Write, Wrote, Written discussion

Here is the first chapter of a sci-fi book I started a while ago. Haven't touched it in a while, but I figured I could put it on here and get some advice, because I will end up finishing it someday. This is from 2 years ago I believe, possibly longer.

Chapter 1
Nathan Canderton pulled his covers over his head and tried to drown out the sound of the Thward hunters whistling their morning tune, as they always did before their morning hunt. He was always awoken by the loud sound.
He looked over to see if his brother, the local doctor, was still in bed. His bed was made neatly and his bed clothes were folded at the end of his bed, they hadn’t been touched for at least an hour, Nathan observed. He threw his legs over the bedside, clearly knowing that he wasn’t going to get anymore sleep that morning, and he might as well get an early start to eating breakfast. It didn’t take too long, so Nathan was glad. If he finished eating early, it gave him more time to go out into the rainforest and hunt the wild Arsuchus, an overpopulated race of scaly four legged reptile, which liked to eat horses whole, but it only lived on Othurion.
Nathan pulled on his pants and tough black leather jacket, his normal hunting gear. He took his E12 high powered blaster pistol from his drawer and stuffed in into his extractor belt, fully equipped with a built in grappling hook, and safety harness. He took up his Riglond longbow from beside the wall; He slid his hand across the smooth surface of the special bow that he had received for his eighteenth birthday.
He picked up an arrow, placed it on the string, drew it back, and fired it at the target on the far side of his room. The arrow thudded against the mesh plating, hitting it dead center. Nathan nodded, it was a good shot. He stretched his shoulders and walked to the stairs.
His room was located on the fifth floor of the royal palace. A large window encircled the staircase, all the way to the very top, as well as the very bottom. Nathan looked out the window, at the small lake in the center of the Royal City. His father, the king had ordered it put there. When his oldest son James killed his first Thward, they hung the giant furry pelt over the middle of the small lake. James was now twenty two, that day was a long time ago.
Nathan smiled when he remembered how proud his parents had been. He sighed when he thought about the day he went on his first hunt.
* * * *
It had all turned out fine until they reached the deserted plain where the creatures dwelled, in large sand caves. Nathan had been very nervous, and when you get to nervous, the Thward will always come to you first. Nathan had tried to control his nerves, but it was too hard. He walked shaking up to the beasts cave. Nathan held his G17 carbine at the ready; he looked back at his father. He could see the fear in his eyes. He could only hope that his son would be able to kill the beast, and that he would come from the cave alive. Nathan smiled at his father, then turned, took a deep breath, and walked into the cave.
Nathan walked into the cave, breathing heavily, thinking to himself the whole time. How hard could it be, his brother did it. Nathan shook his head. He didn’t want to do this, but it was a law that was in the Othurion book of rules, that all young people should learn. It stated that at the age of fifteen, a young man would have to kill his first Thward by himself, to prove himself a man. If he turned back now, he would be considered a failure, and loose any honor he ever gained.
Nathan advanced slowly farther into the cave. He flicked on his hand held lantern. The light bounced off the cave walls, illuminating the whole place with a soft light. He connected the lantern to his belt, and shouldered his rifle.
He didn’t know how long he would have to walk, it is said, that some Thward caves go back more than two miles. But, too bad for Nathan, it wasn’t one of those caves. By noon he could hear the creature breathing in a deep sleep.
It could have been no more than five hundred feet away. Nathan turned off his lantern and peered into the darkness. A small ray of light shined into the cave from the surface.
Nathan could see the beast, five times the size of a grown man. Curly coarse fur covered its long body. Its claws went in and out of their sockets as it slept. The claws were razor sharp, possibly a foot long.
Nathan took a deep breath and aimed the rifle at the beasts head; he put his finger on the trigger and pulled. A perfect shot, if there even had been a shot. Nathan looked down at the gun, it hadn’t fired. He looked back up at the beast. It still lay motionless on the ground. Nathan quickly examined the gun, everything was in place. He opened the bolt and took the bullet out. He twirled it in his finger. There was a small indent in the bottom, Nathan cursed. It was a bad bullet. The beast still hadn’t stirred. Nathan chambered another bullet as fast as he could; he brought the gun up to this shoulder. He put his finger on the trigger and took a deep breath.
The beast jerked awake, it swung its arm and knocked the gun from his hands. Nathan sat paralyzed by fear; he didn’t know what to do. He reached for his knife in his belt. When he pushed the small button on the side, the blade flicked out of the handle.
The blade was at least a foot long, it wouldn’t do much good. The monster picked up Nathan in its claws. Nathan swung his knife at its wrist. A large cut opened and warm blood flowed down onto Nathan. The beast dropped him, and he rolled across the floor. He lunged for his rifle, and fired hitting the Thward in the side, it growled in pain and lunged at him. Nathan fired again, and rolled to the side, narrowly missing the razor sharp claws. He fired his gun again, this time hitting the beast in the mouth. More blood gushed out, leaving a red pool on the ground. It reached for Nathan again; it picked him up and prepared to snap his back. A shadowy figure leaped into the room, firing a gun. The beast threw Nathan against the ground, causing him to break his arm. Nathan rolled on the ground in pain, and saw the beast drop dead, before he passed out.

Wow, that was really good! It was a bit difficult for me not knowing weaponry very well (and I assume they have their own different types of weapons), but I think I got the overall point of them. Very interesting. I think there might've been a few things that could have been expanded upon in the first section (the playback, personally, was fine for me), but otherwise that was it!

Yeah that is made up weaponry, but based off of real stuff.

Chapter 2: Arsuchus hunt
Nathan shook his head, bringing himself back to the present. He didn’t want to remember, it was only bad memories. He walked the rest of the way down the stairs, and entered the Kitchen.
“Hi Nathan how are you this morning,” Asked a teenage girl, her shoulder length dirty blond hair was tied back, and her dark brown eyes sparkled.
Rebecca had been his friend since she and her father had moved to the palace ten years previously. She had been his love interest for the past year. They were technically courting since he was seventeen.
“Better then I deserve,” replied Nathan brushing a lock of his light brown hair from his face, he picked up a biscuit from a basket. “Mmmm, He exclaimed biting into the roll, “Did you make these Rebecca?”
Rebecca nodded, “I just made them this morning, would you like some coffee to go with it?”
Nathan swallowed and nodded, “That would be great, I’ll just go sit over here,” he said pointing at a group of chairs, lined up against the wall. Nathan sat down and watched Rebecca brew the coffee, after about a minute she took the pot from the stove and poured it into a silver thermos.
“Are you going hunting this morning Nathan? I see you are dressed for it.”
Nathan nodded, “I guess you could say that, I still haven’t asked Alastair yet, did he come by here this morning?”
Rebecca nodded, and handed him the coffee “He dropped off a bag of flour, before heading to his house.”
Nathan looked down at the coffee; his dark brown eyes matched the color of the dark liquid.
Rebecca sat on a stool in front of Nathan, “Are you not that hungry this morning? You usually would be asking me for eggs, and bacon, or at least toast.”
“I’m not that hungry this morning, thank you for the biscuit,” he replied, “Oh, and for the coffee.”
“Thank you, I’m glad you liked it.” She picked up the coffee cup and walked over to the sink, "I’ll see you around noon.”
“You bet,” replied Nathan with a smile. He closed the kitchen door behind him, beginning the walk to Alastair Pell’s house.
A tall well built man, twenty years of age, stood up from where he was crouching in front of a patch of tomatoes. He waved when he saw Nathan approaching. Nathan walked up to the garden gate and knocked,
“Hello, anybody home?”
Alastair laughed and opened the gate. “How are you Nathan, did you get enough to eat this morning?”
This was the normal greeting Alastair gave Nathan every morning.
Nathan patted him on the back, “I wasn’t that hungry this morning.”
Alastair’s green eyes twinkled with laughter, “I can only wonder why.” He slicked back his shoulder length black hair with his fingers. He cleared his throat, “I’ll go get my gun, and you can just wait outside.” Alastair walked into his house. He looked up; Alastair stepped out of his house and shut the door. He carried two scoped G17 carbines. Alastair threw one to Nathan.
Nathan caught the gun and quickly chambered a round. He threw the shoulder strap over his shoulder, so the gun was hanging loosely at his back.
“Let’s hunt some Arsuchus,” Said Alastair strapping two large knives to his back.

Chapter 3: The wild Arsuchus
Birds, and other sorts of animals, made loud noises in the trees above Alastair and Nathan as they walked. Nathan looked up at the sun. It was getting hot. He took of his jacket and tied it around his waist. Alastair signaled for him to stop moving.
A loud rumbling filled the jungle. They were close to the airfield, where aircraft left the planet. Nathan looked up at the sky, and saw a PT56 Jetslicer whooshing up into the clouds. The silver of the aircraft shined in the sunlight. It was a thing of beauty.
Nathan stared at it in awe. He would love to be on that ship right now, exploring the galaxy, and planets beyond Othurion. His time would come, but right now he had to be patient. Nathan lost Alastair, while he was daydreaming. He looked around the woods for Alastair. He was sitting a far way off on a mound of dirt. Nathan ran over to him, and flattened himself against the ground.
“What is it?” he inquired bringing his gun to his shoulder.
Alastair gestured in front of them. Nathan stared straight ahead, a giant Thward stood in the middle of a clearing munching on an Arsuchus carcass. Nathan gasped, it was rare that you saw a Thward this close to the city. It was lost, that or it was the carrier of some rare disease, but that wasn’t likely.
Alastair gestured for Nathan to shoot it. Nathan smiled; this would be a chance to gain back his honor, to do what he failed to do three years ago. He sighted in on the Thward’s head, and fired. The Thward grabbed its arm and wailed. Nathan cursed, he missed the head. The Thward would find him soon enough and it was up to him to kill it. Alastair gave Nathan one of the knives.
“Take this and push the button on the side, I can’t help you kill it, this is you’re fight. Go do what you failed to do years ago, gain back your honor, kill your first Thward.” Nathan stood up put the G17 on the ground and pulled out his blaster pistol, he held the knife in the other hand. The Thward saw him and charged. Nathan fired his blaster pistol. Green laser blasts made contact, leaving smoking holes in the Thward. It ran faster.
When it was only yards away, Nathan leaped behind a tree. He put the blaster in his belt and pushed the button on the knife, releasing two shining silver blades. He held the sword like a staff; he had only used a staff a few times, and never had much training with it.
The Thward pulled to a stop and sniffed the air. It looked around for Nathan in the surrounding trees. Thwards may be dumb and can’t see very well, but they have an amazing sense of smell. The beast caught Nathan’s scent, and embedded its claws in the tree sheltering Nathan. The Thward jerked, trying to remove his claws from the tree, but they stuck fast. Nathan yelled and spun from behind the tree, he sliced at the Thwards stuck arm, severing it at the elbow. The lower half of the arm fell to the ground with a meaty thud. Blood spurted from the wound covering Nathan.
The Thward howled, and clutched its severed arm. It swung its leg at Nathan knocking him back with the force of the blow. The staff flew out of his hands and landed in the dirt. Nathan quickly pulled out his blaster pistol. He fired repeatedly at the Thward’s chest. The lasers pelted its fur burning it. It made the forest reek with the smell of burning Thward hair. Nathan knew that the pistol wouldn’t kill it though. He had to get his sword. He ran for the sword.
The Thward smelled him, and lunged at him. It swatted Nathan to the side; Nathan heard a rib crack with the impact. He lay on the grass, clutching his chest. He wanted to give up, but he couldn’t just yet.
Nathan used what strength he had left to stand up. He raced forward towards a large tree. He used his momentum to race up it and leap off. He flew towards the Thward. He heard someone yell his name, and felt a handle of a sword hit his hand; he grasped it and pushed the button on the side. The blade flicked out and Nathan landed, imbedding it in the Thward’s head. The Thward yowled in pain and collapsed on the ground in a bloody, furry heap. Nathan was hurled into the dirt unconscious. Alastair raced over to his side and picked him up; he took a small device from his belt and pushed a button.
“Headquarters, this is Officer Alastair Pell. I need a medic out here now. I have a man down. We are located in the south jungle, report immediately. Alastair let go of the button and sat down to wait for help to arrive.
The medical shuttle pulled to a stop by Alastair and Nathan. Alastair’s brother hopped out and sat down beside Nathan. He checked his body for broken bones, two broken ribs, as well as a scratched up midriff. The rest of his body was covered in Thward blood. Nathan’s eyes popped open when he felt James prodding his body.
“Hey James,” he said through clenched teeth. “I did it.” He passed out again.
James smiled and began to rip Nathan’s shirt off. Underneath the cloth was a large purple bruise, surrounded by bloody cuts. James took a cloth from his bag, and washed the wounds off with a smooth dark liquid. It would help them to heal faster, and relieve some of the pain. Nathan’s heart rate calmed and he seemed peaceful. James walked over to Alastair.
“He’s going to be fine Alastair, His ribs will take a little while to heal, so no more hunting for a while.” He patted Alastair’s shoulder, and hopped into the medical shuttle. Two of the medical team picked up Nathan in between them and placed him on the medical shuttle. Alastair grabbed their guns and hopped on the back.
They flew back to the airbase, and took a small transportation vehicle to the city. Alastair helped James and his crew place Nathan in the hospital. Alastair stayed there the whole day greeting visitors.
James caught Alastair as he was leaving to go home. “Hey Alastair come here a minute,” James gestured to him to come. Alastair walked over to him and stood beside him.
“What is it, it better be important, because I’m tired.” Alastair said gruffly, this whole turn of events, had put him in a bad mood.
“I just thought I should tell you that I took a blood sample, and my brother has caught a rare disease spread by the Thwards, He will have to be flown to Kythar for healing. Only the Kytharian’s medical expertise can help with stopping the disease from spreading to his heart. The one positive thing is that the poison will take over a week to spread through his system, so that will give you plenty of time to reach Kythar on time. I need you to leave tomorrow morning as soon as the sun rises.”
Alastair nodded. “I will do whatever I can to help my friend.”
“Good, then I know he will be in good hands.” James patted Alastair on the back before returning to the medical room. Alastair stood in the lobby for a moment, before heading for home.
Nathan awoke shivering, the lights were all out. No one was in the room. He sat with various tubes connected all over his body. He wasn’t alone for long, the door opened and James walked in a large clipboard in his hand. He flipped the light switch on, and placed the clipboard on a desk beside the door. He sat down on the bed beside Nathan.
“How are you Nathan, have you had any of the symptoms I told you about.”
Nathan nodded and pulled the covers over his chest. “Now that you mention it, I do feel slightly cold, and my head feels hot. But what does that have to do with anything?”
James sighed. “You have caught a rare disease spread by the Thward, and the medical agents at the hospital in Yutan, on Kythar, know how to heal it.”
“How long do I have?”
“One week at the least, that will give them enough time to operate on you, and inject you with a serum. The serum will fight the disease, and eventually kill it.”
Nathan nodded. “Are we on the way there yet?”
“Not yet,” replied James, “Alastair has agreed to take you in the next half an hour, so you need to get dressed.” He helped Nathan out of his bed, and helped him get his clothes on. Nathan was in a lot of pain, due to his injuries. Nathan sat back on the bed and James left.
Alastair walked into the room a few minutes later. Nathan smiled, it was good to see a friendly face again, all of the doctors looked the same.
Alastair patted him on the shoulder, and Nathan groaned. Alastair quickly removed his hand.
“Sorry about that Nate, I just came to get you, the shuttle leaves in about ready.”
Nathan nodded. “I’m still sore, who is taking me to Kythar?”
“I am pal; you are going to be just fine. We are flying in your father’s ship, Red Dawn.”
Nathan nodded. “I have always wanted to fly on that ship, explore the galaxy. I just wish we had more time, and I wish that I had never killed that Thward.” He slammed his fist on the bedside table. Alastair had to grab falling meditation. He turned to Nathan. “Don’t act like that Nathan, killing that Thward gained you honor you never had, doesn’t that mean something to you.”
Nathan shook his head, “I don’t care about my honor anymore.”
Alastair sat down on the bed, “Well you should Nate.” He sighed. “But this isn’t the time to discuss that; we need to get you to Kythar. Nathan stood up. He felt slightly weak, most likely because of the poison that was spreading through his veins. Alastair took his arm in his and helped him to the shuttle waiting to take them to the space port. The shuttle zipped along the through the city, in a few minutes they were in sight of the spaceport. Huge silver buildings towered above them, shining in the bright sunlight. Engineers, pilots, passengers, hundreds of people walked amongst the buildings. Nathan didn’t remember the beauty of the place built by his ancestors. He stared in awe at the buildings he had not seen since he was three. Many things had changed since then; hundreds of small one person fighter planes covered the giant docking bay. In the biggest building in front of them sat the Red Dawn. Equipped with four giant engines, ten blaster turrets, five on top, and five at the base.
It was colored a dark burgundy mixed with midnight black. It had just been cleaned recently, for the metal plates were shining with splendor. Alastair looked over at his friend and saw the astonished look. He looked like a little child in a store surrounded by hundreds of candies. He chuckled to himself, as they drew closer to the hanger.
The shuttle pulled to a stop and Alastair hopped out. He reached up and helped Nathan down. Nathan stood before his father’s ship and looked at the sheer size of the craft. It was at least fifteen times the size of the shuttles he was used to riding in, and could probably hold one hundred crew members comfortably. Nathan was led up the boarding ramp into the interior of the beautiful ship.

Very interesting, just make sure you separate Alaistar's section from Nathan's otherwise it may become confusing.