Gathering Of Dedicated Scribblers discussion

I'm not entirely happy with the way it reads, but I may also be incredibly tired. I'm looking forward to hearing about what ya'll think.

I just bought a new box of wine so, be brutally honest - I can take it!

Chapter 2 - https://www.coursera.org/learn/write-...

Do you have a link to your first chapter? I'm kind of lost, all I know is a man escorted susan into his room and took off her shoes.

Well, I know a lot about the furniture in the mans room but nothing really of where or what the story is.

Andres wrote: "Do you have a link to your first chapter? I'm kind of lost, all I know is a man escorted susan into his room and took off her shoes.

Well, I know a lot about the furniture in the mans room but no..."

Yes... it here.... https://www.coursera.org/learn/write-...

But I think I'm going to change POVs back to Gregory and finish his part before diving into Susan. Doing that will keep me from rewriting the other 9 chapters I already have on file.

Okay, I gave you a review on chapter 1. What's funny is even though I spaced and broke my ramblings into sentences, coursera jumbled all my words together. looks bad...

Hi Marcia! I left you a review on chapter 2. Looking forward to further installments.

Okay, now that I see all the potential from your chapter 1, your 2nd chapter still feels vague.

Obviously his staff are going to notice that he sat with this woman and he also escorted her to his room....

I think though that the intimidation Greg had should now be fought off with maybe panic. He's almost pleading with her. "Look I took care of your meal, it's on the house."

Each response from Susan is cold and blunt. "Great. Can't even buy myself a last meal."

This frustrates Greg but continues to push him backward into a corner.

"What is it? Is it just your financials? I could loan you some money."

Susan scowls at him then walks over towards his liquor cabinet. "Why do men think they can always solve a woman's problems by throwing money at it?"

Greg places his hand on her lower back slightly tilting his head. "I'm just trying to help. Please. Just talk with me. We can stay up all night. Here. Together drinking until your heart is content if you'd like." She swallows another shot of liquor. "I'll refund your room."

Susan stops pouring to look him in the eye. "Why do you care? Huh? I had this all planned out. No regrets. What reason in the world do you have to show up unannounced at my table?"

Greg rubs the back of his neck. "Well..."

Susan downs her cup slamming it back down angrily. "Why me? You could have let me have my moment but you had to sit at my table. Why?"

Greg licked his lips starring down into the depths of her stunning blue eyes. "Because..."

Susan exasperates her annoyance loudly through an exhale. She walks back towards the cream colored couch. "Because...? That's all you got?"

Greg follows slowly behind her. His voice is lower but unshaky. "Because I thought you were the most breath taking woman I had ever seen since my ex-wife."

Susan stops suddenly. She doesn't turn around but a single tear, the first of many, slowly trickles down the side of her cheek.

... I don't know. I'm sorry if I deviated away from your train of direction. I just think that you could better captivate your reader with more tension in the chapter. Susan should have a pretty thick wall up and Greg hurdles himself against it until something cracks.

Thank you both! I think this is the first time I've written something where I enjoy the process and actually connect with each character. My goal is to get 3, 4 and 5 up this week. Thankfully they're already written, just need the edits which I hate!

No worries, that's what we are here for, to help you edit. Always remember that this is your story and it needs to be told the way you wish to tell it. If we suggest something that you don't agree with, that's fine, keep going. Pick and choose what you wish from our point of view, we are only here to help. Hopefully we do just that.

It's very helpful, especially with the male perspective considering i've never been one. haha!