Better World Book Club discussion

Discuss Most Good, Least Harm: A Simple Principle for a Better World and Meaningful Life here. :)

I have to buy the book tomorrow. The library does not have it.

I am ready to discuss! :D :D :D

This is the second time I'm reading this book, but I'm definitely taking something new from it this time around just because I am at a different point in my life.

A few related passages I am finding useful/reassurring:

"The MOGO principle can--and must--become the ethic that guides governments, institutions, and corporations, not just individuals. There are too many systems in place that we cannot change simply through our personal choices (such as toxins in electronics). Our world needs a revolution of values in which the MOGO principle takes root deeply and inexorably, so that we change structures that are myopic and dangerous into ones that are visionary and safe. But this won't happen unless individuals like you commit to playing a role in such a transformation. If each of us does this, we will not have to decide between our ethics and the available products and systems in place to meet our future needs. Collectively we will have resolved such problems as toxins in electronics." [p 7]

Within the past half a year or longer--it's been getting progressively worse the more I learn--, I have felt overwhelmed by situations in which none of the choices present were ideal; instead of coping with reality and choosing the better of the options, I've been stuck in a self-inflicted state of inaction, often at the expense of my sanity and the sanity of those close to me. Who wants to deal with someone else's neurosis?

"You may wonder whether bringing the 3 Is to every choice and employing the 3 Vs wherever entrenched problems exist might turn your life into a constant analysis and weigh you down with a moral nag. That hardly sounds like it would bring much inner peace. The truth is that you could become caught up in every detail of your life and drive yourself crazy, but that would definitely not be MOGO." [p 9]

That describes me pretty accurately: self-driven crazy. It took an abrupt awakening to make me re-examine the path I've been headed toward. I can't help others if I am constantly filled with anxiety, stress, and negativity over everyday choices. I guess this is closer to where I *should* be headed:

Melissa Feldman: "MOGO starts with me. As they say on airlines, in case of a loss of oxygen, put on your oxygen mask first and then help your kids put on their masks. I believe that I deserve to have a good and happy life, even though others are suffering. This was a hard concept for me to understand years ago. At the same time, one of the cardinal philosophies of my life comes from Helen Keller, who said, 'I am only one, but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something. I will not refuse to do the something I can do.' So I start with myself, but I don't end there." [p 14]

Extra emphasis on the sentence "I believe that I deserve to have a good and happy life, even though others are suffering." This is a very difficult statement to come to terms with when you're feeling burnt out and overexposed to the suffering that takes place in the world. I feel as if I should repeat that quote over and over to brainwash myself so that I'll feel "normal" again. How does everyone else deal with this, if in fact, this has been a problem for any of you?

PS. I'm using this book discussion in place of therapy because it's cheaper.

Lately I have been having a problem thinking "I believe I deserve to have a good and happy life even though others are suffering". So many of the people around me are having a difficult time and this is something I am really struggling with. Thanks dara for sharing that quote from the book.. I am hoping that when i finish the book ( im close!) I can have a new mentatlity because this one is really wearing me out!

oh jeez, I am there too. That makes me think of something I say all the time - if it doesn't hurt, it's not working. I mostly say it when I'm going to the dentist or working out, but it applies to this too. I think it is possible to help relieve the suffering of others without hurting yourself, but I'm having a hard time finding that balance. I often don't take time for my own needs because I feel like there's something I could be doing for the needs of animals. I have finally learned to say "no" sometimes when asked to take on another charity project, but it's hard.

Jessi, you'll feel better after tomorrow! All that hard work will pay off with Earth Day and then you can breathe again!

A few things I really like about this book's format: the abundance of lists allows for people to get basic information from it, even if simply skimming--let's face it, most people don't have much free time in their lives (plus, some people just like lists!); the practical suggestions at the end of each section; and the opportunities for self-reflection.

"Below, you will find a list of qualities that I've gathered from groups of people who have answered the question, 'What are the best qualities of human beings?' As you read this list, consider which qualities you want to feed. Which inspire you to grow, change, and develop in new ways? Which feel essential to your epitaph? Try reading each one silently and slowly; notice if the quality speaks to you and invites you to listen more deeply:

Compassion, Kindness, Creativity, Trustworthiness, Humility, Perseverance, Wisdom, Gratitude, Tolerance, Altruism, Patience, Forgiveness, Curiosity, Resilience, Respect, Self-discipline, Gentleness, Tenderness, Attentiveness, Commitment, Initiative, Willingness to be Different, Willingness to Choose and Change, Mindfulness, Expressiveness, Courtesy, Resourcefulness, Flexibility, Adaptability, Optimism, Sensitivity, Strength, Graciousness, Loyalty, Hopefulness, Mercy, Vibrancy, Peacefulness, Self-awareness, Ingenuity, Willingness to Rise Above Circumstances, Equanimity, Helpfulness, Humor. [p 23]

I would narrow my list down to the ones I feel I need to work on:

Gratitude - One simple point Weil makes really stuck with me: "In our family, we each say something for which we're grateful before we eat our dinner. Some nights, too many really, we fail to deeply reflect upon our gratitude. Perhaps we've had a disagreement that colors our gratitude, or a 'bad' day. Yet, each evening we sit together with abundant food in a warm home in a beautiful part of the world, with our basic needs all met, and sometimes all we can muster is surface gratitude. When I step back to examine this, I'm astounded at how much easier it is to complain and feel like life isn't just the way I want it, instead of reveling in gratitude for all that I've been given." [p 35] Many days I don't even muster up surface gratitude, and this is something I want to change. I think it is essential to finding that balance in my life.

Self-discipline, Initiative, Willingness to Choose and Change, Adaptability - I think these four can be summed up in my personal experience with: I'm lazy, indecisive, and afraid of change. I know I won't reach my personal goals if I continue on in this state of learned helplessness.

Optimism - It's too easy to feel negative! I need a challenge, lol.

Equanimity - I would like to feel less anxiety in my life.


Does anyone have their own epitaph? In other words, would anyone like to write one for me? ;) I can't figure out anything beyond broad generalizations of showing compassion. I feel it should probably be more specific than that so I can actually monitor progress.


I also found the three questions on page 35 useful:
What have I received from _______?
What have I given to _______?
What troubles or difficulties have I caused ______?

That is such a simple tool to evaluate things and people in your life. Asking myself those three questions, I can view the people in my life with renewed gratitude.

The word that best describes me right now (and I'm not proud of it) is overwhelmed. I can say no, but then I think about all the things that won't get done because I wanted to catch up on DVR or actually cook myself a meal. I hold a lot of things in, like a martyr, and then explode when I've had enough. Let's face it, in regard to the oxygen masks on the plane, others would surely suffer because I'm being spread too thin across a large amount of area. It's not healthy or MOGO.

Melissa's quote spoke to me too. I do try to save them all (boxers). Once I see a picture, the eyes haunt me until I know s/he is safe. How I don't have 50 dogs at my house right now, I don't know. For me, failure is not an option. Yet, my favorite place to shop is Old Navy. And they pretty much have a failing grade on the website I found that rates stores. They're not as bad as Wal-mart, but they're not great either. And here's where I get to the psychosis that Dara mentioned above. Or was it neurosis. Regardless, not good! I'll save boxers, but who cares about sweatshops and inhumane conditions and wages for workers? That can't be right! And I never thought of it before this book. I'm not sure I'll be able to condone what I've learned... but I do "deserve a good and happy life." Is everyone as dizzy as I am with the circles I'm talking? Maybe there will be some clarity when I finish the book. ;)

Just wait till we read The Story of Stuff! LOL.

I went to the library yesterday and started to get 3 or 4 animal rights books... and then put them back. I can read them when they're more likely to leave me feeling empowered, not just overwhelmed and depressed.

Though I think it is good to be informed--even when the mere thought of behavior change can be overwhelming. Even if we have these glaring imperfections in our consumer choices, perhaps knowing it will keep us from being too judgmental/harsh on others.

Greeeaaat... :)

I got this message from the Universe today:

In life, Amanda, you can only ever be scared, when you believe in limits.

You can only ever feel lonely, when you stop doing things.

You can only ever become bored, when you no longer follow your heart.

And you can only ever get overwhelmed, when you think the illusions are real.

Whew! Who knew it could be so easy to get back on track?

The Universe

I love that amanda!!! Thanks for sharing.. I needed that message too!

I really loved that this book covered the issues regarding sweatshops etc. My new years resolution this past year has been to buy nothing new so I have been buying only clothes from goodwill/thrift stores and other second hand stores. I was in a period where I wasn't able to find something that I needed and really wanted to head to the mall but ironically I read that portion of the book and I was right back on track.

Just wondering if "Don't turn into my mother" works as an epitaph or not. O.o

dara wrote: "Just wondering if "Don't turn into my mother" works as an epitaph or not. O.o"

You and me both!