World, Writing, Wealth discussion

During these best and worst of times, how much thought do you put into the first sentence of your novel? Any tips on writing a good one?

Every story takes on a life of its own and reveals itself more and more fully as the writing of it progresses. The first sentence is like a first impression. While the rest of the book may be interesting, if it doesn't capture a reader's attention right off the bat it may never have a second opportunity to do so. The first sentence needs to capture the entire essence of the story, set the tone, and elude to the underlying theme without revealing too much, yet introduce a question to which entices a reader to want to know more. Therefore, it is best written last, once the author fully understands the entire story themselves and is able to capture it concisely. Write the story first, then think about what it is really all about. Then, write an opening sentence to set the hook.

Scout wrote: "During these best and worst of times, how much thought do you put into the first sentence of your novel? Any tips on writing a good one?"

It should be immediately captivating, therefore requires careful consideration. I don't think many prospective readers decide whether to read further after just one sentence, but the sentence or even the first paragraph as a whole should be designed to catch attention.
For the latest book that I aired I thought this was a reasonable opener to convey the spirit of an action thriller:
"I hated waking up tied in the trunk of a speeding car. Never did it before, but the second I came to my senses I knew it. I tried to move my hands, but they were handcuffed. Eyes covered with blinds, a gag in my mouth."

I would think it depends on the type of story. I have always considered the first sentence should set up the first scene sufficiently to get the reader to read that, and then write the first scene so that the reader wants to go a bit further, and so on. [No need to send in comments where you think I have failed :-)]. The danger with trying to capture the entire essence is, unless said essence is fairly sraightforward (and it might well work best for a romance, say) you end up with a sentence that seems loopy.

Good idea, Susan. I agree that the first sentence isn't the determining factor in whether a reader keeps reading, but I think it's important. After I finish a novel, I always go back and read the first sentence again. That's a good one, Nik.

Nik wrote: "Scout wrote: "During these best and worst of times, how much thought do you put into the first sentence of your novel? Any tips on writing a good one?"

It should be immediately captivating, theref..."

Oooh. Good first sentence. Does a lot. Introduces the main character and their tone, suggests he/she gets into precarious situations, and sets the expectation for some real action-packed adventure.

Ian wrote: "I would think it depends on the type of story. I have always considered the first sentence should set up the first scene sufficiently to get the reader to read that, and then write the first scene ..."

It is a risk, but a good author should be able to come up with a sentence that isn't 'loopy'. As an novelist I can tell you it is excruciating for an author to narrow down everything they believe they are conveying (or trying to convey) through their story into one sentence. but it is possible. It takes weeks, sometimes months to do so, however. Samuel Clemens once said something to the effect that had he had more time he would have written it shorter. Point made. You remind us, however, that the reader doesn't always go by the same rules, which should make authors wonder whether they are following the right ones, or not. Then there is the fact there is no right or wrong answers to any of this. So, it is impossible to fail, Ian. You did good.

Glad, you've liked it, Scout and Susan! If it works for 2 people, there might be more :)

Susan, maybe. What I regard as my best opening sentence is:

"Pallas Athene was in disgrace, but she felt that it was worth every gram of it for she had immortalized herself, starting over three thousand years before she was born."

I am not sure that others would agree with me, though.

Current WIP (and has been for a while )
'He fumed.'
Pretty short sentence...

Ian wrote: "Susan, maybe. What I regard as my best opening sentence is:

"Pallas Athene was in disgrace, but she felt that it was worth every gram of it for she had immortalized herself, starting over three th..."

Intriguing!

Philip wrote: "Current WIP (and has been for a while )
'He fumed.'
Pretty short sentence..."

Sets the mood, hope the group wasn't the muse :)

Ian wrote: "Susan, maybe. What I regard as my best opening sentence is:

"Pallas Athene was in disgrace, but she felt that it was worth every gram of it for she had immortalized herself, starting over three th..."

Sounds good. It eludes to something mysterious (which makes the reader want to know more) and it introduces the main character, who has disgraced herself (so now we want to know how), and how and the heck can anyone immortalize themselves three thousand years before they are born is a great 'hook.' If you'd accept a respectful critique for whatever it is worth, I think if you tighten that sentence it would add impact: She was in disgrace, but it was worth every gram she paid to have immortalized herself three thousand years before she was born.

Nik wrote: "Glad, you've liked it, Scout and Susan! If it works for 2 people, there might be more :)"

Highly likely.

"It was the best of times, it was the blurst of times? You stupid monkey!" <-- reference to a Simpsons TV episode.

Great question, Scout.

Aside from the book jacket synopsis, I always thought it was the first chapter that should be the hook. Then I read somewhere you should hook the reader with the first paragraph. Then I read (somewhere online) that you needed to capture the reader's attention with the first sentence. I think, like Nik says, that no one (other than a slush editor) is really going to get turned off by the very first sentence unless it is confusing or riddled with spelling or grammar mistakes, but that it still should be well-written and entice the reader. As Susan said, it should set the tone for the story that follows.

I have been through 17 edits/rewrites of my novel. Your question made me wonder how many times I changed the first sentence and how it has evolved, so I went back and checked. I changed it 5 times:

v1: The vidport rang at 4:15am.
v5: The man pulled up the collar on his overcoat and with one hand gripped the material so it covered more of his face.
v7: Had anyone seen him, they would have immediately been suspicious of the man who yanked up the collar of his overcoat and scrunched down into it like a turtle.
v11: Had anyone seen him, they would not have been suspicious by the way the man yanked up the collar of his overcoat and scrunched into it like a turtle.
v14: When questioned in the days following the incident by police, and observed by men in dark suits who said nothing at all, those who knew Howard DeWitt tactfully admitted that he was a quiet man who kept to himself since his divorce; although, when the suits disappeared, several people, under conditions of anonymity, changed their account to describe him as "an overbearing, condescending jerkweed."

Did I make the right decision? Who knows, but I'm happy with it so I guess that's what matters. Certainly I've never seen in any of the reviews people have written say, "You know, the story wasn't bad but that first sentence nearly turned me off."

So, Scout, does the fact that you are asking the question mean you are considering dipping your toe into writing?

Susan, I always listen respectfully to critique, but in this case I won't change the sentence because I feel that including the words "Pallas Athene" conveys a lot more than "She". Maybe that is just me, but there it is.

Ian wrote: "Susan, I always listen respectfully to critique, but in this case I won't change the sentence because I feel that including the words "Pallas Athene" conveys a lot more than "She". Maybe that is ju..."

Absolutely, Ian. You know your story better than anyone. All critique ever should be is a point to reconsider, but the final word is always the author's. Whenever you use the name of an historical figure, or in your case a Greek goddess, whatever your reader already knows and believes about that person/goddess becomes part of your unwritten narrative. By using her name in the first sentence, I immediately anticipate some wily things to happen at the hand of such a versatile mythical goddess prone to creative warfare. So, I see your point, too. Sounds like the start of an interesting story. Good luck with writing the rest of it.

G.R. wrote: ""It was the best of times, it was the blurst of times? You stupid monkey!" <-- reference to a Simpsons TV episode.

Great question, Scout.

Aside from the book jacket synopsis, I always thought it..."

Have to chuckle as I totally empathize with writing. It goes in all directions before we get it going in the direction we 'think' we want it to go, then we worry whether it is the 'right' direction, or not. So, which sentence did you wind up using as your final first sentence? I like the last one best.

Thanks, Susan. The last one (from my 14th round of editing) is the one I currently use. It hasn't changed from my last 4 rounds of edits so that's a good sign. I felt it set the proper tone.

Susan, for what it is worth, it is written - "Athene's Prophecy". She has worked out how to send messages to the past, and is caught out when someone notices the capital of Greece has suddenly changed its name to Athens. Fortunately for her, something else happens (extermination of almost all of humanity) and she is needed to help correct it.

G.R. wrote: "....v14: When questioned in the days following the incident by police, and observed by men in dark suits who said nothing at all, those who knew Howard DeWitt tactfully admitted that he was a quiet man who kept to himself since his divorce; although, when the suits disappeared, several people, under conditions of anonymity, changed their account to describe him as "an overbearing, condescending jerkweed...."

Quite an evolution here: from Neanderthals to Homo Sapiens :) Well done!

Thanks, Nik. Maybe with a little Divine Intervention along the way!

G.R. wrote: "...with a little Divine Intervention..."

You often need that in a creative process, biz and other things

Susan wrote: "Every story takes on a life of its own and reveals itself more and more fully as the writing of it progresses. The first sentence is like a first impression. While the rest of the book may be inter..."

Excellent advice, Susan.

G.R. wrote: ""It was the best of times, it was the blurst of times? You stupid monkey!" <-- reference to a Simpsons TV episode.

Great question, Scout.

Aside from the book jacket synopsis, I always thought it..."

G.R., I think you made a good decision by going with the last one. Great opening. And, no, not dipping my toe into writing. I've heard that everyone has one good book in them, but I've yet to find an idea that requires my expression of it, that is so full of meaning that it would fill an entire book, and the words would come fluidly. I've heard that that's the way it works when the writing is good.

What do you guys think? Do you get this great idea that just must be expressed, and then the words flow?

I tend to write fairly fast, but I have mulled it over in my head before I start writing, so I am not sure that counts as fast. If you count the time from "this is the sort of thing I have to write soon" to actually writing it, I am probably slow.

Scout, my writing style mirrors my prostate function in that there are frequent starts and stops, but that is probably TMI. ;)

But seriously, I am not a professional writer, just a guy who is stubborn enough to see something I've started through to the end. I never ever wanted to write a novel growing up. I was perfectly happy reading the work of others. And once I did start I really enjoyed the process though it was sometimes slow and frustrating. How it started for me was just the kernel of a plot idea and a moral/message. And then I literally jumped into it without planning it out or making an outline. I first thought about the key cast of characters I would need to tell the story, fleshed them out a little with their backstories and motivations, then just started writing. I did start to create chapter outlines so I had some clear path forward to get to the outcome I had already decided on, but the actual path I took meandered quite a bit as the story became more and more developed.

I still tend to get stuck and walk away from the writing but eventually I manage to get 'unstuck' and keep going. Anyway, that's how it works for me.

Hope that helps.

Thanks for that insight, G.R. It seems that the process is different for each writer. Maybe the moral/message is the part I'm missing, the part that drives you to tell the story. Thanks for sharing.

G.R. wrote: ""v14: When questioned in the days following the incident by police, and observed by men in dark suits who said nothing at all, those who knew Howard DeWitt tactfully admitted that he was a quiet man who kept to himself since his divorce; although, when the suits disappeared, several people, under conditions of anonymity, changed their account to describe him as "an overbearing, condescending jerkweed."."

I definitely like your last version the best, but for my taste it's too long. I'd stop the first sentence after divorce and go from there.

I believe first sentences are critical. I don't agree that they need to say anything special about the MC but they do need to achieve one thing...

They must inspire the reader to read the second sentence.

Adrian said, "They must inspire the reader to read the second sentence." That's not true for me. I'll read three chapters before I decide about whether to read the rest. Some novels don't really hit their stride before the third chapter. After that, if I realize I don't really care about what happens to the characters, I put it down. That said, I do love a good first line and admire anyone who comes up with a good one.

The first sentence should be the start of the book. There are course some very famous first lines, but for the most part, most are not memorable. Famous first lines are ot always very good books or even remembered. It was a dark and stormy night.... is one of the most famously quoted lines and it is a first line. What was the name of the book or even the author? It was love at first sight... is the starting line from one of the great American novels. Any idea? Now does it matter? Not to me the reader.

Catch 22 - one of the greatest novels written in English.

Adrian wrote: "Catch 22 - one of the greatest novels written in English."

Beat me to it

And the other one? I think my point is made.

Snoopy?

"It was a dark and stormy night" is one of the worst opening lines in literature. The line originally appeared in Paul Clifford. Peanuts uses it as a running joke about Snoopy's writer's block. It is notable that the joke is now better known than its origin.

"It was a dark and stormy night" was one of the more successful opening lines because it immortalized Edward Bulwer-Lytton. Maybe not for the right reasons, but still . . . Frankly, I have seen worse opening lines, usually from authors trying to make a memorable opening line. I think it is better to try to make the opening scene memorable than focusing on the first sentence.

G.R. wrote: "Snoopy?"

THAT IS A WIN! but no it is wrong.

Your favorite first sentence of a novel?

Current WIP: "Welcome to my place."

:D

One of my older ones:
"Pallas Athene was in disgrace, but she felt that it was worth every gram of it for she had immortalized herself, starting over three thousand years before she was born."

To be honest, I've read a lot of good books over the years and the first sentence really doesn't make an impact on me. I would literally have to go back and look to see if those first sentences would change my overall impression. I doubt it. But a book would have to hook me by the first chapter.

For example, I LOVE GRRM's A Song of Ice and Fire. The first sentence in A Game of Thrones is: "The wildlings are dead." I remember my first thought was, what the heck is a wildling? But it didn't take long after that to become completely engrossed in the story...and the entire series...and when the heck is he ever going to put out the next one I've been waiting years for??? But I digress.

Another example, my favorite Dean Koontz novel, and the first one I read by him, is Watchers. The first sentence is: "On his thirty-sixth birthday, May 18, Travis Cornell rose at five o'clock in the morning." Not exactly a page-turner at this point.

So I know there's a lot of emphasis on the first sentence, and it has affected how I approach them in my own writing, but I do hope most readers are more tolerant than to give up on a story that quickly.

Scout wrote: "Your favorite first sentence of a novel?"

"Elmer Gantry was drunk" is one of my favorites.

"First of all, it was October, a rare month for boys." Is another one for me.

Scout wrote: "Your favorite first sentence of a novel?"

Technically, it's not a novel, but...

"RAGE:
Sing, Goddess, Achilles' rage,
Black and murderous, that cost the Greeks
Incalculable pain, pitched countless souls
Of heroes into Hades' dark,
And left their bodies to rot as feasts
For dogs and birds, as Zeus' will was done."

The first sentence doesn't necessarily have to be memorable, but it (together maybe with a few following) has to grab attention and pique some interest. Not a deal breaker/maker per se, just should be luring :)

I agree with you, G.R. The first sentence doesn't make or break a novel. It's always nice to have a good one, but it's not a deal breaker. Three chapters in, if the reader isn't hooked, that's what matters.

A few that caught my eye:
"Fedora was dead, and who could talk of anything else?" Fedora
"It is a sin to write this." Anthem
"Muna's fortunes changed for the better on the day that Mr. and Mrs. Songoli's younger son failed to come home from school."
The Cellar
"The day of my Judging dawned bright and clear and hot." Ordinary Magic
"Where's Papa going with that ax?" said Fern to her mother as they were setting the table for breakfast." Charlotte's Web

I think an opening passage as a whole, may be more important than just the first sentence, but if I were browsing through the stacks, opening books to check out the first sentences, these are ones that would hook me. Who was Fedora, why is it a sin to write this, what happened to the son, what is a Judging and where's Papa going with that ax?

I never check out the first sentence of a novel before deciding to read it. Is that a thing?

Scout wrote: "I never check out the first sentence of a novel before deciding to read it. Is that a thing?"

I never do either.

I am in the same mindset as Scout. The first line or first paragraph doesn't really make or break it for me. Generally, I need to read at least 3 chapters or 25 pages before I decide it's not going anywhere that interests me.