I have not felt very Holiday embracing for the last several years. Due to unemployment (remember, my job requires others to be working) and repeated applications for jobs not in my field (you want fries with that?) and other recent developments, the Holiday time is not joyous for me. Every year, I bake. I love to bake,and I typically make 6-7 different kinds of cookies and bar cookies, totaling around 100 dozen or so, that I give as gifts to the library staff (who put up with me everyday), the neighbors, friends and any family I may be working for. I have had to scale back each year for the last 4, and this year, I will not be able to bake at all. ( I may still try to make the one thing I make every year or my mechanic may not talk to me anymore).
So, depression is setting in, caring about anything is getting hard. When I am working, I give to charity all year long, donating to the Salvation Army, Cleveland City Mission, Susan G. Komen, and the Red Cross (since I cannot donate blood, I give money). I also give to food drives as they come up and put something in the red kettles every time I see one. (Yes, I do that now, although it's more like a dime instead of a dollar).
So, feeling like this, I am not caring if we even decorate the house or anything this year. I am not usually all that thrilled with this time of year due to the rampant greed (corporate and individual) that courses through young and old alike. I try my best to get the kids I watch to understand that charity is something that you need to do ALL year and not only at Christmas. I take the kids to a store like Big Lots!, the dollar store, or to a local discount store, Marc's and give them a budget of say $10.00 and have them spend it on things for Toys for Tots. Getting them to buy things for others can be hard, as they look to buy what they want. I try to get them to think about what they have to spend, and try to get as much as they can for their money as well as think about both genders, not just toys that their gender tends to like. Does this work? I don't know. I hope it does.
Last night, I watched "Merry Christmas, Charlie Brown" for the nth time. A special that is older than me can still make me feel good. I am Charlie Brown BEFORE the tree. I am Charlie who is talking to Linus while they are walking, the one who says that he is no happy despite everything going on. Sending cards ,decorating are all good and fine, but he is not happy. By the end, of course he is and everyone realizes the true meaning of the holiday is not presents, pageants, or light displays, but friends, family and sharing.
Nostalgia causes me to watch this every year, and no matter how "anti" holiday I am, I fell more seasonal after watching the show. Today, I'm not so sure how I feel. The sense of what ever I felt last night is not as strong as it was and I am not sure how I feel now. I know that this too shall pass and that things will get better (cliche much?) but WHEN is the key. Will I ever get back the feelings of hope, joy and love I used to feel at this time of year, or is it gone forever?
So, depression is setting in, caring about anything is getting hard. When I am working, I give to charity all year long, donating to the Salvation Army, Cleveland City Mission, Susan G. Komen, and the Red Cross (since I cannot donate blood, I give money). I also give to food drives as they come up and put something in the red kettles every time I see one. (Yes, I do that now, although it's more like a dime instead of a dollar).
So, feeling like this, I am not caring if we even decorate the house or anything this year. I am not usually all that thrilled with this time of year due to the rampant greed (corporate and individual) that courses through young and old alike. I try my best to get the kids I watch to understand that charity is something that you need to do ALL year and not only at Christmas. I take the kids to a store like Big Lots!, the dollar store, or to a local discount store, Marc's and give them a budget of say $10.00 and have them spend it on things for Toys for Tots. Getting them to buy things for others can be hard, as they look to buy what they want. I try to get them to think about what they have to spend, and try to get as much as they can for their money as well as think about both genders, not just toys that their gender tends to like. Does this work? I don't know. I hope it does.
Last night, I watched "Merry Christmas, Charlie Brown" for the nth time. A special that is older than me can still make me feel good. I am Charlie Brown BEFORE the tree. I am Charlie who is talking to Linus while they are walking, the one who says that he is no happy despite everything going on. Sending cards ,decorating are all good and fine, but he is not happy. By the end, of course he is and everyone realizes the true meaning of the holiday is not presents, pageants, or light displays, but friends, family and sharing.
Nostalgia causes me to watch this every year, and no matter how "anti" holiday I am, I fell more seasonal after watching the show. Today, I'm not so sure how I feel. The sense of what ever I felt last night is not as strong as it was and I am not sure how I feel now. I know that this too shall pass and that things will get better (cliche much?) but WHEN is the key. Will I ever get back the feelings of hope, joy and love I used to feel at this time of year, or is it gone forever?