Axis Mundi X discussion

No, I didn't get drunk and fuck up. I read what I found to be a rather startling article about Edwards' affair and his wife's reaction on CNN this morning. Some people are criticizing Elizabeth Edwards for not coming public with the affair sooner.

http://www.cnn.com/2008/LIVING/wayofl...

I don't get this at all. I know we talked about the ethics of being a public figure before but I'm not sure we touched on the wife's role. Personally...what the goddamn hell? Why the hell would she have a responsibility to go public with her husband's affair?

Ok, let me broaden this a bit. What's the role of a wife when the husband has an affair? Besides kicking him hard in the balls, I mean. What are the factors that may go into how she supports or doesn't support him? Why does it seem that women, esp., are often just as hard if not harder on the woman married to the guy as the guy who had the affair or the woman with whom he cheated? Somebody explain this to me, because I don't get it. This is an extraordinarily complicated issue, I know...but what do people think?

I think a lot of that depends on context myself. The length of the marriage, the length of the affiar. Is the affair sex-based or does he claim to be in love with her?

I think any and all of these would play into a decision to stay or go.

I don't believe the automatic decision would be to toss him into the street, though emotionally that would be what I would *want* to do. lol

The only two scenarios where I see no negotiation are spousal abuse and child abuse - of any kind.

Yeah, that's what I mean, Sherri.

Why would anyone in their right mind say, "Ok, my husband had an affair. I have a moral responsibility to inform the entire country. Could someone call the Washington Post?" Embarrassing, painful, whatever you want to say...I don't think "inform the public" is step one or even a required step.

How should a wife handle an affair? My wife has informed me that she would make me a eunuch, shortly before killing me. But no matter how the woman handles it (unless it becomes a police matter) it’s none of our damn business.

And honestly, I’m embarrassed for CNN that they would even run a story involving Daily Kos, a website that is famous (infamous?) for nutjobs.

Rusty, you had to go there. (DKos)

What makes that anymore a nutjob site than say, RedState or any right-wing Freeper site?

If the right wing can have their sites, the left(ish) should be able to have their own...What's fair is fair, and all that.

As for adultery, I don't believe in the 'people as property' philosophy. I don't own the rights to anyone. However, if someone freely enters into a commitment with me I expect that person to hold to it. And if he breaks that commitment, then he can not tell me how to react, or what his expectations of forgiveness are. I think he cedes the privilege when he breaks trust.

Xysea, I was going to comment, but BW beat me to it, and said it better. Rest assured, if CNN cited a run-of-the-mill Democratic website, I wouldn't have any problem with it.

I think life is full of tough choices. I also think that people cope as they can.

I find it hard to pass judgment on people whose lives I only know in part. Who knows what they've thought/felt in the 'dark night of the soul.'

I, for one, wouldn't anyone tell me how to react or what to do/think.

I don’t see anything wrong with Ms. Edwards keeping this to her self. I do see something wrong with the media keeping the “story” alive. As a public figure they did their job and reported actions by a man holding a public office; which could alter people’s willingness to support him in the future. But they have crossed the line; it is no longer anyone’s place to keep dicking a dead dog here.

As far as cheating swine male/female I have a simple solution. Kick the filthy bastard to the curb. I have always reserved the right to end any relationship based on faith infractions. If you are feeling the urge to stray, then it is time to talk to your significant other. Something is wrong and it needs to be fixed, or the two need to go their separate ways. I understand this can become complicated when children are involved, but it is much better if the kids see their parents acting civil instead of being destructive. At lest everyone will be able to move on and deal with one another in a civil manner. Daddy can still come over without mommy loading the gun or vise versa.

People can learn from their mistakes... they can learn how to not get caught next time... I think it is safe to say that if someone cheats once they will probably cheat again. (Particularly if the root problem has not been corrected) I don't buy all the excuses either. I was a marine which makes me a professional drunk. No amount of booze has ever made me forget that I love my wife. But I know of many marines that used the "I was drunk and lonely" line. It stinks. Yeah breaking off a long term relationship can be pretty bad. But in the long run it is for the better.

Nick, I've personally never strayed on a partner, but that's because I employ the rule you use above.

If I even think I'm going to stray, or if things get so far off course between my partner and I that it enters my radar, it's time to talk. I give the person I'm with the courtesy of saying either that we're not compatible or something's wrong.

But, ultimately, part of that is weathering commitments. The bloom comes off the rose in long term relationships, quite often. However, that doesn't give one a license to stray, and it does tend to give a person a moment of pause before chucking it all in the garbage. Divorce is prevalent, not just because there are a lot of self-involved jerks out there but because people are willing to ditch commitments very easily over stuff our parents would have worked out...

Yeah I know that, I'm an asshole and my wife still puts up with me ;)

I think however a wife chooses to cope with her husband having an affair is her business and no one else's. It's between the couple, and it's private.

God I hate how this has been politicized!!!!!

It's a distraction from REAL ISSUES. Like how the public education in this country sucks, and how we're pouring billions down the crapper in Haliburton contracts in Iraq, and how the economy is dragging the middle class into oblivion, and how if we keep on this way we'll all be speaking Cantonese in a few years

God I hate politics in this country.

This election stopped being about the issues recently. ::sigh::

I agree with Char:

I think however a wife chooses to cope with her husband having an affair is her business and no one else's. It's between the couple, and it's private.

I wouldn't want Edwards as a marriage counselor as I would believe a word he said about marriage and fidelity but that its own topic.

And the guy is an ass for cheating on his wife and adding to her stress level while fighting cancer.

Wait wait, WHAT? So they are blaming the wife for not going public? What the hell? Just go ahead and also blame her for her husband having the affair!

Fine, let's get this over with. Chris is a snorer, a clutterer, and sometimes, yes, it's true - he SPEEDS.
Do with that what you will, but my duty here is done.

maybe if i voted differently i could find me some cravenly ambitiously doormat of a woman who'd act as enabler for my skank pronging.


i'll try that line on eharmony.

RA said: "Why would anyone in their right mind say, 'Ok, my husband had an affair. I have a moral responsibility to inform the entire country.' "

http://nl.newsbank.com/nl-search/we/A...

I live in such a great state.

Oops, sorry. The archive link must have expired. Here's the first few graphs about the ongoing nasty divorce of Nevada's first couple:

Gibbons accused

By ED VOGEL REVIEW-JOURNAL CAPITAL BUREAU

CARSON CITY — The attorney for first lady Dawn Gibbons accused Gov. Jim Gibbons of involvement with another woman, stating in court documents filed Wednesday that this is his real reason for seeking a divorce.

"Despite his disingenuous, shallow, and transparent protestation that his relationship with another man's wife is a mere friendship, his infatuation and involvement with the other woman is real."

I provide that as a response to RA's musings. Dawn Gibbons is keeping no secrets about her husbands multiple indiscretions. I suppose the lesson is, if you're a sitting governor, don't file for divorce until your term is over.

Fine, let's get this over with. Chris is a snorer, a clutterer, and sometimes, yes, it's true - he SPEEDS.

Yes, but he knows you like his bad boy image, so every now and then he throws cereal on the kitchen floor...

Yes, but he knows you like his bad boy image, so every now and then he throws cereal on the kitchen floor...

But then he goes and ruins it by picking it back up again!
However, he spends waaaaay too much money on dictionaries. Why, he dropped $150 just last weekend on a couple of specialized Spanish-English legal or medical ones, I can't keep them all straight.

dictionary potlatch. that's shocking!!

heh.

i knew I liked that boy.

Plus, one dictionary every now and then...but I bet you buy books constantly, just more of less expensive books.

I side squarely with Chris. Snoring is cool.

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Most of the books in these bookcases are dictionaries. I ask you: How many dictionaries does one man need?!?

And snoring is NOT cool.

It's hot. He knows it gets to you. Admit it. Snoring drives you wild.

I think I have those very same shelves in our dinning/ turned into a reading area room/. They fold up yes? I thnk we have you beat by 2 though.

Yes, snoring does drive me wild, but not in a good way, RA. More like a "Aaaargh! Roll over! Roll over, or else!" kind of way.
I start eyeing the pillows in a murderous fashion.

My wife wears a mouthguard when she sleeps, Jackie. Now that's hot.

You know what I think is stupid? Some of my friends' wives complain about how their husbands either go to sleep early or stay up later than them. What the hell? Why are you supposed to go to sleep at the same time? And I'm not talking about sex, pervs. I'm talking about sleep. Who cares?

And god help these guys if they fall asleep on the couch.

Yes, they fold, Nick. We have more elsewhere, but these are the ones with just Chris' books.

Here's one of mine:

[image error]

And another, although this photo only shows the bottom half, with the nerdy Star Trek books:

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I'm a night owl, and Chris isn't, so he makes that very complaint to me sometimes, RA. And I fell asleep on the couch last night around 10:30, and had to wake up enough to actually GO to bed after midnight.

I guess it is a guy thing, Because "my" shelves look like his, and yours are pretty close to what the wifes look like.

I fall asleep on the couch all the time, and sometimes I fall asleep in the guest bedroom when I'm reading. It's not a rejection of my very cool wife. Sometimes I want to read/be on my own. She's grown used to it. That whole go to sleep at the same time in the same place is very weird to me.

You sound a lot like me, RA. I'm an only child, and sometimes I just need to be by myself.
When I get a bad cold, I move to the guest bedroom to snuffle and cough, and I love having the whole room to myself.

I love snoring. It makes me feel safe. All the men in my family snore. I miss having that sound in my room. My dog snores, but it's really not the same. Although, I've been told that I now snore (oh yes, very attractive), so maybe I'm comforting myself while I sleep. Oy.

Richard falls asleep on the couch pretty much every night during his 10-11 TV show. He wakes up and shuffles to bed at 1AM. It's clockwork.

Plus he snores so badly I have to wear ear plugs and have one of those sound machines! He doesn't believe when he travels on business I don't use either.

I happen to like when he travels because I get the bed and room to myself. I know from a cleaning friend of mine that all her clients who have the money prefer to have their own rooms, even tho they are happily married. They just love their own space.

I think one of the reasons I stay up so late is because I love the peace and quiet after both my boys go to bed.

I always have a fan on when I sleep.

Yes, I get up early because of the quiet and isolation. I also arrive early to the office for the same reason.

No, couples don't have to fall asleep at same time. Lord knows, we don't, but I will confess to not sleeping entirely comfortably and securely until my man comes to bed.

:)