The Nerd Daily Book Club discussion

What time is it?
Time to let us know all your thoughts, feels and opinions about the first few chapters of Felix Ever After!
Let your spoiler-flag fly and dive into the discussion!

We have some questions for you but hey, you guys are smart, if you have anything you want to discuss beyond these questions, you do you!

Guuuuuys i‘m very excited! Only 2 days to go until we can start discussing chapters 1-8!!!! Eeeeek! Does everyone have their copies yet?!

Hey hey, I might be a bit late to the comments part cause my copy hasn’t arrived yet but I’ll join as soon as I start reading it! Shouldn’t be long til Amazon delivers :)

My book just got dispatched, hurrah!

YAY!

HERE WE BLOODY GO! Thoughts, ideas, feelings so far?

Simone wrote: "HERE WE BLOODY GO! Thoughts, ideas, feelings so far?"

also please raise your hand if you think that Ezra needs to be protected at all costs. Cinnamon roll, so innocent, so pure :D

Yes, we are both very much team Ezra and we love him and we couldn't love him any more if we tried! Isn't that right Mims?

Simone wrote: "Yes, we are both very much team Ezra and we love him and we couldn't love him any more if we tried! Isn't that right Mims?"

I would cross the Seven Seas for him. I would sacrifice myself for him. I would give up chocolate for Ezra. (okay, that last one was a lie)

Hey hey!
I'm on Chapter 5 right now (had to finish my 200th re-read of Harry Potter first to get that "out of the way", but I have done my usual share of overwhelmed crying (for now) and am ready to fully plunge into Felix' story now!).
I'm definitely far enough to happily join team Ezra though, much love for him!

I am one and a bit chapters in so far...
1. I love that his cat is called Captain! 🥰
2. Books set in NYC always make me want to book flights there immediately (even though I am kinda over it as a city) 😂🙈
Ok back to reading.

Ok I have read up to chapter 9. Lots to think about... I'm intrigued to find out if it really is Declan behind all this, I'm sceptical. I still can't believe his idiot ex called him a misogynist, grrr. Oh and I loved the whole section that started with "straight people are exhausting" 😂. And yes, we must protect Ezra 💛

I'm super glad that you two are on team Ezra! And I agree, Nicole, I keep wanting to go to NYC as well - Broadway, helloooo??

Two other things you've already said, Nicole: I agree on the misogynist thing. WHOA was I mad when I read this, WHOA was I mad. And I absolutely love this element of whodunnit in this book what with finding out who the person behind the gallery was. Even though I enjoyed exactly nothing about the gallery.

I have made some notes about these first chapters and will upload them in a bit because I have some more points where I'd be excited to hear what you thought!

Same is all I can say, friends! the misogynist comment had me stare at my ceiling, clenching my fist like that meme we've probably all seen by now!
The whodunnit part of it all is probably one of my favorite things about this novel - the tension is just so high and I was dying to find out who would hurt Felix like that :(

What do we all think about Felix and Ezra's friends circle? Not to mention Felix's dad?

Mimi, I am super not here for the friends circle. I do not like Hazel, Marisol and the rest of the gang at all, except for Leah. Her I like haha! About Felix's dad... it's a bit of a difficult situation. Because he is clearly not sure about what he's doing and what he's supposed to be doing and I completely get how hurt Felix is by his actions such as deadnaming him and using the wrong pronouns etc. Yet, I feel like he is a great father overall. He is there for his kid, calls him his kid at least instead of... idk, his daughter? And he's always there for him, he made it possible for Felix to get top surgery, he obviously care's deeply for him and I feel like that he's trying. And I give him lots of kudos for that and do actually very much like him.

Okay, here are some quotes and thoughts that I had while reading:

"Two gay guys cuddling in the heart of Brooklyn shouldn't feel this revolutionary, but suddenly, it does. Maybe it's the weed, or maybe it's the fact that I'm that much closer to being an adult, but I suddenly feel a little reckless."

I loved this quote. It feels like so much possibility for these young kids and even though I wasn't a big fan of the man they 'put on the show' for, this part of the scene made me feel as giddy as I imagined Felix was feeling and that's just excellent writing!

"[...] you're literally invisible because of your brown skin. Sometimes I try to find a white person to walk behind, just so that when everyone jumps out of that person's way, they won't knock into me."

As giddy as I was feeling before, this just hurt me. As a white person I of course know my privilege but that these are legit thoughts to be had I didn't know and I was absolutely shook. This one sentence with this one imagery holds so much meaning that I was absolutely shook.

The fact that Ezra has a Judith I and the Head of Holofernes by Klimt tattoo. That we need to talk about because obviously I googled it and it's this super intense femme fatale with a head of her enemy under her arm. Thoughts? Feelings? Interpretations? I NEED THEM ALL.

On the subject of Ezra being the friend everyone should have: "[...] jumping onto Instagram to see how many likes my #foodporn post of the mangoes got. Two so far: one from Ezra, the other from Ezra's fake account." Friendship, y'all.

"We never talk about it. How he doesn't like saying the name Felix out loud. How he'll always slip up and use the wrong pronouns, and not bother to correct himself. How some nights, when he's had a little too much whiskey or beer, he'll tell me that I'll always be his daughter, his little girl."
Again, this on the subject of the dad. This made me so so so sad. I do get Felix's issues with his dad I really do. It's such a tough position to be in as father and son that I can't even begin to imagine.

"It makes me wonder if I really am Felix, no matter how loud I shout that name."
I know that this is in regard to his own gender identity. Yet I felt like this sentence is just... a general questioning of himself as a person and this is just so relatable and wonderfully put that I simply had to include it.

"There's a spark of frustration in my chest. Ezra gets to have a midlife crisis at the age of seventeen because of his privilege and his family's wealth. Me? I have to figure out what I want to do and work my ass off for it if I want to have a chance of any sort of future."
So. I am going to be a little controversial now. BOY am I annoyed at Felix sometimes. Because I know it's hard to be him. I see him and all the issues that he has to face and all the hardship that he's had in his life what with his mother leaving, feeling unlovable, feeling unseen because he thinks he's just too POC, too queer and too trans. But I am not here for this. Felix does this thing where he turns super egoistical and selfish and keeps only thinking about himself and about how hard life is for him and how he envies everyone around him. And then he has this brilliant best friend, who let's him crash at his place all the time, who stands up for him without even questioning it and who accepts and loves him for who he is. And this kid has his own issues. He does. Ezra doesn't have a close relationship with his parents and that is so very obvious. While for Felix having his own flat means freedom, I bet it is super lonely at times for Ezra. He obviously doesn't feel entirly comfortable either or else he would have properly furnished the place. It is absolutely legit to be questioning what you want to do with your life and to be scared of the future and Ezra is the last person to deserve that kind of attitude from Felix. Because Ezra is valid as hell and Felix doesn't deserve him in this very moment. Thank you for coming to my TED talk.

"Why am I always the person who just sits to the side and watches? What is it about me that no one likes, that no one wants? It's like it's too much for other people - me having brown skin, and being queer, and being trans on top of that... or, maybe that's just what I tell myself because I'm too afraid to put myself out there again, too afraid to being rejected and getting hurt. Maybe it's a little bit of both."

This one. Alright, so this goes a bit hand in hand with my last rant. I get that Felix feels alone a lot. I think what he describes here as well seems to be absolutely valid and understandable. Especially because he's in a room with people he isn't really friends with but who Ezra invited to the party. Marisol being one of them. I completely relate to Felix here and I felt incredibly sorry for him and I went from being mad at him to wanting to protect him in a span of only a couple of pages.

I also loved the discussion about the hotness of animated characters. What are your thoughts and feelings on that? No joke, I was super sweet on Chiaki from Kamikaze Kaito Jeanne LOL

To pick up the conversation after the "straight people are exhausting" again, this struck especially with me:
"Did you all see that article on whether women have any value if they don't get married and have children?"
I don't even know what to say about this one except for... god straight people are exhausting.

and I would also love to talk about the fact that they talk about how much representation matters. Because all these queer kids in this book have at one point seen a character in a film or book that are like them and they could relate and I think that's so very important. Essential. And I am so happy to see more and more diverse books being released, especially in the YA department!

And I would like to end on this absolute powerhouse that knocked me off my feet:

"You don't get to use my pain to make your point"

Hell yes to all of these excerpts and your comments!!

That line "You don't get to use my pain to make your point."
Oof. I actually had to put down my kindle when I read that because it just resonated so much with me. So often, especially in arguments, people will use what they did to you or what has happened to you as a way to prove that they're not in the wrong and reading about Felix and Declan's fight was just. Hard. Kacen really went there with that quote.

And I completely agree on the Dad issues. I can see how hard he is trying to be the best parent he can be to Felix and sometimes, people fall short and that's okay. I feel like their relationship adds so much to the story, though, because it shows how hard transitioning can be on family as well but when all is said and done, Felix's dad is always on his side and that means a lot!

I was also definitely frustrated with Felix a lot of times - I think that's what made me so engrossed in his character, though - he is MESSY AF, he fucks up, he is sometimes incredibly selfish and just thinks about himself but that's also an amazing starting point for potential development so I think that was set up really well!

Also....I mean, I can totally admit that I used to have a crush on Disney's Robin Hood when I was a kid :D It was my favorite movie and I was just so infatuated with him - everyone was always after the princes in the movies and here I was, having the premature hots for a fox :D

The quote "[...] you're literally invisible because of your brown skin. Sometimes I try to find a white person to walk behind, just so that when everyone jumps out of that person's way, they won't knock into me“ really got to me too, I had to read it a couple of times.

I agree with the point about Felix sometimes being selfish. I think he is a typical teenage boy who is self absorbed but because he has all these other things he is dealing with, I think he struggles to see how anyone else could possibly be struggling, like how could Ezra be struggling when he has friends, his own apartment and he’s super rich. I feel like he is obsessing over Declan because he is insistent he did it and ignoring Ezra telling him he has no proof. I understand he is really affected by it but he is just projecting his anger onto Declan because he already hates him. Also, Declan is obviously a dick but I feel like there is a bigger story around him breaking up with Ezra, like how can you be dating for that time and then just suddenly ignore someone and be mean to them. Like did he get told he had to break up with him, did he think he could hang with the popular people and Ezra was pulling him down in social standing, was he in love with him and it scared him, did he find out something about Ezra he didn’t like? Maybe it really is him being horrible but part of me isn’t so sure.

One of my favourite lines, and I feel like it sums up Ezra’s friendship with Felix, is when Felix tells him he isn’t sure he actually identifies as a guy and Ezra doesn’t really care, just says something like, “just let me me know what pronouns to use for you.” Like he understands everything Felix is going through and is accepting no matter what. I don’t really like any of the friendship group that much but it’s hard to tell because it is only told from Felix’s perspective but I definitely hate Marisol and I’m sad Felix didn’t talk to Ezra about that comment, not necessarily so Ezra would stop being friends with her but just so that it’s not yet another thing he is bottling up.

And I agree with the Dad issues, I honestly think he is doing the best he can to be supportive.

Soo, I sat down yesterday to get to chapter 8 and... well... I might have finished the whole book? Sorry, I have no self-control whatsoever..

I don't know, whenever I finished a chapter, I felt like I can't stop her, put down the book and leave Felix in the situation he is in at that point. He definitely goes through a loot of shit, doesn't he?

I have to say, I am not Felix' biggest fan. I'm not saying I don't like him or that he is not a good at person at all because he is, but he makes mistakes that wind me up as a reader and at times I just wanted to grab and shake him to make him see beyond his self-doubts and his anxiety. I know that's kind of awful right, but really, I just wanted him to be happy because he is actually such an adorable human being inside.

Ezra, obviously, what a lovely guy. I felt so sorry for him at times because it seemes like whenever he tries to open up to Felix about his problems with his parents and how he doesn't want to be part of the life he was born in, Felix can't get over his jealousy. But whatever happens, Ezra is always there for him, the perfect friend, ey?

As for Felix' dad, as far I feel able to judge that, I think is a great father to his son, far from perfect, but nonetheless. Despite lack of money, he does everything in his power to enable Felix the transition he wants/needs. Of course, he has trouble accepting the situation and I totally understand that Felix is upset about him calling him 'kid' all the time and never saying his name. Felix is a teenager and he hasn't even figured out his own identitiy fully yet, so I can imagine it hurts even more, when your own father has trouble accepting who you are as well. But despite all this, I think Felix is very lucky (😉) to have such a committed father (in comparison to so many others). Things are still developing in their relationship and right from the start, I was convinced that everything is going into the right direction between them.

In general, what I like about the book, is that every character seems to be very real in my eyes. Every character could well have been taken right out of NYC and stuffed in this story ( as far as I can judge that of course). The whole art high school thing very strongly reminded me of a video game (Life is Strange) - which is not a bad point at all, I love that game. You could say it's a bit cliché maybe... but I didn't feel like it was, the way the story was told.. not too much anyway. ;)

"You don't get to use my pain to make your point" was a very strong sentense in that book. It wasn't used in an over-dramatic way at all, but the meaning of those words left an impression and - yes - definitely made me put down my kindle for a moment as well.

Also, fox crushes are very valid, he was definitely dashing in his green hat as far as I can remember ;)

OK so I just finished chapter 8 and I am LOVING it. I hate (yes hate is a strong feeling but I am so angry at her) Marisol and her stupid comment!

I don't care that much about his friends either, except Ezra, I ADORE him and I adore them together. I have literally just read until that chapter so I have no idea what is about to happen but their relationship is amazing, I want a friend like him (maybe I have one? Well, yes, but I want the actual Ezra as well).
Also my guess is they will probably get together at some point? I don't wanna assume anything because I will probably be very wrong hahaha

Also I am really intrigued about all the stuff with Declan, my guess right now (probably wrong too) is that his parents don't accept him and have told him they wouldn't pay for his college if he kept dating a guy, so that's why he actually needs the scholarship, to get out of his house. Am I reading too much into it? (probably lol)

Felix upsets me sometimes. Like dude why are you acting like that? But then I obviously know that he has to deal with a lot of stuff. Doesn't justify him acting selfish sometimes, but we all do at some point, mostly at his age. Of course I am pretty positive there is going to be a lot of growth from the character, so I am looking forward to seeing that.

Anyways what I know for sure is that I need to know more! I hope I like the ending, I've read something about a love triangle and I always root for the one that doesn't get chosen at the end so I am excited to see what happens hahaha

Also not part of the discussion but I just can't stop looking at the cover. It is absolutely beautiful!

The cover is gorgeous, I agree.

Good shout about Declan, that would make sense because I genuinely don't think he would have just pushed Ezra away like that.

I thought that maybe Ezra is in love with Felix but then I felt bad for assuming it couldn't just be a really awesome friendship so I am conflicted lol. I know he told Felix he loves him, maybe he meant it romantically, who knows?

I agree, I am looking forward to seeing Felix's growth as a character throughout the book.

I very much enjoy that we seem to be on the same page about all of the issues in the book!

Mimi, just to further validate you, I agree with Alina: FOX CRUSHES ARE VALID!

I absolutely see where you guys are coming from about Declan. The more Felix obsesses over him, the more I think there must be more to him than simply being an absolute asshole.

Also because I agree with Alina, the characters are extremely real in that they all have positive sides, negative sides, they cry they laugh they make mistakes and they feel like people you could meet in NYC (or anywhere really, they are just so very human). So I don't think that Declan is the exception here. I think he's just as human, just as much of a teenager who does things because of certain reasons that he thinks are valid. Thankfully, we can continue on tomorrow!

Also, Clau: BIG SAME. The cover is so absolutely gorgeous, which is why we've come up with the challenge this month to make self-portraits of ourselves (maybe even with flowercrowns!) and I sincerely hope that everyone joins in because I can't wait to see the result :)

I’m finally done with Chapter 8!

I absolutely agree with all of your comments and I really love Ezra. I can’t wait to learn more about him and of course about everyone else!

And also I just wanted to say that I love your photo challenge and can’t wait to take a picture!

You guys, I feel very seen in my fox crush now, THANK YOU :D

and I definitely agree, what makes these characters so real is that they're not just good or bad, they seem to just be as messy as we all are (except for Marisol. We do not like Marisol. That girl needs to exit stage left). And I get what you're all saying about Declan - I feel like it would be so boring if he was just this 'villain' who is responsible for everything - I kind of like that even though he and Ezra didn't work out, we still get to see a glimpse of the guy that Ezra fell in love with!

I can't even begin to imagine what Felix is going through in most of the situations he finds himself in but yeah, you guys have a point, sometimes it's suuuuper frustrating watching him say and do things that aren't the best. But again - we all mess up, right? I still love him so much.

Yes, even though he messes up sometimes, I do love Felix. He is very human and makes mistakes as we all do. Mostly because he doesn't love himself and life gets so much messier when you think you are not worthy of anything. So I'm excited to see him learning to accept himself and what he's got.

Yes! To all of that! Self-acceptance is key for Felix to become more confident. I also think that a big part of that is the fact that he is still kind of questioning who he is. And that I feel results in even less self acceptance. I want to hug and shake Felix in turn!