The Humour Club discussion

The darkness is the number one thing I hate about winter. That, and giving $300 bucks a month to the electric company for heat. Think of the books I could buy with that money...

What most embarrassing place laughed out loud when reading a book?
Always worth laughing on a tube as they think you are mad and give you room
Dr waiting room can be bad as if someone opposite got a rash may think laughing at them
My main problem is i try and stop laughing and it comes out as a snort which in cold weather could leave a mess If you know what I mean

Yes - laughing out loud in the doctor's waiting room is the worst. There is no merriment allowed there. In the US, we are all sitting there worrying whether or not our medical insurance will cover the massive bill.

It's now almost 5am and I've been awake since 1:15. There's nothing like lying in bed, contemplating the mysteries of the universe while your spouse snores.

Why did the spork never gain more popularity? It seems like a handy invention to me. I would be proud to display some sporks in my lovely flatware chest that contains the nicest collection of metal plated eating utensils $59.95 can buy. Why were sporks relegated to plastic obscurity in fast food wastelands? It's a mystery to me...

didn't the spork find its way into display colections etc through rebranding itself as a cake fork?

I imagine the spork might be a more lively girlfriend than Selena Gomez....

Good news, spork fans! The spork has its own website:

http://www.spork.org/

My favorite quote - "A spork is so much more than just a poor excuse for an eating utensil."

How true, how true.

Melki, you scare me...

Not as much as I scare myself.

It's the 60th anniversary of chattering teeth, everybody!
http://boingboing.net/2011/10/26/60th...

I remember hounding my parents for a set of these. Then, when I finally got them, I remember wondering, "Why?" They're not funny. They're not even fun. Sometimes you can use them to scare the family pet, but otherwise...what's the point?

My youngest son brought his school pictures home yesterday. He looks like a little thug, but I'm keeping them - only because I know that receiving an 8 x 10 of her grandson's "mug shot" for Christmas will really annoy the heck out of my mother-in-law.

I had a set of chattering teeth that had feet attached so they chattered and walked at the same time. The dogs did not like them and promptly attacked...the dogs won!

Melki wrote: "My youngest son brought his school pictures home yesterday. He looks like a little thug, but I'm keeping them - only because I know that receiving an 8 x 10 of her grandson's "mug shot" for Christ..."

I can remember when me and my sibblings had a joint one done in junior school and my sister and I were either side of my brother who that same week had lost his front teeth - we threatened him with pain of death if he dared smile and open his mouth showing his gap! My mother was horrified when the photos were ready, he had a huge grin but his lips were pressed tight! We still have the photo among mums albums!

So, after spending much of yesterday making me yet another book shelf, my husband then spent hours in the kitchen making a roast beef and mashed potatoes. AND THEN he went back to the kitchen and made chocolate chip cookies! This is just not like him, especially since he just got that new Call of Duty game. I, of course, suspected alien involvement and quickly checked the basement for pods. Nothing.

On the negative side, he did manage to dirty EVERY pot, bowl, and utensil in the kitchen...all for me to wash last night. Seriously, I don't see how any of the above recipes involve a collander, an apple slicer or a citrus juicer.

Melki wrote: "So, after spending much of yesterday making me yet another book shelf, my husband then spent hours in the kitchen making a roast beef and mashed potatoes. AND THEN he went back to the kitchen and ..."

I think that's just how men cook, both my brother and my dad are the same when they make anything. They somehow manage to use everything in the kitchen no matter how simple a meal they're cooking! Dread to think what really goes on when they're in the kitchen!

Just want it known - last night I made chili. I used the dutch oven, a wooden spoon and a cutting board and knife for the onions and garlic. That's it.

I can't read that without giggling, because of the colloquial meaning of "dutch oven" :P

Particularly appropriate after eating chili, I'd say.

Please Santa - I want these for Christmas -

http://www.hammacher.com/Product/Defa...

Why? Aw, come on...who wouldn't want these?

Its these I want:

http://www.thinkgeek.com/geektoys/plu...

I want to catch them all...

My husband got me the Bookworm http://www.thinkgeek.com/geektoys/plu... a few years ago.

I don't think I'd want to "catch" Syphyllis or Ebola, but good luck to you in your quest.

I feel sullied... I made a pokemon joke in my last post here... Believe me, I am hanging my head in shame

Melki wrote: "Please Santa - I want these for Christmas -

http://www.hammacher.com/Product/Defa...

Why? Aw, come on...who wouldn't want these?"

OH! MY! GOD! WOW! Those are amazing, I can just picture me driving one to and from work...annoying pedestrians playing on their phones will never be a problem again!!!

Go for it Sam! I think we're worth $17,000, don't you.

Melki wrote: "Go for it Sam! I think we're worth $17,000, don't you."

Oh hell yeah, wonder if I can get it on the NHS as a stress relieving thing, should save money on medication and repeated doctors visits...uhmmm I wonder...

They cost SEVENTEEN THOUSAND DOLLARS, Kyle. But I've been REALLY GOOD this year!

Me too, me too!!! I've been so good this year I've amazed even myself!

Saturday, husband decides to make bread. This time, I swear he borrowed pots and pans from the neighbors, just so I'd have more stuff to wash. Then, Sunday was his birthday, so I had to be NICE to him, ALL DAY! You have no idea how exhausting THAT was!

When did the law come in about being nice to people on their birthdays? Think I missed the memo on that one...ooops!

that could be a new phrase to describe somebody's personality... She's nice, but she's not "Birthday Nice"...

Jon wrote: "that could be a new phrase to describe somebody's personality... She's nice, but she's not "Birthday Nice"..."

ha ha - good one Jon...so right....

no one is nice on a birthday

You know what is nice - a dishwasher...finally got it installed one this weekend (only bought it three weeks ago).

You know what we say around out house when one is being nice...'you are a bucket filler'...it's some thing that my daughter learned at school.
Funny though, I always picture a bucket full of BS, KWIM?

Well, I'm just glad his birthday is over and I don't have to be nice again til Father's Day.
Wait a sec...he's not MY father...

Christmas time is here!
In the US, that means "Invasion of the Giant Inflatable Lawn Ornaments". Every front yard in my neighborhood seems to be a temporary home for a huge santa or really big, unmeltable snowman. Most people leave them unplugged in the daytime, which means they have huge dead snowmen and santas lying in their yards. One of my neighbors leaves his 12-foot Grinch
inflated 24 hours a day for all the 46 days of Christmas. My dog is terrified of it, which means we either cross the road and walk really fast with our heads down which will somehow protect us from harm, or we turn and go the other way.

Anyway - here's a video of a yard gone mad:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5rotgv...

Bugger me with a fishfork.... and I thought gnomes were bad...

Bugger me with a fishfork? I would probably choose something less pointy, like a wad of cotton, or a limp noodle...

Very classy...both the Xmas lawn and the fishfork saying.

I'm glad you clarified that point Kyle, I was beginning to get worried!!!

My father in law is British and he always says, 'no playing silly buggers' when the kids start wrestling.

Sounds funny, especially since I don't know what a bugger really is (probably an english 'swear')?

That is one of the great things about Sophie Kinsella and that wonderful, yet embarrassing chic lit book I'm reading - it's written in English.

So, she nips off to the Starbucks, cocks things up...I'm betting she'll be sacked as well.

Bookworm wrote: "My father in law is British and he always says, 'no playing silly buggers' when the kids start wrestling.

Sounds funny, especially since I don't know what a bugger really is (probably an english..."

bugger is a term from public boys schools, like Eton, in which new boys were phased etc, and were considered the lackeys of the older boys. The term bugger refers to a form of ritualised sodomy that occured within these exclusive boys schools, inflicted by the older boys on the new boarders.

Its a horrible origin for the term, but its so widespread that no-one thinks about it. Call a child a fucker though, and you're in a lot of trouble... go figure.

Hazel wrote: "Bookworm wrote: "My father in law is British and he always says, 'no playing silly buggers' when the kids start wrestling.

Sounds funny, especially since I don't know what a bugger really is (pr..."

Exactly right, although now it tends to be used more for the purposes of calling someone a prat or saying 'oooops I/they mucked that up'! Or as a general term of abuse when someone annoys you!

Kyle wrote: "Haha! I want many things for Christmas...but that's not one of them. :)"

hey Kyle I have posted the beginning of Nimbility a book that might satisfy your need for comedy horror and insanity this tale has army secrets NORAD HQ deep inside Cheyenn Mountain Colrado( there are 15 two and three story buildings in there ) fantasy mind control etc. it's paosted on does anyon like this cheers aaron

Kyle wrote: "A man asked for a meal in a restaurant. The waiter brought the food and put it on the table. After a moment, the man called the waiter and said:

"Waiter! Waiter! There's a fly in my soup!"

"Pleas..."

how did i just know it was u who wrote all taht...ha ha - smart stuff lol

Kyle why don't you go into comedy - your brilliant for it

An English teacher told the class never to use the same word twice in a sentence it's redundant and lessens the effect of the message. One little boy was shaking his head. The teacher said you disagree with that ? Yes mam I do. Give the class an example using two words in a sentence. Yes maam my sister came home from college and told my father she was pregnant and my father said " beautiful just f----- beautiful. It was pretty effective maam.

the jokes are elsewhere guys :)

on a seperate note, today I cooked. I cooked roast pheasant, with mash, carrots and broccoli, with a redcurrant sauce that I made from scratch from fresh redcurrants. I think we'll have that again.

Mmmm. You are more adventurous than I am in the kitchen. I've never even tasted pheasant, much less cooked one. (I did almost hit one with my car the other week.)
I can't wait to hear the details of your Christmas dinner.

which reminds me, I really should start actually planning that properly...

I've always (well, ever since realising what the word means) been amazed that 'bugger' is such an inoffensive invective. Something about it does sound so British - but it also works in an Australian accent!