?"

Nothing really comes to mind. I was hooked for the whole passage. ^w^