Inner Workings discussion

You found it on your own
down at the edge

of the property
near the road

found the last scrap of it
hanging from the branch

of the skeletal old tree
where I left it

hope in my heart

I really like this one, Matt.

nice! kind of pulls on the heart strings. (critique, though, i think that the branch is a little superfluous.)

how dare you criticize my work! kidding - um maybe, maybe the word old too

let's see...


You found it on your own
down at the edge

of the property
near the road

found the last scrap of it
hanging from the skeletal tree

where I left it

hope in my heart

hmmm - not sure, the pacing seems off to me now - something not quite...

You found it on your own
down at the edge

of the property
near the road

found the last scrap of it
hanging from

the skeletal old tree
where I left it

hope in my heart

Yes! I do like this (the third, not the second) edit. It has a nice rythm. It's actually kind of a nice fall/october poem, with it's edge and skeletal and hanging. Has kind of a creepy overtone.

Do two poems in such a short span of time mean that you've started writing again? Or does it mean you've been writing all along and keeping it from me?

xxoo

P

Imagine it as read by William Shatner

thank you for posting this, matt. another lovely love poem. more, please! :)

(p.s. i'm going to guess that you've been writing all along -- but i'm romantic enough to also imagine that these are the celebration of cementing love, from a newlywed, even if you've been together forever. :)