Terminalcoffee discussion

Where/when are you able to "fake" your way through something? At what times is it acceptable?

It's not acceptable to admit it.

Not that. Regular, day to day stuff.

No I didn't mean that either. I mean people usually don't admit that they aren't all they try to appear to be. I don't know. Never mind.

Why not? Why don't they? Why pretend?

Insecurity.

Everyone has it?



I guess, except the ridiculously blase non-intellectuals.

Exactly.

I think it's acceptable when it's a one-time thing (not ongoing), makes someone feel better and causes harm to no one.

I think if it's just my self talk -- telling myself I really am good at what I do, and that I should be confident that I won't fuck up -- then it's okay. It kind of turns into a self-fulfilling prophecy then, whichever way the self talk goes. "I'm up for this. I'm as good as those other people who look better than I do and who seem so confident."

Not really faking -- just supporting yourself internally.

Here's someone I don't want faking it: airline mechanics.
Here's someone who fakes it every day: your hairstylist.

The insider's view of hairworks.

I don't like it when a musician I've paid a lot to see fakes it.
I remember opening for someone who I really, really liked (and who had totally rocked when I had seen her a few years before), and watching her totally phone it in. I saw her a few more times after that and the spark was completely gone. A mutual friend told me later that she was sick of touring but didn't know how to do anything else.

I think there's a fine line between faking it and lying. If someone comes to me and asks what I think of her new hairstyle and I hate it, I'm going to fake it to not hurt her feelings. If she asks me before then I'll be honest. I think faking it as described by Félix is good.

Félix = Fakemastah!

Si.

I see said the blind man as he picked up his hammer and saw.

Fakerama. Fake-a-mundo. Fakemeister.

Félix wrote: "I think if it's just my self talk -- telling myself I really am good at what I do, and that I should be confident that I won't fuck up -- then it's okay. It kind of turns into a self-fulfilling pr..."

The "fake it 'til you make it" philosophy. I think it's ok to fake confidence, since if you do it long enough and enough people buy it, it starts to be true.

There are many jobs where you kind of have to "fake it til you make it." In any profession where you have been to school, e.g. law school or medical school, and then you are in a medical residency, or a new associate at a law firm, or a baby prosecutor, you are going to be winging it much of the time because you just don't know what you're doing. There are support systems, if you work at a teaching hospital you follow around a "real" doctor and observe what he/she does with patients, you have prosecutors with several years or decades of experience and you are observing them and they're instructing you when they have the time, but you're still faking it to a degree. At some point you'll have to sit down with a patient by yourself for the first time, and you won't have all the answers, but at least you'll know more than the patient (hopefully). Or someone at an investment bank, like a trader (see Liar's Poker by Michael Lewis). They often hire people with no previous quantitative experience, and put them through a training class. But even at the end of the class, you're going to be faking it and making mistakes.

I think that's the extreme, Barb. But yeah I know what you mean.

this convo still could turn ;)

Heh. Kevin and I have our minds in the same place...:)

I think there's a difference as well between faking it and just not being that into it that particular day. Sometimes with teaching (and performing, I imagine) you just have an off day/week, but you grind it out as best you can out of respect to the audience and profession. I don't like sucking, even when I'm not into it.

I fake it at work every day. If I didn't, I wouldn't have a job. How are you supposed to care enough about government contracting to be thrilled about doing a pointless, repetitive job that hinders people more than it helps? So, I pretend like I give a crap.

And I definitely fake confidence, which has helped me actually develop some. I used to be terrified of people in general, but working in retail I had to act like I knew exactly what I was talking about and like I had the authority to make decisions, and eventually I really did. I think faking it becomes a problem when you're pretending to like someone more than you do, or faking an interest in something to please someone else-those fake outs backfire eventually and make you look like a jerk.

RandomAnthony wrote: "I don't like sucking, even when I'm not into it. "

TWSS! TWSS! TWSS!

Heh. Damn, walked right into that one...

Phil slipped it right in, too.

Félix wrote: "Phil slipped it right in, too."

TWSS.

Phil is good, though a bit slow.

janine wrote: "Phil is good, though a bit slow."

TWSS

Phil was outside riding his bicycle for the last hour.

I faked cheerfulness at a particular job where everyone else there was cheerful - we had to be cheerful because we were around clients a lot. Everyone there would ask you how you were, on every phone call. Everyone was upbeat at all times. You couldn't get away with being a sour, bitter, negative, unhappy person. You would be ostracized. So you faked it, and it actually does work - eventually the cheerfulness comes naturally. Basically you're practicing. It's like practicing the violin. You suck at first, but you keep at it, and eventually you reach a skill level. Same with faking cheerfulness.

Phil's turning into one of those 3rd person people.

Like Herman Cain.

Bob Dole Syndrome.

Félix wrote: "Phil's turning into one of those 3rd person people."

Phil is starting to scare Jim.

Bob Dole says, "Bob Dole doesn't like it, either."

I sometimes fake that I am not as affected by some of the shit my boss says and does. I hate to have to fake it.

Example?

Isn't that a book? "Shit my boss says and does"

He tells inappropriate jokes, calls women clients c***s, has told me he does not believe a woman can hold a job and raise a child without one of them suffering. Shall I give more?

I think I know that man.

Félix wrote: "Isn't that a book? "Shit my boss says and does""

I need to read it.

I was thinking you wrote it.

I know it is not uncommon to have a boss like him. I just wish I had the balls to tell him to shove his shit and never work for him again.

I don't even work for him daily. Now, I am commissioned for work or just go in on random weekends. But he still pulls all the same shit and I hate faking that I am never upset by some of it.

Félix wrote: "I was thinking you wrote it."

I should have.

Gross.

I can't believe in 2013 people are still pulling that shit. Seriously, I can't even believe it.

It is gross.

I feel like I am aiding the occurrence of it but not standing up to it. It makes me feel guilty among other things.

Wouldn't that be termed a hostile work environment? There are laws.

Is it possible to push back without losing your job? Maybe you could start small.