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After All this Time? Always.
Previously known as Albus, or Perseus, or Severus, I am back with a new account, now known as Jon Snow, because my Game of Thrones fan-ship was/is on its peak.Of course, the Harry Potter fan in me will definitely overtake everything else again, and I'll yet again change my name to something Harry Potter related. I am indecisive about that.
And of course, if anyone, anyone ever needs someone to talk to, or someone who listens, I am here.Everyone has a story. And that story has its villains and heroes. The worst thing is when you yourself are the villain of your story. But it's okay. It's gonna be okay. If no one's there, just know that I am here.
Maybe, just maybe, I'll put my story out here. Or maybe I won't. But I'll definitely rant here xD And I invite y'all to do that here as well, I don't mind at all. :-P
And I'll also be sharing my poems here. So any sort of constructive criticism or a praise are always welcome. An honest review :-P
They say time heals wounds. What they don't tell is that it's time only that inflicts them too. And maybe, these wounds are so deep that before time can heal them, ironically time itself will be too late.
Well.... The title of this thread makes it clear, but I'll still say it, because why not?I. Love. Harry. Potter. So. Damn. Much.
I don't include The Cursed Child when I say that, though. Nope. It's a disgrace. The series ended at "All was well." for me. Albus Severus Potter will get sorted into the house he desires. Be it Slytherin or Gryffindor. Or Hufflepuff or Ravenclaw.Call this denial if you will, but after the Deathly Hallows, the story ended for me, the characters lived on. But JK Rowling doesn't narrate it anymore.
About my favourite characters.....It's Albus Dumbledore. Some call him manipulative. Some say that he was flawed.
Yes, he was flawed. He had too much knowledge. Dangerously knowledge that he was afraid to share. Not knowing the correct time to share it. His mistakes, like he said, were so costly.
But what was he? An old man. Living with the guilt of his family's death. An orphan. He was an orphan too. He lived every moment in pain. Trying to set it right. It hurts me to imagine him standing in front of the Mirror of Erised. Seeing them. Him an old man, while they are younger. Their untimelydeaths making them look young, for they couldn't live to get old. For he could never see them get old. Or maybe.... He saw himself as a child. An old man looking at a mirror, looking at himself from a childhood that was taken away by some bullies. And then the guilt. The guilt....
Yes what he did was wrong. But....we all do things that are wrong. Don't we? Sigh. I wish.... I wish he had known that he was forgiven.
Then there's Mr. Snape. Severus Snape. The Half Blood Prince.Oh I agree. He was an asshole. The way he treated students? Damn bro, you've got to sort some shit out.
But again. Flaws.
He had a stressful childhood. With his parents always fighting. Always. Sigh.
And then he sees a beautiful girl in the neighbourhood. Sees her for who she is. A witch. Admires her from afar. Kinda creepy but he was 10 or something so I won't blame him. 10 year olds don't know much. Lily Evans. Someone who reminds him of what he himself is. Someone who reminds of the hope that he'll soon be leaving his shithole of a house and going off to Hogwarts. Someone who makes him feel better about himself because he knew so much more about the Wizarding world than she did. Someone, who when said his name, made him smile. He was in love and he was just 10-11 years old. And he continued to love her. They were bestfriends. And he was in love. Maybe if he hadn't gone off to the dark side, she'd have grown to love him too.
No. These are different things.
"I love you." is something very different from "I am in love with you."
So Lily did love him. But wasn't in love with him. Yet.
Until their fifth year, when he impulsively called her Mudblood, there was every possibility that they were gonna end up together. But sad for him, he screwed up.
"It's our choices that make us who we are."
He threw away the best thing that ever happened to him. But continued to love her. He was a mess of a man.
And then..... Voldemort killed her. Poor Harry. Poor world.
And poor Snape.
"I don't seem to have a heart because my heart died with her."
And then when he started teaching at Hogwarts.....he showed how petty he can actually be. Treating Harry the way he did. It was so wrong. But I get where he's coming from. But again. Ass.Then there's his treatment of Neville. Neville whose worst fear was Severus Snape. Neville, whose Boggart turned into Severus Snape. Sigh. It's very sad. Maybe it's just Neville who found Snape way too intimidating. Maybe it's Snape who intentionally scared Neville so much.
I think it's bits of both.
But as bad as Severus was.... As petty as Severus was.... I can't seem to share the hatred of so many people out there. You see, it's never just black and white. Life's a patch of gray. So is Snape's life. He chose to take on the most powerful wizard of all time. No it wasn't Dumbledore. It was Voldemort. Dumbledore, as he himself said, was too noble to use the powerful Dark magic. Voldemort knew about magic than anyone. But like the imbecile he was, ignored a small part of it. Love. But that's for another time. XD
Anyway. Snape. He never escaped his past. I don't think he wanted to, either. Because.....
"After All This Time?"
"Always."
I have this habit where.... I find one song. And listen to it for days and days. On repeat. These are the songs that have lyrics or music that call out to me. To my past and to my present. To my pain and to my desires.Needless to say, all of these songs are sad. Make you sad.
Right now, it's Surrender by Natalie Taylor.
I am a good person. Everyone is. Everyone is a good person who does bad things sometimes.
The difference is whether they realise it or not.
I think..... if you take something away from someone when they don't want to give that something, or aren't ready to give it, you're bad. It's a bad thing to do.
Can't we categorise literally everything this way? I think we can.
Kill someone, you take their life.
Hurt someone mentally/emotionally, you take their peace.
Physically? Peace and health.
Maybe it's just that simple. That's all the bad things right there.
The complicated part is when you don't realise that you took something. *sighs* We all have done bad things. What matters is when you realise it. And when you put a stop to it.
Movies/Shows that I have to watch in the near future: The Ring Two
The Prestige
Shazam
Money Heist
You know, when you're just sitting there and start overthinking? I call it the Sadboi Hours. They're usually late at night, but these days, they're 24 hours a day. XD which is very unfortunate. But yeah well. It be like that sometimes.
Anyhow. A poem is gonna grace this thread soon :-PI can't seem to decide which one, which is a major oof.
A Dip in the Ocean We were standing on the railing,
Of a ship that was our own.
Gazing at the most vibrant sunset,
That we'd ever known.
No one needed to say it,
But we were like Jack and Rose
I looked at your face now,
In your eyes, the evening light shone.
"We'll get a happier ending."
I held you close and smiled.
Felt the ring in my pocket,
Soon there'd be nothing left to hide.
But right then, the ship shuddered,
Must've hit something in the ocean ,
But I guess it was our iceberg
Cuz I fell overboard from the motion.
I happened to look back at you,
My mouth tasting the bile.
But right before the water broke me,
What broke me was your smile.
Quarantine is giving me time to write poems. But it's hard to delve into memories and relive everything, to freshen up the wounds so they bleed out on the paper in form of words.
On my way to look for a hand to hold, someone wounded my fingers and I didn't even realise it. Now everytime I try to hold a hand, it hurts.
Now listening to I Miss You by Lov Li. ^.^I loveeee this song. :-P
I don't know whether I should watch a movie rn or not. Indecisiveness on its peak. XD
7 am and I am still awake. Kill me already. Ugh.
And again I turn to music, to put me to sleep. To soothe me to sleep.
Sleep late, wake up early.That's what life has become. Currently functioning on a little more than 2 hours of sleep, I am unable to function properly. Malfunctioning, if you will.
But again. Does my mind ever rest? Nopesie.
My mind has a life of its own. And if I think of it that way, everyone's the master of two lives. One of their body and one of their mind.
Too much responsibility? I hope not. Because responsibility is..... something bittersweet.
A good outcome?
Yup you'll get praised.
A bad outcome?
Yup, you'll shunned and ridiculed and whatnot.
But again. Why stop because you might suck at it? For all you know, you might ace it. Why isn't that an option?
Some say Sucking at it is just way too bad, and acing it isn't as good.
The bad, if happens, is way too bigger than the good, if that happens.
But...
Geez. What we don't think of are the steps ahead of that success that are waiting to bear the weight of our success, leading to more. It's never a dead-end.
And then....what about the self-esteem boost that you'll get, huh? We all know that we all think we suck. We need every boost we can get. And it's not even that hard. It's like. Your self esteem is stuck inside a hole in the ground.
If you succeed, it climbs out. If you fail, it stays there.
There's nothing to lose anyway.
(wow why do I think so much)
Those are some really thought-provoking ideas, I do think that you may have put into words something I struggle with quite often.. But we all have our own thoughts every day, every minute. Some of us are just better at expressing and writing them.
Are you talking about this post that I made just now, or some other shiz that I posted before? XDAnd it's okayy. You'll get better with expressing, the more you try.
XD Specifically the latest bit of wisdom but it can most certainly apply to the other posts. Wonderful poem by the way ^_^Hopefully, it's something that I would love to be able to do but tonight/this morning, all attempts will be garbage.
Haha why, thank you, Ms. Radiant.I am glad you found them thought provoking.
And thenks :-P
Oh pleaseee it doesn't seem like it, on your journal. None of your posts are garbage.
Of course, of course. You certainly have the skills of a talented writer.Oh gosh, a line from the silly animated snail movie, Turbo, just popped into my head. What have we done?
Thank you, I'm happy that someone thinks so even if I disagree.
That's a compliment that I'll grudgingly accept even though I feel suspicious of praises xDHahaha you're turning into a snail, my friend. XD. NICE.
Well your opinion doesn't matter if it's negative.
Postive>>>>>>>>negative. Humph!
But I know that even tonight I won't be sleeping at a decent time xDWhich is stupid and sad. But so is everything else. Stupid. Or sad. Or both. Not in the mood for wisdom today, it seems.
Well.
That's okay.
It'll come around. I need a push start for it. Something will happen to help with that, surely.
I'm still listening to I Miss You by Lov Li. This song calls out to my fucking soul. And calms me down. A calm that gets shattered by a storm. I've been surviving my storms. And calling them back. And surviving them again. Until I live them, not just survive them.
Takes Time They say it takes time
To get over someone
Who used to love you.
They say it takes time
To move on from them.
To be alright.
They say it takes time.
For the heart to heal
For the scars to fade.
And to learn to live
With the memories.
But how long
Will it take?
Hasn't it been
Long enough,
Waiting to move on.
Waiting to forget
Their face, their voice,
Their touch?
Will I ever be able
To unlove them...
Or hate them,
And to not feel
The stabs of pain
When they cross my mind
Everyday?
And will I ever
Be able to revisit
Those places
Those songs
Those books
Without the fear
Of losing myself
In my past?
I don't know
How many days,
Weeks, months
Or years
It might take
For me to lose them
Completely.
But I am
Hanging in there
For the life
Of my sanity,
And I don't wish
To let go.
Oh, friend, I wish I could just give you some of the rest you deserve! >.< If you need anything, just let me know. Yes, I'm turning into a snail but you know what, I'm proud of it. XD
Haha, alright. I'll take your word for it.
Why, thank you, Ms. Radiant. That's very Kind of you. Are you aiming for that middle name as well? And all I ever need are hugs. Best cures to everything.I am proud of it too. Of you and of myself. XD
Good. xx
Haha, nope! That's all yours, it wasn't wouldn't fit right with me. Besides, I technically already have one of my own. Well, two I guess.Okay then, *virtual hug coming your way*, hope it helps!
XD At first, it was a little strange, not going to lie, but now I'm quite accepting of it. We've come a long way.
Hahaha already have two huh? Radiant Snail? XDAw. Yes I was asking for this only. *hugs back tightlyyy* Thenkss.
Hahaha yess. We definitely have.
XD Oh wow, those should totally be it. In reality, I actually go by my real middle name as an online alias. Don't ask me why, I don't know why I do have the things I do. xDOf course! I'm soo happy it could help. Hugs are natures best medicine, for suure.
Ikr xDBut whoaa okayy. That's actually smart, if you ask me. You have used a name that is your name but isn't your name. Smart.
I don't have to ask why, seems you are instinctively making smart choices xD
Ikrrrrr!!! Ms. Radiant, this snail is very curious about how old the other snail is. Is that something that the snail is comfortable in sharing? xP
It was one of my few brighter moments in life, but I can't lie, I still love the name Rose anyway so it was easy to adapt to. (:XD I like to think so but when I look back, I really start doubting my decisions. Quite normal in my world though.
xP Said snail would love to tell her friend snail but has decided that curiosity is much better. I will tell you this, the age range is between 10-20, hehe! I'm sure that helped a ton.
More brighter or more radiant moments? XD I think it's the latter. :-P and I am glad you like the name. It definitely is beautiful.And haha that's something that I go through, too. Looking back always makes me doubt stuff.
This snail wants his friend snail to know that it wasn't helpful at all, because this snail is 90% sure that the range is between 15-20 as well. This snail requests his friend snail to quit toying with him or he'll be forced to give her his puppy dog eyes expression. But if the friend snail isn't okay with sharing on a public comment thread, this snail definitely understands it and apologises for putting her in such a position. :-P
XD Oh definitely. See there? I didn't even think of that, and you call me smart... But thank you, actually, I'm thanking my parents :PWell, the friend snail has amazing guessing abilities. This snail is more towards the younger end of that window but fantastic job, no need to let the snail whip out that formidable weapon: the puppy dog eyes. *shudders* But there you go, a rough idea but that five-year window is certainly more accurate.
I still can't believe that this snail can't pull of a genius ten-year-old though. xD
I have my moments, Ms. Radiant xD Hahaha well that was all that was. A guess. Haha aw, my snail friend is shuddering. There there. *pats your arm* It’s a cute weapon of mine.
Oh please, my radiant snail friend, you are smartttt.
I just can handle only so much cuteness at one time, my wonderful snail friend. :3 Only so much.. xD But it is an effective weapon at that so kudos.Haha! So you keep saying but the more you do, the more I have to laugh at it. If I was ten and knew what I did, then I'd be smart. But not now, not at this age of mine. I'm.. average.
Hahaha wow damn then. I am beginning to understand why you're unable to handle yourself. This solves all the mysteries.And thenks. I try.
Well, my friend, it won't be bad to make you laugh. *grins*
At this age of yours, you think you're average huh? Are these your academic grades that you're comparing with others? And trust me, Rose. There is something out here that you're the best at. And if you don't think you are, then just work on it until you are ;)
Are you interested in Role-playing, Ms Radiant? Would you like to, with me?
Hehe Is that more assumptions I see? But yes, there you go, you have solved my puzzle. xDEh, don't be getting a big head over this but you've been doing it a whole lot more than I try to let on. :P
Totally but grades aren't a factor, right now, they're doing just fine, thankfully. But, there is always other factors. It's alright though, just a petty problem of my mine. Thank you though, your encouragement is effective, as usual :)
Sure! Would you like to start a private group or would you prefer an existing one?
A journal. I've come back to write a journal. I am surprised by myself. By this decision. But oh well.
Here, I'll be ranting. Posting views. Going crazy about my favourite books. Posting self-written poems. Sharing songs, et cetera.
Contents for my rants and thoughts
#1 Harry Potter and my favourite characters (Comments 8-11)
#2 Good People Do Bad Things Too (Comment 12)
#3 Everyone's Responsible for Two Lives (Comment 24)
#4 Some Background Story (Comment 104)
#5 Getting Attached. Way too much and way too quickly (Comment 130)
#6 Why Want Someone To Love Again? (Comment 158)
#7 Why the Sad Songs? (Comment 165)
#8 Compliments.... Why is it so Hard to Accept them? (Comment 177)
#9 The Butterfly Effect
Contents for poems
1. A Dip in the Ocean (comment 16)
2. Takes Time (comment 36)
3. Blue and Gray (comment 97)
4. 2 AM (comment 162)
5. Stars Fall (Comment 253)
The Songs I've Shared/Mentioned
1. Surrender by Natalie Taylor
2. I Miss You by Lov Li
3. Pray by Kodaline
4. Always by By The Coast
5. Whiskey Lullaby by Brad Paisley
6. If you are meant to come back by Justin Jesso
7. Apologise by OneRepublic
8. Call Me in The Morning by Billy Lockett
9. Let You Go by Mountenz
10. Please Don't Go by Barcelona
11. Chances by Backstreet Boys
12. I'm Yours by The Script
13. The Butterfly Effect by Before You Exit
If you disagree with any of my views, be my guest and explain your point. Contradict me in a polite way, and we just might end up having an interesting discussion. XD