Let's Write One-of-a-kind Stories! discussion
Your Writing & Work in Progress
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Avantika's writings and works in progress!
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Amanda Artist Cat
(last edited Oct 27, 2020 01:00AM)
(new)
Oct 27, 2020 01:00AM
For you, Avantika! Sorry I took a while to respond! >_<
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Hi, So I've been writing more poetry lately and I decided I would share one. Please let me know what you think and any suggestions are appreciated!
-Sincerely,
Avantika
She’s digging in the drawers.
Her bed is a mess,
Littered with all the things
She hid behind that closet
Of hers.
Now her floor is littered too.
However these items are
Not what’s filling up the room.
It’s her sadness that’s
Stuck to the walls
Like sap.
It’s her loneliness
That’s dampened the carpet.
It’s her anger that’s heating up
The room.
She’s looking for a towel.
Hoping, she can scrub the walls clean.
Open up the windows.
Let the fresh breeze in.
She’s can’t stand the thought
Of the carpet
Stinking up the room.
With its strange musk
That leaves her at the edge of her
Bed every night.
She wants to escape the smell
More than anything.
Not see the evidence of her sadness
On anything.
But alas the towel has disappeared.
Again.
Maybe if she just keeps looking
She may find it.
So she carries on
Even as the clock ticks on.
It's so sad! But maybe you should replace some of the "that"? :)
Ohh, I hadn't thought about that! Thank you!
Oh - and there's a slight grammar incorrection with "She's can't". Other than that it's wonderfully written, I lived how the despair is literally dripping off the words!
Lol I can't believe I missed that. Thank you Amanda!
Avantika wrote: "Lol I can't believe I missed that. Thank you Amanda!"Any time! :) I'm sorry that the group is pretty much dead now, but we can still discuss whatever you like :)
