Writers support discussion

THX!

OK. I need help with this short story I'm writing. It has to be at least 500 words long, but not like a novel. It has to involve (even if it is just mentioning it) a toothpick, keys, and a rattlesnake.

I know what I want to do, but it's really hard putting it into words that will catch people's attention... so when I finish writing it, I'll post it here and you guys can give me suggestions on what to add and how to make it better! :D THX

What's the maximum word count? That's often more of a challenge than minimum word count.

oh. 500 is the maximum... or at least around that number. It's for an application to the school literary magazine. For the application.

Here's what I have so far:



In some stories, curiosity killed the cat. But in this one, curiosity killed me.

Creak! I jumped over the last two steps and walked through the dimly lit room in the basement. Mom had told me I would find it around here somewhere. OH! There it was! I walked towards a pile of old clothes and brown boxes that probably had “wonderful treasures” of my mother and father’s past. I sat down and picked the biggest box to open first.

When I opened the box, I coughed as dust flew up my nose. I looked down and sighed, “Wow. These are so old!” The box was full of old picture albums. Perfect for my family tree project. I picked up an album and laughed when I saw the fashion, “Wow! That can NOT be Dad!” I looked through all the pictures and put the album back in the box. Then something caught my eye. Something shiny. It was another box. Smaller. Like a jewelry box. It had pieces of glass on the top and a keyhole. Swirly designs surrounded the glass and on the side, it looked like a snake. “I wonder what’s inside…” I shook the box and heard some rattling. Maybe there was gold inside! Then, I looked around for something to pick the lock. The only thing I could find was a toothpick. Well… a toothpick could work. I thought. I put the toothpick in the keyhole and tried to pick the lock. No luck. I groaned and threw the toothpick on the ground and looked around. With every lock, there’s a key. I quickly set the box down and rummaged through the pile of old clothes and other things. I smiled when I saw a key made of glass pieces. I picked it up and put in the keyhole. Click. “YES!” I smiled and started to open the box.

I expected to find money or something like that. But it wasn’t even that. I stared inside the box, too shocked too run away. Too shocked to scream. Inside, was a rattlesnake. I didn’t know much about rattlesnakes, but I knew enough to be scared of them. But I couldn’t move. I just stared at the snake. It saw me and started to move towards me. I held my breath, not moving. It slithered onto my arm and moved towards my neck. I didn’t dare breath. Too late did I realize that it was going to bite me. I started to feel dizzy. And then I screamed.

(It's around 420 words.)

That's what the box kinda looks like. But with pieces of glass on it and the design looks like a snake.

[i edited it! now it's around 500 words! yay! plzplzplz suggest anything or tell me if I've done something wrong or if you have a really good idea! Here's the edited version below]

In some stories, curiosity killed the cat. But in this one, curiosity killed me.

Creak! I jumped over the last two steps and walked through the dimly lit room in the basement. Mom had told me I would find it around here somewhere. OH! There it was! I walked towards a pile of old clothes and brown boxes that probably had “wonderful treasures” of my mother and father’s past. I sat down and picked the biggest box to open first.


I opened the box and coughed as dust flew up my nose. I looked down and sighed, “Wow. These are so old!” The box was full of old picture albums. Old and wrinkly. Not to mention smelly! Perfect for my family tree project. I picked up an album and laughed when I saw the clothes, “Wow! That can NOT be Dad!” Why were the fashion senses so… weird? I looked through all the pictures and put the album back in the box. None of the pictures were interesting enough to be shown in front of class. Then something caught my eye. Something shiny. It was another box. Smaller. Kind of like a jewelry box. It had pieces of glass on the top and a keyhole. Swirly designs surrounded the glass and on the side, it looked like a snake. “I wonder what’s inside…” I shook the box and heard some rattling. Maybe there was gold inside! Now that would definitely get me an A! I laughed as I imagined Mr. Lyle giving everyone all A’s while he threw gold coins in the air and danced around. Funny. But also a little creepy. I blinked back into reality. I needed to find something to open the box. It wouldn’t help if I said there was gold inside and I couldn’t prove it, now would it?


I quickly looked around for something to pick the lock, but the only thing I could find was a toothpick. Well… a toothpick could work. I thought. So I put the toothpick in the keyhole and tried to pick the lock. No luck. I groaned and threw the toothpick on the ground. Then looked around. With every lock, there’s a key. That’s something Dad used to say to me. Like that would solve all my problems…NOT. I quickly set the box down and rummaged through the pile of old clothes and other things. I smiled when I saw a key made of glass pieces. I picked it up and put in the keyhole. Click. “YES!” I smiled and started to open the box.


It wasn’t gold. Not even some really old and invaluable necklace. I stared inside the box, too shocked to run away. Too shocked to scream. Because inside, was a rattlesnake. I didn’t know much about rattlesnakes, but I knew enough to be scared of them. But I couldn’t move. I just stared at the snake. It saw me, then started to move towards me. I held my breath, not moving. It slithered onto my arm and moved towards my neck. I didn’t dare breath. Too late did I realize that it was going to bite me. I started to feel dizzy. And then I screamed.

THX! :) I like the title thing! I think I might use that! :D

Hey guys! Thanks so much for helping me with that short story! Because of your help, I made my story better and got into teh literary magazine for our school! THX SOOO MUCH!

hey guys, is there a way to put a word docuent on here without copying and pasting?