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Covers, Blurbs, 1st Line, Query
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Query Letter feedback
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Hi Nikunj, I think both are too long. If only in the middle of the second blurb paragraph you say that this is where the story starts, it is way too late. Try to make the blurb shorter. Also, please correct the mistakes that have been handled in the second version also in the first version. Also, 'Africa' and 'forest' are way too vague. Is it jungle or what? Where exactly? Replace South Africa with a city, or otherwise Miami is out of place. Do you even need to mention Miami?Use ALL CAPS in the title of your novel. Hope some of this helps, and thanks for sharing! Regards, A.M.
AM wrote: "Hi Nikunj, I think both are too long. If only in the middle of the second blurb paragraph you say that this is where the story starts, it is way too late. Try to make the blurb shorter. Also, pleas..."
Correcto-mundo. Waaaaaaaaay to long and you are missing two key sections. 1. The pitch: You're on an elevator on the 14th floor when you get on with the agent. You have 14 floors to explain why the lit agent should read anything, let alone your letter. It needs to describe where it sits on the shelf, compare it to other similar works (citing the book and the author's name) and 2. Who you are. Your bio, literary experience, anything published and any awards you may have received. Now, get this. You have to do all of this in under 350 words. Your second draft is 270 words, meaning, you need to cut at least 90 words from it.
Here's my Query letter draft:
I am seeking representation for THE ASPERGERS ARTIST a 76,000-word mystery set in modern day New York City. The piece weaves forensic trickery, investigative precision, and a deep exploration of the blurred lines between truth and illusion. Inspired by the logical brilliance of Sherlock Holmes, this cozy novel delivers a fresh take on deductive reasoning, layered with deception, murder, and suspense.
I am a proud Latina storyteller with a passion for intricate narratives that stem from my lifelong fascination with forensic science and investigative research. Growing up alongside two brothers in the Houston Police Department, I bring an insider’s perspective on law enforcement culture and the Hispanic community—authenticity that permeates THE ASPERGERS ARTIST.
My first novel follows Detective Venetia de la Rosa as she unravels a chilling case involving falsified autopsy reports, reconstructed crime scene photos, and fabricated evidence suggesting crimes that never occurred—or so it seems. Her pursuit of the truth leads her into the mind of Jerry Silverman, a brilliant medical technician with Aspergers who crafts elaborate fake homicides for deeply personal reasons. But when one victim is murdered—two different ways—Venetia’s investigation spirals into a conspiracy that reaches the highest ranks of the New York police department.
Fans of psychological crime mysteries will find themselves drawn to the novel’s deceptive twists, reminiscent of Paula Hawkins’ The Girl on the Train and Peter Swanson’s The Kind Worth Killing, where secrets become motives. The forensic sharpness mirrors Tess Gerritsen’s works, with investigative puzzles hinging on keen observation, while Anthony Horowitz’s new release, Marble Hall Murders shares, a similarly intricate narrative structure of seemingly disparate clues that come together in unexpected ways. The Aspergers Artist is the first novel in Venetia’s investigative career.
My background is XXXXXXX
I appreciate your time and consideration and would appreciate the opportunity to discuss my novel with you.
Good luck!
Correcto-mundo. Waaaaaaaaay to long and you are missing two key sections. 1. The pitch: You're on an elevator on the 14th floor when you get on with the agent. You have 14 floors to explain why the lit agent should read anything, let alone your letter. It needs to describe where it sits on the shelf, compare it to other similar works (citing the book and the author's name) and 2. Who you are. Your bio, literary experience, anything published and any awards you may have received. Now, get this. You have to do all of this in under 350 words. Your second draft is 270 words, meaning, you need to cut at least 90 words from it.
Here's my Query letter draft:
I am seeking representation for THE ASPERGERS ARTIST a 76,000-word mystery set in modern day New York City. The piece weaves forensic trickery, investigative precision, and a deep exploration of the blurred lines between truth and illusion. Inspired by the logical brilliance of Sherlock Holmes, this cozy novel delivers a fresh take on deductive reasoning, layered with deception, murder, and suspense.
I am a proud Latina storyteller with a passion for intricate narratives that stem from my lifelong fascination with forensic science and investigative research. Growing up alongside two brothers in the Houston Police Department, I bring an insider’s perspective on law enforcement culture and the Hispanic community—authenticity that permeates THE ASPERGERS ARTIST.
My first novel follows Detective Venetia de la Rosa as she unravels a chilling case involving falsified autopsy reports, reconstructed crime scene photos, and fabricated evidence suggesting crimes that never occurred—or so it seems. Her pursuit of the truth leads her into the mind of Jerry Silverman, a brilliant medical technician with Aspergers who crafts elaborate fake homicides for deeply personal reasons. But when one victim is murdered—two different ways—Venetia’s investigation spirals into a conspiracy that reaches the highest ranks of the New York police department.
Fans of psychological crime mysteries will find themselves drawn to the novel’s deceptive twists, reminiscent of Paula Hawkins’ The Girl on the Train and Peter Swanson’s The Kind Worth Killing, where secrets become motives. The forensic sharpness mirrors Tess Gerritsen’s works, with investigative puzzles hinging on keen observation, while Anthony Horowitz’s new release, Marble Hall Murders shares, a similarly intricate narrative structure of seemingly disparate clues that come together in unexpected ways. The Aspergers Artist is the first novel in Venetia’s investigative career.
My background is XXXXXXX
I appreciate your time and consideration and would appreciate the opportunity to discuss my novel with you.
Good luck!
Dear agent/name,
Romance, suspense, and horror intertwine in my novel A Bridge of Time — a 52000-word story exploring love, loss, and the eerie unknown.
Michael is twenty-two years old, brilliant and a thinker. He is an emerging writer who has successfully published short stories, but is lost and heartbroken. Whenever he thinks of his girlfriend, he desires to ask her, ‘What have we done to each other?’ On the other hand, he sometimes thinks, was that all happened because of Scarlett, his close friend?
After many months of his break up, Michael is now on a journey in the dense African forest with his brother Christopher and his brother’s friend Stephen. The story begins with his brother reading Michael’s recently published short story while boarding the flight from Miami to South Africa.
Ten days later, on the full moon night, three get lost in the forest. While discussing further options to wander the next day, at midnight, Michael hears a loud chilling, unnatural sound of wild wolves piercing the ear. Michael and Stephen picked what they could, ran, climbed trees and while that, his brother left behind and got lost amid hundreds of wolves and these frantic noises.
While Michael and Stephen try to find Christopher, on every step they face this creepy cursed forest – hidden with secrets and to get out of here seems impossible. And then after a few days they find something which they could not even dream of.
Will Michael ever find his brother? Can he escape this shadowy, cursed forest? And will he ever get a second chance with his girlfriend?
As the title A Bridge of Time suggests, the story bends reality — with time speeding up, memories blending into the present, and choices echoing across lifetimes. The plot unfolds into a gripping tale of horror and redemption, heartbreak and hope.
Second version:
Romance, suspense, and horror intertwine in A Bridge of Time — a 52,000-word novel that explores love, loss, and the eerie unknown.
Michael, a brilliant 22-year-old emerging writer, is heartbroken and emotionally adrift. Haunted by memories of his girlfriend, he keeps asking himself, “What have we done to each other?” At times, he even wonders if it all went wrong because of Scarlett, his close friend.
Months after the breakup, Michael joins his brother Christopher and Christopher’s friend Stephen on a trip to a dense African forest. The story begins as Christopher reads Michael’s latest published short story while boarding a flight from Miami to South Africa.
Ten days later, on a full moon night, the three get lost in the forest. As they discuss their next move, Michael hears a chilling, unnatural howl — the piercing cry of wild wolves. In the chaos that follows, Michael and Stephen scramble to safety, climbing trees to escape, only to realize Christopher is missing — swallowed by the darkness and howls.
As Michael and Stephen search for him, the forest reveals its cursed, shifting nature. At every turn, it resists them — hiding secrets, twisting time, and offering no way out. Then, they stumble upon something they never could have imagined.
Will Michael find his brother? Can he escape the shadowy, haunted forest? And will he ever get a second chance with the girl he lost?
As the title A Bridge of Time suggests, the story bends reality — with time speeding up, memories blending into the present, and choices echoing across lifetimes. The plot unfolds into a gripping tale of heartbreak and hope, horror and redemption.
I would like to know which version of these two looks better. If none of them then also tell me. Is this logical and appropriate for a cover letter?- Will this make the reader want to know more?
Thanks in advance.