Jewish Book Club discussion

This is the spot to discuss November's Moderator's Choice -- thoughts, feeling, reactions.

I loved this book.
Even laughed out load a bit.
I will wait to review it and make comments until others have a chance to do so

Note that MacMillan has it for ages 13-18. Just say'n...

Mel wrote: "Note that MacMillan has it for ages 13-18. Just say'n..."

Hi-
I take responsibility for this.
I read this bf its release and when considering this book for the group I did some due diligence on reviews and age. It really doesn't read as a YA book but it addresses the issue and concern of "General Anxiety Disorder" in not a threatening way. This has become prevalent in all ages.
Our heros are in their 20-30's.
We needed an upcoming easy read.

Heck, Stacey, I had to fight my kids for who got to read the next Harry Potter book first. My, uh, observation was purely tongue-in-cheek.

I know that- :)
I'm glad you gave me a segue to say something.
Bet you would find a few things in there that would make you
laugh.

Mel wrote: "Note that MacMillan has it for ages 13-18. Just say'n..."

Several people in my book group also confused this book with Macmillan's book Perfect on Paper, which is indeed a YA book.

Mr. Perfect on Paper is published by Harlequin's MIRA imprint which is definitely for adults.

Brutal for the authors to have such similar titles published within a year or so of each other.

This is my first time commenting in this group so I am not sure of the etiquette. I wanted to share the book report I gave to my book group here, but I'll put the whole thing behind spoiler tags since I believe people will be reading until the end of the month. No other Jewish members of my book group have read it yet (we read whatever we want and talk about it in WhatsApp, vs. clubs where people all read the same book) so I am really interested to hear how this was for other Jewish readers!

(view spoiler)[I read this a week ago but I have been sitting with what to say about it. It's another romance by the author of The Matzah Ball. The MC in Mr. Perfect on Paper comes from a long line of Jewish matchmakers, which she took technological by creating the book's version of J-Date (called J-Mate). It was very intense to read, especially at the beginning, because the MC is extremely wealthy and there's a lot of focus on her luxurious apartment, clothes, car service, everything is the best of everything. She also has crippling Generalized Anxiety Disorder and there's a lot of detail about that as well. She also only will date Jewish men and that's another main focus of the book. So basically she's Jewish, she's rich, she's neurotic, and she's insular. The author is Jewish and as I read I was cringing internally and yelling at her, "What the heck you cannot write books like this, it is not safe why are you feeding the stereotypes!?!?" So that was an uncomfortable layer non-Jewish readers might not have to endure. Really makes me wonder about other culture-specific romances I've read and whether readers from that culture might actually be enjoying them less, for similar reasons.

Was it a good story and a good romance? I don't know? I guess? Meltzer isn't the best writer but I have a soft spot for her because she has the same illness as I do and I want to cheer her on for managing to write anything at all. It's certainly not terrible, but I don't think I can be an accurate assessor of the quality of the book since I was pretty much in panic mode for most of my reading. (hide spoiler)]

Lailah wrote: "This is my first time commenting in this group so I am not sure of the etiquette. I wanted to share the book report I gave to my book group here, but I'll put the whole thing behind spoiler tags si..."

Thanks for commenting, Lailah!
We're pretty relaxed about those standards or etiquette. Just don't tell "what happens" in the book at the 1st of the month. Reactions like yours are fine! I haven't read it so awaiting Stacey's response whenever she can. (It so often happens that we both respond at the same time!)
Or responses from other readers good too.
P.S. We used to have two threads, one for initial thoughts and responses and another for conclusions, but just wasn't justified by the amount of discussion, so we just ask commenters not to begin by telling how it ends.
Do you mean the author also has anxiety, like the character? Not sure I followed you there. It's often so helpful to come across a literary expression of how we ourselves are feeling/experiencing the world! I have a "bibliotherapeutic" shelf, and sounds like this one is bibliotherapeutic for you at points. :)

Lailah wrote: "... Several people in my book group also confused this book with Macmillan's book Perfect on Paper, which is indeed a YA book.

Mr. Perfect on Paper is published by Harlequin's MIRA imprint which is definit..."

For a minute I had a sinking feeling we'd added the wrong one. Not! This one is the Jewish book. Whew! Thanks, Lailah.

Hi Lailah-
I am a tad confused at what you are saying or its my jet lag.
We include the author for every book we suggest. Was it a question of which book due to the fact there is another book w/ the same title?
This is the first time Jan and I haven't responded at the same time. :)
I am out of the country so my timetable is several hours off; but can say I thoroughly enjoyed reading this book. It was as entertaining as it was informative- re GAD. I have two friends with this disorder and hope you enjoyed the book as well.

Related: story hitting the news yesterday of a study finding meditation as effective as meds. 😃

Motzah Ball Meltzer has pulled it out yet again. I just laughed the whole way through. It was hilarious, adorable, charming, every adjective you would expect for such a novel. I finished in pretty much a day, maybe two. There was an overnight involved. And in the last ten pages, even if it was hokey, campy, and predictable, I even cried real crocodile tears.

The book was just fun - but lets talk about the elephant in the room; the motzah ball in the soup. Let's talk about intermarriage. Let's face it, it's a tough topic. So let's confront it. We have plenty of friends who intermarried, both our siblings did - both of them twice! That sounds about right, two Jewish families with two kids, one of each intermarries, the other set finds one another. Has three sons. What are the odds that all of our three sons fall in love with a Jewish girl? In this day and age, there wasn't a given that all three of our sons would have been even straight, or born into the bodies that they were meant to be. Right now, each of our kids has a strong Jewish identity and plans to date and marry Jewish, but so did Scott's brother. Life has a way of leading you somewhere unexpected, no matter one's intentions and plans....

So first and foremost, you want your child to find their besheret - the hebrew word for soulmate. the one they were intended for, the other half of that whole. The one that loves them fiercely and for whom they cannot live and breathe without. And when they find that person, that is the right one for them. Would I like/love/wish for that person to be Jewish? Of course. That would be easier. Would I like for that non-Jewish Beshert to fall in love with Judaism? Of course? Would I like the children to be raised Jewish? I can't imagine that wouldn't happen, in pretty much every case I've seen, and my own children would insist. But yes, I would ideally want that. But what do I want the most? I want my daughters in laws to feel chosen, welcomed by us. I want them never to feel "less than". I want them to know that if they have our sons' heart, they have ours. I want good relationships with all of their families. (Machetunim - co-inlaws.) I want to have holdays and birthdays and all the good things in life. I want to talk books, and food, and memories, and make new ones. I want that more than I want a Jewish girl for my beautiful boys. I truly do.

But it's fair to say that even though one is swept up in the story, there is a way in which we "get" the conflict on a deep gutteral level. How can we not notice it would be easy or fitting somehow, if the main character ended up with the Mr. Perfect Jewish husband option? But that's not the point. The point is, she was slowly falling in love with Mr. Wrong. And love is never perfect. But its aim is pure and true. Who wouldn't root for these two who so clearly were destined for one another? And at the same time, as Jews, maybe even Jewish mothers, we feel it somehow. Yes, love is more important. Yes, its also imperfectly perfect. And yet somewhere deep inside it means something to us nonetheless.

We are in a strange new world now, where we have to blend traditions with a new way of living, thinking, and dreaming. Nowadays the options go way past religion and race, to gender and gender conception, and a whole lot more. I think ultimately we have to just kind of let go and trust. Trust in soulmates, that they will come for our kids in the bodies, genders, and gender conceptions, and races, and cultures, and experiences that they do. I think we also trust that Judaism survives. Because it's beautiful, and people who get to experience it, want to embrace it, even if conversion is never on the table. That people see that living torah values is a beautiful joyful life, and one they wish to enjoy and perpetuate. That Judaism survives, because Love survives. Because God created these matches, each and every one of them. So isn't it just beautiful when two souls find one another, no matter how? Its never strange and its never wrong. It simply is.

The book was just charming. Its super fun to have strong Jewish characters. And an adorable 11 year old. And.... Bubbe Miriam? Well naturally, she just steals the show.

I think our Leila was talking about the condition in the first novel, the Motzah Ball, which she shouldn't have to disclose.

I too would be interested in how Jewish readers would feel about this, and about the author's choice to write it. Just before starting the book, I had two intense conversations, one just minutes before Shabbat, with my favorite Chabadnik friend and teacher about the differences between the Reform movement and the Orthodox, and what is needed for our religion to survive. Whether the Reform conversions are "true" and "legit" if the person doesn't keep the 613? About intermarriage. About what it means to be Jewish if you are not 613 Jewish. It was intense, to say they least. Coming from the folk elite point of view of the very learned very traditional reform Jew. That said, I credit the Orthodox for one of the reasons our traditions have survived. We lost 80-90% of our rabbis, teachers, and knowledge in the Holocaust. And now Judaism is carrying on the old traditions, but needing to adapt in an ever changing world. I'm curious about that conversation here. I'm happy Leilah brought it up, because its a starting point to respectfully discuss. So lets dive in.

Amy wrote: "Motzah Ball Meltzer has pulled it out yet again. I just laughed the whole way through. It was hilarious, adorable, charming, every adjective you would expect for such a novel. I finished in pretty ..."

Beautifully said, Amy -- even though I havn't read (either of) the books. So direct and honest and therefore readily understandable. Much appreciated.

Amy wrote: ... I too would be interested in how Jewish readers would feel about this, ...

... now Judaism is carrying on the old traditions, but needing to adapt in an ever changing world. I'm curious about that conversation here. I'm happy Leilah brought it up, because its a starting point to respectfully discuss. So lets dive in.

Thanks, Amy. I second Amy's invitation.

Jan wrote: "Lailah wrote: "This is my first time commenting in this group so I am not sure of the etiquette. I wanted to share the book report I gave to my book group here, but I'll put the whole thing behind ..."

Thank you for letting me know how things go around here! To answer your question, the author has a chronic health condition and she made the main character of her first book have it as well, and I also have that health condition. Most people with this illness are unable to work at all, so I am cheering for Meltzer!

Stacey B wrote: "Hi Lailah-
I am a tad confused at what you are saying or its my jet lag.
We include the author for every book we suggest. Was it a question of which book due to the fact there is another book w/ th..."

Hi Stacy, I was replying to the person who wrote the comment "Note that MacMillan has it for ages 13-18. Just say'n..." They were looking at a different book (with a very similar title) than the one you picked for us to read here, so I was trying to clear that up.

Hi, just finished the book. This was a fun read with many difficult questions about what is a Jew, what does it mean to be Jew-ish, and the survival of the Jewish traditions. Like Amy, I was brought up in a traditional reform way to parents that had been raised orthodox and conservative. It was important to them that their three daughters knew the traditions and made a choice about them. This was always part of who I identify as. That being said, I married someone who is also Jewish, never expecting to have a conversation every single year about why I would not put up a tree for Christmas.

My point is the same as in the book - just because someone checks that box doesn't mean that the belief system is identical. Compromises occur in every marriage, and every religion. Being open to the person that sees you, supports you, and helps you be your best will help you maintain this part of your identity. In my opinion it is knowing both what and why things are done that is important. That is what Dara is able to express throughout, especially to Lacey about keeping kosher, what is important to her about the rituals - their meaning and connection they gave her. It's the understanding of why that will keep the religion going.

another good read in this vein is Single Jewish Male Seeking Soul Mate

I love what you offered - K!

Kszr wrote: "Hi, just finished the book. This was a fun read with many difficult questions about what is a Jew, what does it mean to be Jew-ish, and the survival of the Jewish traditions. Like Amy, I was brough..."

Wow, I loved what you wrote: "Compromises occur in every marriage, and every religion. Being open to the person that sees you, supports you, and helps you be your best will help you maintain this part of your identity. In my opinion it is knowing both what and why things are done that is important." This is a great philosophy of relationship and helps me understand this book better. I think these are words I will be returning to in the future.