Yoga Folks discussion

Hi all:

I had planned to wait a few more days to start this discussion of this book because I've heard from a few members that they're still waiting for their copy to arrive. But since others are eager to get the conversation going I'm starting the thread on half of part one--"How to Live." Everyone should feel free to jump in here at any time during the month--and those who post on this thread, please continue to come back even after I add prompts for additional chapters.

There are no "rules" here, short of not posting info about chapters beyond 10 so as not to spoil it for others. Feel free to discuss anything about the book or, ideally, about the way it relates to your own life.

The following questions are just to prompt initial discussion. As always, this is not school, and you are under no obligation to answer all or even a single one of these questions.

Remember, too, that we're fortunate to have author Priscilla Warner joining this discussion. (Yay!) If you want her to specifically answer your question, please indicate it as such. Otherwise, all other readers should feel free to comment on anyone's post like we do as a regular book group.

1) Have you ever had anxiety, even if not at the level that Priscilla describes? In other words, can you relate to the premise of this book? Feel free to share in any level of detail.

2) As she starts her search for calmness, Priscilla learns meditation from a monk, who'd had panic issues himself. He tells everyone "this is not the College of Meditation, where you will finish with a degree." What do you think he meant by that?

3) Starting a regular meditation practice makes Priscilla more emotional, even "exploding" in front of her son. Why is that--and has that happened to you?

4) When Priscilla goes to see her old nanny, and Mamie tells her she dreamed about Priscilla's son welcoming her and telling her they've been waiting for her, what do you think was going on?

5) At that chanting workshop she attends with Krishna Das and Sharon Salzberg (I was so jealous reading that!), Sharon says "when you're wide open [in the heart], the world is a good place." What do you make of that? How can you stay in that place as much as possible, even when the world doesn't seem so good?

Namaste!
Meryl Davids Landau

Thanks for the great questions, Meryl!

1. Last night I was up a lot, restless and unable to sleep. After slowing down my breath and repeating mantras, I was still wide awake so I opened my iPad to read (I use the Kindle app).

I recently finished Downward Dog, Upward Fog so I decided to start Learning to Breathe and got through the first four chapters. I could have read more, but needed to process what was coming up for me.

On the personal level, I'm recognizing a pattern and realize there's probably a reason why these two books and authors intersected with my life now. Both books describe the challenge of integrating spiritual practice with daily life.

I've never had that issue "in my face" as intensely as I do now. Staying anchored in the commitment to the moment through spiritual practice while dealing with the needs aging parents and a demanding job has never felt so essential to survival.

I'm grateful to have found this group and these books because they remind me that even within each of our unique, solitary paths we all face mortality and have stories to share that bring perspective and inspire reflection.

I look forward to reading more, and it's exciting to have the author on board to share and comment!!!

Hi everyone! This is my first time posting and reading a book for the club, though I have been reading your posts over the last month. I am excited about this book (mine is on order, should have it soon!) I have a low back injury (possibly from my previous yoga practice) so I can't practice asana now...haven't been able to in over a year. But I continue to stretch and I am VERY interested in learning about meditation!

I have a history of anxiety, but luckly I would lable myself as a more mild case. I can get by without medication, but I have a prescription for a low dose of xanax to take when needed. I think my anxiety comes from the deep rooted feeling of wanting to do everything "right" or be the best I can be. I have the hardest time turning my mind off. I can also be obsessive about my thoughts, turning the same silly thing over and over in my head.

I have tried to meditate before but it has never really "taken off" for me. I struggle with it. I hope this book gives me inspiration and helps me find a way to quiet my mind so I can toss the meds for good! :)

3) Starting a regular meditation practice makes Priscilla more emotional, even "exploding" in front of her son. Why is that--and has that happened to you?

Yes, but not from meditation. A few summers ago I decided to try acupuncture, and I'm still not sure I know what happened there. I ended up going every week for a few months, and it all felt really great while I was there. But, in the rest of my life, I felt like an absolute mess! I was crying all the time, over things I would not normally cry over. (E.g. a dance instructor I took lessons from once a month indicated he was moving to CA, and I was totally broken up by this, and we were not super close friends or anything!) Also, I was always sick. I stopped going after that summer, and my emotions also settled down. Of course now, a few more years wiser, I'm wondering whether to go back.

A related point: I don't suffer from panic attacks, but definitely generalized anxiety (based on an emotionally abusive childhood), and I hear from so many people / books that you have to cry a LOT, which is not something I've ever been comfortable with. In fact, most people have told me I think my way out of emotions! Crying is another interesting aspect of Priscilla's book for me then. Does one really need to do all that crying to come through to the other side? Or is it possible to make it there without? Is that the only way? Part of me feels I'm asking because of resistance to the idea; the other part of me wonders about individuality in a path.

I also notice that after a year of marriage (after 2 previous engagements and lots of reservation about the idea), I tend to blow up at my husband. I'm getting to the point where I'm aware I'm being triggered (and am catching it sooner), but I think there definitely is something about finally feeling safe and secure enough to explore yourself and your emotions that triggers these outbursts. I still sometimes get mad at myself for this, and at the same time I realize it's part of the healing process. Luckily, like Priscilla, I have a completely understanding and supporting husband who's willing to deal with all my stuff!

One other point I'd like to make about the book that's been useful for me so far: the idea of taking meditation "off the cushion". (Of course I'd heard this before, but you only really let things in when you're ready for them, right?) I've been trying to "live my yoga" in my hectic, high stress / fast paced, boundary-invasive job over the past few months, and this is another technique that I'm finding useful. I am now thinking of turning everything (that's particularly difficult) into a meditation practice. I ran at the gym the other day while focusing on the button on a TV, for example (instead of getting hungry with all the food ads, or upset with all the horrible goings on they show on the news). When I can't fall asleep, I breath, and accept that I'm still awake but that maybe the simple act of breathing / resting is restorative enough.

Thank you, Priscilla, for writing such a page turner, and one with so much useful information from all the people who I've followed to some extent for years, imbibed with wonderful personal stories of self experimentation and growth. It's giving me even more motivation along the similar path I'm currently on. Well, that and the results! (I almost didn't notice the peaceful being staring back at me in the mirror yesterday evening!! :-)

First, I want to thank Priscilla for writing Learning to Breathe. I admire the courage it takes to write about personal issues, but it takes talent to connect intimately with the reader. Priscilla's use of heart and humor makes the connection not only enjoyable, but memorable.

2) As she starts her search for calmness, Priscilla learns meditation from a monk, who'd had panic issues himself. He tells everyone "this is not the College of Meditation, where you will finish with a degree." What do you think he meant by that?

What I took from his statement is that there weren't going to be any quizzes, tests, grades, etc at the end of the seminar. So, there wasn't a wrong way or a right way to meditate. One person wasn't going to "get it" better than another. Each person develops in his or her own way, and it shouldn't matter if the person sitting next to you is doing it the "right" way because there is no right way. Also, I think he was relieving a lot of pressure for some people. When you're in a new situation, as I'm sure some of the participants were, you tend to feel pressured into preforming. The monk's statement let everyone off the hook! He set the tone for the participants to relax and allow themselves to just receive the information he was giving, then use what they could for themselves. A very wise man!

5) At that chanting workshop she attends with Krishna Das and Sharon Salzberg (I was so jealous reading that!), Sharon says "when you're wide open [in the heart], the world is a good place." What do you make of that? How can you stay in that place as much as possible, even when the world doesn't seem so good?

I think Sharon is right! I think we choose the way we experience the world around us to some extent. There are some situations that may be out of our control, but the way we choose to respond is completely up to us. I try, I may not always succeed, but I try to respond to situations and people in my life with love and kindness. I try to remember that others have issues that sometimes cause them to act badly. I, then, have to decide if I need to continue these relationships, or if I need to distance myself from them. I, also, think Sharon is suggesting that if your heart is open to the people and situations that are right for you, they will come into your life when the time is right. One of the things I do to help keep my heart open to love is I have a small charm with the word LOVE that hangs from my rear view mirror. You can hardly tell its there except when I hit a bump, brake hard, or swerve. At these moments you can here it chime, and it reminds me to stay in a place of LOVE!

Priscilla, I too have given up coffee and diet coke, but can't give up (dark) chocolate! (Surely, the health benefits outweigh the risks!! ;-)

All: The "how can you love someone and not be attached" question is one that interests me greatly. What do others think? When I first met my husband I was very worried about this. I was quite independent and held back emotionally (still do to some extent), because part of me never wants to feel bad if something bad were to happen!

Also, anyone else have the "my parents did the best they could" experience? I'm on the initial steps of this path-I literally just contacted my mom after at least 2 years of no communication. I'm feeling lighter about it all, thanks to this forgiveness prayer I recited every day for 30 days last month, but I'm also unsure of where to go from there. Can you know whether your practice is strong enough to get you through the situations that most trigger you? Or is it just trial and error and success (as I expect)!?

1) Have you ever had anxiety, even if not at the level that Priscilla describes? In other words, can you relate to the premise of this book? Feel free to share in any level of detail.

I am reading this book nice and slowly, hilighting everywhere. I know this book will have an impact on me, because I UNDERSTAND Priscilla.

I had occasional anxiety attacks throughout my childhood, then full-blown panic attacks in college. In 1996, I became Agoraphobic, and found it quite difficult to leave my own home. I tried to get help by going to meetings, but couldn't leave my house. (You've surely heard the joke, "We had an Agoraphobics Anonymous meeting, but nobody showed, lol!" Over the years, with much counseling, medications as needed, and Yoga, I was feeling so much better. I functioned "nervously."

Then, in 2006, I traveled to Newport Rhode Island for a relaxing vacation, approximately 6 hours away from my house. I, like Priscilla, was probably the only one taking a Xanax while on a beach. The day before we were to leave for home, out of the blue I had the most severe panic attack I had ever experienced. It lasted 24 hours, until I got home. It would not let up until I entered my house, my "safe place."

I went back to therapy, with debilitating anxiety which lasted for about one year. During that time, I was also diagnosed with Crohn's disease. Then, to top it off, my husband of 14 years said he could no longer be with someone who couldn't travel, let alone have a Chronic disease.

I never realized the strength I had in me. Somehow, I was able to get my panic under control, deal with Crohn's head on, go through a divorce, and move into an apartment on my own, all with the help of my mom, who was also my best friend, my rock.

As some of you are aware, my mother, best friend, confidante, died in June of Pancreatic Cancer at the age of 59. Somehow, I am finding the strength to move on. What other choice do I have? My mom always told me I was a strong person, and now I believe her.

Since 2006, even though my anxiety is "somewhat under control," it is because I give myself a one-hour travel radius. Let me explain.

I never, I repeat NEVER want to feel the way I did coming home from my vacation from Rhode Island. It set me back horribly, and terrifies me just thinking about it. I have a lump in my throat right now just thinking about the way I was. My home and the area I live in I consider my "safe place." I am fine at home, at work, in restaurants, movie theaters, etc. Crowds give me a problem, but I do the best I can. I know that in one hour I can be home, in my safe place. Any further from that, and I feel dreaded fear.

My life is extremely limited with what I can do. I want to see the world, but I can't even travel more than an hour.

As I type this, It makes me very sad, and takes me to a place I don't like to go. My sister had a baby in April. I have a beautiful neice, Eliza, who is 8 months old. I am embarassed to say that I have yet to meet her, because she lives 3 1/2 hours away.

I think I will stop here. If any of you made it this far, thank you. :)

Response to 2) 2) As she starts her search for calmness, Priscilla learns meditation from a monk, who'd had panic issues himself. He tells everyone "this is not the College of Meditation, where you will finish with a degree." What do you think he meant by that?

I think that we live in a culture that is very competitive and goal-driven, and that teachers from Eastern traditions see that competitiveness as an obstacle to learning, which requires effortless, relaxed absorption in the moment from an empty beginner's mind, like that of a child. As one of my teachers, pundit Mukesh Desai (a master of sacred sound) once put it, "when stress walks in, Saraswati (goddess of learning and the arts) walks out!"

The monk could probably feel anxiety in Priscilla and the others, and knew that before they could experience meditation, they needed to simply relax and know that he was not judging them in any way.

I am really enjoying everyone's comments and questions - Jen, yours about whether crying is necessary and how to love without attachment could be
books in themselves!

As for the one about whether a practice is strong enough to get you through any situation - that's been my wake up call lately. I committed my life to the spiritual path 35 years ago and have come to feel that it's like peeling back the layers of an onion. Each time I feel free of some habit or negative emotion or thought pattern, it reappears in some slightly modified version!

Very tricky and humbling... But as time goes on, the roller coaster of ups and downs, while always intense,

(continued) the roller coaster doesn't throw me quite so far out of my rhythm, because the discipline of practice has allowed me to take responsibility for my choice of reaction, if that makes sense.

Perfect segway to question 3) about emotional reactions like Priscilla's meltdown with her son. Meditation and yoga open the heart and as we open, we feel more deeply so a lot comes up and to me, sometimes an emotional release is really essential to let go and clean out past pain. Is it necessary to cry? I think each person processes things differently. Some feel deeply and can take it in stride, while others (including me, I confess) occasionally can't keep tears from pouring out... All part of the balancing out process. I used to judge myself and get really embarrassed about it, but now I have embraced my inner crybaby :-)
Namaste!

Wow, so glad to see this book was a good book group choice!! :)

Julie (and, really, everyone who's posted so far), thanks so much for your honesty. I feel for you, and hope you will find some answers in Priscilla's book. You've had a lot happen in your life recently. I think you have to embrace where you are now and appreciate all you've been through. Hopefully, down the road, your "safe place" will expand geographically and you'll be able to visit that adorable baby. (If not, maybe she can come to you.) The main thing is not to beat yourself up for where you are.

I'd like to answer the "this is not the College of Meditation" question, too. I love the way some of you answered it, because you expanded my sense of possibilities for this question. I saw it in a different way. (This is why I love this book group!) What I took from that quote is that you don't attend the workshop, get your meditation diploma like a degree, and then you're finished. Meditation is something you are either doing or not doing in the moment. (And to me, because I view meditation as something done off the mat as well as on it, that means every moment of every day.) As often as possible in the day, I try to check in to see if I'm connected to my higher essence. If I notice I am not, I try to do a short spiritual practice, which could be sitting meditation or could be a few appreciations or breathwork, to get back into that meditation mindset.

Namaste!
Meryl Davids Landau

Julie, although I can't really relate, I'm truly sorry to hear about your mother's passing. It sounds like you are dealing with it as you have with all the other challenges in your life, with awareness, courage, and compassion for yourself. That's definitely something to celebrate! I think making up and testing rules for yourself is a very good idea. Obviously I try and like to travel, but I also have my limits and things that do cause me anxiety. For example, I'd take a long layover in an airport (where I can grab a bite, drink, or read) any day of the week over a shorter connection time (where I can be stressed about making the flight, taking care of business, etc.). It really does make a huge difference when you say here are my parameters, here is what's acceptable to me and not, and not worry or judge yourself about giving yourself what you need to feel at peace. And perhaps there are ways (with technology, for example) that you can set up some way to see the baby without having to travel more than an hour!

Shanti, "now I have embraced my inner crybaby" - see, that is what I want to do! Except if I don't, deep down. Or if I don't really have an inner crybaby! But, I must, given my acupuncture experience, right? Ugh. :-) Some people tell me I over think things, but I also think it's important to challenge yourself and question yourself and face your fears, else how are you going to grow?

Jen wrote: "Julie, although I can't really relate, I'm truly sorry to hear about your mother's passing. It sounds like you are dealing with it as you have with all the other challenges in your life, with aware..."

Jen, thank you so much for the reply. I know my neice Eliza very well from a little known thing called SKYPE!!! Gotta love technology, lol! I also like your reply to Shanti regarding facing your fears. Many people might think from my post that I am a train wreck, lol! But, I am doing quite well considering where I have been. I need to learn how to face my fears, I just don't quite know how. I need to push myself more and get past the evil "what if" thinking and anticipatory anxiety.

Jen, I can also relate to you mentioning about non-attachment. I have a boyfriend who is a great guy. We have been together for two years, and I love him very much. However, after my divorce and having my heart broken, I became a very independent woman, and want to remain that way. I feel that I keep a "safe distance" mentally at times, in case something were to happen with the relationship. Right now in my life my number one priority is ME. (I don't have children.)

Meryl, I like how you mention meditation off the mat. This is something I am going to try and incorporate throughout the day. I am going to try to be mindful of my actions and my emotions as it relates to them. I want to get to the point in my life where anywhere I am is my safe place, because my safe place is me.

I don't get the impression you're a train wreck, Julie! (And, aren't we all from time to time? ;-) I don't know how to face my fears either, other than plodding along and chipping off little bits as I can handle. I firmly believe you become "ready" for things, and you can't really manufacture that feeling until it really strikes you. I like that your top priority is you! (It should be!) Similarly, without children but with a stressful job and new marriage, I've taken to paying more attention to myself and trying to be more inside myself, breathing more deeply throughout the day. And, contrary to being selfish, I think focusing on yourself actually has really good impacts on your relationships. (At least, that's what I'm seeing glimpses of and what I hope is true too!)

"I want to get to the point in my life where anywhere I am is my safe place, because my safe place is me." It ABSOLUTELY is!!!

This is my first online book club and I find it profound, actually, to feel the depth of courage it takes to share the degree of intimacy in each person's posts.

Wow is right, Meryl! Thanks again for putting this together. I like your interpretation of #2 - It's true that a degree or completion of a course or workshop is only the beginning, then the REAL work begins! And all the degrees and certifications mean nothing unless whatever they represent is reflected in our thoughts and actions each moment....

Jen, I re-read your posts and agree that we need to focus on ourselves in order to succeed in relationships with others and find that balance between the ability to give and receive love. I like to think of the inhale as receiving and the exhale as giving or releasing. I also felt like maybe your acupuncture experience helped you access a place of pure feeling that was not filtered through your mental thought process, so it scared you. Although I joke about the inner crybaby, it took me a long time to accept and make peace with that emotional self that is more intuitive than intellectual, if that makes sense. It's really ok sometimes to just feel and "know" without being able to articulate or analyze or justify something. Coming to trust that place in myself required that I face my fear of being judged by others. In the book when Priscilla feels guilty about how she cried in front of her son, I could really relate to that! Sometimes anger and blowing up at our loved ones feels safer than crying, maybe?

Julie, you have been through a LOT and have tons of courage! I am blessed to have both of my parents as they are now in their 80's, and facing health challenges. I know they will be gone before long so I can only imagine your grief and missing your mom then losing a partner... that's intense and you sound like you're doing well!!!

Shanti - you just motivated me to email my acupuncturist! Maybe I'm ready to give it another chance, and can go into it differently / more mindfully this time! Thank you.

Jen wrote: Yes, but not from meditation. A few summers ago I decided to try acupuncture, and I'm still not sure I know what happened there. I ended up going every week for a few months, and it all felt really great while I was there. But, in the rest of my life, I felt like an absolute mess! I was crying all the time, over things I would not normally cry over. (E.g. a dance instructor I took lessons from once a month indicated he was moving to CA, and I was totally broken up by this, and we were not super close friends or anything!) Also, I was always sick. I stopped going after that summer, and my emotions also settled down. Of course now, a few more years wiser, I'm wondering whether to go back.

Jen, I wish I could give you some advice regarding acupuncture, but I've never had it done. I wonder if what you were experiencing was a release of negative emotions and toxins from the body? I don't know if acupunture can do that or not. Let us know if you decide to go back. Maybe your acupunturist can shed some light. :)

Hi Julie - I heard that it does happen that way for some people, and with the emotional baggage I have, I feel pretty strongly that that was the case. I think my acupuncturist was frustrated (since I was also always getting sick), so we'll need to talk about that a bit as part of me going back, for sure!

I'm a big fan of acupuncture, both from personal experience and from writing about it for magazines. Like any form of energy medicine, it can definitely move out energy that has been locked in cells, causing a release of emotions. I consider that a good thing from a healing perspective, although, as with Priscilla's experience yelling and crying around her son from a similar process brought on by meditation, it can feel uncomfortable.

I myself am a big cryer. Anything sad, loving or beautiful gets me going--you should see me at movies! I used to be embarrassed by the waterworks but last year I went to a spiritual conference and the first thing the conference leader said is, I cry a lot. I love the way she just put it out there without apologizing. Since then I just do that, too.

Meryl Davids Landau

Hi Everyone -

Wow.
Really and Truly, wow.

I thank all of you from the bottom of my heart for the words on this page. Meryl, I thank you so very much for starting this discussion.

I began reading your comments a couple of days ago and wasn't sure when to jump in. Then I became sort of shy about doing it!

Shy? I know that sounds odd after the way I bared my soul in this book, but I was so humbled and honored by your honesty, courage and eloquence that I held back. Plus I was busy getting my root canal done and hosting a college friend I hadn't seen in years. My husband is away on a business trip and she stayed here. We talked for 8 hours straight. Meanwhile, you were also very talkative!

Here are some thoughts I had:

1. Thank you again for sharing your lives here so beautifully.

2. I had a very strong reaction to acupuncture also. Not when I did it in this book, but this past year. I went to see an acupuncturist who I think is terrific. She explained things very well. 24 hours later I came very close to having a massive panic attack. I think perhaps that's just the way my energy flows, and that maybe my body would have balanced itself out eventually, but I am never doing acupuncture again! Although my sister and friends swear by it...

3. Crying...yes. I cried a lot on the course of this book. My agent read the first draft and loved it, but she joked that I should change the title to "The Crying Game." A lovely Buddhist friend swears that crying is a form of meditation, and I love Shanti's description of embracing her "inner crybaby." Just tonight, I practiced yoga, and then meditated, ending it with a good cry. But a happy one. I was reminded of my son Max, who once observed "Sometimes when you're happy, you cry so slow."

4. Speaking of crying, I am so sorry for your loss, Julie. Your mother was a wise woman. You are a strong person. We are all rooting for you here, and you are clearly bringing so much wisdom to this group. Not to mention humor. I love (and had not heard) the agoraphobia joke. I'm sorry you had such a tough time in Rhode Island, my home state. I was in Newport last summer (near where my father is buried) and although it's a beautiful place, i too had an emotional reaction to it, and probably always will.

5. Julie, when you mentioned needing a safe place, I thought of a conversation I was fortunate to have with Francine Shapiro, my hero, who developed EMDR. I spoke to her just this week, and am still flying high from our conversation. She believes very strongly in the healing power of finding one's "safe place," and in her new book, coming out next year, she explains an exercise that I think you'd find helpful, using one's own "safe place" as a haven. I think we all have different definitions of safety, and please know that I would never judge anyone else's capacity/desire to go or stay where they need to be. One thing that helps me sometimes is to imagine that everyone in the world suffers in ways we cannot know, and has to erect their own boundaries and coping mechanisms, some more apparent to the world than others.

6. Jen, when you write: "I'm feeling lighter about it all, thanks to this forgiveness prayer I recited every day for 30 days last month, but I'm also unsure of where to go from there. Can you know whether your practice is strong enough to get you through the situations that most trigger you? Or is it just trial and error and success (as I expect)!?

I would answer yes, that it is trial, but no, there are no errors! Even when I had meltdowns, they led to understanding eventually. I like the analogy of peeling layers of an onion to get to our essential core, and to an understanding of who we are, and how we sometimes are simply reacting. For me, forgiveness is always challenging. Later in the book, Tara Brach says that everyone thinks forgiveness is a great idea until they have someone to forgive! Lately I have invented a perhaps strange meditation which I love...I imagine people getting into bed at night, tucking themselves in and falling asleep, and I hover above them, almost tucking them in as well. It's kind of a variation on imagining people who intimidate you on the toilet! Everyone, even if they appear fierce, unkind or argumentative, goes to sleep eventually, at the end of the day. And everyone looks peaceful when they're asleep. (Even Newt Gingrich - I swear I thought about him once!) It's easier for me to forgive people when I think of them resting angelically.

7. Loriann - thank you for your beautiful interpretation of Sharon's teachings. You are so eloquent. I hope you get a chance to see Sharon someday...she travels across the country so often! I don't know where you live, but she seems to go everywhere! And Krishna Das is with me everywhere I go now. I pulled out my ipod at the oral surgeon's office the other day. "Excuse me," I said. "I've got to listen to some chanting!"

Again, thank you SO much everyone, for this fantastic conversation. I will jump in more often now! Meryl - I have one question - when I tried to answer each person individually (a feature one can do on Huffington Post, for example, I couldn't seem to do that. So I apologize to people for not answering individually. Is there a way to do that?

RE Krishna Das, I have a few of his CDs and agree with Priscilla about the power of his voice/music. I have never seen him in live, but I would love to. I'm hoping to go to the Vermont Wanderlust festival next year -- maybe I'll get lucky. :-)

4) When Priscilla goes to see her old nanny, and Mamie tells her she dreamed about Priscilla's son welcoming her and telling her they've been waiting for her, what do you think was going on?

I loved that episode in the book! I think things like that happen all the time when we open and pay attention. As to what was going on, it felt like Priscilla's emotional state as she was"sitting in the kitchen, eyes still swollen from all the crying...", was wide open when the phone rang. Maybe she was feeling so alone and vulnerable that Mamie's motherly caring gave Priscilla a feeling of safety that she desperately needed.

Mamie herself seemed genuinely wise and intuitive, as well as familiar with Priscilla's family history. I think Mamie was a conduit for "the universe", "collective unconsciousness" (or whatever label you prefer for amazing tales beyond human synchronicity) at a time when Priscilla's heart and spirit were wide open and starving for a sign, a direction, and simple, unconditional love. That moment was a gift from what I consider to be the Divine Mother, who always hears and responds to the pure tears of a human heart.

5) At that chanting workshop she attends with Krishna Das and Sharon Salzberg ... Sharon says "when you're wide open [in the heart], the world is a good place." What do you make of that? How can you stay in that place as much as possible, even when the world doesn't seem so good?

I am not that familiar with Sharon Salzberg, but I was blessed to spend time with Krishna Das many years ago, when I was in LA being an aspiring songwriter/musician. He played a huge role in my transition onto a committed spiritual path and has helped so many as he simply shares his love for his Guru and my Satguru (Guru of my Guru) through chanting. For me, that is the answer to Meryl's question about staying in the awareness of the world as a good, positive place.

Our thoughts and the whole "monkey mind" pattern of jumping from one thought to the next can be so exhausting and perilous. Once a negative thought pattern gets going, it's a downward spiral toward all manner of bad stuff... That's why for me, mantra practice is a perfect tool, whether chanting musically or silently breathing the mantra's rhythm into my mind to replace the chatter...

I'm currently arming myself with every mantra and positive affirmation available to carry me through a month when, in addition to the holidays and all THAT stuff, both of my parents in their 80's are facing medical challenges that require attention and I'm the main caregiver. Thankfully they retired nearby, but this is the deepest level of surrender to the moment and to selfless service that I've personally had to face and felt so responsible for.

I can't do it alone, and when I chant I'm in the zone of complete devotion where I know that all is happening as it should, and whatever is needed is always available. I'm very grateful, and love how mantra transforms the small monkey mind to the divine form of the monkey known as Hanuman (Krishna Das chants to Hanuman A LOT) because Hanuman represents pure, simple devotion, humility, and relief from suffering.

Priscilla, I love that you wrote about that experience helping you so much. I'm totally enjoying the book and it's helping me a lot through my own moments of panic these days.

Meryl, Priscilla, Jen, Shanti, Loriann, Bethany, and anyone else who has contributed thus far in our discussion.... I am enjoying it immensely! It feels so wonderful and "cleansing" to be discussing topics and situations with like-minded people. It's like a breath of fresh air. A place where you can come, discuss, and not be judged.

I am reading this book very slowly. I am in no rush, and want to take it in little by little.

Priscilla, thank you for sharing your story through your book. It could not have come to me at a better time! I am absolutely LOVING it. I have never heard of EMDR until it was mentioned in your book, and I want to do some research. I have post-it notes and yellow highlight marks throughout your book. It looks like it went to war, lol! :)

Priscilla wrote: "...Again, thank you SO much everyone, for this fantastic conversation. I will jump in more often now! Meryl - I have one question - when I tried to answer each person individually (a feature one can do on Huffington Post, for example, I couldn't seem to do that. So I apologize to people for not answering individually. Is there a way to do that? ..."

I'm just jumping in to answer this one now; I'll have to come back when I have more time to read and digest everyone's amazing contributions.

Priscilla, you can hit reply after a person's comment and that will copy part of it at the start of your text. But, unlike HuffPost, you can't reply right after the person; yours will just show up in the order it was posted. So I think the way you did it, all in one post, is actually best, because the alternative is to have a string of your posts one after the other, and that can be harder to follow, in my opinion.

Thanks everyone! Keep reading through the next 10 chapters and I'll post prompts on them shortly.

Meryl Davids Landau

Jen wrote: "...anyone else have the "my parents did the best they could" experience? I'm on the initial steps of this path-I literally just contacted my mom after at least 2 years of no communication. I'm feeling lighter about it all, thanks to this forgiveness prayer I recited every day for 30 days last month, but I'm also unsure of where to go from there. Can you know whether your practice is strong enough to get you through the situations that most trigger you? ..."

Good for you, Jen, for working on forgiveness! As you know from my novel, I am a big believer of letting go of the anger and upset that other people may have brought you. As someone once said, "holding anger is like swallowing a poison and hoping it kills the other person."

You'll have to find your own way forward, but it's great that you're working on it. For me, I try to take more of Shanti's approach, that all is well and everything is proceeding perfectly, even if it's hard to see it in the moment. Although it can be hard, perhaps it's worth trying to see the "gifts" your parents brought you, in terms of how it made you the strong, spiritual, wonderful woman you are today, which you might not have been had you had a different experience. (I'm not saying you went the preferred route! Only that a shift in mindset brings profound healing.)

I once heard spiritual author Neale Donald Walsch suggest thinking of it like you made three horrible blueberry pies, but those three pies are the reason that fourth pie is the best blueberry pie you could every have created, and which would not be possible without those other three. This idea is also reflected in the book Radical Forgiveness, which is definitely a unique way of looking at forgiveness, but one that I try to embrace as much as possible.

One thing I really like about your book, Priscilla (of course, there are many things I'm adoring!), is that you don't seek to cast blame or make yourself the victim of your anxiety. It's just something that is, and you're seeking ways to move forward. Bravo for that!

Shanti, thanks for sharing about your parents. I know your years of spiritual practice (you're actually a swami, right?) are going to get you through this beautifully, and in a way that's perfect for your parents too.

Love & light-
Meryl Davids Landau

Meryl,
I love that expression about holding anger!
Jen, I think it's great that you contacted your mother and are working on healing that pain from the past. Each time you take a step, even one that you may be unsure of, your practice is getting stronger! Keep going and be gentle with yourself... I liked Loriann's comment, "try to remember that others have issues that sometimes cause them to act badly." And those issues are not about you.

I'm not a swami, Meryl, simply a yogini / bhakti whose lifestyle of choice for most of my adult life has been to live on an ashram. It's been an amazing journey and it keeps getting more interesting, like watching a great plot unfold, as yoga is becoming so much more widely practiced and accepted in the West. Between that and all these online opportunities to connect and share, I am having a great time!

Thanks for this group...

1) Have you ever had anxiety, even if not at the level that Priscilla describes? In other words, can you relate to the premise of this book? Feel free to share in any level of detail.

Yep. It runs deep in my family - my grandma on my mothers side was addicted to valium, my mother is a recovered alcoholic and obsessive food eater, and my father is now, in his sixties, fully displaying an extreme panic disorder (I mean more than just freaking at the supermarket my whole life).He had a breakdown which forced retirement and is on many medications and they are helping him to a point. He's shockingly open about it after being closed off for most of my life to emotions. He also has PTSD from Vietnam that just THIS YEAR came out of nowhere with terrible dreams and anxiety to boot. Woah, right? However I am hopeful for him, since just being able to talk about it, and going to a doctor are HUGE MAMMOUTH steps that I could never have predicted. However he doesn't leave the house much and has no friends. Anyway, this is not about him, but I find his current story frustrating and also fascinating. I have a mild case of anxiety in comparison to him and to Pricilla, but it can still be very intense. I tend to freak out in large crowds and I get very panicky for no reason in moderately stressfull situation, which is terrible at work. I am a supervisor and can't really let myself get that way, it's not fair to the employees below me. I also have blown up at my wonderful husband out of nowhere- to the point where his mouth is hanging open with shock.

Yoga and Meditation definitely help me with the panic and the extreme monkey brain. I found out a long time ago eating fairly healthfully (I'm a Pescetarian) and exercise help. But I still have a long way to go in stress management and opening my heart more fully. I feel like I am on the right path now, for the first time ever.

Oh also, I have a chronic immune deficiency disorder I was born with and it effects my life and health in so many ways - right now, with extreme medication it is under control but when it is not, I get very depressed and edgy and panicky and it's a vicious cycle. What got me to this book club and back to yoga and now mediation is researching how to get out of a crazy unhealthy place I was in this fall - and I found Full Catastrophe Living, which I can say changed my life.

End novel! oops.

I'm enjoying this book and it's opening me up to different kinds of mediation that I didn't know of. I would love to take that "intro to meditation" class. I've been winging it with apps and the internet! :)

3) Starting a regular meditation practice makes Priscilla more emotional, even "exploding" in front of her son. Why is that--and has that happened to you?

Yes, but not yet from mediation. Meditation has made me much more calm and aware, but I haven't been practicing for very long. I had a very cathartic surprise outburst during a very restorative yoga class once - I hadn't practiced in a long time and it just came and I couldn't stop sobbing - for me it seemed like for no reason, out of nowhere.

People have suggested acupuncture for my immune disorder and it's basically the ONLY thing I haven't tried. I think part of me is very afraid it will open up other things not related and generally wreak havoc on my body. I know this is a weird point of view! So many of my friends swear by it. Also life is so busy and to make yet another appt. and spend more money... that has also kept me away for a long time.

5) At that chanting workshop she attends with Krishna Das and Sharon Salzberg (I was so jealous reading that!), Sharon says "when you're wide open [in the heart], the world is a good place." What do you make of that? How can you stay in that place as much as possible, even when the world doesn't seem so good?

This is what I have been trying to practice. I am trying to be as wide open as possible and compassionate as possible. It's a different speed from how I've functioned my whole life. I've always been the mile a minute gal and now - stop - breathe- before you answer (or don't). When I practice heart opening yoga and meditations I feel SO GREAT afterward like my heart is going to explode with goodness and I just want to share it with others. I want to hug my husband and my dog more and listen more intently. It's amazing.

Jenene wrote: "1) Have you ever had anxiety, even if not at the level that Priscilla describes? In other words, can you relate to the premise of this book? Feel free to share in any level of detail.

Yep. It run..."

Thanks for your wonderful sharing, Jenene! So sorry to hear about your dad. But sounds like you are dealing with your own issues so much better that you won't ever get to where he is. Kudos to you!

I'll just second your shout-out of Jon Kabat-Zinn! I love the book you mention, and also Wherever You Go, There You Are. (The greatest name for a book if ever there was one!)

Thanks for joining the discussion!

Meryl Davids Landau

Priscilla, this question is for you:

As I'm reading about the depth of your anxiety, I can't help but marvel that you went on a three-year, cross-country book tour! I get nervous just doing a local reading of my novel, when I didn't have to travel anywhere and my friends are in the audience.

I know in the book you mention your little chemical helpers, but still, how did you find the courage and ability to undertake all that travel and public speaking?

Meryl Davids Landau

Hi Everyone -
Meryl - I don't really know how I did that book tour! I think what helped is that I believed with all my heart, and still do, that The Faith Club's message has the power to truly change the world. I told my rabbi that I felt like a vessel which this experience simply flowed through, and he told me that was a very Kabbalistic concept. When we feel that we're doing something important to help people, I think we summon strength we didn't know we ever had. And despite my panic disorder, I have always had a very strong work ethic. I've received some beautiful emails from people who suffer from panic but also push themselves in their careers. Work can be a great distraction from panic.

Jenene, thank you for sharing your life here so honestly. I am so sorry that your father is suffering, but he should know that he is not alone. Just today, on twitter, I discovered a yoga studio in Boston run by a woman who suffered from terrible PTSD, who's dedicated her life to helping veterans heal. Here's an article about Sue Lynch at Charlestown Yoga: http://charlestown.patch.com/articles...
And Belleruth Naparstek does a lot of work with veterans, along with soldiers in Iraq and Afghanistan. I think your father would like her PTSD guided imagery CD. It's so powerful: http://www.amazon.com/Guided-Meditati...

Finally, Shanti, you inspired me to listen to Krishna Das last night, and I'm going off to chant with him now (on my ipod!)

Thank you again, everyone!

Hi everyone. Yes, I've had anxiety, but different than Priscilla's. Mine was caused by a very long, angry (on my ex's part) and emotional divorce. I was married for 26 years, the divorce took 3 more. My ex kept telling me things like "go ahead and divorce me, You'll live in a hovel...bye Ilene, enjoy life in your hovel". I had been married so long, since I was 23, and raised three kids...I was petrified to leave, but knew I had to "risk" it for my health and sanity. I would wake up with panic attacks at 2 in the morning, and pace around the island in my kitchen, counting the tiles...any thing to ground me. I lived in fear that everything my ex taunted me with would come true...instead of seeing the light and health and joyous potential that the divorce would allow, I bought into his words and going through the divorce felt like walking on glass. My heart would race, I would cry uncontrollable at night, and I would almost turn back and call off the divorce even though I knew how harmful that choice would be to me. It had taken me years to raise my kids and finally get the confidence to ask for a divorce after many years of unhappiness and "faking" a good life for my kids, family and friends. I survived the anxiety, and now 5 years later I have a new Masters Degree, am Kripalu certified to teach yoga, and have many plans in the works. And since the divorce was finalized, I have had no more anxiety attacks.

Sharon Salzberg meant that by keeping our hearts open, we keep the connection open....fear comes from feeling alone, isolated, unprotected, unloved. Once we remember that we are all connected, and that there is so much out there....love, abundance, potential...and that each one of us is a part of it we gain peace, love, optimism, strength, joy...

Priscilla wrote: I hope you get a chance to see Sharon someday...she travels across the country so often! I don't know where you live, but she seems to go everywhere!

Priscilla,

I would love the chance to see Sharon in person. I live in Oklahoma City, but I am originally from California. I was born and raised in CA, but have lived in OK for more than 25 years. I'll check her website for any upcoming events. Sometimes I can find stuff going on in Dallas, which is an excellent excuse for a weekend getaway! But, I hope we will have more opportunities in the future for spiritual seminars/workshops/book signings in our area.

Hi Loriann - My co-authors and I spoke to 1000 people at a church in Oklahoma City, and our visit there was one of the highlights of our long book tour. I was so impressed with the people we met there, whose dynamic interfaith relationships and sense of community were inspiring. I have a feeling Sharon has either been there or will come someday!

And hello Ilene - Thank you so much for opening up your heart and your life to us to honestly and bravely. Your story is truly inspiring. And your interpretation of Sharon's teachings is brilliant: "Fear comes from feeling alone, isolated, unprotected, unloved. Once we remember that we are all connected, and that there is so much out there....love, abundance, potential...and that each one of us is a part of it we gain peace, love, optimism, strength, joy..."

I get very emotional whenever I feel that enormous potential you speak of - to connect with people of all backgrounds and experiences. It is the purest form of unlimited, unconditional love, and it can be overwhelming. I'm reading the Steve Jobs biography now, and I was deeply moved by something he said: "Every once in a while, I find myself in the presence of purity - purity of spirit and love - and I always cry."

Ilene wrote: "Hi everyone. Yes, I've had anxiety, but different than Priscilla's. Mine was caused by a very long, angry (on my ex's part) and emotional divorce. I was married for 26 years, the divorce took 3 mor..."

Ilene, I hope you've patted yourself on the back thousands of times by now for listening to your inner voice and not the droning of your angry husband! Kudos to you for moving to a new place in your life. I'm eager to hear where you go in the future!

Meryl Davids Landau

Priscilla wrote: "I was deeply moved by something Steve Jobs said: "Every once in a while, I find myself in the presence of purity - purity of spirit and love - and I always cry." ."

I suspect he was in the presence of his higher spirit more than every once in a while. That's where all his amazing inventions had to come from :)

Meryl Davids Landau

I've had anxiety with panic so I can relate to so much of Priscilla's story. Thanks for sharing and being here with us!
Thanks everyone for sharing your thoughts and stories also.
The panic was a blessing in disguise because it brought me to Yoga!
At first just seeing the words panic or anxiety or writing/typing them increased my anxiety! So many things helped fill my "tool box".
I'm so impressed that Priscilla could meditate. There is NO WAY I could have started there! I couldn't even relax. As soon as I would start to release tension I would bolt upright.
I was drawn to a powerful asana practice and cognitive behavioral therapy helped very much. Medication was necessary at first but I'm happy to report that I only take Xanax as needed now, like when I fly. It's been 11 years since I've had panic.
As soon as I learned the dynamics of a panic attack (that my thoughts were flooding my body with chemicals like adrenalin) I could manage my anxiety well enough to prevent having another full-blown panic attack. It must have been so scary for Priscilla with so little knowledge of what was happening.
There is no "safe" magic place. It's your mind! You tell yourself that you will feel better when you get "home" (or whatever) so that is exactly what happens! Please try telling yourself a story that will be faster. Hahaha
Tell yourself that you are fine right now and since you know you're okay you'll start feeling better right now... This way you can do it anywhere. ;)
I'm on chapter 15 and feel sad about all the ways she is trying to make things better. It's good to fill that tool box but it comes from within.
I feel a little frustrated that she gets that bowl to sing and then moves to the next chapter. Can't we enjoy something that works for a while before starting the next thing? It seems so desperately striving just like I hate about me. :P

Priscilla wrote: "Jenene, thank you for sharing your life here so honestly. I am so sorry that your father is suffering, but he should know that he is not alone. Just today, on twitter, I discovered a yoga studio in Boston run by a woman who suffered from terrible PTSD, who's dedicated her life to helping veterans heal. Here's an article about Sue Lynch at Charlestown Yoga: http://charlestown.patch.com/articles/a-..."

Pricilla,
Thank you for the links on PTSD. Oddly enough he grew up very close to Charlestown where that yoga program is run. When my father was in town for Thanksgiving (he made it halfway through the dinner before an attack - which is good) I gave him my Jon Kabat Zinn Mindful meditation CDs - the first one is a body scan or lying down meditation which I thought might help him. I need to check back and see if he's tried it out. I will try out the Belleruth CD too! I'm trying to get both him and my mother (who suffers from migraines) hooked on meditation! I just think it's so helpful.

KIMZ: The panic was a blessing in disguise because it brought me to Yoga!

love that! I feel like it's true for me too. :)

I haven't had panic issues. But my monkey mind can drive me crazy! I love the Mark Twain quote I've had a lot of worries in my life, most of which never happened.
My thoughts on #2 "this is not the College of Meditation, where you will finish with a degree." Where I practice meditation, the instructors always emphasize that meditation is a practice and it's called practice for a reason. This reminds me not to worry so much about meditating "right", but to just be stop, be quiet, be peaceful and present.

Hi, Jenene: I started reading Full Catastrophe Living a month ago and have reread many parts again and again. It´s my book of the year! Kabbat-Zinn is a great teacher - reading his instructions helped me learning to meditate!!

Hello All...
I just received my copy two days ago, I'm now on chapter 15 ! The wonderful thing about this conversation is all of the different approaches open to us. Add that to the fact that we are all somewhere along the same path, one community...

I have been meditating for about 8 years. In the beginning I would start most activities with an opening statement which took a conscious attention toward loving myself. For example, upon waking, 'May this day be fullfilling and peaceful", when getting into a car, "May I enjoy the trip and arrive safely." When sitting down for a cup of tea, " May this refresh my mind and soul "..... over time, loving thoughts internalize and become our way of thinking.

Then the 'expansion' begins... "May all persons be refreshed, may all persons travel safely, may all persons live in kindness etc. from there you just grow and grow." Compassion increases, the heart will expand exponentially !

Annette - that's a wonderful idea, I love it!

Sabine wrote: "Hi, Jenene: I started reading Full Catastrophe Living a month ago and have reread many parts again and again. It´s my book of the year! Kabbat-Zinn is a great teacher - reading his instructions hel..."

it's my book of the year as well! i love all the personal stories by regular people touched by meditation & yoga.

Annette wrote: "Hello All...
I just received my copy two days ago, I'm now on chapter 15 ! The wonderful thing about this conversation is all of the different approaches open to us. Add that to the fact that ..."

OOps, I´m afraid a referred to another book. Sorry. "Learning to Breathe" is waiting for me, I finally reached Chapter 5 - love it! Her experience in this Tibetian shop was incredible!!! I´m wondering how a human beeing can stand such a long time suffering in this way?!? I can´t believe it!!!

@Meryl: Thanks for sharing this wonderful book. In spite of this busy season obviously a lot of people could manage to reach the 2nd "decade" chapter 11-2o. Great!

Anxiety. Oh, yeah. All my life. When I was a kid, I used to scare my parents because I would go into their room at night to make sure they were breathing. Over the years I have learned to hide my anxiety but I only recently relized that I do not deal with it.

This book has helped me. These first 10 chapters have told me a lot. I think that the fact that there is no single thing to do made me a bit anxious. On the other hand it can be encouraging. I used to go to Kirtan, and I miss it. I had not thought about that for a long time. I have also stopped going to yoga classes. I guess I better get off my butt and do something.

Thanks, Priscilla!

Hi Jan - Don't worry about getting off your butt - you can just try and sit on your butt! Sometimes that's exactly what I need. Sometimes I need to walk. Or run.Or lie down. Or chant. Or eat chocolate. There are so many different ways to heal, and I tried as many as I could mostly because I was writing a book and had a deadline :) But now I get to go back over my whole adventure and take things slow. Go at your own speed!

Hi Annette - I love your affirmative actions! And yes, when we wish ourselves a safe journey, or a lovely cup of tea, our own hearts become full and open and able to love others more deeply.

Hi Sabine - Thank you for your kind words. It's so strange, but when I look back at my life, and the hundreds of panic attacks I suffered, I almost can't believe that was me. It might sound strange, but I don't regret a single one. My panic, as I heard Yongey Mingyur Rinpoche say, was my greatest teacher. I guess that's just the way I was meant to learn...

It's great to finally be catching up with this wonderful discussion after spending the last several weeks caring for aging, ailing parents and using every tool I could find to prevent anxiety from taking hold. Gratitude is one that is so powerful for me, so I just want to thank everyone for sharing your hearts and experiences here. Although I've never published, writing has always been a passion and it is so wonderful to have this direct contact with authors and fellow readers discussing our common interest in yoga, meditation, and conscious living. It's giving me courage and inspiration to write and share more. Happy new year and thank you all!