Our Shared Shelf discussion

Hello,
It has been a while since I've connected. I currently questioning myself and asking question around me on the topic "hygienic protections". As a man/male, I've been thinking about for a few years and a discussion with a female/woman friend made me thinking a bit more about it.
Few questions raised from that discussion related to menstruations, pre-menstruation symptoms and hygienic protections:
Are there many males who have hygienic protections in their bags?
=> so far, none of the males I asked the question have hygienic protections in their bags
What would females(and to some extent males) think if males have hygienic protection in their bags? Would it perceived as intrusive, or as a supporting behavior for instance?
=> Did not get many answers about that so far. One male said it was too touchy topic and he would not feel confortable. A woman (the friend that actually sparked that discussion) told me she would be positively surprised. Another female, said she would feel it's paternalism and would rather prefer free access in public space.

To be honest, I did not think about the diversity of answer I would get from the second question (was expecting the answer from the 1st though).
Of course it's touchy subject 'cause it's related both to taboo and intimity. My guess is it' s better to talk with the people we hang out with or/and we are close too to understand their needs. Problem is, it's taboo and too few start such discussion.
I admit I'm still a bit lost about all of that.

I'd be happy if any of you could give me your opinion about that topic. It would help to understand better and would be complementary to the information I get from readings.

Kind regards,
Florian.

Oh boy, I'm still trying to normalize my period around my partner, let alone asking friends or strangers for supplies. I make announcements, I buy an indulgent cheat meal that he can partake in if he wants, and share what comforts I like to have during that time (heating pads, period meds w/ caffeine, etc.)

But after finding out about menstrual cups, I have reduced the need for tampons, pads or other disposable period products. Therefore, I don't need him or another guy to have items on hand. And like you're other friend, if surprised, I would prefer to rely on the free access in public than to ask a guy for supplies if I didn't have any on me.

I suppose that boils down to self reliance more than anything. Same with condoms, if I wasn't in a steady relationship, I wouldn't trust a guy to have condoms, I would bring it myself.

This differs greatly from like a Kleenex or a band aid. If my partner or friend or stranger had those, I would be more accepting and willing to ask. But for things that I insert into my body, nah, I'll carry my own. I have the privilege of being choosy and I will flex that comfort and security.

Hum... Yes, I understand the "not relying on some else", I guess if I was a female I would never ask a male such stuff unless he is really close friend or my SO.

Overall, the answers I got from females are quite different. Some would be positively surprised other would prefer to not be in that situation they would feel awkward. However, one common (unanimous actually) answer is definitely free access in public area.
Another one quite common is simply sharing the cost of hygienic protections whenever in a relationship (similar to contraception). This makes more sense and allow reliance free.

Overall, I'm thinking, based on what I received, the best is to discuss that topic with closed relatives and SO. And obviously to share the cost until hygienic protection are free access or refund, the two being compatible of course.

I must admit that when my friend told me she was on premenstruation symptoms I understood that a couple of days later she would have her period. We had planned to lunch together that day so I put painkiller in my bag. The evening we had light combat class and I felt she was not feeling based on her non verbal. I was not sure how to behave to be fair. Later I told her I had painkiller and during the discussion she told told me I was mature/ready enough to have hygienic protection in my bag. I was a bit surprised (neither negatively or positively), and I wanted to know more, at least to understand you know.

Thanks for your answer Pam. I did not think I would get answers from here since it seems to not be too active.

Hello Florian and Pam,
To me I think it’s normal to have at least a backup solution in your bag, just in case of. I think and I had two stories I will share about that that’s it’s being supportive and show you care and also being foreseeing.

I hav a friend called Iris, that ran away from a psychiatric hospital, she has been interned because of a toxic male person, and a dispute at his parent’s house, they called the NHS then she has been put in the hospital, she was sad and she ran away and came to my flat (I was a student, it was in 2008 something like that) I welcomed her of course, but was a little worried. She had nothing and she was seeking for help. I told her to stay sleeping and we will see the day after how to act properly not to get her in trouble. Before we go to bed she has her period coming and she had absolutely nothing, hopefully I had protection in my house in case of, and that’s it, it was useful.


I have a second story quite the same, same period, my girl friend came home to sleep from London, she has forget her protections and she ask me if had had some, and guess what I did. So she was happily surprised and I think wasn’t uncomfortable with that, I think she would have been more uncomfortable if it wasn’t the case 😉

I understand that some person prefer not to relate on other it’s quite a good thing. But it’s also a good thing to be forseeing, you don’t need to put a giant sign with « I have protection for you in case of you know » but just take them with and if one day someone needs it, you will be there.

Hello,

As a woman who had bled through her dress in my microbiology class on the day of my final exam- I sure as hell would have appreciated someone hand me a pad, midol and anything that would have helped make that day a tiny bit better.
It is not something I have thought of not because it is "Taboo" but I just never expect it from both man or woman to help in such a way. . but for society to redeem (we need a lot of redeeming because we have taken so many steps back) itself and become better we need to care for one another in aspects that a person did not realize they would need that assistance. It is like someone stepping out in a rainy day without knowing it was going to rain, the fact that a stranger had an extra umbrella to hand to a stranger and protect their clothing and anothers whole person would just be a great moment of compassion.
Now- my question to you is what is "hygienic protections" I realized when you wrote this I thought of pads, wet clothe, Midol etc.
I think it would be awkward for some but welcome in the time of need which most cases, moments of that awkward feeling is fleeting when some gives them something they are in dire need of.

I am surprised this is still a touchy topic. It's normal for women to go through this. Anyway, I think it would be normal and rather cute if a partner or really close friend had hygienic protection in their bags for their women friends. I'd think of that as normal since it's a way of looking out for them. I've had many times where I had an accident because I didn't carry one with me. So, if some of them would think of it in that way, then maybe they'd find it less embarrassing.

I know that some people wouldn't rely on others, but sometimes there are moments when there is no choice. If that's not something people want to do, then there should be at least one pad, tampon vending machine in different locations where women can just grab them when they need them.

Thanks you for sharing your point of view. It is highly appreciated! 😊

I think have vending machines and a partner, close friend, family to help with periods would be good! It is when we are busy to forget to put them in our bag. Accidents happen and it is a natural part of being a woman! Just like having sex, condoms for protection which is so important to talk about with those you trust or in schools, university. Education is also important in these areas to be informed so that you know what to do in an awkward situation. It is great that men take the time to understand and support us! My husband will buy Hygiene products for myself and we have them on hand when needed. It should not be so taboo in this day and age!