I'm Trying to Get a Book Published! discussion

hello everyone!
i'm rollie. as of now i'm finishing my book entitled "FORBIDDEN WHISPER" which is a YA urban fantasy.
i really hoped i would finish my book before november.. lol
kinda busy with my studies right now.

Cool title. I'd be interested in reading it. Would you be willing to share a sample of your work?

here is the link:
http://www.goodreads.com/story/list/2...
i would really appreciate any comments even negas..lol
chapters of my book are not actually complete. so you might never understand the next chapters. soon, i'll post the complete chapters if i'm done editing.

You have a good command of pacing and crafting a scene and hooking your audience. You start with a mystery--her coming death--and build on it. Chapter 1 starts with a good hook and ends on a note that makes me want to turn the page. I admire how you don't try to explain everything but instead leave me hanging, wondering what is really going on.

There were some things that were confusing. Why was she supposed to meet with Michael Sanders? Where did she get the jewelry box? Her mom told her not to open it, and I didn't even know she had had it.

Also, I was shocked to find out your main character was female. Unless you are purposely keeping your readers in the dark for a surprise later on, it is good to reveal the main information about your character in the first paragraph. Age, name, and gender would be good. No, you don't have to say something like "Hi, I'm Steph. I'm a 16 year-old-girl..."

No, it's better to drop the information subtly. "You're just a sixteen-year-old girl, Steph. You'll understand when you're older."

thank you so much rita for the comments and suggestions.
chapter one wasn't complete that's why the chapter stopped when she met the Sanders.
i'll still edit the story and i still have time to fix your "some things that were confusing".lol

it wasn't supposed to be a female main character but since there are conflict if i make the main character male, i changed it even though my first draft was actually a male main character.
thanks a million for the suggestions rita..