Challenge Corner discussion

Mariam is only fifteen when she is sent to Kabul to marry the troubled and bitter Rasheed, who is thirty years her senior. Nearly two decades later, in a climate of growing unrest, tragedy strikes fifteen-year-old Laila, who must leave her home and join Mariam's unhappy household. Laila and Mariam are to find consolation in each other, their friendship to grow as deep as the bond between sisters, as strong as the ties between mother and daughter.

With the passing of time comes Taliban rule over Afghanistan, the streets of Kabul loud with the sound of gunfire and bombs, life a desperate struggle against starvation, brutality and fear, the women's endurance tested beyond their worst imaginings. Yet love can move people to act in unexpected ways, lead them to overcome the most daunting obstacles with a startling heroism. In the end it is love that triumphs over death and destruction.

A Thousand Splendid Suns is a portrait of a wounded country and a story of family and friendship, of an unforgiving time, an unlikely bond, and an indestructible love.

hi! just checking in :)

whenever you want to start go ahead, I will try to start on Friday :)
And feel free to update as much as you want, some books make us want to update a million time and we have full on discussions, others are thoughts and updates every 10 or so chapters

Do you know how to put spoiler tags on GR?

Grace wrote: "whenever you want to start go ahead, I will try to start on Friday :)
And feel free to update as much as you want, some books make us want to update a million time and we have full on discussions, ..."

got it, thank you for explaining everything haha I really appreciate it! I just took a look at some previous buddy reads to get a feel for what discussions look like.

& I just googled how to do the spoiler tag, thank you :)

awesome!! and anytime, please ask away we're here to share :)

can I join in with the buddy read?

of course!!

First Section ~20%

I don't know what I was expecting with this book. I joined because I remember it being popular when it came out and my coworker raves about it, she even named her daughter after Laila Jo.

Right from the start you are thrust into her world with all the emotion that come with that. It's very well written and I want to know more.

(view spoiler)[
I know that parents, especially single parents, can have mental illnesses. But it's hard to read the scenes with her Nana and then making the realization that this is life for some children. Her being forced to live with Jalil right after he rejected her made me feel so bad for Mariam.

The fact that Mariam didn't want to leave her room but then the wives wanted her downstairs to tell her about the arranged marriage, at which point they then locked her in the room. That moment was upsetting.

So far Rasheed doesn't seem too bad, but I'm waiting for the hat to drop.

He can be blunt at times and old-fashioned, but him telling her that she's not allowed to cry broke my heart for her.
(hide spoiler)]

I'm nervous to see where this story goes.

I'll be starting it tonight :)

awesome! I made a small detour with Part of your world because I needed a fun light read between my books, so I will likely join tomorrow or Sunday

That’s a good idea bc I just got to the end of chapter five and it’s very heavy. I actually had to stop and take a break. I'll write out my thoughts and feelings in more detail here tomorrow.

Kala wrote: "First Section ~20%

I don't know what I was expecting with this book. I joined because I remember it being popular when it came out and my coworker raves about it, she even named her daughter after..."

What page were you on when you wrote this? Trying to see if I've read to that point yet so I can read your spoiler and respond :)

Generally put which chapter you just finished before you write your thoughts so it's easier for us to know when to open the spoilers since pages might be difficerent sometimes with editions

@Amanda yeah I expect this to be heavy and my beta read was an intense one for me where I had to focus a lot because of the feedback I was giving
so I knew a light read would be a must in between

I'm listening to the audio book and they have it broke down into 5 parts, which when I looked online the book is broken down into 4 parts so im not entirely sure where I am in the book.

I think they they may have produced the audiobook more as an oral history. I can see if I can borrow the book from the library later to match up where I am with the actual chapters.

Chap 1-5 Reflections:

Wow, my heart 😭 so many emotions just in the first 5 chapters I don’t even know where to begin.

(view spoiler)[Starting at the very beginning of chapter one, where Mariam’s mom (nana) calls her a harami for dropping a piece of her tea set, you are already told so much about the inner worlds of both Mariam and Nana; as well as their dynamic with each other.

Nana is angry at the world. I can understand where her pain and anger is coming from, even though her lack of accountability in any part of the situation is frustrating. The book hasn’t said much about her upbringing, but I have to remind myself that she was likely just very naive or didn’t know better? To think that a married rich man that she works as a maid for would treat her and their daughter equally as his wives and their children. Nonetheless, I do feel for her in ways. She has never been wanted and that’s heartbreaking.


However, Nana projects all of her own shame and unresolved resentment onto Mariam, displacing her anger at Jalil and the world onto her daughter.

Nana’s behavior toward Mariam is largely harsh, resentful, and emotionally manipulative. She constantly reminds Mariam of her illegitimacy, calling her a harami (bastard), and frames Mariam’s existence as the cause of her own suffering. She often belittles Mariam’s hopes and dreams, especially when Mariam expresses a desire to go to school or imagines a life different from the one she has. This belittling seems driven both by fear of losing Mariam and by envy, as Mariam’s longings stir up Nana’s own unfulfilled desires and disappointments.

At the same time, Nana is possessive and fearful of losing Mariam. There is a deep ambivalence in her mothering: she clings to Mariam as her only companion while simultaneously using guilt and shame to keep her dependent. The interactions between them are heartbreaking — Mariam is left apologizing for her own birth, internalizing the idea that she is a burden simply for existing.

There is both cruelty and desperate attachment to her daughter, as she is all she has.

And then we get to Chapter 5 — ugh, I felt the pain at the end viscerally. I actually had to put the book down for the night. My dad committed suicide, so this chapter brought up some very personal feelings for me.

This is how I interpreted Nana’s suicide: consistent with how I’ve already described her behavior toward Mariam, it felt like an act rooted in her fear of abandonment. She experienced Mariam’s visit to Jalil as a final betrayal, a confirmation that she had lost her daughter too. At the same time, there was an element of emotional manipulation in it, which aligns with the way Nana had already related to Mariam throughout the book (for example, warning her that she would die if she ever went to find Jalil). To me, it almost read as: “If you choose to leave me, fine — but when he betrays you, I won’t be here.” It’s devastating because it leaves Mariam not only with unbearable grief but also with a heavy burden of guilt, reinforcing the shame she had already begun to internalize. She also now doesn’t have a father or a mother which is heartbreaking in itself. I so desperately wanted to reach through the pages and hug her and tell her that this isn't her fault.

I have so much to say about Mariam and her feelings towards Jalil but I’ll save that for another post as I’m tired of writing for now lol (hide spoiler)]

Sorry, that was long lol

The above spoiler section covers chapters 1-11 of the abridged version of the book.

Once I reread the full book I'll be able to respond to you =]

Kala wrote: "The above spoiler section covers chapters 1-11 of the abridged version of the book.

Once I reread the full book I'll be able to respond to you =]"

You should be able to read mine bc its only chap 1-5!

Amanda wrote: "Kala wrote: "The above spoiler section covers chapters 1-11 of the abridged version of the book.

Once I reread the full book I'll be able to respond to you =]"

You should be able to read mine bc ..."

ohh you mean the like the full version of the book instead of the abridged version?

Yeah, I was listening to the abridged version and realized that when I was trying to find what page numbers corresponded. But I was able to borrow a regular copy so I get all of the feels that come with it.

For Chapters 1-5
(view spoiler)[
You described the portrayal of Nana so perfectly. She needs Mariam to be dependent on her, and she takes out all of her angry on Mariam. In the book they do have visitors, the arbab, Bibi jo, and Mullah. The author doesn't go into if she's ever verbally attacked them, it seems to be purely her daughter.

Is there anything about Jalil's story that you think are true? After the way he left her on the street I don't believe a single on is true. Which is hard breaking because I feel Nana did need medication from actual doctors, and I think she would have taken them if Jalil was the one who provided them to her.

It drove me nuts that all her anger would be taken out on his sons who he sent to bring them food, but when Jalil himself would come she would sit peacefully next to him and talk calmly. At that point in their relationship and with everything he had done there was no point for her to calmly sit there.

As I write this post I just thought of a possible reason for her to be calm.

What if it was to prevent him from using Nana as an excuse not to see Mariam. I really don't want to see Nana as a character her sat quietly because she was lovesick. What if one of the few good things Nana did for her daughter, was to sit calmly when this man she hated showed up. So he couldn't tell Mariam he can't visit anymore because of her aggression. But sadly when he left she would then take all her pent up aggression out on the only person there, Mariam.

On a side note, difference I can remember between the two versions if you're interested.

The left out the description of where their home was located. They didn't talk about the two brothers coming and getting rocks thrown at them. Nothing about her wanting to go to school was in it. There was no mention of the vistors, the arbab or Bibi jo. And Mullah was only in it very briefly. And the last big different I can remember is they didn't talk about Nana's calm behavior was when Jalil was around, or the conversation about Mariam being the 11th child (and later the pebble scene).

(hide spoiler)]

Kala wrote: "Yeah, I was listening to the abridged version and realized that when I was trying to find what page numbers corresponded. But I was able to borrow a regular copy so I get all of the feels that come..."

(view spoiler)[Sadly, I dont think anthing Jalil said was true. As i was reading the first few chapters (before she went to go see him), I did notice a little bit of hope, like a "what if he is actually a good guy and nana is lying," but it was fleeting as I knew logically that everything Nana said about him was likely true which got confirmed when she went to go see him. That being said, I do wonder if he does genuinely care about her at all or if she is just seen as a duty to him bc he doesn't want his reputation tarnished. My sense is that there is some care there, I dont think I would call it love, but I think he does care in some way, on some level. I think his wives, in addition to own shame, contribute to his dismissiveness of her. Which be comes more clear to me in chapter 6 or whenever it is she stays with him after Nana dies. What are your thoughts? (hide spoiler)]

I've read up to Chapter 10 so far. This spoiler only covers the part you are referring to. I hope to wrote an actual post of the rest of what I read later tonight when I'm at a computer.

(view spoiler)[
After she stays with them you can see how much the wives don't want her there. Telling their daughters that Mariam's not their sister. I think Jalil wants to love her but he would never stand up to his wives after the shame he brought onto the family, which just hurts Mariam more. I do think you're right, he visited her to save face with the public. People could see him doing the right thing. I do think he enjoyed those visits but would never admit to his wives that he loves her/wants her.

After the funeral he acts worried about her in front of the public. It's just infuriating, especially when he didn't care about what the public thought when he left her laying on the street.
(hide spoiler)]

starting tonight!

Chapters 6–18 Reflections
Since this is a bigger section, I’ll list the thoughts I’ve had throughout these chapters in bullet points (not in any particular order, just how I remember them)

(view spoiler)[:
1 . [ ] When Mariam went to stay with Jalil after Nana’s death, I really hoped that, since her mom was gone, they might let her stay with them. I should have known that was wishful thinking. When they announced they had found a suitor for her, I just felt such grief for her. I can’t imagine going through everything she had just gone through and then being told you’re gonna have to move, marry a 40-year-old stranger, and lose contact with the few people she did have in her life. I honestly just can’t even imagine it.

-2. [ ] I was struck by Mariam’s resilience throughout these chapters and how she managed to find ways to survive, like trying to look for the positives in Rasheed. In particular, when she found his porno magazines and at first saw it as another sign of her own failure, she was able to twist it in her head to try to understand things from his perspective instead. Whether or not the excuses she made for him were valid, they kept her from falling deeper into despair and let her empathize with him enough to tolerate living with him. Then, after reflecting on what he’d been through, she even comments on the possibility of being companions with him after all, which just shows her resilience and ability to adapt in a horrible situation.

- This part (with the porno mags) also stood out to me because it’s like the first time she’s noticing the hypocrisy of misogyny through the lens innocent eyes.

- 3. [ ] The miscarriage is sooo sad. She just can’t get a break. I was a little confused though — did she have one miscarriage and then never get pregnant again, or were there multiple miscarriages? How did you guys interpret that?

-4. [ ] In the first few chapters, Nana tells Mariam over and over about “enduring.” How women have to endure. That kept coming to mind as I read these chapters, because enduring is literally what she’s forced to do with Rasheed: his abuse, his control, his terrorizing. The pebble scene was just awful. It also made me realize how much Rasheed controls every part of her life, from her body to her clothes to her voice. It kind of feels like Nana’s words about “enduring” set her up to expect this kind of suffering, like she internalized that message from the start.

- 5. [ ] Once Laila is introduced, the one thing I can’t help but notice is the stark contrast between her family and Mariam’s family. Laila has two parents who love her and want the best for her. Her dad encourages her education, while Mariam’s mom completely shut that down. Laila’s home life isn’t perfect since her mom seems like she’s really struggling with depression (I think she might have Bipolar Disorder) and is pretty disengaged, which is sad too, but still her foundation is completely different from Mariam’s. I feel like this is setting up something important for later in the book, like Mariam was taught only to endure, while Laila had more opportunities and support, and it’s gonna shape them in different ways.

-6. [ ] Another thing that stuck with me is just how lonely Mariam’s life feels. First isolated with Nana, then isolated with Rasheed. It’s heartbreaking. That’s why Laila’s arrival feels so huge. Maybe it’s a sign Mariam won’t always have to carry everything by herself. Although, I really don't want anything to happen to Lalia's dad. I love him :( (hide spoiler)]

Grace wrote: "starting tonight!"

yay!

looks like the book I have is divided into 4 parts
but I will do my updates per chapter and check yours accordingly

Grace wrote: "looks like the book I have is divided into 4 parts
but I will do my updates per chapter and check yours accordingly"

yes, mine has 4 parts too but i've just kinda been ignoring that lol

Chapters 18–34 Reflections

Umm ok, wtf 😐

(view spoiler)[ I knew something was going to happen to Laila’s family but I really didn’t expect her dad to die :( ugh, heartwrenching. And the whole situation with Rasheed… he disgusts me. I feel really bad for Mariam. I feel bad for Laila too, of course, but I found myself empathizing with Mariam right after Rasheed decided to marry Laila and then with Laila being pregnant and everything.

Rasheed treating Laila like a queen to further devalue Mariam made me so angry, and then how he acted when the baby turned out to be a girl. Ugh. I was so terrified for them when the police took them back to Rasheed after they tried to escape. I was honestly worried he was going to kill Aziza.

Do you think they’ll ever escape? With the Taliban now taking over, I don’t think they will, sadly. Maybe at the very end of the book?

.
At the end of Chapter 34, my heart was so warmed by the start of Mariam’s and Laila’s friendship, and Mariam’s relationship with Aziza. Even though this was painful for Mariam at first, Laila and Aziza are exactly what she needed. I kinda wish they could just kill Rasheed and raise Aziza together. It feels like this bond between Mariam and Laila is being set up for something really important later, like their solidarity will be what helps them survive.


Two quotes that really hit me:
* On pg. 252, when Aziza reaches out for Mariam: “Mariam had never before been wanted like this. Love has never been declared to her so guilelessly, so unreversedly.” Mariam responds, “Why have you pinned your little best to ugly old hats like me? I’m nobody, don’t you see?” She calls it her first true connection, which was exactly what I was thinking when I saw her starting to care for Aziza earlier in these chapters. This made me tear up. I want Mariam to experience happiness so badly.
* On pg. 254, when she thought Aziza was looking for reassurance while Rasheed was being a mean POS to her: “But when it came to fathers, Mariam had no assurances to give.”

Another thing that really stood out to me was Aziza technically also being a harami herself, as Mariam says. Wow, I didn’t make that connection at first. I wonder if Mariam will learn to love herself through loving the child who is also “illegitimate.” By having compassion for Aziza, maybe she can also find compassion for herself.

It feels like these connections, with Laila and with Aziza, are starting to shift Mariam’s whole identity. For the first time, she’s being valued and wanted, and it makes me hopeful that she might begin to see herself differently. (hide spoiler)]

I just read up to chapter 18.

(view spoiler)[
1. I felt so sad for her when they first shortened the marriage ceremony because they had poorly planned the whole thing in the first place. Basically as soon as they could get her out, not even being able to say goodbye, or letting them know where she was going. I was proud of her for standing up to Jalil before getting on the train so he couldn't write it off as something good he had done.

2. Mariam's ability to find goodness in a situation is remarkable. She doesn't show hate or internal anger. She really is just scared.

3. My coworker already told me her story was full of heartbreak so I had a feeling. But I wonder just how different Rasheed would have been had she not lost the baby. He was gruff and definitely had his faults, but in the beginning he didn't seem abusive. Sadly, that all went downhill.

I believe the book stated she had 6 more pregnancies but lost them all.

4. The pebble scene was awful and I am so thankful to not have to worry about that in my life. But it's scary to think of all the abusive people that are out there, where things like this do happen.

5. I felt so bad when Laila referred to Mariam as Rasheed reclusive wife. Because had he not been so controlling of her I feel like she would have been friends with the entire street after a year or two of living there. Once she became more sure of herself as a woman.

6. Laila just feels so upbeat and happy now, but with the wtf I have a feeling that is going to change.
(hide spoiler)]

Kala wrote: "I just read up to chapter 18.


(view spoiler)[ Omg that made me so sad too when Lalia called Miriam his reclusive wife 🥺 & that's a good question, if Rasheed would have treated her differently if she had a boy in particular. I feel like he would still be abusive and find something else to be disappointed about, honestly, but I don't think he would be treating her as if she doesn't exist like he does now. I think the fact they she wasn't able to have kids is reflective of her value in his eyes, sadly. (hide spoiler)]

You make a very good point about that.

(view spoiler)[ The author did a good job of writing Rasheed's character. Even if the story changed I can't see it changing his behavior. Maybe softening it at best for a short time, but eventually ending in disappointment.
(hide spoiler)]