Fans of Interracial Romance discussion

Hi All,

I wanted to ask if any of you have not dated the same race of people since you are into IR dating? I've had one black boyfriend but I love white men as you all know. They are my preference but I wouldn't turn down a black man I am attracted to just because he is black. Color shouldn't make a difference either way.

BUT, I was surprised that some people who IR date has never dated someone of their same race not once. It interested me. I know some people who dated their race for a while then switched. I also know some people who have never dated inside their race.

So I was just wondering if anyone here has NEVER dated inside their race at all? Did you always start out IR dating? I know I always loved white men and I told my black boyfriend that all the guys I used to speak to before him were white. He got very mad, to the point where he didn't wanna hear about guys in my past even if they were only friends because they were all white. I admit, I was shocked by his response because I thought he was different than some blacks who go to that "you shouldn't date outside your race" thing. Then again, this was before I realized one of the main things he liked about me was that I was "thick" and that I was "light-skinned". So you can tell where his head was and you can see why I kicked him to the curb.

So, have any of you here not dated someone of your own race? If not, are you curious or are you just not attracted to those of your race at all?

White men are my preference on many levels. I'm not afraid to say how much I am attracted to them. But like I said, I would date any man of any color if I felt the same way about him. I know some folks who are into IR dating don't look at their own race for anything in the world. So I wonder if those people who've never experienced being with their own race ever get curious?

Best Wishes!

http://www.stacy-deanne.net

I have always been attracted to white guys. White men are my preference. I'm not saying that I hate black guys, because I don't. I'm black.

Oh I know you don't hate them, Arch. I am just wondering if a lot of people who IR date ever dated someone from their own race or if they never did. Have you ever dated a black guy? Like back in school or anything?

Best Wishes!

Stacy-Deanne wrote: "Oh I know you don't hate them, Arch. I am just wondering if a lot of people who IR date ever dated someone from their own race or if they never did. Have you ever dated a black guy? Like back in sc..."

Oh, Stacy-Deane, it's a habit of mine, to state that I don't hate black men, when I let it be known that white guys are my preference.

No, I have never dated a black guy. I had some interested in me, but I wasn't feeling it.

I even had one black guy that liked me and just took it upon himself to claim me, when I truly wasn't interested in him. He didn't like the fact that I was giving an Asian guy my attention.

If I'm not interested in a guy, I don't care what race he is. I'm not interested and he can keep on moving.

I don't know what God has in store for me. What race, he has as my future husband, which he knows me well and my desires.

I haven't been with a black guy in over 20 years. After my divorce I dated only white and hispanic. I have nothing against them, it's just white men and hispanics were the only men approaching me.

I have to agree with all you guys. I dated just the one black dude but I prefer to date white men for the reasons Eugenia mentioned. A lot of black guys aren't into what I am into. They don't understand me being a writer, first of all. Oh, you should see the funny looks I get from some black men when I said, "I write books." LOL!

Eugenia hit the nail on the head. I just find I have more in common with white men (inside). But the funny thing is, I find I have a lot in common with black men as long as they are older. I don't have much in common with black men my age because most are still stuck in that "acting young" thing. Most are into hip hop and that ghetto lifestyle (even when they are not even from the streets). I am not like that at all and I wasn't raised like that. A lot of the black guys I've seen are. The ones that weren't were already married, LOL.

And let me just say, I love that white meat, LOL! I am sorry. I love how white men look and how they treat you. I am not ashamed to say it. I don't care if folks call me a "sell out", "slave owner lover" or anything else ignorant and stupid. I am also not scared to tell black folks I love white men. I don't care how black women or black men feel about it.

I grew up liking white guys because that's who I saw on television and who I read about. That's who I always had crushes on, etc. When I was younger, I didn't say anything because I felt embarrassed about it because growing up, my black and hispanic friends wouldn't have understood. Most of them claimed they hated white people so I was afraid to admit back then that I liked white guys. That's part of being young, afraid of being who you really are.

But once I became an adult, I realized I had to be me. I wasn't changing for anyone and I wasn't going to live my life worrying about what someone said about my choices or preferences. If someone wants to look at me in a certain way because I like white men, so be it. As long as I like the choices I've made, I don't care what others think.

Great point, Eugenia. I think the reason you mentioned is why a lot of black women like white men.

Best Wishes!

Stacy-Deanne, I have been called a sell out. Oh well! When people call me a sell out, I ask them what am I'm selling out to?

I find white guys to be friendly and comfortable around me. I have always clicked faster with white guys than a black guy, no matter if we were in school together or working together.

I don't care what anybody think about me liking white guys. When I am with a white guy, the only words that are important are the ones that's shared between us. Other people words aren't important.

At first, I was attracted to white men because they were the ones I saw on TV. I started junior high school and saw the most handsome hispanic eighth grader. I was in love the whole school year.
I realized early in my life that I am odd-ball within my family and the black american and west indian communities.

Just like I don't consider race in my stories, I don't think about it when I look at men either. I like the ones who will like me back, sometimes because I have preferences too.

I've mainly dated white men and was married to one. Despite that, my last boyfriend of 3 years was black. A true country boy from Mississippi (I'm a non-cooking city girl and this caused issues). He's actually the only black man that I've ever dated. I've had my occasional crushes, but no relationships with black men until him. We're no longer together, but he was a good guy.

I've just primarily always been attracted to white men for some reason. It became more obvious to me while in the military. In my line of work I was surrounded by white men and that's who would ask me out.

The black men would only seem to come after me once they saw me with a white man...like they wanted to see if they could take me from him or something. It was ridiculous.

I've dated men of all ethnicities but I'm mostly attracted to white/hispanic/indian men. I've dated lots of black men but have only had long-term relationships with white/hispanic/indian men for some reason. My fiance is scots/german which is like white times 2 & we have been together for 2 1/2 years now(since I was 18 & he was 28). I must say that I don't think I would feel the same enjoyment or fulfillment if I was with a black guy. Most black guys I know don't have anything in common with me & while the same is mostly true of my fiance (opposites attract after all), at least we're on the same wavelength.

NOT dating people outside of your ethnicity has never really been an option in my family. My parents are of different ethnicities (mom's black/dads tahitian) & because of that, they've always encouraged their kids to step outside their (or the world's) comfort zone. I feel blessed that I have a family who accepts me & the men I bring home. If they don't like my guy, it would definitely not be because of his ethnicity

I never really became aware of my attraction to black men until I went to college.

I was high school sweethearts with my husband until our senior year. Then we went on to different colleges and didn't link back up until a couple years later.

During our time a part, I dated a variety of men, but most were black. I've dated a few white guys, but the only one I've had any kind of long term relationship with was my husband. In fact, I strongly believe had I not have the extensive history I had with my husband at the time I would have ended up married to a black guy. At my age now I've come to the realisation that they certainly are my preference. I dated black men on both occasions my husband and I separated.

Growing up, my family's path did not cross much with people of colour nor were black films and television programmes anything we sought out. So I can't say it was something I grew up with.

In college, however, a whole new world opened up for me and I found that I felt more at home amongst my black friends than my white friends. I just clicked with black men a lot easier than others. We didn't always have everything in common, but we were always on the same wavelength somehow.

I also liked how they carried themselves and how they treated me. Men are men, and in relationships black men aren't so terribly different than white men, but they didn't act like a lot of those wussy, PC white guys. LOL They were real man and I was really into that. Nothing I dislike more than a man who gives the impression he's unsure of or despises his own masculinity. I'm not into gangsters, but I like them a little rough around the edges with a whole lot of charm and the black guys I crossed paths with back then fit the bill perfectly. Those were some good times. :)

I was brought to believe that you never tell a man about your prior men. It can and will be used against you. The reason I believe black men get angry about a black woman dating a white man is the same reason black women wince when we see the reverse. And no matter how we or they feel about the situation, people will do what they want and should love who they want.

Jo I respect your opinion, but I wanna know who someone has been with if the relationship I have with him is serious. You never know what has happened in the past and it might be serious things you should know about. Like if your new sweetie was once arrested for Domestic Violence or if he has a history of "hitting it and quitting it" or just to know history.

I feel like this, if you don't wanna know, you shouldn't ask. But if someone asks me, I'm gonna be honest. I also expect the same from them. I don't think it's possible to have a deep relationship with someone and not know anything about their past relationships. What if the last person they were with was crazy and stalked them? I'd wanna know. What if, there are just things someone should be aware of, I'd wanna know.

I told my boyfriend because he asked. If he didn't wanna know about my past, he shouldn't have asked. It's different if you ask and if you don't ask. But still, it's not my fault he has issues. Also, I know what you mentioned about black women might be true in some cases, but believe me, I could care less if a black man was with a white woman because I'm not looking at him anyway, most times. And if I was, I still wouldn't care. If the person is with you, he's with you and doesn't matter what type of person he dated in the past, but to me I think it should be discussed who someone was with at least before then.

I know what you're saying but I don't think it's possible for folks to be able to just "keep things in the past". Sometimes you can't. You can't just act like your life began with that new person you meet. You should wanna know and should know some things. Like I said, you never know what the heck the other relationship was like and if you could be in danger or just anything.

As for men having a problem with anything, who cares? If he has a problem that's just it, HIS problem not mine.

The reason I believe black men or whoever get mad is out of racist ignorance. There is no other reason. It's not only blacks believe me, it's all cultures. Ignorance is one thing that doesn't discriminate. It's not like there's millions of white folks who just openly accept IR dating, LOL! Nope, whites get the same treatment in their circles as blacks get in theirs when they go on the other side of the fence.

But the point is, that's not the person's problem if the other has issues. I'm gonna be honest when someone asks me questions. I figure you need not ask if you can't handle the answer.

Best Wishes!

http://www.stacy-deanne.net

I agree that ignorance are on both sides of the community. I say community because because we are all human.

After I read the Jill scott article, I had the name of the feeling I sometimes get watching a bm/ww on tv. I don't have that reaction with real people or if I was watching a documnetary, just fiction.
I am not proud of it either. I try to be fair to every human being, however I think society wants to perpetuate this idea that black women and men can't get along. It was a Chris Rock joke.

Funny, I think my post will be different from the ones I've just read. I'm white, and I've only dated one white guy (and funnily enough, he wasn't even that white!). Although my love life hasn't been that glorious (all the others were black although I believe that wasn't part of the problem), my current boyfriend is black and it's very serious. I've lived in England for a few months and have date an African American guy, and although I'm absolutely fascinated with anything African American, he was the worst boyfriend ever. All the others were of African descent (my current bf is from Congo). I'm not sure if colour defines a person (although it was definitely the case for the African American boyfriend) because all of them have been very different.
As to why I am attracted to them, I could never explain it. There is a part of superficiality, of course, since you have to be attracted to the person you date. But what I realized is that African people are much more focused on family values (at least this is the case for my boyfriend and his family).
I won't go into all the drama that has ensued in my family... Let's just say that they are not the most open-minded people!

I've never dated a black man because my husband who is German was my first and only boyfriend.

I dated black men up until my late 30's. As a matter of fact both of my kid's father's are black. Bur, I have always been attracted to white men.

(sorry computer crashed before I could finish).

I don't know if the attraction, was becaue I lived, went to school in a majority white community or not. But it has always been there.

In my late 30's majority of the men that aked me out were white. I'm currently dating a whtie man.

I'm not opposed to dating black man, since I did in the past, I'm just enjoying what I like (if that makes since).

I haven't either Tammy..and I'm not sure which box to check when they ask for my race so I usually rotate. :-)

My first boyfriend was asian. I'm more attracted to guys who aren't white. I'm eastern european.

I've often wondered how much is personal preference (for myself) and what if any is learned? My family is a huge mixture of it seems everything. We are all various shades of brown, with a few who look asian - still not sure where that comes in, but every one of my mother's brother and sisters married white men or women except one. So that's what I grew up seeing and being around. Now I wonder if that is possibly where my attraction to white men comes from. I haven't figured it out yet. But for every 20 white men I see that I'm attracted to, I might see 1 black man I think is attractive.

I so can't believe that I missed this topic, LOL.

So far the only races I haven't dated in the past (as far as I know) are Middle Eastern/Arabic and Aboriginal. Thankfully I've always lived in cosmopolitan cities like L.A., San Francisco and Seattle. I just couldn't see myself living someplace with no diversity. I'd go insane!

The fact of the matter is, there were few black guys who were into the kinds of alt-scenes I've always been into. I was the only black girl in my high school's D&D club, so I dated a white guy. There were hardly any black guys into metal or the gothic scene, so once again, my choices were limited pretty much to what was there. Not to mention, white guys just seemed to have no problems talking/flirting with me, though I got very good at weeding out the ones who were just looking to have sex with some stereotyped image (thankfully I only dealt with very few of those). Interestingly enough, most of the white guys I dated tended to be from Europe--the UK, Germany and Norway--go figure. I've dated Asian guys (they were into punk rock, LOL).

Race isn't the component here, but qualities that I find attractive. Everyone here pretty much knows that I have a thing for long hair (which explains my significant other). I love smart men--GEEKS RULE! I love men who know how to laugh at themselves and who feel comfortable in their own skins. Most importantly, I adore a strong man who isn't afraid to be with a strong woman.

Vixenne, I have to say we like the same traits in guys, except for the long hair. I can take or leave that. :)

That sounds great, Vixenne! It's hard for me to live in places without diversity too. x.x

Nicely said Vixenne! I currently too have a thing for long hair... and I like a smart and FUNNY guy. Please please be funny. AND please be a music junkie! It feeds my soul. My guy is a huge music junkie...can tell me who, when, where, album name, producer and on and on about anybody I have a question on. I love it!

OMG, I forgot to add my most important trait for a man...CREATIVITY! Expains why I've been dating a musician, huh? Suits bore me.

I loved Matthew Gray Gubler's hair long on Criminal Minds. But he looks sexy with his new short cut too. I am seriously crushing on him either way.

What an interesting topic!

I'm black and I've never dated inside of my race. I've only had two boyfriends but both of them were white and white men are my preference.

I grew up in NYC which is very diverse, but the black men who approach me tend to do so in a way that is a complete turn-off for me. Still, even if a man approaches me the wrong way I will have a conversation with him. It seems that I have very little in common with alot of black men.

I'm more alternative in my style and in my way of thinking. Also, one thing I do not tolerate is racism, whether it comes from a white, black or green man. It disturbs me that in the past black men have made very racist comments while speaking to me and they expect me to agree because we have the same skin color.

I do think that those interactions have made me hesitant when it comes to black men.

My family is not surprised when I express interest in different races but they're not exactly open to it. They're not rude and do their best to make everyone feel welcome but they make comments to me that let me know they'd prefer it if I dated inside of my race.

Also, does anyone else get people who think that you're ashamed of being black because you date outside of your race?

Only on the web, LOL.

I chalk it up to the anonymity, but I've gotten a lot of flack from black guys (not men, because REAL men don't get into a grown woman's personal business) who like to school me on the history of white men and black women--like I don't already know it. What I've always found hypocritical on their part (and I've called them out on it) is that their anger is only directed towards black women. They seldom, if ever, have anything negative to say about black men who date outside the race. In fact, some go so far as to blame black women for the fact that they do so.

Vixenne, those type of Black guys are usually the same ones who date interracially themselves and won't think twice about it.

Unfortunately, I encounter these type of guys a little more than I am comfortable with. I'm Black and most to the guys I've dated were Asian (Japanese or Korean)since I spent most of my young life in Japan. My first boyfriend was Black and we had so much common with each other.

Though I've only dated one Black guy I wouldn't rule out other ones because of some bad apples I've encountered, because I've met some atrocious men of all races.

There were many people who'd judge me for dating Asian men because of stereotypes no less (and I don't even want to get started on the ridiculous ones Ive heard).

When it comes down to it there isn't any race of men I don't find attractive and would give anyone a chance as long as I like him. I'm sure there's an albino guy I would date (I know it's not a race but you know what I mean).

I'm the same way, Sherell. I don't care what a guy's race is.

OMG! I just post something on my website that talks about this very topic: http://www.missstephaniewilliams.webs...

My situation is bit more complicated - I think, maybe not. But there is a reason why I never dated black men. Nothing negative, just opportunities. Read my post and you'll see what I'm talking about.

I will also b posting a several part series on when I was in Israel and dated an Israeli that was in the IDF. It was an against all odds relationship and a very interesting time.

I was married to a Black Man and I now date White Men. If a Black Man was to ask me out I don't know if I would accept.

I am happily married to a wonderful African American man who just happened to be my soulmate. I enjoy reading romance regardless of the specifics of the genre. I see love as boundless and race has little to do with my personal preference

The key word is PREFERENCE. I would prefer to eat Pizza tonight, though Curry would also be good. I would prefer to go to Germany on holiday but Greece will do just fine. I would prefer to go to Oxford University but realistically i'll end up at Sheffield Hallam and i am ok with that. Preference doesn't mean exclusivity, it doesn't mean you aren't open to other options. You just have one option that is more desirable than others but that does not make other preferences undesirable. This isn't a difficult concept.

this is such a loaded topic. hopefully it's kept respectful.

Years ago, I dated a man from a different race. Before that, I dated men of my own race. I am open to dating another man from a different race. However, right now, I am not looking for a man of ANY race.

D.M. wrote: "this is such a loaded topic. hopefully it's kept respectful."

I agree. I am a black woman who enjoys IR books but has never dated outside my race. I have a wonderful black husband. Everyone is entitled to their preference but putting down a race as justification… that’s ridiculous. You don’t need to justify your preferences and when you put down a race in order to do it, your the one who provides the race a bad name.

There are so many things that factor into what I find attractive about a man, so I dated all over the map before I finally settled down and got married. Black, white, Asian, Hispanic...it's not about being a certain race to me. It's about the man. I enjoyed and appreciated them all, or I wouldn't have dated them, although I must admit the majority of the men I dated were outside my race.

Josine wrote: "There are so many things that factor into what I find attractive about a man ... it's not about being a certain race to me. It's about the man.

I agree!

Personally, my preference would never be another race over my own. My preference is a man who treats me the way I want and should be treated; it is a man who likes/loves me unconditionally and is compassionate. My preference is a man that I do not have to tell “put down the toilet seat; a man who is unselfish in and out of the bedroom. My preference is an intelligent man and one who is protective. I’ve dated an Asian, a Latino, a White/Jewish and a slew of black men. My first husband’s race is black. My soul-mate and current husband is White (of german ancestry).

SassafrasfromAmazon wrote: "Personally, my preference would never be another race over my own. My preference is a man who treats me the way I want and should be treated; it is a man who likes/loves me unconditionally and is compassionate."

Hey SFA! Wonderfully said. :-)

SassafrasfromAmazon wrote: "Personally, my preference would never be another race over my own. My preference is a man who treats me the way I want and should be treated; it is a man who likes/loves me unconditionally and is c..."

Your response is much more eloquent than what I would have said, so I'm parroting you. You had me laughing over the toilet seat thing.

With that, I do have an ideal preference appearance-wise, but I ain't sayin' what it is, 'cause it could change. LOL

My first boyfriend was Black. With the other men that I've engaged with, they were Black (American and one South African), Latino (Mexican American, El Salvadoran, and my last, long-term relationship was half Mexican and half Irish, and a total asshole); and White American (German, Jewish, and Anglo).
Like another poster commented, I'm not interested in/looking for any of the above right now. LOL

Kay wrote: "D.M. wrote: "this is such a loaded topic. hopefully it's kept respectful."

I agree. I am a black woman who enjoys IR books but has never dated outside my race. I have a wonderful black husband. Ev..."

I am also a black woman and married to a black man. I was married to an hispanic man before so I love diversity as well. I love reading IR books and as we all know, "love knows no color".

I never had any problems with skin colour or race. I dated with black, white and asian pertners. It's not that love doesn't see colour, it just knows how to mix and match. Of cource, I have my preferances. I'll say, love has no limits, so if you feel you want to try IR relationships go to one of black dating websites and be open to new experience.