Write, Wrote, Written discussion

This is the prologue and first chapter of my work in progress. The Dark Age Part 1, Fire and Ice. Tell me what you think! I love critical, and non-critical feedback alike. :)

P.S this is a rough copy, which means almost no editing or anything else!

Prologue
The cobbled stones of the small village’s market place echoed with the sounds of the footsteps of villagers and vendors. A teenage boy ran past them, a large oilskin parcel clutched tightly under his arm. He looked up through the sea of people, sweat dripping down his thin face and over his sharp and short nose.
He wiped it away with his sleeve and continued running. It was a beautiful day in Alania, the sun was shining hot and bright in the sky, bird song and the bustle and chatter of the village filled the air.
The boy was on his way home, the parcel that he held contained something of utmost importance. The man who had given it to him was his grandfather, the elderly man in the far reaches of the village. The boy was in a hurry, excited to discover what the parcel held.
A large vendor came from behind his tent and bent down to help a customer with a bag of grain, right in front of the oncoming boy, who was paying no attention to where he was going, his thoughts dwelling on the small, hard package he held.
The boy yelled as he tripped over the man's outstretched leg and fell, his arms flailing as he hit the cobblestones. The parcel flew into the air and landed a few yards away in the village river that wound its way through the market. The boy collapsed on the cobblestone walkway his nose bleeding where it hit the ground.
The man turned around away from the customer and with a cry helped the boy to his feet. “I am so sorry Lord Valin,” said the man, noticing the small lion insignia emblazoned on the boy’s shirt. He was the son of the king, and any attempt to hurt royalty was charged with death.
Valin wiped his bleeding nose on his shirt and held his hand up. “It’s fine my father won’t know.” He put his hand to his nose and limped away slowly down towards the river. The parcel was gone.
Valin kicked the stone walkway just to draw his foot back with a large cursing bout. He looked down the river trying to catch a glimpse of something, something that would tell him the parcel wasn’t lost. But he stretched over a little too far, and with a yell fell flailing into the rushing river.
The man from booth looked up. “God have mercy on my soul.” He cried as if it was his fault.
Valin was taken by the rivers undertow. The boy swirled through the waves swallowing more than a safe amount of water. In a blurred state of drowning, he caught a small glimpse of a brown parcel. Valin used the rest of his strength to lunge out and grab it. I slipped out his grasp. Valin slammed into the wall of the river, and a piece of rock embedded in his hand. The parcel floated by him and he reached out with his other hand, and this time he grasped it. Valin’s vision went dark and then with a gasp he passed out.
A few seconds later his body bobbed back to the surface. The man from the booth dragged him from the water. Valin’s chest wasn’t moving. The man hammered it with his fist, trying to get him breathing again. Valin coughed and water spewed into the man’s face. Valin vomited more water out and rolled onto his stomach. He pulled his hands to him. In his right a sharp piece of rock was embedded and in the left was the oilskin parcel.
Valin cried in pain, as the shock left and his hand began to sting like never before.He looked up at the man, agony covering his wet face. The man had his head bowed and was praying fervently. Valin gasped and yanked the piece of rock from his hand. He let out a sigh and passed out.
The man looked down at Valin’s prone body. “Oh dear God! I have killed him, strike me down.” He fell to the ground with a sob. The sound of horses came from behind him, and the man looked up tears streaking down his worn face.
A sword was placed lightly at his neck. The man let out a small sob and put his head down. The man holding the sword jumped down off his horse.
“Its alright Bartholomew, he is only unconscious he will wake in a while.” The guard looked down at Valin’s hand and grimaced. “My, my, he has been busy, Nal,” he said signaling to the guard closest, “get his lordship to the castle and into the infirmary, wouldn’t want him to loose much blood, go now.”
Bartholomew the little old man looked up and gave a cry of gratefulness, “Thank you sir Calmar.”
Calmar let out a small laugh, “You can leave now, thank God.” He added with an eye roll.
The castle guard made their way up the long winding path to the castle, leaving the sobbing Bartholomew in the dust.
* * * * *
Valin blinked in the sunlight coming from outside the large window, a small bird flitted past with a sharp tweet. Valin jumped and sat up quickly. He grimaced as pain shot through his bandaged hand. He looked down, His wound was healing nicely. He had been sleeping for a long time, it seemed, and was only now just waking. He had still not taken the time to look inside the parcel.
He looked to his right where the oilskin wrapped package sat tantalizingly, just waiting for him to tear it open. Valin couldn’t fight the urge anymore. He reached over and grasped the parcel in his hand. He placed it on his lap and pulled the strings loosing them from the parcel. The strings fell away and Valin placed them to the side.
He took an edge of the oilskin gingerly and with grim concentration pulled it to the side. He took the other edge and pulled it away, revealing a large red and black leather bound book.
Valin ran his fingers over the smooth surface. A small lock with vines engraved in it, kept the book tightly shut. He grasped the lock with his thumb and forefinger and pulled softly. The lock clicked and sprung open. He took hold of the cover and pulled it back slowly. The parchment of the book was worn, but still in good condition. On the inside of the cover in the far right corner was someone’s initials engraved in the leather.
J.O.N. Valin recognized them immediately. The initials were those of his great, great grandfather, John Olivaun Nyuln. John was the great adventurer who defeated the dark lord in the Dark Age, more than two hundred years ago.
Valin’s face lit up with a smile as he pulled back the first page of what was his great-grandfather’s journal. In this tome was recorded the amazing story of one of the greatest heroes in legend, in a story that would be told now and for years to come.
* * * * *
The corridors of the castle were silent, as normal in the dead of night. The only thing that disturbed the silence was the screams, and wails of the queen as she gave birth to her first born, the king’s heir.
King Darin stood over his wife whispering words of encouragement, as his wife Queen Violet helped their first born make his way into a bright new world. The nurse standing beside him put her hand on his shoulder. King Darin wiped a tear from his eyes.
The nurse leaned down as the baby came into view. She took the baby in her arms and with her assistant’s help she cleaned the baby off gently. The small baby boy looked up and blinked his dark hair a tuft on his head. The queen gasped in relief and smiled. King Darin just cried, his son, his heir was born.
His wife looked up at him with a smile on her face; she cradled the baby boy in her arms. “What are we going to name him, his father will choose.” She handed the baby slowly to his father. Through the thick blankets that covered him. The baby smiled at his father, a knowing look in his sharp blue eyes.
The king smiled. “His name will be John, John the king’s firstborn, the king’s heir.”

Chapter 1: A New Day Dawning
The large man was advancing closer to the edge of the ring. John wiped the sweat from his brow and smiled slightly. This was more fun than he had thought, fifty Han to the winner, and a battered body to the loser, right up his alley. The ring fights in the small town of Gunhal, had become a favorite of John’s ever since he had turned sixteen, four years ago. He was the best in the ring, and had bested many opponents, leaving them with a broken rib at the least every time he was done. His parents didn’t exactly approve. He was an adult now, and could make his own decisions.
The large man on the other side of the ring was ready to fight again. John wiped the sweat from his nose and turned his attention to the sweaty, huge figure in front of him. John put his fists up; so far he had dealt two devastating blows, one to the head, which had dazed his opponent, and the other to the nose, which had fractured it at best. The large man was still going.
John walked to meet his first blow, a hard uppercut to the jaw. John ducked to the side speedily, and in a split second brought his elbow back with a large crack into the man's face, and then with his other arm, he slashed his upper back with the side of his hand, knocking him to the ground. John jumped back, as the man’s arms flailed out towards his legs.
John had been blessed with an agile, muscular build. He stood five feet ten inches from the ground, and his body was slim and muscular. The big man had stood up again.
“Still want more,” John taunted, “stop before I break your neck… no wait, don’t stop, this should be fun.” He stepped over to the man, who was swaying on the spot, as if he was going to be sick. John pulled his arm back and with a crack. He smacked the big man in the head, sending him to the ground out cold. The crowd cheered and clapped.
The young maidens in the crowd swooned and threw roses in the direction of John. John caught a rose thrown from a beautiful girl with brunette hair, and large blue sparkling eyes. John put the rose in between his teeth, and smiled flirtatiously. The girl gasped and fainted into her friends arms.
John gave a small laugh, and turned to where his money was waiting. The guard at the gate stopped him with a gloved fist.
“Not so fast, you cur, I have orders from the king himself to arrest you immediately on sight.”
“Nice one Gil, doesn’t work though, where’s my money?” John said with a laugh, more girls to the left of him passed out into their friends waiting arms.
Gil, or Gilbert as some called him, pulled off his disguise. He was a tall and broad boy of sixteen, almost a man now. His blonde hair partially covering his brilliant yellow eyes.
“Honestly John, how do you guess it every time, can I really not change my voice at all?” Gilbert asked with a voice of puzzled amusement.
“Not really, nope, not at all, now that I think about it.” John smiled. “Can I have my money now?”
Gilbert shoved a small bag, full of silver coins into John’s large hand. “I never will have a chance of sneaking anywhere, or of stealing food from the kitchen.”
“Now, don’t do something like that Gilbert,” John used his actual name for dramatic effect. “Or…” John paused for a moment and stared at the ceiling, “Oh yes, there is a good one,” he continued. “Off with your head!”
Gilbert laughed nervously. “You’re kidding right?”
He laughed. “Yes, of course I am kidding, steal as much as you like. We have loads, talk to you later.” He turned, and raised his eyebrow. “Hey Gil?”
The boy stopped at the door. “Yeah, John, what is it?”
“My parents will never know,” he put his fingers to his lips.
John strutted out of the arena, throwing the small bag of coins in the air, and catching it with a devil may care smile. More girls outside fainted as he passed. He pulled on his cotton shirt and took his belt from beside the door, which contained his sword. A large one and a half handed sword with a silver pommel, a jeweled hilt, and a sparkling silver blade. He buckled the belt around his waist and walked down the cobbled walk towards his home on the far side of the river.
He had moved from the castle the previous year. His parents had insisted that he needed to move and find a wife, have kids, and most of all grow up. He stomped up to the door of his house.
The house was new as of that year. It was three stories tall, with twenty rooms, and a gigantic kitchen. Two large lion statues stood in the front guarding the door. John sighed. It had been a long day, and he just wanted some rest. He opened the door, passing one of his servants as he stomped up the long winding staircase to his room.
John unbuttoned his cotton shirt and grimaced at the mass of bruises underneath. He was amazed that he somehow hadn’t noticed when he had left the ring. The big man had done more damage than he had thought. He pulled off the shirt and the rest of his clothes.
He sighed as the warm water of the shower in his room cascaded down his sore shoulders. This dueling was wearing out his body, but the money from his father would run out eventually, and he needed a little side cash, but not from this. He bit his lip; no this was something he loved. John wrestled with the thoughts in his head as he stepped out of the shower and dressed himself.
He didn’t eat that night, just crawled into his bed and fell into a deep sleep.

Oh yay! You posted more!! So, I actually have a bit of suggestions for this story if you'd like to hear some. They're not grammar related, it's more on content. I've noticed a bit of inconsistencies.

The Critical: Don't get me wrong I love where this story is going, my only problem is that the plot line doesn't seem as consistent from where you left off. John, from what we understand, is a prince so I had a little bit of a rough time with the opening scene. Not to say that you can't wrestle/duel as a prince, but I think it would be more interesting (personally) if he was disguised. Therefore you could show a bit more of that 'rebellious' nature, otherwise you're kind of lost in, "Why is he fighting as a prince? Who would risk injuring a prince? Why does his parents allow their son to be injured or possibly killed?" and it would further the statement, my parents will never know. Again, just a suggestion.

Not Critical: From what I understand your story is set in a type of medieval era, so I wouldn't expect the word cash.... but, who knows! They could actually have cash in your world! So I'm just tossing it out there. Again, not very critical, I'm only persnickety like that. :)

Other than that, great job! I like where this is heading!

Hey! thanks so much for checking it out and reading it. That is all good advice. One thing I will say is that since it is a made up world, you could possibly have fighting Prince's idk never really thought about it in that way. Yes a disguise would be good, that I will really have to take into consideration.
Thanks again for the advice! It is always welcomed, I am trying to become a better writer after all. :)

I'll continue to post more as well! It is running at around 15 chapters right now and around 22k words

Nice!!! I bet it is going to be a hit once it's finished!

(Your progress has made me want to jump back into the story I'm writing... *looks forlornly at the google draft and sighs*)

Yeah I get what ya mean. Yeah when this is done and edited I will publish it on Amazon's kindle store for sure. It is going to be a two-part story, kind of like two novellas. one of them 120 pages and one of them 140 pages.

Thank you!!!

Chapter 2 incoming shortly! :)

Chapter 2: No Rest for the Weary
The teenage girl crouched against the wall. Her mother and father had already died, killed by dark and wicked men, they were searching the house. Screams and shouts echoed from outside. The village was being attacked. She sobbed and looked around desperately for a weapon as the sounds of voices came closer and closer to her. The men were on the stairs now. The girl looked up at the wall on the far side of her room. Tears slowly dripped down her sweat and dirt covered face. Through the tears she spotted her father’s sword. It was four feet long including the handle, and wide, with a deadly sharp blade. Why hadn’t her father thought of this when the house was attacked? He had put up the sword years ago and had said he would never use unless something went wrong. Tonight things had just gone wrong.
The girl stood up and paced over to the wall. She picked up the sword ready for its lead weight to knock her arms to the floor, but it was surprisingly light. It was made with very light steel from the mountain of Haragash in the far east of Alania.
She swung it in an arc. The sword was graceful and fast. She turned with a gasp as a shadow figure charged into the room. She didn’t give him a chance to blink, with the accuracy of a natural she stabbed him in the stomach and hurled him into the wall breaking bones.
The man gasped in surprise and slumped to the floor astonishment clouding his face.
More tears cascaded down the girl’s face. The next man charged at her and she swept him aside just as easily. She collapsed to the floor. Her knees felt weak and her stomach tight. She crawled over to the bodies, and began to pray. She wretched, and vomited over the dead body. Killing someone was as harsh as they said, it was not an easy feat, and now she knew it first hand. The girl swayed on her knees and with a gasp passed out over the dead body of the man she had just killed.
* * * * *
The knocking on the large wooden door was the sound that woke John from his deep sleep. John yelled loudly and sat up. He wiped the sweat from his brow slowly. More knocking came from his door, then the sound of yells and screams from outside. He rolled off his bed and hit the floor with a thud. He quickly pulled some leather trousers over his underwear and grabbed his sword from beside the door. He pulled a cotton shirt over his bare arms not caring to button it.
He threw open the door, and his maid Brenda fell into his arms a knife embedded in her back. She cried and looked into his eyes. John grimaced, and pulled his bloodied hand away with a grimace. He looked past her body. Two men stood still, short swords in both of their hands. John let the maid’s body fall gently onto the floor with a thud.
He glared at the men with grim determination in his eyes. He charged with a yell of anger, and anguish. The first man didn’t stand a chance against John’s angry attacks.
He yelled and slashed the man in the middle, blood sprayed and hit John’s chest. And the man’s body separated almost completely. His body fell limply to the floor and bumped up against the other man’s leg. The other man gave one look in John’s direction and ran away with a scream of terror.
John looked after him, and with a grimace yelled. “That’s right, you better run, you filthy bastard.” He grunted and wiped the blood from his forehead. He sheathed his bloodied sword with a quick movement.
He turned around slowly, only to be blinded and collapse on the floor as a bright white gloved hand smashed into his face. The last thing that he saw before darkness took him was a figure of pure white silver standing in front of him.
* * * * *
“My king, they have breached the walls, there is no stopping them now, and we must retreat.”
King Philip took his sword from the wall in the great hall. He turned to his commander of the guard. “If I must die to protect my kingdom and my people, then I will not retreat.” He turned to the rest of his soldiers in the room. “So those who wish to follow me, and save our people, then come.”
Queen Violet rushed to his side. “No! Philip do not do this. You can still make it out. You have given these people everything you need to. You have been a great king.”
The King turned to his wife, a crystal tear dripping down his weathered face. “My love, I must stay, for it is my duty to protect these people with my life. Go, John will take care of you now.”
Violet shook her head and took a sword from the great table. “No, I will not leave your side. I promised that when I married you.”
King Philip embraced her, and then turned to his men. “Men, we will most likely die in this battle, but we are protecting our loved ones, and our freedom.” He threw his arm in the air, “Now go, and give them hell!”
He gave one last glance at his wife. She smiled. The doors to the hall shattered and the enemy poured in.
* * * * *

John woke again at what seemed to be dawn. His eyelids fluttered open and he reached up to touch his head. He felt the sticky blood crusted to his head, and quickly pulled his hand away. He looked up and came face to face with the white figure, except that he wasn’t as white anymore. The person was a young man, no more than twenty-five. His face was clean-shaven, and his hair was a bright silver white. He was dressed in complete silver and white, and on his shoulder was a gigantic silver sword, larger than John had ever seen before. His eyes were a dark piercing blue that matched with the silver.
He held out his hand for John to shake it. John looked at it strangely, why would the person that had just knocked him unconscious, turn around and give him a formal greeting?
John shook it anyway, not wanting to be rude. The young man pulled him to his feet and smiled coyly.
“My name is Alex Linfield, or as my allies call me, The White Knight, but you can call me Alex. I am from the kingdom of Harlk, my uncle is king there, and my parents are dead.” He said bluntly.
John began to introduce himself.
“No, I know who you are, don’t need to tell me that. I watched your fight in the ring, pretty amazing. I was never that good myself. But that is off the subject. John…” he paused for a moment as if to gather his thoughts, then he continued.
“Your parents are dead. Your castle is destroyed as is the rest of your village. A dark age is happening, and it is up to you to stop the dark lord controlling it, see look at your wrist. You have the mark. So follow me and I will give you a briefing of what you are supposed to do, and if you don’t follow my instructions then I will have to kill you, follow me outside and no questions, do you or do you not understand?
“I… wha… huh….”
“Good glad to hear it, now follow me.” Alex turned around swiftly and stomped out of the building.
John’s head was filled with questions, were his parents really dead? Who was this Alex person?
John followed the bright white knight out of the house. Alex turned to face him as he walked out the door. To his left was a young and very large man. He had a sharp square jaw, bright gray eyes, a ripped open shirt, and sailor’s trousers. His face covered in a slight shadow of a beard.
To Alex’s right was an average height, slim, shapely, red haired girl, possibly eighteen years old. She smiled at John, not one of those creepy stalker smiles, but a warm one. John smiled back.
Alex snapped his fingers. “Ok, John, do you have any questions?”
“I thought you said don’t ask any questions?”
“That was while we were exiting the house. We are outside now, or can you not see that.” He blinked. “Well, the sun does look quite beautiful right now.”
John gaped silently, and then quickly he recovered his manners. “I do have some questions, if you don’t mind answering?”
Alex nodded silently. “You have decided to comply.”
John was like a loose faucet, questions spewed out left and right.
Alex yelled to get his attention, “Stop, Stop, one at a time please, or I will have to kill you, and slowly.”
John was taken aback, but recovered quickly. “Sorry, got a little bit carried away.”
The girl giggled a little louder than she had meant to. Alex turned and glared at her.
“Kara, the meaning of silent must be unknown to you, or should I shut you up my self.” He said brandishing his sword.
Kara turned her head away shyly. John caught her eye and smiled again, this time wider than before.
Alex rolled his eyes, and with a flick of his wrist. He swung his sword and sliced a small cut in John’s shirt, causing him to jump.
“Now John, this is not the time to flirt with my assistant, no matter how pretty she is,” he added to himself quietly.
John face turned pink slowly. He quickly turned his attention to Alex. “Sorry, you were saying?”
Alex sighed. “Apology accepted, you were supposed to ask me questions.” He gave a mock grin in the direction of John.
John sighed, “Oh yeah, to start, what do you mean my parents died?”
Alex raised his eyebrows slowly. “Is it not simple enough for you to understand, they died, ok, what are you, like five?”
Kara gasped. “Alex, that’s not nice.”
Alex glared in her general direction, John just blushed more.
“So my parents are dead then.” He wiped a tear from his eye. “I am sorry to hear it, what of the castle?”
“Destroyed, crushed to the ground, burned, demolished.”
“And what about this Dark Age, and dark mark thing?”
“Oh, now you ask about the important stuff. A dark age happens when a man possess the crown of darkness, a large silver, red, black, and green thing. With this crown, the man or woman can control the entirety of the goblins, orcs, trolls, giants, and wild beasts of the planet, basically pretty much every evil creature in the world. That is as long as they vow to fight for him. In every Dark Age, there is one who is chosen to save the world from this tyrant. The one who possess the dark mark, which is you.”
“But who found the crown? I would think something that powerful would be kept hidden. How many dark ages have happened before this?”
“Seven, this is the eighth, the crown has been hidden, and many adventures have tried to find it, so that they can have power. The last dark age was over three hundred years ago. The crown was hidden well this time.”
“But why has it not been destroyed yet?”
“The only way it can be destroyed is if the user is converted from evil to good, by the chosen one. This does not include killing the tyrant. If you cannot do this, then the crown must be hidden again, for however long it takes another greedy, power hungry adventurer to find it. Another small thing, only the Chosen One can touch the crown and not feel its effects.”
“How long has this dark age been happening? It can’t have been that long ago it started, otherwise we would have known it.”
“It started some time ago, in the far north of Alania, where the mountains are towering and snow lies ten feet in some areas. That is all we know. I was sent from my castle two weeks ago on a quest to find the chosen one, and lucky me. I found you without too much difficulty.”
“But how could you find me so fast, out of all those people. I mean you traveled hundreds of miles didn’t you?”
Alex held up his hand, and on his pointer finger sat an icy blue ring with silver lacing. “This is how I found you. This ring is my great, great, great grandfather’s ring, made from the same substance of the crown. Sadly he was the last adventurer, and he made this ring for himself, but according to legend, if anything is made with the same substance of the crown, it will only be used for good, not for evil. In the case of the ring, it finds the chosen one. I found that out when I read an ancient tome, there is rumored to be four more rings as well, scattered across the land, all with different capabilities.
One to find the Chosen One, and give me power to use all of the elements. But only if the crown is possessed as well, that is mine. I don’t have the crown so I can’t use the elements. So if the dark lord possessed this one he could destroy the whole world with ease. The next rings are one that has the ability to grant the user with the power to control ice, one for water, one for fire, one for earth. And if we can find these rings we can control the dark lord, and destroy the crown once and for all.”
“So you found me with that magical ring, and I am the chosen one?”
“If you don’t believe me, look at your right arm, at the wrist. There is proof right in front of you, the mark of the Age.”
John looked down slowly at his arm, engraved on his wrist, was a dark green, almost black mark in the shape of two serpents entwined but both going the opposite directions, in the middle was a crown that glowed dimly.
“What does the glowing crown mean?” a look of disbelief in his eyes.
“It tells how far we are from the dark lord. It is glowing dimly right now, which means we are nowhere near. That is a good thing I guess. It will glow brighter when we are almost in his presence”
John scratched his chin thoughtfully. “So, how do I know I can trust what you say, what if this is all a lie?”
Alex’s lip curved in a slight smile, “I read.”
He turned to the big man on his left, and whispered something in his ear. He turned back to John and raised his arms in a welcoming gesture.
“We are now indebted to you, John son of… Come to think of it I don’t know your last name, never mind, the niceties can be overlooked. We are now a company, and we will live or die to protect you from harm, can’t have the chosen one die on us, and the Dark Age go on for another hundred years or so until the next one is chosen.”
He turned to his two followers, “John, let me introduce you to these fine travelers with me.” He pointed at the first one. “This is Kara, a girl I picked up today, that shows surprising skill with a blade, very warm person, and you feel like you have been friends for your whole lives once you have had one civil conversation. She lost her parents today as well.”
John sighed, “I am sorry for your loss.” He reached out and took Kara’s hand, and planted a soft kiss upon the top, in greeting. She blushed and turned her head away slightly. John saw then, that she had the brightest blue eyes he had ever seen, very rare on a redhead, but it made her more beautiful than she already was.
Alex rolled his eyes and continued. “And this,” he said pointing to the big man on his left. “Is Tarazed, my faithful bodyguard, when I need one and a loyal friend all the other times?” He turned questioningly to Tarazed, who just shrugged.
“Whatever you say sir” He had a draw that seemed other worldly.
John shook Tarazed’s hand and smiled, “Delighted to meet you sir.” He flinched under the big man’s grip.
Tarazed smirked. “Same to you, we shall have to duel some time, see if you are as good as they say.”
John grinned mischievously. “Oh, I am,”
Tarazed raised his eyebrow menacingly, “We’ll see about that, for all I know you could be as daft as they say too!” He roared with laughter that could probably be heard for miles.
John just laughed along and turned back to Alex as quick as he could.
“Now that you have met the other two, it is time to go on a scavenger hunt.”
John’s eyebrow rose slightly. “What do you mean?”
A hint of a smile followed from Alex. “Yes we are going to go on a hunt for the magical rabbit from a far away forest, and then play with it in the town. I mean, what the hell did you think we were going to do?” He cleared his throat and began again. “ No really, we are going to find supplies in the ruined village, and make our way to the castle, the first place attacked, and see if there are any clues to where the dark lord could be situated. You know the way there, so we will just follow you. We still need to be wary, there could be some stragglers still, better to wipe them out now then leave them longer.”
John nodded, “Then let’s move on.”

You have a really good plot and writing style!

Interesting. More tips? In the 2nd chapter don't add too many 'grimaces' (since John is already grimacing) and in the second part of chapter 2 take a bit more time to develop the story. Everything seems a bit rushed with very cut short answers. Elaborate. Broaden. Let us get to know Alex, his companions, his mission, and the goals. Also, it seems a bit odd that John never noticed his 'Mark' so I would mention it before hand. Otherwise it might confuse the readers when you bring it up. Again, great story!

Benjamin wrote: "Yeah I get what ya mean. Yeah when this is done and edited I will publish it on Amazon's kindle store for sure. It is going to be a two-part story, kind of like two novellas. one of them 120 pages ..."

Nice! I want to do something like that in the future as well, I just have to get stuff edited. I have a 50k story waiting for one I just need to switheroo some parts and then edit it to decency. Tiresome process. I'll have to read some of your works though!

Here is Chapter 3

Chapter 3: In Ruins
Alex had been right. The whole town was in complete ruins. Bodies littered the street, and houses still burned and crumbled down. Whoever had done this was truly evil, and to think it was all because of this crown of evil. John was amazed, but then again it was a sinful world. He looked over in the direction of his house.
The roof was just collapsing as he stared over the river, all his possessions were in there, but now they were destroyed. The biggest shock yet was the royal castle on the hill, were his mother and father lived. It was in complete ruins, the drawbridge was in the moat, and the walls were crumbling down, the tallest guard towers were burned to the ground, the bodies of knights were speared to the wall. Messages were written in blood stating, “The Dark Lord will destroy all,” and “The world will end, and darkness shall reign.”
John began to wonder if they had any chance to survive this, the weight of the world on his shoulders, knowing that he was the only chance these people had. He stepped over the drawbridge into the castle courtyard, met with more damage and destruction. Everyone was dead.
Kara put her hand on John’s shoulder comfortingly, “We’ll get through this, I know it, just have hope.”
John slightly taken aback by being grabbed by someone he had just met, nodded, and silently walked to the door of the castle.
Inside was the same as outside, but there on the table in the middle of the room was the body of his father three arrows in his shoulders and more covering his body like a pincushion. And his mother lay beside him, having suffered the same fate.
John cried out and ran to his father’s side. The body that had once belonged to his father was now lifeless and staring at the heavens. John knew that he had gone to a better place. He placed his head on his father’s chest and sobbed quietly.
Kara moved to comfort him, but Alex stopped her short. “Let him have a moment of silence alone, losing a family member is a hard thing, and you know it.”
Kara nodded and stepped back slowly. John stared down at the lifeless bodies, as his large tears dripped down his short and small nose onto his fathers gold breastplate, creating a small clear puddle that reflected the dim sunlight coming through the windows. He placed his hand on his chest and with a small sob began to speak quietly.
“I will avenge you father. You always told me that evil things were always present in the world, and that one day God would demolish and be victorious over all evil, I will help him succeed that mission.” He turned away from his father’s body and wiped the tears from his face staining it brown, from the dirt on his hands. He took his father’s sword from where it lay a few feet away stabbed inside an evil soldier. He placed the sword on his father’s chest, and clasped his hands over it. He finished what he started, paid his respects to his mother and turned back to the others.
“We don’t have time for a burial Alex, in a few weeks, the castle will take care of that itself. Let’s just go, I can’t stand it any longer. We will get provisions in the village then leave, I can’t stay.” He turned without another word and stomped out the door.
They found four horses in the village grazing from the grass that hadn’t been burned or trampled. The provisions they had gathered from the wreckage they stored evenly between their horses and by the time of early evening, they were on the road facing the great adventure that awaited them.

And Chapter 4

Chapter 4: The Beginning of an Adventure
The road from the village wound through the dense forests and tall hills. The adventurers passed various streams and small lakes in the first leg of the journey.
John pulled his horse upside along Alex, as they made their way up a steep mountain path.
“Where is this exactly, I don’t recognize these mountains.”
Alex rolled his eyes, and looked heavenward “Do you really mean to tell me that after twenty years, you haven’t even been ten miles from your castle. Honestly, my father sent me on hundred mile long expeditions when I was twelve.” He laughed and gave John a hearty slap on the back. “We will show you what happens in the real world Johnny boy.”
Kara pulled her horse next to the gaping John. She waited until Alex wasn’t in hearing distance before she spoke.
“John?”
John then realized that she was beside him. He coughed nervously and gave her his attention. “Hmm, did you say my name?”
Kara smiled awkwardly, “You noticed, Alex just ignores me.”
“I wish he did that to me. His constant babbling gets on my nerves.”
A loud, “I heard that!” echoed around the next corner.
John face flushed red. “Can’t say a darn word without him saying something.”
Kara giggled.
John turned in disbelief. “Come on it isn’t funny!” She smirked and turned her horse forward, and with a small whistle directed it after Alex and Tarazed. John smiled and followed after her.
The sun was just sinking beneath the mountains by early evening, and the weather was perfect, you couldn’t have asked for a better day of travel.
John paced around the small camp that had been set up by Alex in a small cave in the mountain pass. It was cool inside, and a small pile of ashes in the corner showed that someone had used it before. John sat down on a sharp rock only to jump back up when the searing pain of stone in his backside struck him. He kicked the rock and angrily pulled a blanket from his horse. He spread it on the ground and sat down, it wasn’t the most comfortable of seats but it would do. He pulled a small leather bound journal from his coat pocket.
Journaling had become a hobby of his ever since he turned sixteen. He kept record of everything that had happened each day.
He took his small pencil from his pocket and in untidy lettering wrote down what had happened on that day, the day his life had changed.
Kara spotted him out of the corner of her eye. John looked up at her and smiled awkwardly.
“You can join me if you like?”
Kara shyly walked over to him and sat down. They sat there in awkward silence before either of them spoke.
“So how old are you John?” Kara sighed, was this really the only thing she could think of, well at least it was a start. John smiled as he wrote another sentence in his journal.
“I am twenty years old, twenty-one on Saturday, and you?”
“I’m sixteen, my birthday is in a few months,” she gave a small nervous laugh, “Not that you would care anyway.”
“Oh, actually that is very interesting, now I know another thing about you. I will ask you a question now. What did you do before you know… last night?”
Kara’s face saddened and she sighed. “I just stayed at home, helped my mother. My father worked at the butcher shop in the town. I didn’t see him much. It was kind of like. He went to work before breakfast, and came back after supper. My mother was not happy with his job. She lived with it though, because it meant money, and money meant food on our table. I just lived at home, taking trips to the village every once and a while. I loved strolling along the river picking wildflowers and talking to the horses in the castle stables. The guard was a kind man. He always let me in if I asked.”
She laughed. “And sometimes I just walked over to the stone fence along the river and stared at the castle, just imagining what it would be like to live in such a wonderful place.”
John smiled, “Not to ruin everything for you, but the castle isn’t everything it is made up to be. Live there for a year and it becomes slightly dull. I always hungered for adventure, but instead I was locked inside those dreary damp walls with no friends. I guess it has all come to me now, to bad it is in these conditions…” He trailed off for a moment. “But on another note, speaking of adventure, do you like to read? I find that reading always occupied my mind when I was bored, thinking of knights and fair maidens always gave me something to entertain myself.”
Kara laughed, and pulled at a lock of her hair nervously. “Reading? Oh Reading is my second name. I love books, especially the ones filled with danger and adventure.”
John smiled. “Hold on a minute, I have something you might like.” He leaned over and rummaged through his bag, after a few, “It has to be here somewhere,” and “Where did I put the blasted thing.” He pulled out an oilskin parcel, as big as his journal. He handed it to Kara, who took it gently from his hand, which she noticed in passing was quite rough, most likely due to the brawls in the arenas.
She looked up at him. “What is it?”
“It’s yours, take it if you want, it is one of my favorite stories.”
Kara pulled away the oilskin wrappings and gave a small gasp of delight when she saw what was inside. “Oh, this is one of my favorite books,” the book was small and looked almost new, it had a orange fire breathing dragon on the cover, and a small princess was huddled in the far corner of the cave in which they stood, The Tale of Rosen Loch.
Kara beamed. “I never had enough coin to buy it… are you sure you want to give it to me?”
John folded her small hand around the book, “Yes, it’s yours to keep.”
Kara placed the book to her chest and then without warning engulfed John in a hug.
John was caught by surprise. He didn’t know what to do except for hug her back, maybe she needed some comfort. She had just lost her parents as well. After a few seconds Kara stepped away and wiped a small tear from her eye.
“I’m sorry I didn’t mean to be rude hugging you like that, but I never have been given such a wonderful gift by someone.” She stepped back awkwardly, “I’ll see you tomorrow John, goodnight.” She walked out of the small cave, the book still clasped tightly to her chest.
John smiled after her, thousands of thoughts buzzing around in his mind.

Don't have anything to suggest so keep going! The only thing I would still encourage is to keep adding more visuals. It's great!

Ok thanks it is great to hear I don't need to just rip the books to shreds. It's really encouraging!

Rip it to shreds? No book deserves that idea or treatment! Sometimes you just have to whip it to shape. haha!

Very true, I have saved everything I have written over the past 11 years actually.

Me too.... *corrects self* Well, I guess it was more 3 years ago (because that's when I got into writing), but it sure felt like 11 years. XD

Lol yeah I have been going a long time.

Luck-y.

I didn't really have a (true) desire to write until I was around nine or ten, but after that it was a hit. All I have to say is that I cannot pull off Contemporary Fiction.

Interesting, yeah I have written from Romance to Horror, and I suck at Romance especially lol

OH MY GOSH! We're in the same boat! HIGH FIVE!

I wrote a really loosely based fairy tale one time that had some romance in it and *gags* I cringe every time I read it (heck! I cringed every time I WROTE it)

But, I can't pull off horror. I get scared WAY to easily. Fantasy is the only thing that I feel comfortable in.

Yep that and Sci-fi for me lol.

I'm impressed. I cannot do Sci-Fi. There's something about super advanced tech and futuristic dytopias that just escape me. I don't have enough 'imagination', it's literally the same thing with Steampunk. I actually had a really interesting idea for a steampunk genre story once, I just wasn't that knowledgable in mechanics.

Yeah it is hard, but so fun!

I believe it!

This is amazing! I love how there is no insta-love or anything, and John's personality is realistic.

Just some constructive criticism:

Kara moved to comfort him, but Alex stopped her short. “Let him have a moment of silence alone, losing a family member is a hard thing, and you know it.”

Since Kara's lost family, too, I think she should have more insight on the fact. I mean, it adds to he personality, but it was just a part that didn't make sense (to me). You don't have to change it.


Can't wait for more!

Thanks for the advice!

Here is chapter 5 my friends. Enjoy! :)

Chapter 5: The Journey Continues
Tap! Tap! Tap! John was grabbed roughly and pulled against the wall. Alex’s voice was recognizable even as a small whisper.
“Be quiet they will hear you.” He let go of John’s mouth and was silent.
The sharp neigh of the horses echoed through the small mountain pass. John could hear slashes of swords and loud calls. The inside of the cave was dark. Alex must have thrown something across the entrance.
John dared to whisper. “Where is Kara? Is she ok? You have to find her.”
“Shhh, Kara is fine. She is with Tarazed. He will protect her.”
John gave a small sigh of relief and leaned slowly against the cold rock wall. The minutes ticked by painfully slow. A sharp grunt came from directly beyond the door to the cave. The edge of the fabric was pulled back slowly and moonlight fell into the room.
Standing in front of them, holding the fabric back was a goblin. A tall, lanky, and scaly creature with a long snout and long pointed ears, pierced with small diamond studs.
John gasped, and in a second the goblin’s head jerked in their direction. It squealed and charged. John broke from Alex’s grasp and dove for his sword. Alex rolled to the side and with a swipe of his huge sword sliced the goblins leg off, causing it to collapse on the floor, blood gushing from the wounds, staining the dirt black. He brought his sword down into its scaly belly for a finishing blow.
John picked up his sword and flung the sheath from it. Another goblin charged into the cave. Alex had his back turned. John ran and skidded on the ground swinging his sword in a circle slicing the goblin across the mid-riff. It shrieked and clutched its stomach. Alex looked genuinely impressed. He nodded in John’s direction. John nodded back, and was hurled into the wall by a goblin entering the room. Alex dispatched of it with a quick slice to the throat.
John stood up and wobbled for a moment before racing out of the cave to meet the fight.
Alex met the next two goblins with a spin kick, sending them into the wall of the mountain. John parried the first blow from a goblin with a massive axe. He ducked the next and with a yell thrust his sword into its gut. He pulled the sword from the body and with a sharp movement of his wrist flicked the blood away.
That was the last of them. The sun was just beginning to peak from over the tops of the mountain, blood red, a symbol of bloodshed. John could hear the distant calls of more goblins as they retreated into the mountains.
Kara and Tarazed ran around the corner of the cave a moment later breathing heavily sweat beading on their foreheads.
John gave a sigh of relief. Thank God she and Tarazed were alright. Tarazed sheathed his long and slightly curved sword with a grunt.
“Glad to see you two are okay, Kara and I had just been outside starting a campfire when they attacked. We heard the shrieks first and decided to see if we could find the source. When we got back the goblins were blocking our way to the camp, so we sliced through them as best we could.” He stopped and looked over at Kara who was patting the horses trying to calm them down with soft gentle words.
Tarazed shook his head, “That girl is some fighter, a natural with the blade, should come in handy when she defends herself, but hopefully we will always be there to protect her.”
John nodded calmly. He looked over in Kara’s direction and smiled. She was beautiful, and she could fight, impressive. He turned back to Alex and got to his feet.
“No need to sit down longer, why don’t we get on the road again, we have a long journey ahead of us.”
Alex stood up and paced over to the horses. He tapped John’s shoulder in passing. “Thank you John that is the first sensible thing I have heard from you this whole journey.”
John frowned and sheathed his sword swiftly, causing a small drop of goblin blood to flick from the blade and fly into his mouth and down his throat. John gagged and coughed as a sudden burning sensation hit his stomach. It stopped in a few seconds. John looked around quizzically, that was weird, what just happened. He shrugged and turned to Kara who had stepped up beside him.
“Are you alright John?”
“I’m fine, I just felt strange for a moment, how about you.”
“I just hope those goblins don’t come back, they are quite frightening.” She smiled. “John, do you ever feel terrible after you have killed someone or something?”
“I did when I killed something for the first time, after that it came easily, perhaps more easy then it should. But don’t fell bad for killing goblins they are as dark as the pit of hell, the devils second in command.”
“It’s not that, when my parents died I killed their attackers, and I felt so guilty, it felt like my heart was about to explode. I vomited and then passed out completely, when I woke. I found Alex standing over me. We talked and filled many things in my brain, but I will never forget killing those men. I have a feeling that it will stick with me for the rest of my life.”
“I don’t remember the first man I killed. I didn’t want to remember so I blotted it from my mind forever, try it”
“I will try that again, but it doesn’t usually work, sorry, this probably isn’t the best time to talk about this, we need to go.” She turned away from John who was left about to say something. He shut his mouth closing the next words away forever.
Kara mounted her horse beside Alex, who smirked and turned his horse towards the mountain pass.
John jumped up on his bay mare with white spots and patted it softly on the neck. “That’s a good girl, were to next huh?” he said sliding a carrot from his pocket and popped it in the horse’s waiting jaws.
Alex turned in the saddle a few feet in front of them. “To the city of Haljer my Dear John. It is a giant city filled with all the information we need to help us find the whereabouts of the dark lord, and the rings to defeat him. My good scholar friend Isaac should be able to tell us were to go to find the info, come along now, we don’t have time to waste lollygagging, chop chop.”
John shrugged in the horse’s direction. It seemed to smile at him, and let out a small snicker.
“What, you’re laughing at me too. Ah the nerve of you people, and uh horse.” He shook his head and with a huff directed his horse after the others.
* * * * *
Dark blue eyes shone brightly in the sunshine as the tall figure crept from around a small tree at the edge of the forest. He looked up slightly, avoiding the bright sunlight. A small road wound its way up a steep hill, and over into a distant valley. The man flipped out a compass from his pocket and flicked open the lid swiftly. Directly north, his coordinates were directly North West. He had found the correct road. He charged out into the sunlight, revealing himself.
He was tall and thin, with a sharp square jaw and a small and perfect nose. He had a short beard. His hair was a dark brown, almost completely black, but covered by a hood. He wore a long sleeved gray shirt, and on his back was a cloak the same color, with a leather belt full with two knife holsters in the back. He wore normal pants and underneath the shirt was another knife holster. And on his feet were thick leather boots. On his back was a bow.
He was an assassin, trained in the art of stealth and small arms combat, and trained to kill his enemies without hesitation. His name was Vallern and his next target was Prince Alex, also known as the White Knight.
* * * * *
The company didn’t reach the end of the path until the end of the week, and so far no more goblins had attacked. Once they were out of the mountains the danger of goblin attacks would be far behind them, but more dangers waited. John put his pencil down in the middle of his journal. He looked over at Kara, who sat beside him her, arms wrapped around her legs, and her head resting in her knees watching him write.
“So John, do you have any friends?” first time she had asked this question.
John nodded. “I have a friend whose name is Gilbert, but I don’t know if he died in the attack. I pray every night that I would find him, but so far my prayer hasn’t been answered no sight or sound of him. I guess all I can do is hope.”
“Do you have any other friends? You must have more than one?”
John looked down at the closed journal sadly. “No I have only ever had one, never was the greatest at making friends. I found myself making enemies more often.”
Kara put her hand on his shoulder. “I’m your friend.”
John frowned at the ground. “Thank you for saying that, it comforts me to know at least someone in the world doesn’t want to kill me. Just look at Alex, if he hated me he could behead me in a few seconds.”
Kara snorted trying to contain her laughter. John’s face softened and before they knew it, they were laughing so hard that tears were streaming down their faces.
Alex sat outside by the campfire, just about to take a large bite from a wild turkey Tarazed had killed for them a few hours before, when the laughter erupted somewhere behind him so suddenly it made him jump and bite his tongue.
“Damn it,” he cursed, turkey spewing from his mouth. He turned around and yelled angrily in their direction. “Would you two children please shut up, and act like adults?” He growled and with a frown tried to sooth his aching tongue.
John turned to Kara with a mock frown, “John, you are so dull, please become smarter and grow up.” John mimicked Alex’s voice, which made He, and Kara laugh even harder than before.
Alex sat with a solid frown on his face. He put his hands to his ears and stuffed his fingers in them, trying to drown out the noise. He looked over at Tarazed, who had a smile on his face as he ripped into a piece of turkey.
“YOU TOO OLD FOOL,” Alex yelled at Tarazed who just continued to laugh.
The howls of laughter stopped eventually. Kara lay beside John staring up at the ceiling of the small cave they were in. John stared up as well, and watched the water drip down from the ceiling slowly.
Kara looked over at John. He looked back at her. Their eyes locked on each others. “I mean I only have known you for a few days, but you seem like a nice person. It’s good to be able to call you a friend,” she said wiping a tear of laughter from her long eyelashes.
“You too,” John replied softly.
She smiled, rolled over and stood up slowly. John stood up and took her hand. They walked out of the cave together to find something to eat.
Alex pulled his fingers out of his ears when they approached. “So have you two grown up now, because if you have you can sit down and eat?” In a huff he stood up and stalked off to the cave, muttering the whole way.
John looked over at Tarazed with a look of surprise on his face. Tarazed just shrugged.

And Chapter 6

Chapter 6: Vallern
The Travelers woke the next morning to a bright and glorious day, the birds sang in the trees, a sign that they were almost out of the mountain pass. The sky was a pale blue, and not a cloud in the sky. A small breezed flowed through the mountains making the weather feel perfect.
John yawned and stood up stretching his stiff body, sleeping on the floor of a cave was tolling on your body after a few weeks, hopefully they would find a town soon, where they could sleep in real beds and eat real food. Kara was standing at the entrance of the cave waiting for Alex, Tarazed, and John to wake up. They didn’t act as if this whole Dark Age situation was a dangerous thing.
John dressed himself and walked out of the cave beside Kara, who was looking out across the landscape. John stood beside her and looked out. It truly was an amazing sight, and they had reached the end of the mountain pass. And just in front of them was a large forest with a weaving brick road winding through it.
Kara looked over at John. “Isn’t it just beautiful, nature is amazing” She pulled out a small book from her leather vest and began to draw a picture of the forest. John had only found out that she liked to draw a few days ago. She was a brilliant artist, and could draw a picture in a matter of minutes. John looked down at her half completed drawing, which looked almost identical to the real thing.
She finished the drawing and stowed the book back in her pocket. Together she and John walked over to Alex. He had already mounted his horse and was ready to be off.

“Come on you two, we need to at least reach the Merchants pass by sundown, there we can spend the evening, come on lets go.” He directed the horse down the mountain followed closely by John, Kara, and Tarazed who took up the rear.
The caravan wove their way down the path and into the waiting forest.
* * * * *
Vallern was waiting. His scouts had found the travelers and had come with news of their whereabouts. The man standing beside him left the tent to guard the entrance.
Vallern slowly studied the piece of paper the man had handed him. The travelers were only few kilometers from his position, just a few more days and he would have them. He was about to place the piece of paper on his desk when he noticed something else. He read out loud what was written at the bottom of the page. “It seems that the white prince is in the company of the Chosen One, our lords greatest enemy, danger awaits.”
Vallern frowned in concentration, this could be good, or it could be bad. It was said that the Chosen One was more powerful than just an ordinary human being, that He or She possessed some magical power that caused them almost never to be defeated. If this was true then it was a bad situation, if it was not true, than Vallern could rid his master of two of his greatest enemies at the same time. Vallern placed the parchment back on his desk and stood up. The only thing he could do now was wait and watch.
* * * * *
The travelers wound their way through the forest, only stopping for a moment to take a quick bite of something before continuing on. Alex chose the time they had to practice fighting techniques with John.
“John, catch this.” Alex threw a large wooden sword in the direction of John, causing him to duck, but still catch the sword. He stood up and twirled it around testing the weight in his hands.
John smiled slightly flicking his wrist back and forth, “A duel, interesting. Now you have decided to match your metal against mine? I have been waiting for this.”
Alex leaped at him without another word. John dove back and brought his sword up quickly to parry the blow. He knocked Alex’s sword to the side roughly and countered with a side slash. Alex blocked the blow, only to be thrown back by the force of John’s blow. He staggered but kept his balance. John laughed and dove at him again, this time aiming at his stomach. Alex rolled to the side and brought his sword crashing into John’s exposed legs, causing him to collapse and fall. Alex rolled onto his feet and with another swipe ended the battle. John flattened into the ground a large welt already appearing on his head.
“Oww, what did you do that for,” he groaned clutching his head. Alex threw the wooden sword to the side.
“I had to know something, and now I know.” Alex pulled him back to his feet.
John stepped back. “Know… what… huh… uhhh my head hurts.”
“Kara, put something cold on that wound, it will take a few days to stop the swelling.”
Kara sat down beside John and put a wet rag on his forehead. She grimaced
“Does it hurt?”
John grunted. “That’s a stupid question.”
“I guess your right, why did he do that to you?”
“Beats me,” John groaned and sighed. Kara kept pressing the rag on the constantly swelling wound.
Alex stepped over to Tarazed. “Tarazed, may I have a word?”
The two men ducked behind a tree. Alex turned to Tarazed, and spoke quietly in barely a whisper, so that John could not hear.
“What is the matter Alex, what are you trying to do?”
“I was checking his reaction, it is said that the Chosen One is supposed to have flash reflexes, but John doesn’t seem to possess these. I had to check, my uncle Harold asked me to.”
“What does your uncle want to do with John?”
“If I tell you, you must swear to tell no one else, got it?”
Tarazed nodded slowly. “My lips are sealed.”
Alex frowned and continued. “My uncle wants to take his DNA and make a soldier that can win the war against the dark lord. He is going to use dark magic. I don’t think this is right, but if I don’t he threatened to hurt her.”
Tarazed held up his hand. “Wait a moment, who is her?”
Alex. “My sister Clara. She was sold into slavery when we were children, and my uncle bought her. He said he would let her go if I brought him the chosen one, so I agreed. I really don’t want to hurt John, but there are still other things I need to find out. After I have done these things I will have to capture him and bring him to my uncle. He will do some testing and then John can go back to his quest, simple as that.”
“Do you really think this is the right thing to do Alex? I mean, we could always go rescue your sister.”
Alex hesitated for a moment. “I…” he shook his head slowly. “There is no other way Tarazed, I am sorry.”
Tarazed nodded, “Then I will obey your word.”
Alex smiled. “Good, we are done with this conversation. I don’t want it brought up again.”
Tarazed looked over at Kara, and John, then back to Alex, “Understood.”
Alex sighed and saddled his horse quickly. “Come on John, Kara, we have no time to rest, let’s get moving.” He thrust the two training swords back into his saddle sheaths and with a huff mounted his horse. He trotted out farther into the woods, followed closely by Tarazed, and an unwilling John.
They rode hard for another three hours, before Alex called a stop to eat a bite of something. John jumped off his horse. He groaned as pain raked his whole body. He angrily threw open his pack. He was running low on supplies, just a loaf of bread, and a few dried fruit pieces remained. He tore a hunk from the bread, and went to sit by himself behind a tree and think.
Tarazed and Kara went to gather herbs in the forest, just incase another wound like Johns came about. Alex walked out a little farther down the path to see what lay ahead.
John sat with his back to a tree, cursing Alex. What if I just ran, they wouldn’t miss me, better than traveling with that tyrant. John made up his mind. He would leave. He hoisted his pack onto the horse and sheathed his sword. He pulled it from his belt and strapped it to the saddle. He stopped for a moment. What about Kara? Would she miss him? He had to go, he couldn’t worry about that, Alex wasn’t telling him something, and possibly something dangerous. He wrote a note to Kara explaining where he had gone, and said farewell. He stuck it on a tree and then without another thought turned to his horse.
He collapsed suddenly from a sharp blow to the back of his head. He gasped and looked up through a red haze of pain. A large man stood over him with a black sack. The man thrust the sack over his head and then John lost consciousness.

Ooooo.... nice. (It's cool to see that Alex has some motives of his own. Just make sure you tell us how John heard, because otherwise it doesn't make much sense seeing that Alex and Tarazad had a 'private' conversation)

Alex must say is my favorite character ever of mine. Hey btw did you check out the first chapter of the other book I posted? It is one of my sci-fo ones.

No! I'll have to check it out tomorrow. Have to retire for the night or I'm going to become a badger in the morning.... :P

Chapter 7: Captured
“Tarazed come quick. John’s gone, look he left this note, and I can’t find him anywhere.” Kara stood next to the tree where John had placed the note, a look of deep concern clouding her face. Tarazed sheathed his hunting knife and reached out his hand.
“Here, give it to me.”
Kara handed him the note hesitantly. Tarazed took in from her hand, and read over it slowly.
“We have to tell Alex.”
“No, he asked us not to, please Tarazed. If Alex knows that John doesn’t trust him. He will go after him. Do you know something that you should tell me about Alex, if you know something tell me. I don’t want John put in danger.”
Tarazed bit his lip nervously. “I can’t tell you that. I am sworn to secrecy.”
Kara pushed him aside with a small cry and stalked away her head in her hands.
Tarazed looked after her, a sad look in his eyes. He couldn’t tell her anything, even if he wanted to. He turned the other direction only to be knocked flying by a sharp blow to the head. He passed out and collapsed on the forest floor. Kara turned when she heard the commotion and screamed as a rag was shoved over her mouth by a man dressed in gray assassin’s garb.
“Keep quiet little wench.” He waited until the drug took effect, and then slowly laid Kara’s limp body onto the fresh bed of leaves that covered the ground. He whispered to a group of men to his left.
“Pick up the girl and bring the man, make sure the camp is ready.” He turned slowly to face the clearing where the travelers had camped. “I have something to take care of.” He unsheathed his two knives and sped deeper into the woods.
* * * * *
Alex hummed quietly to himself as he walked down the narrow path through the forest. The camp was in sight now, and strangely not a word came from that direction. He looked over at the trees above him. Small birds flitted back and forth making the small chirping sounds they make when they are startled or scared. Alex’s eyes flitted back and forth taking in everything in a few quick glances. He placed his hand on his sword, pulling it slightly from its sheath. A shadow flitted past a tree and Alex paused but continued, to make it seem that he was unaware of his surroundings and who was there.
He walked calmly forward humming quietly under his breath. A small crack disturbed the sound of the wind and the birds. He continued walking, making nothing of it. Another shadow flitted past, this time closer. Alex was within 500 meters of the camp now, and was sure no one was around.
This situation had just gone from bad to worse. His grip unconsciously tightened on his sword. Another branch cracked, this time behind him and even closer. Alex spun around his sword a silver light in the dim forest, hitting his attacker square in shoulder. The man hurled to the ground in pain, his blood seeping into the cold dirt. Alex flicked the blood off his sword.
A yell rang out from above him in the treetops. A man leapt onto him giving him less than a second to react. Alex fell down hard, the man on top of him. They rolled around in the grass for a few moments, each trying to get the upper hand. More footsteps approached, unheard by the two scuffling men.
Alex grabbed the face of his attacker and then his throat and with a yank to the left broke his neck with a gut wrenching crack. He let go of the body, letting it slide to the ground. Alex began to stand up, just to be kicked into the dirt.
“Hold still or else I will have to kill you, which wouldn’t do me any good because someone wants you alive so he can kill you himself.” The man who spoke to him lifted his boot in the air and landed it with a thud into Alex’s head, knocking him senseless.

Talk about intense!

Chapter 8
The hand grabbed John from what seemed like a long distance, but that was because of his vision being blurred. He blinked, still no change, and his head felt as if it was going to explode. The hand pulled him forward and onto his feet. He wobbled in place for a few seconds, trying to regain his composure. He was grabbed on the arm this time and lead forward a few feet before his legs collapsed from the pain coursing through his body.
He groaned as he felt himself kicked in the side. His captor leaned down in his face, and John wrinkled his nose at the scent of old whiskey on the man’s breath.
“If you do that again, I will kill you, so don’t think I am weak and won’t make a move.” The man said lifting him to his feet roughly.
John did the best he could to keep his legs from collapsing. After a few moments of walking, the smell of campfires came to John’s nose. He opened his eyes again, and his vision was slowly clearing. He looked to his right at the man who was leading him. On his right wrist was a tattoo with the shape of a tree being struck by lighting. John blinked, and looked to his captor on the left, obviously the one with the bad breath, seeing as he had John’s arm in one hand and a bottle of whisky in the other.
The same tattoo caught John’s attention. This man had it on his left wrist, but nonetheless the same tattoo.
It must be of some significance. John thought silently.
The men yanked him past a short fence and hurled him to the ground in front of a large campfire in the middle of a large group of men, all with the same tattoo on either their left or right wrists. John got to his knees slowly.
“So, this is the chosen on, hmmm I thought he would be larger in the arms, ahh well can’t be the perfect specimen can he.” A tall man dressed in what seemed to be assassins garb stepped in front of John.
John looked up squinting. “Why…” He attempted to push the words out through his pain, “Who are you?”
The man laughed, “He doesn’t know who I am, that is quite sad.” He said looking around the crowd of his men. “The prophecy never said that he would be stupid, did it. Or did I just miss that small detail.” He kicked John in the chest and sent him hurtling to the ground.
John groaned and tears of pain streamed from his eyes.
The man leaned down in his face. “My name is Valern. I am the assassin who was hired to kill you. My master, the dark lord Salazarn was the one who gave the order.” He sighed. “Although I must say I will regret killing you, that man always did get on my nerves, someone needs to put him down…” He took a deep breath and turned back to John. “But, that is what I will do when the time is right. I don’t need some spoiled prince-ling to do it for me!” He kicked John in the side again, causing him to cough and wriggle in pain.
John cried out.
“Just to remind you who is in charge here Prince!”
The man leaned over to his right hand man, the one who had brought John there. “Thomas, take him to the pit, are his little friends ready yet?”
Thomas belched loudly. “Not that I know of sir, I can give the order if you like.”
Valern glared at the henchman and landed a punch in his gut. “If you don’t handle that drinking problem, then I will handle it for you, and put you in his place.” He yelled pointing at a now unconscious John.
He exhaled slowly. “Now do what I ask before I loose my patience.
* * * * *
Kara’s eyes opened slowly, revealing a dark room. Tarazed was lying unconscious beside her. She could barely make out his shape in the dark. The hut smelled of fresh wood and hay, which must be from the stack of firewood and hay in the corner of the hut. Kara reached up to feel her pounding forehead. She felt like she had just awoken from the worst hangover.
Her hands didn’t make it anymore than two feet off the ground. The shackles that were holding them kept her from moving anymore. She tugged, but they wouldn’t budge. Tarazed stirred beside her. She turned to him.
“Tarazed quick can you move you’re shackles? I am not strong enough to move them.”
Tarazed sat up and attempted to yank at the poles that were holding him in place. They moved slightly but no more. He sat back against the wall. “It’s no use, they are in tight. Let me check in my boot for my spare lock picks though. The guards may have missed them. He pulled his feet forward and reached his hand inside his large boots. A small jingling came from inside.
Tarazed smiled and held the lock picks up. “Ahh no one ever thinks to look there.”
Before Kara could respond the door was hurled open and 3 guards charged in. Tarazed barely was able to shove the lock picks back into his boot. The first guard lit a small lantern and paced over to Tarazed.
“Come with me, we have a special torture set aside for you two.” He turned to the other guards. “Take them off of the wall and bring them outside, Vallern is waiting by the fires.”
The guards nodded and got to work in unchaining the prisoners from the wall and the floor, but still keeping her bound.
Tarazed looked over at Kara and winked. “I’ve got this” he mouthed.
Kara nodded and let herself be unchained from the wall, and led to the door. She couldn’t help but be slightly worried about what was going to happen to them. She was led out into the bright sunlight. They were in a large clearing and the sun was shining above the trees warm and bright. In the middle of the clearing stood a tall Assassin in gray clothing and beside him was John, unconscious and barely breathing, and two more guards came around the corner dragging Alex in-between them. The dropped his body by the fire.
Kara gasped when she saw his face, it was scraped bruised, and his nose was twisted to the side, broken in more than one place. The guards pushed her to her knees beside John, and then Tarazed beside her.
Vallern waved his guards away and paced in front of the prisoners. One guard handed him a large bucket of cold water. He took the bucket from his hand and hurled it onto John’s head.
“What the hell!” John gasped. He blinked the water out of his eyes and looked up at the sly assassin.
“Well, well, well Chosen One, I did think you would stronger willed, so far you have not impressed me.” Vallern paced back and forth. “But that is not why I have you here. You are here to witness you’re friends in pain before I bring you to my master. We have a very special torture for the white knight. It’s a pity he can’t fight back.” Vallern snickered, “But then again, isn’t that what makes it fun?”
John tried to stand, but his legs were too weak. A guard stepped over to him and pulled him to his feet. He then proceeded to chain him to a pole in the middle of the camp In front of the three fires.
John looked in front of him. Alex was awake now, struggling to no avail in his guard’s arms. Alex caught John’s gaze and winced. He clearly didn’t like anyone seeing him this vulnerable. His gaze sank to the ground.
Vallern turned to all of the men. “Today is a moment that will go down in history men. We are going to kill two of the most famed people in all of Alania. You don’t need to ask who they are, seeing as they are in front of you this day. When I do this my master will respect me for what I can do. For to long he has been blind to what my potential is, but today my friends, we will show him just how worthy I am to be respected.”
He turned to Alex, fiery determination in his silver eyes. “I have waited for this day to long Knight! You will not escape this time, your fate has finally caught up to you, and it is your day to die!”
Alex had escaped before, surely he can again. Thoughts raced through John’s head. But that wouldn’t do any good right now. They had him in an iron grip.
Vallern turned back to his men. “Bring me the knives and the stakes boys, let us make an offering to the Devil, and let us burn this worthless slime to the dirt. Let us make them suffer for every minute they have ever breathed on this earth, and let us send them to Hell!”
He took a sharp stiletto knife from his guard’s hands, and paced over to Kara first. He took her roughly by the chin and held her head up. She closed her eyes and averted her gaze. Vallern pressed his knife to her cheek.
“It is a pity that I have to kill you. You have such a pretty face. You would have fit well with my other slaves.”
Kara looked up, her steely gaze piercing his eyes. “Go to hell!” She spit in his face and butted him in the head, sending him reeling back.
Vallern growled and sliced her cheek with the knife, blood spurted from the cut, and Kara cried out in pain. Valern turned his back on her and turned to Alex.
John tried to cry out to Kara, but no words came out of his parched mouth.
Kara looked up blood dripping down her chin, her face growing pale. She let the tears flow freely down her face.
Vallern stepped over to where Alex was suspended from his pole. “See what I just did to you little lady companion, take that pain and multiply it by twenty and that is the pain you will face.” He sneered, “I just hope you are strong enough to live through it all.” He selected another knife from his pile, a long silver one with a brass hilt. Vallern pulled the knife up to Alex’s bare chest and with no hesitation sliced his straight from the neck down to the navel, not deep just enough to cause him to bleed. Alex cried out in pain.
Vallern laughed satanically.
John grimaced through a red haze of pain. He was really enjoying this wasn’t he? He was barely conscious now, but the screams of Kara, and cries of Alex kept him awake.
Vallern took the same knife, and this time cut Alex across the head, leaving a straight cut from his hairline to his nose.
Alex grunted and blinked the blood from his eyes. “You know this doesn’t change anything don’t you? Your master never will appreciate you. It is what the crown does. It changes a person. You could help us stop him. We could kill him with you. Doesn’t that mean anything to you?”
Vallern hesitated as he was about to cut Alex’s bicep. “I don’t need your help, and everything you say is just a ploy to convince me you need to live. You don’t need to live, with you alive I only will have more competition.”
“So that is what this is all about, your false pride?” Alex yelled.
Vallern’s face turned red. He shrieked in Alex’s face, “NO! This is because I am the one who deserves to be in charge of this land. My father never gave me any praise, only criticism, so it is time for me to prove my worth to everyone!”
He cut Alex’s chin, staining the blade with even more blood. “And now you can suffer. True leaders aren’t afraid to show they are dominant.”
Alex yelled in pain, his head was now throbbing from the loss of more blood. Kara was unconscious and her breathing was labored. John was barely staying conscious as well. Tarazed was struggling against his chains, calling out to his master to hold on.
Alex gave one last cry and fell silent.

Chapter 9
A man stood in front of a large window, overlooking large mountains covered in fluffy white snow. The moon was full, lighting up everything in the open. The sound of the wild Snow Hunaya’s rang out across the empty space.
The man turned around. He had large shoulders, the muscles protruding very easily visible underneath his dark cloak. His hair was silver that shone in the bright light of the moon that came through the window into the dark room. The man’s jaw was square, and his nose was sharp and small. His bright blue eyes darted from one side of the room to the other. Someone was there, hiding, lurking in the dark shadows. Even the cat he held in his arms was silent, sensing a presence.
The man sniffed the air and closed his eyes, calming his buzzing mind. The crown on his head glowing a deep red, a sign of deep thought.
The sound of a large blast of fiery torrents rang across the mountains. The man turned to the window just to see the large fire leap up to the sky. This was the signal. The waking of the dragons had begun. The Dark Age had now truly begun.
A slight laugh emanated from the man’s lips. This was the beginning, the beginning of a better world.
He turned away from the window, again sensing a presence in the room.
He spoke in a smooth, deep voice. “If you value you’re life Marcius then I suggest you step out from behind that door and show your sniveling face.”
A slight man dressed in a suit of black armor stepped out from behind a door at the end of the room. “My lord Salazarn, the dragons have been called, you’re plans are in order. The Giants have also agreed to meet with you tomorrow morning. The king is eager to know your plans.”
“He can meet with me, and he will know soon enough what my real plans are, and he will have nothing to say about it.” Salazarn said, pacing to the other side of the room, passing a large statue of a dark emerald green dragon. He pressed its nose and a large passage way leading underneath the ground opened in front of him.
“Marcius please take a message to the king and let him know that I have agreed to meet with him in the morning. For now I must plan, the war will be swift, and the people in the world will not know what hit them.”
Marcius bowed and exited the room quietly.
Salazarn placed his cat on a small bed, and then descended into the dark below, the door closing behind him with a thud.
* * * * *
Vazran the lord of the dragons was not a force to be reckoned with. His scales were the as hard as diamonds and his breath could melt through solid rock. He had been asleep until now. Now it was time to rise again, and send destruction across the world as his ancestors before. His eyes rolled out of his head and his eyelids popped open. He looked around his cave. Three other dragons were rising up in front of him.
A large sliver scaled male turned to him. “My lord, what would you have me do, the dragons have been awoken. You know what this means.”
Vazran crawled across the floor his talons digging into the soft dirt of the cave. “Patience Hazairn, this is the moment we have been waiting for. He stretched his legs with a growl. “We cannot rush in hastily and think we will come out on top. We must take time. I need you to bring a message to the dark lord, tell him we will fight for him. If he has any questions, tell him he can bring his plea to me himself.”
Hazairn bowed his head and signaled to the other two dragons to follow him. He glanced back as he reached the entrance to the cave. “This is our time to rise my lord. I hope you don’t forget that.” He launched off into the night the moon shining in his green eyes.”
Vazran opened his eyes again. “Oh I haven’t forgotten.” He let out a puff of searing breath, “they won’t know what hit them.” He closed his eyes. This was the beginning, the beginning of a new future for dragons and the entire world.