Goodreads Choice Awards Book Club discussion

A couple of us will be reading The Honey Bus: A Memoir of Loss, Courage and a Girl Saved by Bees by Meredith May for Nonfiction November. Everyone is welcome to join us. Please use spoiler tags as needed.



An extraordinary story of a girl, her grandfather and one of nature’s most mysterious and beguiling creatures: the honeybee.

Meredith May recalls the first time a honeybee crawled on her arm. She was five years old, her parents had recently split and suddenly she found herself in the care of her grandfather, an eccentric beekeeper who made honey in a rusty old military bus in the yard. That first close encounter was at once terrifying and exhilarating for May, and in that moment she discovered that everything she needed to know about life and family was right before her eyes, in the secret world of bees.

May turned to her grandfather and the art of beekeeping as an escape from her troubled reality. Her mother had receded into a volatile cycle of neurosis and despair and spent most days locked away in the bedroom. It was during this pivotal time in May’s childhood that she learned to take care of herself, forged an unbreakable bond with her grandfather and opened her eyes to the magic and wisdom of nature.

The bees became a guiding force in May’s life, teaching her about family and community, loyalty and survival and the unequivocal relationship between a mother and her child. Part memoir, part beekeeping odyssey, The Honey Bus is an unforgettable story about finding home in the most unusual of places, and how a tiny, little-understood insect could save a life.

Kevin - Would you be ready to start on November 1st? Or did you need more time to get the book?

I was able to check out the book so we can start Nov 1st.

This is my first buddy read!

Excellent! Welcome to buddy reading. :)

can i join?

Yes!

One of us! One of us! One of us!

…ok I’ll calm down

Kevin wrote: "Yes!

One of us! One of us! One of us!

…ok I’ll calm down"

lol I am one! I'll be getting my copy next week

That's great, Monika! :)

Hey all - I'd like to join in. I've been meaning to read this book for awhile now.

Welcome Jayme!

Yay, Jayme!

Starting today! Are you all ready? I'm really looking forward to this one. :)

I won't be able to get to it until Saturday. I have a few books I need to finish first :)

hello, I'd like to join! Looks like I can get it from the library very soon :)

Welcome Melissa!

Kevin wrote: "Welcome Melissa!"

just got this book today will try to get to it but no guarantee

I just read the first two chapters. I can put it off a couple of days if no one else is ready. I'll pick it up again in a couple of days. Just putting my thoughts down for the first couple of chapters because I'm sure I'll forget.

up to chapter 3 (view spoiler)[ I feel so bad for Meredith. It must've been so scary living with such volatile parents, then having such a huge life change without anyone explaining anything to her. It's also sad that her grandmother acts like she is such a bother.

I find the family dynamics interesting. I can completely understand the close bond that the grandmother has with the mother and her wanting to take care of her after also having been a single mom. It also explains a lot of why the grandfather sort of stays out of it. Not only is it his personality type, but the mother wasn't his child and he wasn't in the picture until just before she left for college.

I still feel bad that she isn't really getting the warm and fuzzies from anyone. Her mother is a mess, she isn't supposed to talk about her dad who she misses, her grandmother acts like having them there is a hassle, and her grandfather just tries to avoid the conflict. No one is caring for her or explaining anything. Her brother is too young to be of any support and actually requires her supervision at times.

If I'm remembering correctly, I think she's only about 5 when this happened. Practically a baby herself. (She was 10 when the scalp bee stings happened.)
(hide spoiler)]

I’m also up to Chapter 3 (view spoiler)[ I’m sure we will learn more about the father but so far it sounds like Meredith’s mom had too high expectations for what her life would be and couldn’t accept a uneventful life. To be fair I got upset when the father wouldn’t change a diaper. Both of Meredith’s female figures in her life don’t seem mentally fit (hide spoiler)]

Kevin wrote: "I’m also up to Chapter 3 [spoilers removed]"

I agree. I think (view spoiler)[ the mom struggled with the boredom of everyday life. (hide spoiler)]

I didn't read any more today because I think a few people weren't ready, but I'll read more tomorrow. I don't tend to read much on the weekends, so it's likely people will fly by me when they start.

Ok good to know, I’m at chapter 5 so I’ll finish that and wait up. I also don’t read much on the weekends so hopefully that will give others time to catch up

I made it up to chapter 6 today. I wasn't completely taken in by the blurb for this book, but so many of my Goodreads friends loved it that I thought I'd give it a try. I was wondering if a memoir that is basically about bees would be interesting at all, but so far it is. According to my Kindle chapter 6 is 29% and I'm still engaged with her story.

I knew quite a bit of the information she has shared about bees to this point, but I have also learned more. It's really quite interesting.

Regarding her family life: (view spoiler)[ I am so happy that her grandfather noticed she was hiding away in the tree and decided to take an interest in her. It seems like he will not only be a great male role model and father figure for her, but also just a genuine adult who cares about her well-being.

I think her grandmother cares too, but she seems to care more about Meredith's mother. Strange that she seems of the mindset that children shouldn't bother the adults, but it doesn't seem like she had that type of relationship with her daughter. She seems like she is coddling Meredith's mom a bit. That can be comforting to a point, but I don't think it's necessarily what she needs right now. Maybe trying to coax her back out and into the family / world would be more helpful. She seems like she is just wallowing in her depression, which is quite sad for her and everyone else as well. (hide spoiler)]

Also, still up to chapter 6 (view spoiler)[ I love that Meredith is learning about family and working together and never giving up from the bees. Seems like they have a lot of good lessons to teach her. (hide spoiler)]

I’m enjoying this book more than I thought I would. The author paints a very vivid picture of how life was. It could also be partly because I grew up not too far from the setting of this book. Whatever the case I’ll be looking into other books by the author.(view spoiler)[ when the dad showed up to give the car and gave her a hug telling her that he will always be her father just destroyed me. I have a 5 year old daughter and I couldn’t imagine the sadness he had letting her go (I’m even getting choked up typing this sentence) (hide spoiler)]

Shall we update at the end of chapter 9?

Kristie wrote: "Also, still up to chapter 6 [spoilers removed]"

I agree!

Kevin wrote: "I’m enjoying this book more than I thought I would. The author paints a very vivid picture of how life was. It could also be partly because I grew up not too far from the setting of this book. What..."

(view spoiler)[ I had a hard time with that scene. I'm wondering if we'll learn more about what was going on there later. It must've been heartbreaking for all involved when he walked away. (hide spoiler)]

Kevin wrote: "...Shall we update at the end of chapter 9?"

Sure

I am starting the book later today :)

Yay!

I'm behind but liking it so far

No worries, Monika! We don't have a set time frame and some people haven't even started yet. Just read at your pace and comment when you can.

I read up to chapter 9 today. I intentionally stopped and just noticed that you said the end of chapter 9, Kevin.

Still enjoying it, not too much to say. (view spoiler)[ I love that Meredith's grandpa stepped up and went to school for her and "claimed" her infant of her class and that he's including her in all his bee stuff. He's really making her feel loved, important, and useful. I loved when he stood his ground about being her real grandfather. 💕

I'm not sure what her mother was expecting from her father. It seemed like she has no relationship with him, but wanted him to fork over some cash to help her out. She is an adult. I think she needs to have a relationship with him if he's going to feel like he should be helping her financially or any other way. I think this goes back to her unrealistic expectations of people and life in general.


I felt so bad for Meredith when she had the breakdown in music class. She misses her dad so much.
(hide spoiler)]

I just got it and can start reading tomorrow! I’ll try to catch up tomorrow morning! Happy reading !

I really am starting this book. lol Life sidetracked me yesterday and today, but now I have a bit of relaxing time :)

I ended up with more reading time than I expected today. I'm somewhere in chapter 14 (75% according to my Kindle).

(view spoiler)[ It's so strange to see the inner workings of this dysfunctional family. I think she would have been better off staying with her father when he offered, but I can see how a child would have made the decision she did.

I can't believe how awful her mother is. I just feel worse and worse for her. It seems that her mother's mental illness is getting worse and her grandmother is still enabling that behavior and her grandfather is unable to speak up for her. I need to remind myself that even though mental health counseling is commonplace now, that wasn't always the case and there was a lot of stigma that went with it. It wasn't something that most people did or would even consider. I'm sure her family is doing the best they know how, but it's still awful.

I wonder how it will all play out when she goes off to college and how it will be for her brother being left there without her. I can't believe he is out in a trailer! Those poor kids are just biding their time trying to avoid their mother and confrontations with her. (hide spoiler)]

Kristie wrote: "I just read the first two chapters. I can put it off a couple of days if no one else is ready. I'll pick it up again in a couple of days. Just putting my thoughts down for the first couple of chapt..."

Wow, I agree (view spoiler)[ the family dynamics are something else. I was a teenager during the mid/late 70's and it seemed that every family was breaking up - mine included. It was a time when women had had enough with the idea that they were only "housewives." The book The Women's Room came out then and really explained what that generation of women were feeling. Everyone was reading it (I snuck my mom's copy and read it) They even blamed the book for the rise in divorce rates. I really feel bad for the mom. She felt she had to leave, but didn't have a follow through plan. And grandma thinks she's doing what's best for her daughter by letting her wallow in her pain, but this is new territory for her also. And as always the children are lost in the middle and take the hit. (hide spoiler)]

Jayme wrote: "Kristie wrote: "I just read the first two chapters...."

Interesting, Jayme. I think it's pretty safe to say that (view spoiler)[ my mom never read that book. lol She loved nothing more than being a wife. I knew very few families that split up in the 70s. More in the 80s for sure, but it was only in my periphery and I was unaware of the details. No one really talked about it to me and I'm sure I had no interest since it didn't directly affect me.

It wasn't until the 90s when I started seeing divorce everywhere. Actually, when my daughter was in kindergarten she came home one day quite upset that all of her friends got to have two homes and she only had one. That wasn't a conversation I was expecting!

I feel like the mom, in this case, had unrealistic expectation. I'm not sure if she was hoping for wealth or drama or just some excitement, but she wasn't getting what she needed.
(hide spoiler)]

Kevin wrote: "I’m enjoying this book more than I thought I would. The author paints a very vivid picture of how life was. It could also be partly because I grew up not too far from the setting of this book. What..."

Does your book have the photos in it? There are several absolutely beautiful pictures in the book. How lucky for you to have grown up nearby. That was a (view spoiler)[ gut-wrenching scene with the father leaving. I am wondering if we are going to learn the details of their split. (hide spoiler)]

I don’t know if I can finish this. I’m a teacher and I see so much trauma daily. I’ve seen worse than this but it’s still trauma. Never good.

Kristie wrote: "I read up to chapter 9 today. I intentionally stopped and just noticed that you said the end of chapter 9, Kevin.
.."

It seemed to me that it was(view spoiler)[ implied that her real father was abusive to her. I could be wrong. I wondered if she grew up with money because it stated her folks split up when she was 19, which could explain why she feels she was entitled to more than what her marriage could give her financially and why she expected so much. (hide spoiler)]

I am really enjoying how at the end of each chapter she compares the life in the beehive to her own life - little nuggets of wisdom.

Good point, Jayme. I thought that (view spoiler)[ her mom married her stepdad when she was 18 or 19, right before she left for college. I don't recall how long she was a single mom for or if she jumped right into this new relationship.

I'm reading another book that has abusive dads who are no longer in the picture, single moms, teenagers, and bees. lol So, I'm having a hard time keeping some of it separate.

You would think that having a wealthy dad, but not being wealthy herself or having a good relationship with him, that she would have some understanding that wealth doesn't really equal happiness.
(hide spoiler)]

I like that part too, Jayme. She learned a lot about human behavior through the bees.

If you love the bee information/relationship with humans- (be it mystery or memoir) many books that have bees in the name follow the same format. Just another reason Bees are amazing (sorry I’m a biologist).

QueenAmidala28 wrote: "I don’t know if I can finish this. I’m a teacher and I see so much trauma daily. I’ve seen worse than this but it’s still trauma. Never good."

I understand that. The mom is pretty terrible, but (view spoiler)[ for most of the story she is holed up in her room and her dad is not around. There is much more neglect involved than physical abuse, but there is a little of that as well. I would say there is some severe neglect and emotional abuse as well as a sort of abandonment from her mother which would be pretty traumatic for her. Her grandfather is her anchor in all of this, but seems unable to speak up for her needs most of the time. Her dad lives on the other side of the country and gives her and her brother a sense of normalcy during a weeklong visit in the summers, but doesn't seem to have any contact otherwise. (hide spoiler)]

The spoiler is in regards to the trauma in the story up to 75% if you want to know what you're getting into.

QueenAmidala28 wrote: "If you love the bee information/relationship with humans- (be it mystery or memoir) many books that have bees in the name follow the same format. Just another reason Bees are amazing (sorry I’m a b..."

I'm finding the bee information fascinating. I took an online freebie course this summer sponsored by Ohio State and it was all about the bumble bee and how critical they are, but don't get all the press that the honeybee does. The course brought a new level of understanding and it's been great fun identifying different bumbles in my backyard.

Very cool Jayme. Would could all benefit from a lecture or two on honeybees. As you said they are fascinating creatures socially but are also critical to the environment and our food supply.

Just finished this book and am very glad I joined this group! Can’t wait to see what yall thought about it! Happy reading!

I finished the book. Wow. I didn't realize that (view spoiler)[ it would be so heartbreaking. How much the mom and granny enabled each other by being locked in their history of abuse. And the grandfather must have felt caught in the middle because he wasn't their biological grandfather, so didn't have any claim on them if he should stir the pot and the granny made him leave. As wonderful as he was for the children I do think they should have went with their father. Even in her writing the author Meredith May has a feeling of detachment and aloneness that I don't think she ever got over (hide spoiler)]
Very powerful book.

I hope to finish tomorrow, but definitely within the next couple of days. Looking forward to reading your spoiler.

I finished!

Jayme - I agree! (view spoiler)[ There was just so much buried trauma there. It was sad that the grandfather was sort of ignoring and enabling the treatment of his grandkids just like the grandmother did with the mother. But, I thought the same thing - he probably felt like he couldn't really say too much because it wasn't his place and didn't want to cause problems in his relationships. I'm sure he knew at least some of the history.

I also thought that she should have gone with her father and it was too bad that he never fought for them. I don't know if that was just the times or if he didn't feel he could or should try for custody or if he just didn't have the ability to face that kind of confrontation. Maybe he was afraid of losing all contact? Maybe the fact that she said she wanted to stay with her mom swayed him, but what about before that? She never really addressed that or what her relationship was like with her father later in life. He felt like such a side note in her story, but I guess that's to be expected of someone she only saw for a week a year. I just found it sad because it seemed like she was closer to her dad than her mom before the divorce. Wonderful that her grandfather was there for her, but she had a whole family of people on the other coast.
(hide spoiler)]

Kevin - Did you end up finishing this one? What did you think of it?