Ink in My Veins discussion

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Writing > Chapter One of my new soon to be book, "Royals"

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message 1: by [deleted user] (new)

I like it. I like it a lot. You did a pretty good job of introducing your character and helping us get a mental image of it.


message 2: by Ariane (new)

Ariane | 11 comments You did very well. I like it too! I will try to make suggestions tho.
It reads very well, but if I were you, I'd add a prologue-- a very short one-- with an intense scene from later in the story. Then people will read, hungry to get to the exciting part. Also, it will make an awesome contrast to the picture-perfect scene you have here. It would be like giving a snapshot of the main character hanging on for dear life to the edge of a cliff, and then switching to his first day of school. I just think your (very good, don't get me wrong) story could use a jolt of adrenaline to start out. Start with a bang, finish with a bang.
Other than that, the only thing I found slightly (and I mean *slightly*) irritating was her bags. If you *must* have the types of purses (which... I understand this was helping people see how affluent your character is) say something like, 'the big Louis Vuitton buckle smacked into the back of her head' or something. Just saying that it's a LV bag is a little too overt.
So, good job! I am usually pretty harsh, I admit, but that's b/c as a writer myself, I like to know what can be improved in my writing, rather than just hearing "oh I liked it!" all the time... (no offense to Abbee) So I hope this helps.



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