It's All About Fun discussion
Fun Jokes!
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PJs :D
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Well, nice one! :)
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You know SIRI in bengali means Stairs. Hahaha! :D
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Teacher: No
Me: Good, because I didn't do my homework.
When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300 C.But the Russians simply used a pencil....BRILLIANT ...!!!
Man standing near the doorwife: why are you standing here?
Man: i am going to hunt a lion
wife: then do
Man: how can i go a dog is standing outside....hahahahaha
I got home from the pub last night and my wife said, "I can't believe how intoxicated you are".Denying it I said, "I'm not drunk".
She said, "Yes you are".
I said, "No I'm fucking not".
She said, "Can you tell the time?"
I walked up to the clock and said, "I'm not fucking drunk".
A cop pulls a guy over for speeding, he walks up to the car & says 'sir you were going pretty fast back there, what's the hurry?' The guy replies 'oh sorry officer, I always forget to watch my speed when I've had a few drinks.' 'You've been drinking?!' the cop exclaims. 'Well yeah', says the guy, 'I needed a few stiff ones after i stabbed that guy. Fortunately I was able to fit his body in the trunk!' The cop pulls his gun & yells 'STAY WHERE YOU ARE!' He calls for backup. When the 2nd cop arrives they yank the guy from the car, cuff him & search him and the entire car. They find nothing. They give him a breathalyzer - he's clean. The 2nd cop says to the 1st cop 'What the hell? I thought you said this guy was drunk, murdered someone and had a body in the trunk!' Before he can respond the guy says 'Oh yeah? I bet the bastard told you I was speeding too.'
One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.' The florist was pleased and left the shop.
When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.
Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.' The cop was happy and left the shop.
The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen doughnuts waiting for him at his door.
Then a Member of Parliament came in for a haircut, and when he went to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The Member of Parliament was very happy and left the shop.
The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen Members of Parliament lined up waiting for a free haircut.
And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the citizens of our country and the politicians who run it.
Ladies and gentlemen, hobos and tramps,Bug-eyed mosquitoes and bowlegged ants!
I'm about to tell you a story I've never heard before,
So pull up a chair and sit on the floor.
Admission is free, so pay at the door.
One fine day, in the middle of the night,
two, dead boys got up to fight.
Back to back, they faced each other,
drew their swords and shot each other.
A deaf policeman heard the noise,
and saved the lives of the two dead boys.
If you don't believe my lies are true,
ask the blind man, he saw it too!
The train was quite crowded, so a Redneck U. S. Marine walked the entire length looking for a seat, but the only seat left was taken by a well dressed, middle-aged, French woman's poodle.The war-weary Marine asked, 'Ma'am, may I have that seat?'
The French woman just sniffed and said to no one in particular, 'Ameri-ca-ns are so rude. My little Fifi is using that seat.'
The Marine walked the entire train again, but the only seat left was under that dog.
'Please, ma'am. May I sit down? I'm very tired.'
She snorted, 'Not only are you Americans rude, you are also arrogant!'This time the Marine didn't say a word; he just picked up the little dog, tossed it out the train window, and sat down.
The woman shrieked, 'Someone must defend my honor! this American should be put in his place!'
An English gentleman sitting nearby spoke up, "Gladly Madam......Sir, you Americans often seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You hold the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your autos on the wrong side of the road. And now, sir, you seem to have thrown the wrong b**ch out the window!"
A king once had a slave who, in allcircumstances said: "My king, do not be discouraged because everything God does is perfect, no mistakes..."
One day, they went hunting and a wild animal attacked the king, the slave managed to kill the animal but couldn't prevent his majesty losing a finger.
Furious and without showing gratitude, the King said; "if God was good, I would not have been attacked and lost one finger!"
The slave replied: "Despite all these things, I can only tell you that God is good and everything he does is perfect, He is never wrong!"
Outraged by the response, the king ordered the arrest of his slave.
Later, he left for another hunt and was captured by savages who use human for sacrifice.
In the altar, the savages found out that the king didn't have one finger in place so he was released because he was considered not "complete" to be offered to the gods...
On his return to the palace, he authorized the release of his slave saying; "My friend, God was really good to me! I was almost killed but for lack of a single finger I was let go!
But I have a question: if God is so good, why did He allow me to put you in jail?"
"My king, if I had gone with you, I would have been sacrificed for you because I have no missing finger."
MORAL LESSON:
Remember, everything God does is perfect, He is never wrong...
Often we complain about life, and the negative things that happen to us, forgetting that nothing is random, and that everything has a purpose.
?>A person goes to the doctor with his 3 year son.Person: - Doctor, my son has swallowed a key, so we came to you.
Doctor:- When did he swallowed a key.
Person:- 10 days back.
Doctor:- And you are coming to me now, after 10 days.
Person:- We had a duplicate key, but today it is lost.
Mod
Really funny jokes..esp the haircut and keys :-D:-D
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No yaar....I reading those which others have searched and filtered..:-P:-P*Lazy lazy*
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So am posting the first one! :)
Wife: "How would you describe me?"
Husband: "ABCDEFGHIJK."
Wife: "What does that mean?"
Husband: "Adorable, beautiful, cute, delightful, elegant, fashionable, gorgeous, and hot."
Wife: "Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?"
Husband: "I'm just kidding!"