Beta Reader Group discussion

Hi James,
 
For the first sentence, you could change “writing to request” to “I’m seeking representation for my debut novel”. After that, it’s always best to personalize your query to the agent (if one of the books that they represent is a good inspiration to your novel, if your manuscript is a great fit for their list, etc.).
I would omit questions in your blurb. You should aim to pique the agent’s interest, so they want to read the story. You need to provide intrigue.
All the paragraphs after the one starting with “Still as a Storm” until your bio elements can be removed. You shouldn’t make any claims in your query and let the story speak for itself. You’ll also need comps (books similar to your story and in your genre, so the agents have an idea of where your book fits in the industry).
Also, you need to specify if it’s an adult, young adult, middle grade or new adult book early on.
I’d recommend this for more details: https://blog.reedsy.com/guide/how-to-...

Noémie wrote: "Hi James,
 
For the first sentence, you could change “writing to request” to “I’m seeking representation for my debut novel”. After that, it’s always best to personalize your query to the agent (if..."

Understood. Thanks a lot!

Hi James :)
Largely I agree with Noémie. Agents are busy people and they know you write to them to seek representation, so no need to waste their time spelling that out. The only reason I'd start a query letter with something like "I'm writing to you" would be to say WHY I'm writing to that particular agent. "I'm writing to you because you're xxx's agent, and my debut novel STILL AS A STORM hits the sweet spot between COMP 1 and yyy's COMP 2..." or something. I'd use capitals letters for my novel title and the comp titles. Comps should ideally be less than 5 years old and reasonably successful but not Harry Potter successful.
There should be a comma after "boy" and you should definitely say in the letter which evil custom Owyn is trying to save his mother from. That is the protagonist's main goal (right?), it drives the whole plot, makes readers invested in it. Focus on that. No need to mention things like the clock tower that will necessarily remain vague to the reader of the letter. Also should perhaps mention the harsh conditions where the tribe lives before bringing up the destination of Owyn's journey.
And yes, the letter needs to be a lot shorter and focus on a strong blurb without needing to resort to vague compliments. The word count needs to be mentioned, but isn't 51k too short for an adult novel? I hope I'm wrong. Thanks for sharing the letter and good luck!
regards, A.M.

AM wrote: "Hi James :)
Largely I agree with Noémie. Agents are busy people and they know you write to them to seek representation, so no need to waste their time spelling that out. The only reason I'd start a..."

Thanks! You're the best!