Writers and Readers discussion

What do you all think?

I remember it as though it were only yesterday. It was the summer I turned sixteen and the year was 1975.

At the time, my name was Roberta Grace Flowers but everyone called me Bobbi and that suited me just fine. Mama and daddy named me after my maternal grandmother and I thanked my lucky stars every day that they did not name me after my paternal grandmother.

I was told my mama had pitched such a fit when daddy suggested naming me after his mother that she wouldn't speak to him for three days. Everyone laughs about the story now, but it was not a happy time in the Flowers' household. Why daddy would ever think Philomena was a "right proper" name for a girl, I don't know. Mama put her foot down and told him under no uncertain terms would she ever name any living creature under her roof Philomena Rose Flowers. My younger brother, Harold Philip Flowers III, however, was not so lucky.

We lived in Iowa City, Iowa. A University town set amongst the corn fields of eastern Iowa and to this day, I still think of it as being just a little bit north, south, east and west of anywhere important.

Mama didn't have a real job outside the house, but she worked from home doing a little seamstress work for spending money, or "mad money," as she liked to call it. We never needed the extra cash since my daddy was a rich and powerful man -- so I've been told -- and he gave mama everything she needed. She used to tell me, "Bobbi, it's not the things you need in life that make you happy. It's the things you want that put a smile on your face when you get 'em." If she was unhappy, it never showed.

Mama's family came from southeastern Missouri -- as far south and east as you could get in Missouri and not be in Arkansas or Tennessee. I remember her telling me how it was a good idea to put a little cash aside in case you fell upon hard times. She used to tell me how poor she was as a little girl and there was some saying she had about a pot and a window that I wasn't supposed to repeat, especially in front of Grandma Flowers.

I couldn't imagine living anywhere other than our big house on Governor Street where the entry-way floors gleamed so bright they made your eyes hurt when the sun hit them just right. I never had to worry about where my next meal was coming from or if daddy would make enough money to buy us new school shoes in the fall. The idea of being dirt-poor was as foreign to me as those starving kids over in China that daddy always reminded about when I would sneak the crust off my toast under the table to our family dog, Boo.

Daddy's family was city. Mama's family was country. I didn't pay much attention to any location I couldn't get to within a few minutes out our front door. So being "city" or being "country" never crossed my mind. The only person who seemed concerned about it was Grandma Flowers whenever she came to visit. Thankfully, that was not too frequent.

Most people never understood how my daddy, being from such a well-to-do family, wound up with Gracie Moon, a poor white-trash, plain looking girl from Shine, Missouri. Daddy always said it was love at first sight and that mama had cast a spell on him with her bewitching good looks and charm.

Mama would just smile and remind him that just because her great grandma Esther was rumored to have had the gift of healing and prophecy, that did not make everyone in the family a witch.

I like the voice of the piece; its very distinctive. Is this the beginning of a book?

Two things jumped out at me:

1- This sentence seems a bit cliche, "I remember it as though it were only yesterday.", you might want to think about rewriting it.

2- This sentence seems a bit clunky, "The idea of being dirt-poor was as foreign to me as those starving kids over in China that daddy always reminded about when I would sneak the crust off my toast under the table to our family dog, Boo." I think it could be reworked to flow smoother.

Other than that, I enjoyed reading.

Thanks for reading and thanks for taking the time to comment. :) I will take your advice under advisement!

I like this, although I didn't expect to when I started reading it. I like how you've got the narrator laying out the facts of her life without any particular emotion either way. It gives the reader an impression of a girl from a rich family who isn't smug about it, or burdened with a sense of entitlement.

The bit about her name "everyone called me Bobbi and that suited me just fine" reminds me of the opening to Dirty Dancing - not sure if that was deliberate! And I agree with Alan about "I remember it as though it were only yesterday". To be honest, you could probably cut that sentence completely. Not sure if this is relevant since you left this about six weeks ago... :)