Perspective Plus discussion

I would like to introduce myself to those of you who may not know me already. I am a large sized woman. I have always been big. In elementary school, I was the tallest (until 8th grade) and the biggest. In high school, I was one of a few big students. I have been teased, left out, friendless, dateless, the victim of practical jokes, and ignored because I am different.

I have been fed media messages and peer messages all of my life that have told me that I am less, that I don't deserve to have love, or friends, or anything. I have been told directly to my face to that I shouldn't go out in public because "nobody wants to look at fat people." I have been told that I am disgusting, that I am lazy, stupid (I'm so not. I'm not called Jeopardy! Girl for nothing!), I'm ugly, etc.

When I was 20, I survived an attempted rape. I don't talk about it much, and I will not go into detail, mostly because I don't remember much as my head was slammed into the floor repeatedly, but I will relay something my attacker said. He told me that I "should just lie there and enjoy it, because no man was ever going to want my fat a**."

I carried that thought with me before that day, but it was burned into my mind ever since. I was 31 before he and I were proven wrong when I met the most wonderful man, a man who loves me for who I am, and adores large women for the beautiful goddesses they are. We are still together, going on 6+ years, and I have never been happier.

Yes, I have issues that I am working on, and believe me, they are easier to deal with when you have a loving person than in your life on my own. I was stunned when we began dating. Up until then, most guys who hit on me were when last call was announced. I always thought that the only guy I would be worthy of would be who would ever have me, even if that meant being beaten, at least I wouldn't be alone.

I started to change that way of thinking long before I met my boyfriend. One day, I just decided that I was tired of being made to feel that I am less than those around me, and started to change my way of thinking. It's not easy and some days I don't do so well at it, but I am a work in progress.

I have been heavy since I was about 7 or 8. I started gaining weight after some traumatic events, and I think it was a defense mechanism for me. It took many years for me to confront my past, and it has taken many more years to work on overcoming the severe depression. I have come to love myself for who I am, though I still have my down days.

change is never easy, nor is it comfortable. Sometimes what we know is familiar and more comfortable than changing, facing the big unknown that comes with life changes. But change is not always bad... in fact change can be the best thing to happen in one's life. Much depends on how we look at what is happening.

Hey everyone,
I'm excited to find this group. I live in Washington DC (home of taxation without representation). I'm always looking for books with fat/curvy/plus-sized characters and would love recommendations for books to read. It's definitely a challenge finding books with positive portrayals that don't involve weight loss.

Welcome to our group! We are glad to have you here. I belive that there are books on our group book shelves that fit the bill. If not, please feel free to contact me directly and I will gladly send you a list.

Hi, my name is Kim, too. I am a large woman, always have been, although I look back at pictures of myself when I was a teenager, and I was really HOT. However, because I was very much an hour glass and have big boobs and big hips, I always thought I was huge next to my skinny as a rail girlfriends.
Unfortunately that perception skewed me and I let myself go after I got married and was extremely unhappy, the only joy I was having was food and my son. When I split from my ex, I was at 314 lbs. In about 3 years after the split, I lost 100lbs!!! I was feeling amazing! I was dating and happy!! And I met my current boyfriend 2 years ago and we live together, and he loves me, but I found my self slipping back into lazy tactics, especially cooking comfort foods for him and not out walking like I used to. I have put on about 50lbs of what I lost In the last two years. I am angry at myself for that. Unlike, Kim our moderator, I am not healthy – I’m only 5’3” and my cholesterol is through the roof, with heart disease in both my parents (and I smoke – shhhh!!) I know I need to get back on my healthy bandwagon.
And while I want to be healthy, I really LOOVVEE my curves when I am lower. I actually don’t want to be a size 8. I LIKE size 14 or 16…
I love books about curvy heroines – when they have small busts and hips, I wrinkle my nose and sigh.

Welcome to our group. I hope you will find a home here and will find the acceptance and support you need. Congratulations on knowing you are beautiful the way you are and accepting that you are who you are. As for the rest, you will come to that in time. I am trying to be healthy as much as I can. I am on low dosages of cholesterol and high blood pressure medications as preventative measures, fish oil,and have thyroid meds as well. Remember, cholesterol is 1 part diet and 1 part family history. See a doctor and get on the meds, and have your thyroid checked. It can cause all sorts of problems if it is out of whack.

I am not trying to sound like I am hounding you, but I say this from a place of "I've been there". You already know smoking is bad for you, so no lecture here. Just know, that if my dad had quit years ago and had a stress test like his doctor wanted him too, he may still have been around. I lost him to a massive heart attack going on 10 years ago.

One thing at a time, one day at a time, one breath at a time. Do not try to do too much at once or you will not want to do anything. Get back into walking, make the comfort foods, try to eat less of them and try to made healthy subs. like whole grain pasta, veggies, low fat sour cream, etc.

We're all in this together, and I am glad that you are here with us on the journey.

Welcome to the group Kim. It is nice to meet new people!

Perception of beauty in this country has been skewed so out of proportion. There is no room for curves in a world where 110 lbs is the so called standard. Well...I got news for the rest of the world...the "perfect weight" is different for each person. Were I to weigh 110 lbs, I would appear anorexic and sickly as my ideal weight is 144 lbs. This figure takes into account my height as well as frame size. Yes, I REALLY am large boned! Keep in mind, by today's standards, gorgeous, buxom Marilyn Monroe would be considered overweight.
Do not despair, we are here for you. If nothing else...we have broad shoulders and there is always an ear to listen.

thank you both! Its good to be loved and accepted places, On Friday, I was just about to go for a walk and start getting a little healthier, when I ended up in the hospital, instead, (had an ovarian cyst rupture and 2 infections)

All I could think of was "Really?? Here I am just about to do something healthy and this happens?" lol - I was kinda chuckling to myself.

But I heard some advice from a friend that really hit me in a good way, so as soon as I'm better - which should only be a day or so, i'm going to get my butt back walking - AANNNDD quitting smoking

the advice I heard "Talk to yourself, encourage yourself, love yourself and advise yourself, like you would your best friend"

Ooooh sweetie! I had one of those this summer along with a pulled groin muscle at the same time. I think your friend is very wise and I hope that you will be up and about soon. Know that we are all here for you and we support you.

Also think about the pool. It really helps because the caloric burn is substantially higher due to the resistance of the water. For folks like me that are both "fluffy" and mobility impaired it is a saving grace. The water also reduces the stress placed on the joints, so you can merely walk across the pool. Just going back and forth is all that is needed. You can also much more easily do things like jumping jacks without over-stressing yourself.

Get well soon

The pool! :) I am a living example of that.

Hi! My name is Kim Brittingham. I wrote a memoir called "Read My Hips: How I Learned to Love My Body, Ditch Dieting and Live Large" which was just released in May. I work in New York City and live in a tiny Victorian seaside town. I'm 40 going on...oh, I don't know...14? I still have dreams featuring the members of Duran Duran (as they appeared in 1984). Just last night I dreamed I was in a thrift store and found a new-in-package cardboard car air freshener in the shape of John Taylor and couldn't believe my good fortune. If it was possible to earn a living just being a college student, that would be my job. This past spring I took four courses at the local community college and it was bliss. I can't afford to re-enroll just now, but on occasion I pull up their online catalog and swoon. I've been unemployed since 2009, though I'm currently working a temp gig in a law office, which is conveniently located near a Pinkberry.

Welcome to our group. I hope you will be happy here. Your book is on my TBR!

Howdy all..I'm t'irla (no not my rl name..why..umm..I don't really know..maybe cause it sets me apart.) I'm overweight..whats that lovely term my doctor uses..oh yes Obese.gosh I HATE that word..been heavy all my life..I joke that I was a size 14 when I was 14 and size has gone up exponentially from there..ahh..not really but you get the drift. I get really annoyed when people talk like I was once skinny and put on weight.(.pet peeve) I am a pretty confident person over all however I know that being fat makes decisions for me at times..and that just pisses me off. I have joined the group cause I love to chat..about anything and every issue. Oh yes and I am totally addicted to the use of .... so deal..(j/k..I can't help myself)*grin*

Welcome to our group. I do respectfully ask you to follow our group rules and refrain from using text and chat shorthand. Not every one here (like myself) understands or speaks that.

I too hate the word "obese" and think we need to see people as people and not label them all over the place.

I am not a large sized person, but I have been in a bad/dangerous situations because of how I look like. I can't say how many times I had to defend myself. Being a good looking could be a curse and I am not talking about the face but the shape of your body. If you are a model like with a breasts that is all what some people see. My thoughts are .... Be aware of who you are and how you want to be treated , always respect yourself no matter how you look like and never let others treat you with less respect than what you really deserve. I know some very nice people that are plus sized, my mother in law is one of them and none of them deserves to be treated badly because of the size/shape of their body.

Welcome. Let me say that all body types run into problems from the naturally thin, to the large. All people deserve respect based on their actions and should they not deserve it through their actions, then that is fine. Body shape,orientation,or race should not play into that,and that is what I hope to achieve with this group.

Hi everyone. I wanted to just quickly introduce myself. I'm joining today in a state of emotional crisis which I plan to get into in a longer post soon; I needed to find a community of people dealing with fat discrimination to talk to about what I'm currently going through with my mother. Anyway, I'll get to that in a later thread. :) For now, hi! I'm Sophia Martin. I'm 40, I live in Mt. Shasta, CA. I'm happily married, and have a son who will be two in November. I have three cats and a dog, as well as five chicks who are growing very quickly into chickens! I write novels and teach social studies (and I may get a chance to teach creative writing this year) at a high school. I love food, and I'm pretty active hiking around my home which is very rural. I used to swim regularly but haven't been doing that for over a year--my son's sleep schedule was so exhausting it became a choice between keeping up the swimming or keeping up the writing, cause I didn't have energy for both. So the writing won. But regardless of that, I've been a size 20 since my mid-twenties, though at times I've been an 18. For a brief period of intense dieting and exercising I got down to a 14 when I was 32. Other than that phase, I never diet. Anyway, that's me. :) Hello everyone!

Hello and welcome! You have come to the right place for empathy, and some hopefully-useful advice. We're happy to have you here.

Big hug, deep breath. As a child care professional, I understand the whole sleep schedule. Welcome home, my dear,and I hope that this group is what you need. Any questions, just shoot me a message via goodreads.

Hi all. My name is Kristen and I'm perhaps a little more radical than some of the folks here about my thoughts on HAES (health at every size), weight discrimination and personal choice. I'd be happy to chat about any issues respectfully with anyone. I self-identify as a fat woman (for what it's worth I'm usually about a 24 in clothes, don't know/don't care what I weigh). I'm 28 and currently unemployed while my husband is completing his med school rotations. He's hoping to be a fat-positive family doctor. Of all the salient facts from the HAES & size acceptance movements these 2 stick out to me: 1) a person's worth is not determined by their weight, the decisions they make, their health or anything but their humanity, and it's nobody's business to judge or police anybody else's body and 2) even if there were proven correlations b/t health problems like diabetes and weight (which there aren't) we have NO known way to help people loose weight over the long term so treating people as people (and giving them non weight related health advice) RIGHT NOW is the only thing that makes sense. Start eating fresh and delicious, be active, spend time outside, love yourself and screw the scale (and we'll love you even if you choose to do none of the above).

Welcome aboard! I hope that your husband can be the kind of doctor we need in this world. You will hopefully find like minded people here, and size does not matter in this group, despite some of my comments may seem. To me "fat" is a state of mind, and if you don't mind who you are, then that's all that matters.


Please do not hesitate to message me if you have any questions or problems.

Hi Kristen and welcome! LOVE the attitude.

Welcome, Kristen! We could certainly use more doctors like your husband aspires to be.

Hello ladies,

It seems this hasn't been posted in in quite a while. Almost a year.

All of these comments and stories from other women is very... uplifting in a way. I tend to feel alone alot, and have felt this way as long as I can remember so hearing that I am not alone in some of the horrible stories makes it a little better.

I am film editor and an aspiring film maker. I made a documentary (that I would love to share, it's 15 minutes) about how Fat is perceived in our society. While I was pitching my screenwriting professor told me "I don't want you to go up there and bitch about your own demons" and I have never been more appalled.

I look forward to forming relationships with so many of you. =]

Hello Gina, and welcome. There are a couple of us men in the group as well :)

The group has not been as active recently as normal because our beloved founder, Kim, unexpectedly passed away not ling ago. We want to keep the group active and growing, so please comment often, post things that you feel should be shared with us.

Welcome, Gina! By all means, come on in and share. It sounds like your documentary is right up our alley of perspectives.