The Sword and Laser discussion

I decided to make this a separate topic rather than a post in the 2025 topic thread because as I mulled over what I might say about it, I realized I had a lot I wanted to explore. And I thought that would be better off on its own rather than a wall of text thrown into the middle of the ongoing shorter posts.

First, I want to cover some general details. This is the second book in a two book series by the author. I listened to them both in audio format and I think that works very well for this particular story. In the author's note to First Light, Liz Kerin mentions that she felt it was very important for her to narrate the second book and that's something she was able to work out in the contract. I'm picky about which books I read with my ears versus my eyes. If audio format works for you at all, this is definitely one I recommend in that format.

Night's Edge
First Light

The following comes out in the first few chapters setting the stage for the story, so I don't consider it a spoiler, but if you prefer to know nothing at all before starting a book, you should probably stop here.

The books are set in a world where an infection called Saratov's Syndrome manifested a couple of decades in the past (I forget the exact timing of the first infection) and grew into a global pandemic. The infected, called "Saras" using the first part of the syndrome's name are essentially vampires. If drained of blood to the point of death and then given another Sara's blood, over several days their entire body is essentially revamped. They become preternaturally fast and strong, heal almost any damage, and emit pheromones making them more attractive to people who might be attracted to them anyway. They also stop aging. They require fresh human blood to survive. The blood starts to lose potency to sustain them as soon as it's drawn so blood banks in the traditional sense aren't an option. And while sunlight is an issue, their other vulnerabilities aren't the same as traditional vampires. The main ones are caffeine, alcohol (in the blood of someone) and rusted metal.

Society adapted. Scanners are developed to detect Saratov's syndrome in a pinprick of blood and are required at all businesses, public transit, government buildings and anywhere people might go at night. If people have to go out at night, they'll often drink coffee or swig a soda with caffeine. Centers are developed to hold and treat Saras and all are required to declare themselves and enter a center.

The story in both novels centers around Mia. Mia's mother, Izzy, was infected 13 years before the first novel starts when Mia was 10. Mia has helped protect her mother throughout those years. They've depended on each other and Mia has provided the 4 ounces of blood each day her mom needs to stay alive. First Light tells the story of what comes after the events in Night's Edge.

Both novels tell basically two stories in parallel in alternating chapters. In Night's Edge, one storyline are the events in the past starting when Mia was 10 that led to their current situation. And the other storyline is the one occurring in the "present" of the novel. In First Light, the story in the past begins where Night's Edge ends and explains how events led to the main story in the "present" of the novel. I know that sort of parallel storytelling can annoy some people who prefer a more linear approach. I tend to enjoy the style myself when it's done well and in this case I don't think the same story could even be told in either novel in a linear fashion. Sure, the plot points could be approached that way, but it wouldn't ultimately be as effective. Famously, Stephen King has opined that he thinks flashbacks are weak writing even as he has a whole bestselling novel, "It", that is structured pretty much exactly the way these two novels are structured. Go figure.

The story, the characters, the world of Saratov's Syndrome and Saras are all compelling as a a different approach to the vampire horror novel. (And there is definitely some gore that might be a bit much for the squeamish.) I think anyone who wants to enjoy it just on that level won't be disappointed by either novel.

But like all the really good vampire novels, these novels aren't really about vampires or vampirism. Instead that provides a lens through which the author can deeply explore some aspect of being human, often the ways we can be damaged or damage others.

These books deeply explore a specific sort of complex childhood trauma and abuse. And in First Light, what it can look like to begin to work free of it.

And that will be the focus of my next post in this topic.

I do ultimately want to explore the dynamics in First Light, since that's the novel that spurred me to post this reflection. But I can't get there without discussing Night's Edge.

Here's the key fact from Night's Edge that sets everything else up.

Mia was 10 years old when her mother was infected. As with most children in unstable, neglectful, or abusive households, it's questionable how much of a real childhood she had before then, but for all practical purposes her childhood ended on that day. She became responsible for, in the context of the story, literally feeding her mother her lifeblood to keep her alive. She had to help her mother stay hidden. She had to help with the bar, a perfect cover business for her mother. And she had to ensure her mother paid the bills and had to help protect her. Mia's whole world depended on her ability to do that. And her mother depended on her.

That sort of role inversion is commonly called a "parentified child". It's a somewhat dry way to explain an experience that is so all-encompassing, so pervasive, and so different from the sort of childhood experience most people share, it's extremely challenging to ever feel like those of us who had a childhood more like that have ever explained it in a way that others can truly understand. Most often, we mostly quit trying. We're used to finding ways to divert the gaze of others since we never want them to look too closely. We're incredibly good at compartmentalizing and keeping secrets.

Just from my experience encountering people and hearing their stories, I know it's not a rare experience, though also not common. If you've known a fair number of people, the odds are pretty decent that at some point you've known somebody with a story somewhere along that spectrum. And the odds are also pretty decent you may have no idea that's what their story is like.

It can arise from all sorts of situations, including a parent who becomes disabled or otherwise gravely ill especially if there isn't much or any caregiver support outside that parent. Issues of substance abuse or mental illness in a caregiver can create that sort of partial role inversion. And it's rarely a situation free from other sorts of abuse or neglect, all of which compound the impact.

Of course, the child can't actually be the parent in this situation because the child is not an adult. That's something very much in the forefront of any such child's mind at all times and Night's Edge brings that out so well. The child needs the adult to make money or bring it in through some kind of support somehow. The child needs the parent to show up at school when required. The child needs the adult to pay bills and sometimes to drive them places. So the child doesn't take on all the adult responsibilities directly. Instead, the child becomes responsible for making sure the adult does the adult things the child simply can't do. And then often take over directly everything the child can actually do themselves.

And the adult in those situations often behaves like a resistant child when their child tries to get them to do something they don't want to do in the moment. Again, Night's Edge really brings that dynamic out so very well.

I noticed in some comments and reviews that readers were surprised and kept forgetting that present-day Mia was 23 years old. She often feels and acts like perhaps a 17 or 18 year old at most. Even the attraction and crush she feels toward the barista, Jade, that develops into a sort of less than healthy dynamic between them represents Mia's first attempt at any sort of romantic relationship.

And that's one fairly typical direction children like Mia take. There isn't really any "growing up" in the typical sense as the child has been acting on the periphery of the adult world and doing adult things and taking on adult responsibilities essentially their whole life. Rather, they are responsible, or at least feel responsible, for the well-being of their parent. Rather than move to take on more responsibility, growth for them means letting go of the responsibility they feel for their parent or caregiver. And as Izzy demonstrates, the adult usually isn't keen on the idea of losing the main person who has been taking care of them. So in Mia's case, everything gets arrested in time. Her whole world is her mother. She can't move forward.

I'll note my experience was at another extreme end of the spectrum. I became a young teen parent and spouse. It's not accurate to say I planned that path. People aren't usually that straightforward or simple. But I couldn't honestly claim I did anything to prevent it. In fact, I was "careless" in a way I was *never* careless. So I wouldn't say some part of me somehow didn't *not* plan it either, if that makes sense. And I moved from one relationship with someone who needed me to another. Which also means I moved from one toxic and often abusive relationship to another one. People who *need* you tend to have reasons *why* they need you.

So in practical terms, what that means is I traded responsibility for my mother for a superseding responsibility for my children (and spouse, but I'm not sure it's exactly the same category). I couldn't simply stop and leave on my own. That didn't even enter my thoughts. And it's only decades later that I can really even acknowledge what was happening. I'm not sure there's a human creature on the planet more responsible than a parentified child.

In Night's Edge, the boundaries of Mia's "safe" world, which was never really safe at all, crumble from multiple forces, not least her own need to find some sort of life for herself.

Tomorrow I'll delve into First Light, the story of what happens 'after'.

Scott wrote: "The infected, called "saras" using the first part of the syndrome's name are essentially vampires. If drained of blood to the point of death and then given another sara's blood, over several days their entire body is essentially revamped."

I see what you did there.

First Light is a sometimes gory vampire novel following the rollercoaster ride of a revenge thriller arc. It's a wild ride. In interviews, Liz Kerin describes Kill Bill as an influence floating in the back of her head and once pointed out, I agree the general vibe of that sort of laser focus on revenge carries the story forward. And there are many frightening moments with truly scary characters as we travel with Mia along her journey toward her target.

As with Night's Edge, I believe the novel can be read and enjoyed on that level alone. The target of Mia's revenge clearly deserves the worst she can dish out. But even so, revenge is often a pyrhhic victory.

The audio version, which was released about a year after the print and ebook release contains a vulnerable author's note. It opens by referencing the dedication from the print version.

  
This dedication page has been blank for two years now.
 So you know what?
 This one was for me.
 And now, it's also for you.

Liz Kerin discusses how she hadn't originally envisioned a sequel to Night's Edge even though the ending clearly left the door open for more of the story to be told. And that's because it was hard for her to imagine what it would look like for Mia to move on because she didn't know what that looked like for herself. It's the thing she's been using to help heal herself for the past four years. And she adds that no matter what anyone else thinks, this will likely always be her own favorite work to have written.

Kerin notes that kids who grew up with sick parents know how to stomach a lot of chaos. They know how to navigate complex, difficult grown-up situations. But they themselves aren't really given the space to grow up outside that context. Starting a new chapter can feel like a betrayal. How can you possibly have your own family when you couldn't fix the one you came from?

Kerin describes how she never envisioned herself as a parent and when her son was born not long after the print release of the book, at first she didn't want to tell many people. She would find herself looking at him and thinking, "Whose baby is this?" That and other positive changes are what made it important to her that she be the voice of First Light in the audio edition.

In the novel, the present timeline narrative is set nine months after Night's Edge and Mia is racing along her revenge arc. The past narrative picks up right after Night's Edge when Mia is lost. She still does what she believes she's supposed to do, what's expected of her, but she has no idea what to do next and she's almost numb. When given as a target the person she can safely blame for everything that was wrong throughout her childhood and in the present, that anger and desire to take revenge gives her fuel and a direction. Eventually the past narrative catches up to the present one though they are intertwined from the start.

Even at the end, in a somewhat hopeful epilogue, everyone around Mia is moving forward toward their own goals but she is still stuck without a clear idea what to do next. She supports those close to her in achieving their dreams, but she doesn't really have any of her own.

And I understand that feeling. I'm almost 60 years old and I still struggle with that fairly common question, "What are your dreams? What goals do you have for yourself?" I mentioned before jumping tracks early and becoming a parent. That gave me focus. I had to learn how to parent since I knew I had little I wanted to apply from my own experience. I devoured every resource I could find, attended parenting classes that schools sometimes offered, and engaged in a lot of trial and error. My adult children seem to all believe I did a decent job. More importantly, I see it in their relationships, approach to life, and for the ones who are now also parents in their own approaches to parenting. If I accomplish little else of note in my life, that's enough for me.

But that's still focused on taking care of others and helping them move toward their goals and achieve their dreams. For myself? Not so much. I'm working in therapy to heal. I make practical plans for things that need to be done. That's second nature to me. But it's mostly treading water.

I remain highly effective when a crisis hits. People like me were built from a young age to navigate crises and chaos. We're probably pretty handy to have around during such times. It's life when there is no immediate crisis and when nobody needs me to take care of them that I tend to feel a bit ... lost.

Revenge thrillers are fun rides and First Light is no exception. But I also feel what Mia is doing in the story, what she is trying to replace with her focus on revenge. And I get where it ends up leaving her. At least the epilogue to her story concludes on a hopeful note.

I realized as I was continuing to reflect on First Light that I left out one of the key aspects of Mia's journey that had originally spurred me to start this topic. I have a lot of thoughts bouncing around my head and I when I try to corral them into semi-coherent prose, it's not unusual that some get left out.

In order to survive her childhood, Mia had to build a certain story about her mother, about the two of them together, and about the person who infected her mother. That's not unusual, especially in abusive situations. And it's especially common with children.

As First Light proceeds in the aftermath of Night's Edge, Mia encounters information that challenges and shifts her perspective. How much of what she believed about her mother was true? How much had her mother lied to her or hidden things from her? There are no objective or reliable sources of information. But Mia begins to come to grips with with the fact that things she had always told herself were true might be a little more complicated than she had believed. And her mother might not have been entirely a victim of others. And it's a real struggle for Mia trying to work out what was real, what was true, and what was a lie she had told herself.

And that captures what it's like for almost anyone when an abusive relationship ends, but especially for a child when the source of pain and chaos was also in many ways their whole world. Abuse and abusive relationships distort reality. It's how the relationships continue. And when the things you had firmly believed were true fall apart, it's hard to know if anything is true.

That dynamic is captured wonderfully in First Light. There are no answers. Mia will never know with any certainty exactly where the truth lies. But she's able to accept things weren't really as she had believed them to be. And that adjustment in perspective is critical if you are going to free yourself from abuse. Simply placing distance or severing ties with an abuser does not truly free you from the abuse. You also have to let yourself see the reality of the relationship.

Scott sure can type. The opposite of me.

Once I can start writing, the words tend to pour out. It's one way I organize my thoughts. I know what I think when I write it. In this instance, I thought there might be a few others who would find it an interesting exploration. But I didn't want to clog up any of the main threads so put it off by itself. ;-)

Writing is the path to sanity. I'm the Hemingway of forum posts. Thank you, Thomas Pynchon. I've been watching Tristan and the classics on YouTube and have been trying to read slower and dig into themes and style and metaphor and comprehension a bit more.

(summarized by guess who) (whom)

Scott provides an in-depth reflection on Night’s Edge and First Light by Liz Kerin, emphasizing their layered storytelling and deeper themes.

Narrative Structure & Themes: Both books follow a dual-timeline structure, with past and present narratives interwoven. Night’s Edge explores Mia’s childhood and her role as a “parentified child” caring for her vampire-infected mother, Izzy. First Light follows Mia’s revenge-driven journey, inspired by Kill Bill-style storytelling.

Psychological Depth: Scott highlights the books' core exploration of childhood trauma, abuse, and the struggle to break free from an unhealthy past. The story isn’t just about vampires—it’s about how trauma shapes identity and relationships.

Mia’s Journey: She spends much of her life responsible for her mother’s survival, which stunts her own development. First Light follows her attempt at revenge as a way to reclaim control, but by the end, she’s still uncertain about her future.

Author’s Personal Connection: Kerin reveals in an author’s note that First Light was deeply personal, reflecting her own healing journey. Scott resonates with this, drawing parallels to their own experiences with responsibility and self-discovery.

Unraveling Truth: A key part of First Light is Mia realizing that her understanding of her mother and past events may not have been accurate, mirroring how survivors of abuse often have to reframe their perceptions.

Scott ultimately sees the novels as compelling horror-thrillers that also serve as powerful explorations of trauma, healing, and identity.

Hey, I love the summary! It makes my writing sound really profound. ;-)

TikTok TL;DR - It’s good and stuff

I discovered that Reactor has a short story, Amoxicillin, by Liz Kerin. It's focused on Izzy a couple of months before the events in the past narrative of Night's Edge (so Mia is 10). The story can be read independently from the novels.

It's a well-written reminder that people are always complicated and however much we want to create a black and white binary between good people and bad they rarely fit into a neat little box for us. Izzy was not what anyone reading Night's Edge would describe as a good parent. And from what we can glean through the parts that Mia lets herself know and recognize, Izzy never really had been. But there were, in turn, things that had helped shape who she was.

There are rarely tidy answers wrapped up in neat little bows when dealing with real people and despite the science fiction "infection" element of the setting, Liz Kerin's characters don't disappoint in that regard. I appreciated the additional insight from Izzy's perspective.

https://reactormag.com/amoxicillin-by...

Also, I remembered I ran across Night's Edge originally through a Big Idea on Scalzi's blog and it captured my interest enough I immediately grabbed it. And not long after wrote an in depth recommendation of the book to my adult children. I thought I would share the Scalzi blog post as well.

https://whatever.scalzi.com/2023/06/2...