Think [the box] ing discussion

As I look back to the last two years of my life, I am starting to realize that what has changed so much is the way that I see life.
I no longer go through life wishing it could be better.
I look at each day as an opportunity to create the world around me in the way that is exciting and new.
Its amazing what a JOY life is!
We are all creators of the way we see the world and possibilities in it.
What have you been creating lately?

I don't really have anything to complain about in my own life, and plenty to be happy about, but I do try to do the little things that help other people get through their day.

At the moment I'm living in a big busy city where people are all strangers to one another and carry so much anger around. I'm sometimes guilty of that as well. But little things like holding a door for someone, standing up for people who've been queuing for a long time after they open a new register and other people dart in who haven't been waiting at all (it doesn't do anything but at least I try), and saying thank you when other people do little things for me - you see their shoulders lighten just that bit, and encourages them to do the same for others.

I'm not even sure if all that was on-topic but since I've had a safe and happy childhood, and no tragedy in my life (touch wood), I can focus more on maintaining happiness for myself, my family and people I've never met and will never see again. I think it does make a difference, however small, and being polite and considerate costs me nothing, but gives plenty :)

Why is it then that we all have this innate need for revenge when wronged?

Amen! Little things of this nature end up making a *big* difference to me whether I'm on the giving or the receiving end! Thank you, Shannon! I wish that more people emphasized this!

Speaking from my own position on the "righting the wrong" thing: I experience that a lot at work, and am often tempted to vent, to say what I really want to say and more because it would feel so good - but I know myself even better and the "cleansing effect" either doesn't last long or doesn't come at all - I tend to just feel bad, and guilty, and regret hurting others and making the situation worse.

So, knowing this, I keep my mouth shut and it all just boils away inside. Not healthy I know. I would love to let people know when they've hurt me and I don't want to sound like I'm a pushover, but I know that revenge hurts me most of all, and achieves nothing.

Yesterday at my mentoring class we talked about anger and what to do about it.
Everyone in the class got to pick a stuffed animal. It was pointed out that when talking to the stuffed animal you didn't have to worry about it's reaction and having hurt feelings.
After we were given some time to take out our anger on this inaudible object, it was explained that we get to "empty our bucket" of anger so that we are not triggered by others. When we do this we can become like the stuffed animal and ready to simply listen to others anger and disappointment without being triggered.

Shannon I don't know if you appreciate how unhealthy stuffing your feelings and reactions really are. The more I am aware of the true cause of disease (dis ease) the more concerned I get when I read all these comments.

Reacting does only make the situation worse.
Better than reacting is taking a proactive role in our own health and assisting those around us.

With my whole heart,
Colleen

Well, as I said, I do know it's unhealthy, but instead of venting to the people who cause me this anguish, which would only make things worse, I talk it over with my co-workers, friends and family. Simply having someone to vent to helps, someone who listens and sympathises and appreciates what I go through/put up with. That makes a big difference.

I don't think it's a disease in me though. I'm not a naturally angry person - I'm slow to provoke, because once provoked... I think it's simply part of the struggle in getting along with other people. There will always be people in our lives we don't see eye to eye with, and that doesn't necessarily make them bad people, or wrong. Just different. I am being proactive: I have only 2 and a half weeks left and then I'm moving on with my life. A lot of people don't have that option, mostly due to financial restraints.

I know how I work, and getting angry - even at an innocent stuffed toy - only makes me more angry. Focusing on the things I love and enjoy and that make me laugh, reminds me that the shit I put up with is not my entire life, but rather an insignificant part of it, that will no doubt recur, but which I have to learn ways of dealing with. I'm not seething with resentment. I'm being practical.

Besides, I like to feel and sympathise with others. I don't see anything inherently wrong with that.

For some reason, I know that when someone hurts me, they did not mean to, but it doesn't stop me from wanting to hurt them back. I've never really met a truly mean person who would not feel bad if they knew the pain they had caused to someone else. Well, maybe I do but I don't recall right now or I never had the opportunity to see the person get even meaner after being told they were hurting someone deeply.
Silly but I don't think the bully that punched me in the back back in elementary school really understood the evil nature of what she had done. But I still to this day would love to punch her in the back so that she would know exactly how I felt. No, I would not actually do it because I'm too thoughful of a person to purposefully cause someone else pain, but still, I can't help but feel the desire to.

So I do think we can overcome those feelings of desiring revenge but I also think it's an innate and natural reaction to want to cause pain to the person who has caused you pain.

So in regards to revenge. In shame based cultures (mainly eastern) Revenge is a way to restore the honor that was shamed, so it is a natural and accepted response here where I currently live. A girl was found dead last week by my house because she shamed her family so the father strangled her to death then tossed her into the street.
That may seem crazy, but what is more extreme is the police aren't arresting him because the law does not persecute revenge killings!

Back to the origional question about what I am creating right now... trying to restore normalcy or some sense of it in my life.

Kipahni,

Perhaps someday the loss of life will out balance the shame where you live. One can only hope.

It's amazing that I didn't even recognize this as my creation when I first got your message.
How many times does this happen in my life? How many times do I start a ripple and don't even realize it?

For me to be normal or make "sense" of my life is playing small. It feels good to be outrageous!

With my whole heart, Colleen

I agree when I was living in America, Being outrageous was something I looked forward to, I welcomed being weird. But in America I had familiar ways to deal with high intense stress situations in life/ job(family, friends, expression via music, art, word)

Now that I am in an unfamiliar world, I am trying to recapture some of my copeing ways or some things that are familiar, reclaiming a safe haven or peices of "home" and in that way I am trying to find something normal.
Being outrageous is okay if you have a safety net (friends, family, healthy selfesteem and grasp of language to express your self) It also helps if you live in a society where the smallest unit is the individual (as opposed to more famillial societies where your actions represent your family)

It is interesting being able to actively step back or out from our innate driving seat and try to get a sense of who we were/are and what our perspective is and how/if it has changed.

Having been away from this site (and much of Life) for the last 16 months or so I can sense a change in myself. I held on to people and things.. tighter and tighter as i invested meaning and expectation in them (and "us" - me and them). This, i see now, was setting me up for pain and massive falls; and unintentionally hurting others.

My change in perspective is an ongoing effort - to live, touching people and things lightly, trying not to attach Meaning and tether ropes in complicated knots of binding. Letting go..

Some days i find it surprisingly easy and im shocked in quiet joy about that. Many days it's a dirty struggle of repeated screwups :s :)